Thoughts Of A Hanyou

Instincts. Instincts are a bitch! GRRRRRRRRRRRR! Baka female! Does she have any idea what her so called innocent actions do to me? I'm an INU hanyou. She's in heat again. Her scent, I want to drown in it. Forget Naraku, forget my debt to Kikyou, forget everything... everything but her and that scent. That scent that calls to me. Demands my attention. Demands, hell, my lust. Believe it or not, I've learned how to deal with that. Little things to get these three days of delicious torture.

Then she does things. Simple innocent humans things that mean nothing to her, but set my inu instincts off. Like earlier it started simply enough. We were arguing like always. I wanted to kill that wimp Kouga, she didn't want me too. OK so I wanted to kill him cause after all this time I know her cycle, she was due to start her heat any day. I didn't want that wolf near her and I knew she was due to start today. Luckily he left yesterday. But that isn't what set me off. True as all Inu youkai I like a strong willed female. Maybe that was the attraction to Kikyou. What set me off was when she bumped up against me. Deliberately bumped me with her hip and shoulder against my hip and shoulder.

You don't understand? Ok inu courtship is almost like a dance, and the female makes all the moves. Heck us males try to get their attention doing the usual stuff, puffing out our chest, fighting off rivals, and that type of stuff. Ok the female starts by bumping against the male, showing she's chosen him. Then she nuzzles under his chin, sometimes giving a soft lick. Well Kagome bumped me, then she hugged me, resting her head on my chest and letting my chin rest on her head, a totally submissive posture and one that turned me on. Ok I got that under control and she placed her hands on my shoulders and jumped up. Confused? That is a clear invitation. To my inu instincts that said "mount me".

My face must have turned the color of my armor cause Miroku asked me what was wrong. Then Kagome asked. So here I sit, up in this tree waiting for things to cool down, or they go to sleep and I can slip off to take care of things. I can't touch Kagome like that. She's a miko. A shrine maiden, the key word being maiden. You don't do that kind of stuff with a miko, or she looses power. It would be worse with me, cause of my youkai blood. I sometimes think that might be what she likes most about me.

Has anyone ever said something to you that changed the way you looked at something? I mean, totally changed your perspective. Perspective, your mental view of something - learned that in that dictionary thing. Kaede did that today. She asked me a question. You'd think I would know the answer too, but I didn't. She asked me would Naraku have attacked Kikyou if I wasn't there. That was a weird question. But, the more I thought about it the more I realized Kikyou's death wasn't my fault. I'm not responsible for it. Naraku would still have killed her just to get the jewel, if I hadn't been there.

Then Miroku cornered me. He told me that next time we faced Kikyou he was going to do everything in his power to destroy her. I almost attacked him, but he explained to me that it was his duty as a monk. Kikyou was preventing the souls she fed on from continuing their own spiritual journey. That as a monk he couldn't allow that to continue. The funny thing, I know deep within me he's right. Kikyou, the Kikyou I knew before Onigumo, would have insisted a being such as she is now be destroyed. I can't do it, never could, never will harm her. While I can and will defend Kikyou from Naraku, I won't from Miroku. I've asked him to let me explain that to her. Even though the thing walking with her face and form sounds like her, that isn't MY Kikyou. MY Kikyou died and was reincarnated as Kagome.

Wait, what did I just say? Kikyou is Kagome, but Kagome isn't Kikyou. Reincarnations, they are the same but different. What did Okufuro teach me? Reincarnations are attracted to familiar souls like a moth to a flame, yet they are there to move forward. Kikyou, couldn't or wouldn't accept me as I am, but Kagome can and does.

I know what I want. Kaede was right, I gave my life to Kikyou fifty years ago when she pinned me to that tree. Kagome who is the true reincarnation of Kikyou gave it back to me. Maybe the part of her that was Kikyou was asking my forgiveness then. Giving us the chance to live and love one another's souls again. While Kagome will never be and never was a copy of Kikyou. No, Kagome is Kikyou's soul that has moved up to the next step in the cycle of destiny. Kagome is more than Kikyou ever was. More accepting, more loving and more forgiving.

Summers ending little friend. Thank you for listening. I know now what I want, and what to do. So go on, find your own lady friend.

Inu Yasha smiled as he watched the firefly flit off into the night sky. From below him he heard a call.

"Inu Yasha? Everything ok?"

"Better than ok, Kagome. Better than Ok. Get some sleep. We've got a lot to talk about in the morning."

"Ok. Night Inu Yasha."

"Night Kagome."

Well there are his thoughts. Hope you enjoyed this examination of his thoughts.