DISCLAIMER: Do you seriously think I would be writing fan fiction if I owned X-Men: Evolution? Or anyone else here?
( Except for Wally. But he doesn't count. Yes, this means that everyone else in the entire chapter exists. In people's imagination.)
(Everyone is standing outside a big gate. In the pouring rain. And the only one that has an umbrella is Evan. Oh well. Now he's knocking at the gate.)
GATE: Ouch! Why are people always hitting me? What did I ever do to them? Don't they –( A guy in a piratey hat smacks the gate open. For some reason there's a card in the hat.)
GATEKEEPER WEARING A PIRATEY HAT: (In very monotone voice) What do you want?
EVAN: We're heading for My Little Coney.
GATEKEEPER WEARING A PIRATEY HAT: (Still very monotone) What business brings you to Cheddar?
EVAN: We're gonna stay at the inn, and-
KURT: (Interrupts) And our business is none of yours!
GATEKEEPER WEARING...AWW, YOU KNOW IT BY NOW! : Alright young sirs, no offence. Mr. Hat told me to watch the gate and ask nosy questions. Have a nice day.
(They enter Cheddar, and walk through the crowded streets. For some reason, everyone in town are wearing various hats with cards tucked in them.)
GUY IN THE STREET WEARING A LADY HAT WITH LOTS OF FRUIT ON: 'Twas Brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe.....
(They finally find My Little Coney. Except someone has stuck a poster with a picture of a Cheshire Cat and the word "Wonderland" over the inn sign.
Inside, they are met by a guy in a blue suit and a very big top hat. On the top hat is a note saying "In this style 10/6".)
EVAN: Excuse me?
GUY IN A TOP HAT: No room! no room! Oh wait, you're hobbits. In that case we have some nice comfortable hobbit-sized rooms available. Mr. ....?
TODD: Schmevan, his name's Schmevan!
EVAN: Yeah, I'm .....Evan Schlevan!?
GUY IN A TOP HAT: Schmevan. Hmm...... I'm the Mad Hatter, by the way. Have some wine.
EVAN: We're friends of Charles Xavier. Could you tell him we've arrived?
MAD HATTER: Xavier? Xavier?Ohhh yes! I remember, elderly chap, bald as a bowling ball, chair with wheels.. Not seen him since before the March Hare went mad.
(Evan and Kurt slowly starts to back away, Pyro is busy setting someone's trench coat on fire, and Todd is looking confused.)
KURT: What do we do now?
EVAN: I dunno!
TODD: I don't see any wine....
REMY: Aaaaahhh!! Not my trench coat!
(Our heroes are seated by a table in the common room of My Little Coney. Actually, it's more like a tea parlour. Most of the people there look pretty odd.
Specially the guy that's dressed as a scarecrow. And the one that looks like a clown. And that guy with question marks all over his clothes. Not to forget to one with the split-up face.
He's weeeeeird. Evan and Kurt look nervous, possibly because the Mad Hatter insists on drinking tea with them. )
EVAN: He'll be here, Kurt. He'll come. At least I hope so.
(Pyro comes down from the bar with a BIG tea cup. A guy that looks like a human crocodile bumps into him.)
HUMAN CROCODILE DUDE: Get out of Killer Croc's way!
PYRO: Killer Croc? (Shrugs and heads for his seat beside Todd. Todd already has a normally sized tea cup.)
TODD: What's that?
PYRO: This, mate, is a pint of tea, with way too much sugar and caffeine. It'll probably make me extremely hyper and cause me to burn the whole inn down.
TODD: Wicked! I'm getting one! (Rushes to the bar)
KURT: You've already had five cups!
(After a while, Kurt nudges Evan.)
KURT: That fellow's been doing nothing but staring at us since we arrived. (Points at a guy in the only shadowy corner in the whole joint)
EVAN: Excuse me, Mr. Hatter, that guy in the corner, who is he?
MAD HATTER: He's one of them Bandersnatches. Dangerous creatures they are – all wandering the wilds. What his real name is I've never heard, but around here, he's known as
(Evan starts playing with the Ring. Suddenly, the Ring starts whispering.)
RING: Daniels. Daniels.
EVAN: Woow… It talks!
RING: Daniels. Daniels! Daniels!
TODD: (over at all the weirdoes talking) Sure I know a Daniels! He's over there, Evan Daniels. (Points) He's a mutant from the Xavier Institute.
Actually, there's a whole army of 'em there. They're kinda like the local crime fighters, if you follow me. (All the people are taking notes.)
GUY DRESSED AS A SCARECROW: And do any of them have any crippling phobias?
(Evan rushes over to stop Todd from babbling.)
TODD: Well, Daniels is mortally afraid of -
EVAN: Toad! (Slips one some straw that mysteriously lies on the floor, and starts to falling in sloooow motion, dramatically throwing the Ring up in the air.)
