"Rise and shine everyone!" the farmer's voice rang out loud and clear, waking the Twins up. Two jumped up a few inches off of the bed in a startled daze then came back down, causing the bed to give way and crash to the floor. Two groaned and held his head a few minutes then looked at the flattened bed. One peered down at him.

"Having fun, dear brother?"

Two slowly turned his head and gave One an agitated look.

"What time is it?" Two ran his hand through his hair.

"From what I can make out, it's about four." One answered, snapping his watch closed.

"In the morning?!"

One nodded.

"The sun isn't even up yet!"

"Well we'd better get up before he shouts again."

After dressing, the Twins made their way into the kitchen where the little old farmer was cooking breakfast. Remembering the dinner he fixed the previous night, the Twins shuddered and kindly refused to eat anything. Good thing they didn't have to eat unless they wanted to.

"Well if you aren't going to eat anything, you can start on the chores." The farmer said, sitting down in one of the kitchen's chairs.

"Chores?" both Twins said together.

"Yup. There're buckets out in the barn. You can start by milking old Bossy."

"Who's old Bossy?" One shouted.

"My cow, of course. Where else would you get milk at?"

The Twins turned paler than usual. Milk a cow? They didn't know how to milk a cow. In fact they had never seen a cow up close before. Two wasn't sure if he even knew what a cow was. Being closed up in a chateau and being programmed for assassin and bodyguard work, the Twins weren't exactly familiar with certain things, especially when it dealt with 'country living'. Since the Merovingian had no use for animals and didn't own any, the Twins definitely weren't familiar with all the many kinds.

"One! Ask him about the petrol." Two nudged One's arm.

"Listen, mister, we've never worked on a farm before. We don't know one thing about milking cows. We're nothing but two strangers in need of gas for our car. If you have any to spare we'll be glad to get out of your way."

It was no use; the farmer didn't hear one word One had said to him. Two and One looked at each other then turned to go outside.

"I don't know how to milk a cow! Er, whatever a cow is." Two whined as they walked out in the backyard toward one of the barns.

"That's why I brought this along." One took out a book from his coat pocket.

"What is it?" Two squinted in the morning darkness trying to make out what One had pulled out.

"It's a book on farming and farm life. I was reading it last night, until you hit me with that dust infested pillow!" One glared at Two. Two grinned sheepishly.

"So what does the book say about milking cows?"

"Dunno. I'll have to find it."

The Twins stopped in front of the huge barn and struggled with opening the door. Once the barn door was open, they both walked inside.

"So where is this cow thing at? It's so dark in here." Two cautiously walked in. One reached for a lantern and lit it. Its light revealed a huge barn filled with several stalls and shelves and bales of hay.

"I guess these are the buckets the old man was talking about." One took one of the big buckets hanging on one of the barn's walls and handed it to Two. Two stared at it for a minute.

"What's wrong?" One asked.

"Why are we here? Why are we doing this?" Two muttered. One ignored Two's complaining and took another bucket and shoved Two in the direction of one of the stalls. They walked down the cleared path and looked into each stall until they came upon one having a huge brown cow standing in it, calmly chewing.

"That's a cow?" Two tilted his head a little.

"Yeah I guess. It looks like the one in this picture." One handed Two the book. Two looked at the picture then back at the cow in front of him.

"Can't be. The one in this picture looks like a Dalmatian. It has white and black spots while this one's brown."

"Guess they can come in different colors." One shrugged, placing the lantern on a shelf in the stall. "Here let me have the book."

Two handed the book to One then backed up a little when the cow moved restlessly. The Twins stared a minute at the beast in front of them, then looked at each other.

"Which end are you supposed to milk?" Two asked.

"They show the bucket setting under the cow. About right in there." One pointed as he looked at the pictures in his guidebook.

Two picked up one of the buckets and set it under the cow like the picture in the book showed. Both Twins stood and waited as if the cow would do something on her own.

"It's not doing anything." Two whispered. He walked closer and was about to touch the cow's back when One shouted at him.

"Don't touch it! You don't know where it's been!"

Two quickly pulled his hand back.

"Do you suppose you have to put money in it?"

"Don't be silly. This thing's alive, not a soda machine." One turned another page in the book. "At least I think it's alive. Hasn't moved much since we came in here has it?"

Two shook his head slowly.

"Maybe if we get out and leave it alone it'll do something. Us being in here may be making it nervous." Said Two.

"It shows here that we have to help it give the milk."


"See. It shows them squeezing the milk out of the cow."

"You have got to be kidding me! There is no way I am going to touch that thing!"

"Well I certainly am not going to touch it." One pulled the book back. "So you're going to have to do it."

"Uh uh, you are." Two shook his head.

"Get down there and milk that thing!" One shoved Two toward the cow.

"Can't we just get a vacuum cleaner, hook it up to the cow and suck the milk out of it?"

One looked at his brother and smiled.

"Not a bad idea. You stay here while I go see if I can find what we need." One shut his book and walked past Two.

A few minutes later, One returned without a vacuum.

"Where's the vacuum?" Two asked.

"Haven't you forgotten something? We're out in the middle of nowhere without electricity."

Two's face lowered.

"So I guess it's up to you to milk it."

"I am NOT gonna milk that thing!" Two backed up against the stall wall and shook his head.

One looked around the barn before his eyes caught sight of a box of powdered soap setting on one of the shelves.

"Two, I have an idea. Give me one of those buckets."

Two handed the bucket to One.

"Stay here and I'll be right back." One said before running off. Two looked in a puzzling way. A little while after, One returned with the bucket full of water. Setting the bucket down he snatched the box of soap he had seen and opened it.

"We're going to wash the cow?" Two asked.

"No. We're going to make a bucket of milk." One emptied the box of soap into the bucket of water then took a stick propped up in one corner of the stall and stirred the water until the soap made some good sized suds.

"See? Milk has suds sometimes. The old farmer won't know that it's not milk." One grinned.

"Yeah, but suds disappear from water after awhile you know. He'll find out that it's not milk then."

"It's either this or milking the cow. Which do you prefer?"

"Maybe he won't find out." Two said after a moment of thought.

"Ok, now hand me that other bucket and I'll go fill it up."

When the Twins had finished filling up the buckets with soapy water, they returned to the shack and gave their so-called 'milk' to the farmer. He looked at it mysteriously, shrugged, and put it down in a corner before turning to the Twins again.

"I want you two to ride out to the cornfield and pick the corn now. I'll go out and saddle you up a couple of horses."

The farmer walked past the Twins and out the door. Two and One looked at each other and groaned before following.