An introduction by Alan Shepherd Tracy - 21 years - "Love, the way I see it"

"Better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all."

That's the saying isn't it?

I have to agree, but ask my brother Gordon. You wouldn't get the answer you'd expect. He's been burned in the past, badly burned, so has my dad, so they've got an excuse.

But the rest of my brothers...

I think they've always wanted love, even had it for a while, in our previous lives which has always become known as before and after IR. But none of them have found it now.

I think they're all lonely. Oh they all have excuses, pathetic ones mind you, but excuses all the same.

I hear continuously that 'it's better this way', 'less connections, tying you down', the old desperado, lone ranger approach to life.

But you know what I think, I think, they're scared, they're all frightened of loving someone so completely and then losing them as my father and Gordon did. Scott, Virg, John, they all remember mum, they remember the kind of love of a mother and her children, how strong that is, and they remember life without it, when she was so cruelly taken away from us.

This fear of losing someone close to them has given our eldest three brothers a complex about women, better to not have love than to risk getting hurt.

We became closer as a family, we banded together to cut ourselves off from the outside world. We were trapped in a world of our own, our own island, safe, secure, but lonely.

Then into that world walked Tin-Tin.

Of course Gordo and I didn't remember our mother and never felt that way, so we found ourselves two lovely girls and then, well, history repeated itself and I think it taught me and Gordo who had never experienced that pain, just how harsh life could be.

But I've got past that, it is only now that I've been strong enough to admit my feelings for Tin-Tin, to put my fear behind me and embrace life with her.

But it's been a long and hard road to where I am today.

But I feel so lucky to have Tin-Tin, sharing my home, my life, my heart with me, and more than anything I want the people I love to feel the happiness I feel.

I mean without love, what have you got?

I guess you could have money and material things but with no-one to love you it's a lonely world and thankfully one I'm not a part of.

But I've seen what lost love has done to people first hand.

I've seen it damned near destroy the people closest to me.

My name is Alan Tracy and I'm going to tell you a story of love.

Of wanting it.

Of looking for it.

Of finding it.

And finally of losing it.

My brother Gordon and I found that out the hard way.

This is our story.

**************************************************************************** ************ An introduction by Gordon Cooper Tracy - 22 years - "Love - The way it is to me"

"Better to have loved and lost than to have never to have loved at all."

That would have to be one of the most ridiculous things ever written if you ask me.

Whoever wrote it obviously never went through the pain of losing somebody that's all I can say.

I know what I'm talking about.

I have experienced love and all the crazy, warm and wonderful feelings that went with it.

But I've also experienced loss and not once have I ever taken comfort in that soppy, pathetic line.

And I never will.

It means absolutely nothing when your heart breaks and the pain eats you away inside.

However love gave me warmth. Love gave me happiness and a meaning to my life.

But love nearly destroyed me or should I say what happened to me destroyed it for me.

My little brother on the other hand, he's the one giving you all the wisdom, has only finally admitted what love is after twelve years of being blind and stupid to the way he feels. At only twenty-one that was a lot of life taken up with being brainless I might say and it's about time he woke up and smelled the roses while he still could.

Alan's right about something too. Without love you only have money and material things...and a great big slice of lonliness to fill in the gaps in between. To most people money and material things are important.

But to Alan and me?

There's no shortage of money or material things where we come from so they mean nothing.

We are the sons of Jeff Tracy, the billionaire. Jeff Tracy, the head of Tracy Enterprises. Jeff Tracy the head of international Rescue.

Our Dad is a widower and he has been since Alan and I were babies. He's made his money by hard work. It's that work he's thrown himself into for years to try to forget our mother. It hasn't worked unfortunately.

Loneliness means a hell of a lot here. Loneliness for me. Loneliness for my Dad.

As you can see it's not just us who are pretty strapped in the love department.

Try that stupid line about loving and losing on Dad and you won't get the answer you'd expect either. You won't even get an answer. You'll get the "look".

I am Dad's fourth son. I'm the handsomest and most intelligent. And I'm lonely like him.

Alan is the youngest. He is the wildest and most immature of my four brothers. He's also the luckiest of all of us. He's not lonely. No chance of that. Boy, does he ever have it made when the lights go out around here.

Alan wants me to share this story with you and I think it's his way of trying to get me to open up a bit about what happened in my life a few years back. He says I've got to start healing my heart before I end up like our Father.

However I think that Alan might find himself opening up too since I've insisted he is involved too. He's got a lot in his heart besides love and a lot of what is in there still needs healing. More than I think he realises.

This is our story. **************************************************************************** ************ CHAPTER ONE -YOUNG HEARTS **************************************************************************** *********** `