A/N: Hello this is my first fanfic in english, so sorry for the grammar. If you see mistakes feel free to tell me !! This story will not be a slash, but slightly dark. Enjoy and review please !!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Big thanks to my beta Evita-Beth !!
Where Truth Lies
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~Chapter 1: Trust
"Trust is something precious. You don't give it to just anybody. And once you have it, you can lose it so easily."
In a small room, a black haired boy was sitting in the corner of his bed, his arms around his knees. His eyes once bright had lost their sparkle, like a piece of emerald covered by dust. They were now dark, dull and lifeless. In a total obscurity, he was staring at an invisible point, letting his memories and dreams overcome the truth. A bitter truth indeed...
He closed his eyes and saw his godfather's smiling face, his hand waving at him. A bright light, a cold laugh, and a veil… Then… nothing, Sirius was gone. Gone, forever. His eyes snapped open and he found tears were rolling down his face once again. He didn't dare sleep anymore, he just… couldn't. He couldn't face his death, he couldn't admit to himself that it was all his fault. If he hadn't gone to that stupid department, if he hadn't had this annoying, hero complex then Sirius… Sirius would still be alive. He would be here, with him, advising him, smiling, he wouldn't have that sad and sorry face when he was dreaming.
"All is my fault. All is due to my weakness."
Yes, he was Harry Potter, he was supposed to save the world, and yet…yet he couldn't even save the ones he loved.
His hand passed through his messy hair, and rested on his lightening scar. A small tingle made him wince. It still hurt everyday, not an unbearable pain, but it was still there. Harry didn't know what it meant, and he didn't care. What Voldemort was up to wasn't his first problem at the moment. Anyway, even if he wrote a letter to the Order, they wouldn't bother replying correctly, or telling the truth. They would say, "Patience, Harry. We don't really know what's going on ourselves. We promise we'll come and get you soon."
"Yeah" thought Harry bitterly, '"as if it were true. They don't care about me, Harry. They care for the bloody, Boy-Who-Lived-And-Who-Is-Destined-To-Defeat-An-Evil-Dark-Lord. All because of that…that stupid prophecy."
He wished he had never heard it, or maybe he only wished he wasn't involved. He would have his parents with him, they would still be alive. Lots of things wouldn't have happened, Cedric dying… Sirius…
Become a murderer or be murdered. What a choice he had!
Harry reached with one hand to his night table and took his books to change his mind. Unfortunately he had already finished all his homework, and he had taken to studying instead of sleeping. Why bother with sleep when he knew perfectly well that he would be awoken by a terrible nightmare? He already knew all of what they would study in their sixth year, (Lupin had given him some books, as he knew what Harry would be going to do), he was pretty sure he could manage to cast the new spells even if he couldn't practice them now. He had read the same things over and over again, so many times, and he was beginning to get slightly angry. He couldn't get out of the damned house, he couldn't know what was going on outside in the Wizarding World, and to top it all off the Dursleys were more annoying than usual. It was true that they feared Mad-Eye Moody, but seeing Harry in his weakened state, they, (Dudley for the most,) couldn't stop themselves and made him do all the chores. If he had any others books to account all his frustration, then maybe…maybe he wouldn't feel that way.
The perfect Dumbledore expected him to stay at home like a good dog, he expected him not to be angry with him, to trust him, and so many other things. At that thought Harry smirked. As if he could trust him again . . . He shook his head slightly before scratching it. No, why was he thinking that sort of things? Sure, he could trust the old man, couldn't he? However, another voice in his head said all to the contrary, he might have hidden other things perhaps more terrible. He began to doubt of himself. What if it was Voldemort who made him feel that way? Something told him that it wasn't because of the snake . . .
Harry got out of his bed and looked outside. The street was deserted and he could hear a gentle breeze moving the nearby trees ever so slightly. Clouds disappeared to let way to the moon. Harry looked carefully. He knew the house was being watched like last year. They all feared Voldemort would come . . . But someway Harry thought he wouldn't, he didn't think Voldemort was ready to come and got him. He had to regain all his forces before attacking again since his most loyal servants were thrown into Azkaban.
A pain hit him hard, his hands reached for his forehead and pressed tightly on his scar. His vision was blurring, and he almost couldn't see anymore. "'What is he up to now?" Harry thought angrily. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He was… happy? But also displeased? Harry didn't understand how he could be both happy and displeased at the same time… it was so confusing.
He was just thinking of the wizarding prison, Azkaban when his scar had started to hurt. Had Voldemort broken into Azkaban? It was possible, with the Dementors guarding it. The pain lowered, Harry sat down, his head still in his hands.
He had considered for a moment to write to the Order, but then he reminded himself that there was really no need to. Why bother to write to those who didn't want to tell him the truth, even after what happened the year before? The only person who Harry actually trusted was Remus Lupin. He alone could know what he was going through. With one hand he took the open letter on his table. It was from Remus.
I won't bother asking if you are well, I would be acting hypocritically, as I know what you can think in moment like that. I admit that I'm not as well as I hope I would. Sirius was your godfather; he was part of your family. (I don't consider the Dursleys as "family")
Harry had to laugh. That statement was certainly true.
And, well ... he was my best friend, the Marauders are now shattered. I am alone. Peter has betrayed all of your father, Sirius, they are both gone. You see, I think I understand what you can feel, I hope. I want to help you Harry. I want to be as part of your family, I won't replace Sirius, no one could replace Sirius, but I want to be at your side.
Please write to me.
After re-reading that letter, Harry felt slightly better. Moony deserved to know after all. He took a piece of parchment and his quill. He thought for a moment before beginning to write.
Trust you to care about me; you don't know what that means to me. I feel much better now. I consider you as my family, don't you ever doubt about it. I hope you're getting better. I feel like I can tell you about my feelings.
Harry stopped. He had wanted to write 'every thing', but that would be lying, he couldn't open himself completely
Today my scar hurt again. Do you know if Azkaban is still unbroken by Voldemort? Because, I sort of felt that now he has broken it.
He called Hedwig from her position, perched on her cage, and attached the letter to her leg.
"Go to Remus, and take care," he whispered.
She gave a small sound of agreement and flew away out of the open window. Harry followed her with his eyes, until he couldn't see her anymore. He really felt exhausted, since he hadn't slept last night. He lay down on his bed, fighting against the urge to sleep. He couldn't stop his eyes closing, and soon he fell asleep, his nightmares awaiting him.
To be continued ...
Well this first chapter is short I will try to write more for the next !!
Don't forget to review !! They are encouraging and I will write faster !!
Next chapter : The Nightmare