The Legend of Link: Ocarina of Time—Part I
Chapter I: A Hero Is Born…Sorta
Before life began, before the world had form, three golden goddesses descended upon the chaotic land that was Hyrule. They were Din, goddess of power, Nayru, goddess of wisdom, and Farore, goddess of courage.
Din, with her strong flaming arms cultivated the land and created the red earth. Nayru poured her wisdom onto the earth to give the spirit of law to the world. Farore's rich soul created all life forms that would uphold the law.
These three goddesses then returned to the heavens, leaving behind the golden sacred Triforce. Since then the Triforce has become the basis for Hyrule's providence, and where the Triforce stood became the Sacred Realm.
In the vast, deep forest of Hyrule there lived the Kokiri, the children of the forest. Each Kokiri had his or her own guardian fairy. However, there was one boy who did not have a fairy. This boy's name was Link. Link was troubled by a strange dream lately. In the dream he was standing before a tall gate. The drawbridge lowered to reveal a scene of a girl ridding a horse. Then, following her was a man clad in black armor. The man would stop and face Link, raise his hand…then suddenly the dream would end, and Link would wake up…sometimes.
Link was not aware, though, that someone else knew about his dreams…
Great Deku Tree: Hey Navi! Get over here!
Navi: Yes Great Deku Tree, you called?
Great Deku Tree: Yeah, I want you to get the boy who can't stand nightmares because he's a big baby and bring him to me.
Navi: Ok, I'm going!
Back in Link's house…or tree…whatever…
Link (sleeping): No! Not the man with the big nose!
Navi: Whew! I finally made it! Hey you, wake up!
Link (still sleeping): Five more minutes mommy.
Navi: No you can't have five more minutes, and don't call me mommy!
Link (still asleep): Please, mommy?
Navi: No! And stop calling me mommy!
Navi starts to shake Link.
Navi: HEY! WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!
Link (still sleeping): I don't wanna go to school today mommy!
Navi: STOP CALLING ME MOMMY!
Link (still sleeping): Ok mom.
Navi then grabs the pot on the table and throws it at Link. She misses and it goes out the window.
Bacon Kokiri (from outside): Hey! You knocked over my bacon!
Link (now FINALLY awake): Bacon? Where?
He sees Navi.
Link: AHHHHH!!!! Firefly! Kill it, kill it, kill it!
He starts to whack Navi with his pillow repeatedly.
Navi: Stop it!
She grabs the pillow from Link and whacks him in the head.
Navi: Now listen! The Great Deku Tree has summoned you, so you have to come with me!
Navi: Because the Great Deku Tree said so, and he's the boss.
Navi: Just because! Now come on!
Link (energetically): Ok!
They both climbed down the ladder and were greeted by Saria.
Saria: Hi Link!
Link: Hey Saria, look at my new fairy!
Link grabs Navi in a tight grip and holds her out.
Navi says in a muffled voice,
Navi: Hey! Let go of me! I'm not an object for display! And who said YOU owned ME?
Saria: Wow! That's great Link! I'm so happy for you!
Link: Yeah, I know, I'm happy for me too. Now Mido can't tease me about having no fairy! Ha!
Mido: Hey Mr. No Fairy!
Link: Oh great.
Mido came strutting over to them.
Mido (who has a slow, deep voice): Hey, what's that you got there?
He tore Navi out of Link's hands, nearly breaking her wing.
Navi: Hey! Stop! That hurts!
Mido dropped Navi in surprise, his piggish eyes as wide open as he could make them.
Mido: A fairy!?
Link made a proud face.
Link: Yeah. No more Mr. No Fairy for me!
Mido quickly realized how dumb he looked (I mean dumber than usual) and changed his face into an angry one.
Mido: Who did you steal this from?
Link (bewildered): No one. I didn't steal it.
Mido: Yes you did! No one would just give a fairy to a worthless runt like you!
Link gave Mido a threatening look.
Link: Say that again Mido. I dare you.
Mido: You're a worthless, fairy-stealing runt, and you look like Peter Pan!
Link: That's it!
Link made an attempt to tackle Mido, but Mido jumped out of the way with Navi still in hand. Link fell to the ground with a thud.
Mido: Ha! Can't even tackle properly! I think I'll just take this fairy and find out who it really belongs to!
Mido ran off with Navi and disappeared.
Link: Ouch, my head! Great! Now he's got my fairy!
Saria: Maybe you should go and get her back?
Link: And suffer another head injury? I think not!
Saria: You could just ask politely.
Link: Or I could find a sword and shield that have been hidden deep in the forest for many years, cut the belt to Mido's tunic resulting in his underwear being revealed in public to all the Kokiri and making him completely humiliated which would throw off his guard just long enough to get my fairy back and continue on with my destiny.
Saria: Or you could do that.
So after a long and tiring search for a sword and shield that have been hidden deep in the forest for many years, Link finally had both and went to "talk" to Mido, cleverly hiding his sword behind his back. He put on a fake grin and said,
Link: Hey Mido, old buddy!
Mido: You again, Peter? What is it this time?
Link (wearing a grin that he couldn't contain): I was just wondering, do you wear boxers or briefs?
Mido: What the heck? What are you-AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Link had swiftly sliced Mido's belt and his tunic was now lying at his feet. All the Kokiri nearby started laughing.
Link (Trying hard to stop laughing): Ok, briefs.
Link took advantage of Mido's shock and grabbed Navi from his fat hand. Mido, coming back to his senses, ran back to his house screaming.
Mido: AHHHHHH! MOMMMMMYYYYYYY!
Link: Shield-40 rupees. Sword-200 rupees. Cutting down Mido's pants-priceless.
Navi: There are some things money can't buy,
Link: For everything else, there're bushes.
Navi: Ok, we'd better get going. The Great Deku Tree will be waiting for us.
Link (reluctantly): All right, I'm coming.
END OF CHAPTER