RING: Aaaaaaaaahh! I'm afraid of heights!
SCARECROW: You are? (Griiiins)
(The Ring lands exactly on Evans finger, making him disappear.)
PEOPLE: (Gasp) What the……?
(Without any warning, Batman crashes through a window.)
PEOPLE: BATMAN?! AAAAAAAHH!! (Run away in various directions)
MEANWHILE, AT THE RINGWRAITHS
(One Ringwraith is hopping along a road on his pogo stick, singing.)
RINGWRAITH: Now far ahead the road has gone…. (Senses something) Wait a minute! The Ring's in Cheddar! (Turns around and starts hopping back.)
BACK AT MY LITTLE CONEY
(Evan is now in the Shadow World.)
EVAN: Huh? Where am I?
(I SAID YOU'RE IN THE SHADOW WORLD!!)
EVAN: Oh. (Spots a greats Eye, lidless, circled by Bulbasaurs….) Eep!
EYE: You cannot hide! I see you! There is no life in the veil…I mean void! Only death!
EVAN: Yikes! (Wriggles the Ring of his finger.)
(Evan reappears at Wolverine's table. Suddenly he is grabbed from behind.)
BATMAN: Oooops, my mistake. Here. (Hands him over to Wolverine)
WOLVERINE: You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. "Schmevan"! (Drags him up the stairs)
(Wolverine opens the door to his room, tosses Evan in, follows and shuts the door. Evan gets up and backs up against the wall.)
EVAN: What do you want?
WOLVERINE: A little more caution from you. That's not exactly a cheeseburger you're carrying.
EVAN: (Pulls out a cheeseburger from his pocket) It's not?
WOLVERINE: (Groans) I wasn't talking about THAT! (Walks over to the window and puts out the candles)
I can avoid being seen if I feel like it. But to disappear entirely, that is a rare ability.
EVAN: W-who are you?
WOLVERINE: Are you frightened?
WOLVERINE: I'll take that as a yes. But you're not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.
(The door crashes open. Wolverine unsheathes his claws. Kurt, Todd, and Pyro rushes in, armed with a lighted candlestick, a fire poker and a wooden spoon.
KURT: L-let him go! Or I'll have you, Badger!
WOLVERINE: You've got guts Elf, but that won't save you. You can't wait for Chuck anymore Evan. They're coming.
NIGHT AT THE GATES OF CHEDDAR
GATEKEEPER: (Through the open gate) Who's there?
(The Ringwraiths jump through the past the gatekeeper. You can hear the pogo sticks going BOOING, BOOING, BOOING in the distance five seconds later.)
GATEKEEPER: They didn't answer. How rude! (Pouts)
(Meanwhile, the Nazgûl have made their way into the hobbit room. All the hobbits are asleep. Aaaww. The Nazgûl pull out mallets from their cloaks and start to slam them on the hobbit beds. Then they pull back the sheets to reveal….. empty beds.
RINGWRAITH #2: AAAARGH! I hate it when that happens! I HATE HATE HATE IT! (Throws a hysterical fit)
RINGWRAITH #3: (Talking in a cell phone) Sandnes Asylum? He's doing it again, could you send someone over?
RINGWRAITH #2: I KNOW! I'M NOT SCARY ENOUGH! IF I WERE REALLY, REALLY SCARY THEY WOULD BE TOO TERRIFIED TO RUN!
(Several men in white coats sneak through the door)
RINGWRAITH #2: AND FOR THIS PLAN I WILL NEED: A FEW VOODOO DOLLS, A MALLET AND A CHEESE SANDWICH! MWAHAHAHAH – (Is ambushed
by the men in white coats, who puts a strait jacket on the Ringwraith. Then they take it away, while it's screaming and kicking.)
(Cut to the room where the hobbits actually slept until Ringwraith #2 went nuts. They're all happily munching popcorn and enjoying the show. Okay, maybe not Evan.
He looks pretty nervous. And Logan looks annoyed. But other than that, they're just fine!)
EVAN: W-what are they?
LOGAN: They USED to be Morlocks. Mutants that lived in the sewers. Then Apocalypse the Sombrero Dude gave them ten Rings of Power.
TODD: (Scratching his head) I thought it was only nine Ringwraiths?
LOGAN: There is. One of them, Wally I think he was called, lost his Ring. Anyway, blinded by their greed, they took the Rings without reading the fine print first.
One by one falling into darkness. Except for Wally, who was busy trying to make Bracelets of Power. Somehow it never took off, so instead he invented the hula hoop.
Now the other nine are slaves to Apocalypse's will,. They are the Nazgûl, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead, and scary as….
KURT: A level 10 Danger Room session?
LOGAN: Something like that. At all times feeling where the Ring is. Drawn to the power of the One. And they're never gonna stop hunting you. Ever.