"Yeah, well, how much do you know about being in love with your best friend?"
My whole world stopped. I noticed that my heart was trying to escape my chest. Quickly coming back to the conversation, I replied.
"More than I should, really."
Skids looked at me. "Uh, your heart's trying to escape."
I looked down. My hand was shuddering over my chest. I dropped it quickly and looked back up at him. "Uh.yeah."
"How would you know?" Skids was talking again.
"Uh.well.I.er." I stumbled over my words, unsure of how to respond.
Skids gave up and began speaking again. "I guess I'm just going to have to give up. He's never going to love me."
My heart began thumping against my ribcage. I had to ask the question though. "Who?"
"Harley." His words knifed straight through my heart and stopped it's thumping. Now it was bleeding. My world fell apart. "Cy, are you all right?" And by his question I could tell that my face showed it. I couldn't let him know now. I couldn't.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." I couldn't make sentences longer otherwise he'd really know that something was wrong.
"Something's wrong." Damn. "I know my best friend. Something's wrong." Skids peered at me. I began sweating and fidgeting. I had to distract him.
"Th-this is about you, remember?"
"You know, I may be upset, but I can tell when there is something very wrong and I want to know."
"Skids, seriously!" I forced out, pasting a fake smile on my face. "Nothing is wrong. Now tell me more about what's wrong with you."
Skids narrowed his eyes at me. I couldn't hold the smile on my face and my expression fell entirely. I caught my lower lip between my teeth, gnawing at it. I couldn't start crying. Just because my hopes and dreams had just been crushed doesn't mean anything. This was about Skids. Not me. I had to focus.
"So I assume you haven't told Harley."
Skids looked sad again. Dios, I hate it when he's sad. "No I haven't. I was just going to keep it a secret since he's still in love with Mik. I was just going to remain lovesick forever."
I swallowed hard. "Well.that's not good. Not confessing your love for someone is going to eat away at you and you're going to regret it the rest of your life."
You idiot! I mentally slapped myself in the head. You are such a hypocrite!!
"I suppose so," Skids said. "Maybe I should tell him."
I had to tell him. I just told him to tell Harley. And since he was telling Harley, who loved Mik, was going to most likely hurt, then I should tell him, who loves Harley, and get hurt. Why the hell not? He's already run my heart through. Might as well display it for him to rip out too.
"Skids, I have something to tell you," I stated, proud that my voice didn't shake.
Skids looked up at me, curiously. "What, Cya?"
I mentally breathed a sigh of relief that he'd started using his affectionate nickname for me again. I took a breath. It's time for him to become angry again. Maybe it would be easier if I told him in a language he doesn't understand. "Te amo."
Skids tilted his head, still looking curiously at me. "What does that mean?"
"It means something I wish it didn't."
"What does it mean?" He asked again.
"It means that I love you," I said before I could think about it. I resisted the urge to slap my palm over my mouth.
Skids was silent. He looked evenly at me, blinking a few times. I realized that I was chewing on my lip again. Please, Skids. Please say something. Please.
"Cya" Thank God! He didn't sound mad! "Cya, I love Harley."
A sob caught in my throat and I bit through my lip. I tasted blood on my tongue. "I know you do, Skids. I just thought I'd take my own advice and tell the person I love that I love him." My eyes had fallen to the floor.
"I thought you were straight?" Skids' questioned seemed to punch me in the gut.
"Does that kind of thing really matter?" I choked out.
"It does matter if a pair of breasts walked by and you'd drop me like yesterday's news."
When had Skids gotten so cynical? "You wouldn't trust me? You wouldn't trust me to love you and not chase other people?"
"Other girls, you mean," Skids said bitterly.
"Skids, just shoot me down," I pleaded. "Don't torture me."
Skids didn't reply, and I looked up at him. He was looking at me with a soft look on his face. He stood up and came up to me, coming close. God he was so beautiful. No! Focus, Cyanide, focus.
"Cya."
I forced out a laugh. "I know. You love Harley. I know you don't care for me at all. Hell, you said you hated me not twenty-four hours ago."
"You know I didn't mean that, Cya," Skids said.
"I-I don't know what you meant," I whispered. "Please. Please just tell me it'll never work. I'll leave now and you'll never have to deal with me again."
"I don't want that, though." Skids said softly.
"What do you want, then?" My voice was shaking again.
Skids didn't reply. I began chewing my lip again. The silence stretched out for how long I do not know. I didn't have the courage to break it. I couldn't do it whether I wanted to or not. I dropped my gaze again. The seconds ticked by. I squeezed my eyes shut and to my utmost horror I felt tears escape and drip onto the floor. I couldn't stop them though and they kept falling. I didn't even have the energy to wipe them away.
That is why I was so surprised when Skids did it for me. I looked up at him, tears still running down my face. He was smiling softly.
"Don't cry, Cya," he whispered to me. I realized that he had moved closer. Our chests were about an inch apart. My breath caught in my throat.
"Skids," he placed a finger gently over my lips, silencing them.
"I actually don't love Harley."
"What do you mean?" I mumbled around his finger. He moved his hand to my cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb. I almost melted into that touch.
"I said that so that I would have a reason that could be expressed why I was depressed. Because I actually love you."
He didn't just say that. No. It was impossible.
"But you were always saying that you were the hetero one. You'd flirt with me then remind me that you were straight and don't like guys. It hurt every time you said that. I denied my feelings because I never thought you'd return them. I denied them and changed who they dealt with so that when I showed how depressed I was and people asked, I could tell them. Because being in love with someone who is already in love with someone else is easy. Being in love with someone who won't love you solely for their gender isn't."
"I never meant to hurt you, Skids," I said desperately. "As you say I'm self-centered. When I said those things, I was only thinking about myself. I never thought of how they would affect you. I'm so sorry."
"Sh." Skids said, leaning closer. His half-lidded eyes looked me up and down once before meeting mine. "Does this bother you? Me being this close?"
I had a hard time breathing. "No. No it doesn't."
"Can I get closer then?" Skids was dangerously close to eliminating any conceivable space between us. And I wasn't about to complain.
"Te amo," I whispered as he closed the distance between us and pressed his lips to mine. It wasn't anything like our previous kisses that had mostly been in jest. This was heartfelt. It was meaningful. And unfortunately short. He pulled away and looked at me. I'm sure it must have been comic. I couldn't move at first; just stood there with my eyes closed, lips still slightly pursed. Then I came back to myself and looked at him. He looked slightly timid, unsure of himself.
"Are you all right, Cya?"
I nodded dumbly. "Sí, querido. I'm fine."
"You aren't lying this time," He smiled. His smile was so beautiful. "Does that mean I can do that again?"
"Yes. Yes, you can do that however many times you want to," I said. "But first, can I try it on you?"
Skids' smile grew wider. "Of course, Cya. But what does querido mean?"
I leaned close so that our lips were barely touching. Looking into his clear hazel eyes I whispered softly. "It means beloved." Then I was kissing him, my arms tentatively going around his shoulders. He responded and put his arms around my waist, sending tingles across my skin.