I Wish I Were in Love Again

Summary: Songfic. Buffy muses at what her relationship with Riley lacks. Song - I Wish I Were In Love Again, lyrics by Lorenz Hart and music by Richard Rogers, from the musical Babes in Arms. I usually don't like songfics, but this wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it.

Disclaimer: Sure, sure, I own Buffy. And the complete works of Rogers and Hart. While I'm at it, I also own the Mona Lisa, the Hope Diamond, and a small island nation. What do you think?

Pairings: B/A, B/S, B/R

Feedback: Is Addictive, but in a good way.

"But I can't help thinking - isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but... part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting." - Buffy, Something Blue


Yet another date with Riley. Nice time, a few laughs, good food (but why did he always try to order for her?). Exactly what a relationship should be, right? What Angel left her for so she could have?

Buffy sighed as she wandered back to her dorm room. A quick patrol and then she could crash. It wasn't that dating Riley was tiring, but -

Her thoughts were interrupted as it began to rain. Buffy scowled as she hurried to the nearest shelter. It felt like one of those quick downpours. She could find a place to wait it out a little while.

Seeing the building up ahead, Buffy sped up and slipped inside. It was the college theater/auditorium. There were some people up on the stage; they must be rehearsing for something.

She picked a seat in the back and slouched down.

Dating Riley always made her compare him to Angel. Which was totally unfair - they were different people, for crying out loud! But even at the beginning, her relationship with Angel had been so very complex, as she coasted from the highs and lows of dating a vampire.

A girl standing at the center of the stage began to sing.

You don't know that I felt good / When we up and parted. / You don't know I knocked on wood, / Gladly broken-hearted / Worrying is through, / I sleep all night. / Appetite and health restored. / You don't know how much I'm bored.

Huh. Buffy could empathize with the singer. Not with the feeling good about parting - that would probably hurt on some level for the rest of her life - but the part of how her life was no longer in constant emotional turmoil. As of right now, she was off the roller coaster. And with no one telling her what to feel - she had to admit she missed it.

The music started to pick up the beat.

The sleepless nights- / The daily fights, / The quick toboggan when you reach the heights__ / I miss the kisses and I miss the bites. / I wish I were in love again!

Definitely true. Those kisses where it felt like the world would end if you stopped - or if you continued. The bites - Buffy smiled at that. Maybe not the actual biting part, but the biting kind, yeah. Being with someone who was her equal in strength, in skill. Riley was a solid, strong guy. For a human. But a Slayer was just a little bit more than human.

The broken dates- / The endless waits- / The lovely loving and the hateful hates, / The conversation with the flying plates__ / I wish I were in love again!

First part - continue with the déjà vu feeling. With Angel, it had mostly been broken dates and endless waits, as they sought to make two unmeshable lives mesh. But for the second part, with Angel, it had been mostly with the lovely loving. They hadn't argued that much, really. Just moped and brooded about the injustice of it all. The last time she had enjoyed the "lovely loving and the hateful hates" was when she was under Willow's spell. And the emotional highs had been incredible.

No more pain, / No more strain, / Now I'm sane, but . . . / I would rather be gaga! / The pulled-out fur / Of cat and cur, / The fine mismating of a him and her__ / I've learned my lesson, / but I wish I were In love again!

She was trying to have learned her lesson, really. She had done the whole vampire/slayer angle before and you couldn't get anymore mismated than that. But honestly? The passion it had brought into the relationship - there was no way Riley could top that.

The singer was now launching into the next verse.

The furtive sigh, / The blackened eye, / The words "I'll love you till the day I die," / The self-deception that believes the lie__ / I wish I were in love again.

Tried the self deception route. It almost succeeded - until a certain bleached vampire had burst her bubble. "You're not friends. You'll never be friends... Love isn't brains, children, it's blood."

Buffy wondered if Spike had ever heard this song before. It sounded a lot like his attitude towards love.

When love congeals / It soon reveals / The faint aroma of performing seals, / The double-crossing of a pair of heels. / I wish I were in love again!

Definitely sounded like Spike's idea of love. How many times had Drusilla dumped him, anyway?

Buffy sighed. What sucked was that her own loves turned out much the same way. Angel? One night of the real deal and he decides to stalk her, terrorize her, then send the world to hell. Parker? A complete loser who wasn't even worth the title of almost-love. And the last time she had felt anything close to this sung about passion? She'd been under a spell. Yeah, love's real grand.

A moment's thought on her spell induced passion. That was all it had been, really, just passion. But what she felt in one instant under that spell, be it while kissing Spike or fighting with Spike, had been greater than what she felt during all her dates with Riley.

No more care. / No despair. / I'm all there now, / But I'd rather be punch- drunk! / Believe me, sir, / I much prefer / The classic battle of a him and her. / I don't like quiet and I wish I were In love again!

The singer ended to the applause of her fellow performers.

Buffy remained in her chair a few moments longer. That song had struck a chord deep inside her. Riley was wonderful to her and obviously wanted to share something special with her. But for all his charm and endearing awkwardness, he didn't give her the passion she so desperately missed.

She missed the kisses and she missed the bites; the lovely loving and the hateful hates; the fine mismating of a him and her; the words "I love you till the day I die"; the classic battle of a him and her.

In other words, she wished she were in love again.

With a sigh, Buffy left the theater. It had stopped raining and now she could do her patrol. Grumbling about stupid sacred duties, she made her way towards the cemetery.

"Hullo, Slayer."

Buffy glared at the vampire lounging against a tree as she prepared to fight a new born fledge.

He made no move to help her.

"You're a pig, Spike."

"Feeling's mutual, luv."

Buffy staked the fledge without breaking a sweat and turned to her former enemy. Her less than inspiring date with Riley was forgotten as she readied another insult for the bane of her existence.


Believe me, sir, / I much prefer / The classic battle of a him and her. / I don't like quiet and I wish I were In love again!