(peeks cautiously into room, looks around, slips in, locks door behind her, and starts walking around in dust-infested storytelling place) Well, well, well, lookie who hasn't been here in ages…(reaches up and tries to turn on light, but chandelier almost falls on head) YEEK! That was a close one…guess my luck still hasn't worn off then…(looks up at screen) Uh…hey everybody…guess who's back? Yeah, I know it's incredible. It's unbelievable. Why, it's not even reasonable. And to put it in a wiser sense…well, it's incongruous. (shrugs) Get my meaning? Ok.
I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH! (throws self at feet of readers and blubbers pathetically) I cannot believe I abandoned you for that long, but something REALLY bad happened to my computer, and it was no longer allowing me to get onto my account on So after a few months of trying and waiting, I finally gave up. But I checked back in on my NEW computer…and it WORKS! Yes! Now maybe I can put just a few more chapters up…even if we don't finish…just for fun, you know? For old time's sake? (dusts of action figures of LOTR characters and Four Orcs) Man oh man…
But if you guys are willing to bare with me, we can stick another chapter up on the screen for you guys to inspect! I sure hope you like it. It's been waitin' a long time to get up there…
Disclaimer: You guys all know the drill. :)Chapter 13
"BOROMIR?" Elrond almost yelped at the sight of the Man that was spilled out of the sack, and Gimli almost sang a high A in soprano when he realized the mistake that had been made. "You grabbed BOROMIR!"
"OBVIOUSLY!" Boromir grouched, shooting nasty looks back at the Orcs before trying to get to his feet, but Bugley quickly moved in with some rope to tie him up…as sloppily as it was done…
"What do you mean!" Boss demanded, looking next to panicked as he looked at Elrond. "You mean…this isn't the guy you WANTED?"
"Nope. He's not crazy enough." Elrond stated simply, looking as if he was accepting a very nasty doom in his own mind as he looked at the Man that was looking fit to rip Bugley limb from limb as he was tied up. But he could already see that a certain bloody spot on the Man's leg was probably doing a lot of hampering in his movements. "This fellow is…well, more of an inventor. The one you were SUPPOSED to get is a RANGER!"
"YES!" Gimli wailed on top of that, although he really didn't know what was going on, but he was panicked enough to scream about it anyway.
"NOOO!" Pugley and Slim shrieked.
"YEEESSS!" Gimli wailed.
"NOOOO!" Pugley and Slim shrieked.
"SHUT UP!" Boss screamed, causing a few particles of dust and rubble to fall from the ceiling of the cave. "IDIOTS! YOU'RE ALWAYS SCREAMING AND YELLING! And the fact that we MIGHT have made a mistake is just...incongruous."
"And yet you made the mistake." Elrond responded in a very scholarly fashion.
"No we did NOT!" Boss insisted, his small form looking puffed up at the mere suggestion of it.
"Then why do you have Boromir instead of Aragorn?" Elrond asked simply.
Boss opened his large mouth to speak at that…but nothing ended up coming out, so he shut it again with a little click, and started muttering crazily to himself as he turned around to start pacing around the back of the cave, earning himself several worried looks from the other three of his companions.
And Boromir was now tied down with four ropes, due to a very tired Bugley who was getting tired of holding him down.
By the time Aragorn had actually figured out that Boromir had been kidnapped, Arwen was already crying for the sake of the inventor, Legolas was just kind of standing still and thinking about something that Aragorn could NOT interprete for the life of him, Gloin was sitting on the couch in a perfect Dwarven pout, and…well, Gandalf, as usual, wasn't really doing anything.
"…uh…so yeah…um…that's basically the scooper-pooper." Aragorn finished with a small clap of his hands, looking at his remaining companions for any sign of support…but it turned out that no one really was feeling very hopeful at the moment at the thought of going at this without their plot-man. "Uhhh…any comments?"
"This is not good." Legolas mumbled.
"We're going to die." A very tearful Arwen sobbed.
"You're all stupid." Gloin grouched.
"Uh…duh…where's Boromir and stuff?" Gandalf asked a moment later.
Aragorn blinked. "Er…right…ok then…uh…so, who's up for makin' a Plan…er, whatever its number is?"
"Uh…how 'bout you shnookums?"
Arwen just sniffled, looking up at him whilst dabbing her beautiful face with her laced handkerchief.
Legolas shrugged. "Oh, I'll be up for it. Just as soon as I hear what the plan is going to be." He said, crossing his arms and shaking his head at the reasoning Ranger. "We're just about out of luck without Boromir here."
"Aigh, don't be so negative!" Aragorn waved him off, giving him a grouchy look before walking over to a table behind them and starting to shove all the papers off of it as if that was its sole purpose. "I was always better at thinkin' up those plots than B anyway! Why, you just wait til' you hear what I'VE got in store for us!"
"How about sending the money?" Legolas suggested, pushing himself off the wall and frowning as if this were the most obvious thing ever. "I'm sure we could get some…donations from other kingdoms or something to help pay off the debt! I could even write to my father if we—"
"No WAY are we askin' the Icey King for ANYTHIN'!" Aragorn immediately said, looking wild-eyedly scared for a minute as he finished swiping the desk clean of all occupents, then quickly flipped over one of the most important documents of Rivendell (that had been coincidentally kept on the desk) and started scribbling all over it with a purple crayon that he had produced impressively from his Ranger-coat pocket. "I'll just draw us a map here so we'll know what we're up against…"
Arwen and Legolas exchanged doubtful looks.
Gloin stared at it as if he were trying to decipher it with Super-Dwarf vision or something.
Gandalf just watched with eyes the size of saucer plates.
It took a few seconds, but when Aragorn finished he gave a triumphant yell, holding up the finished "map" with great flare…and letting everyone behold the maze of colorful lines and circles and squiggles that he had drawn upon the sacred paper. "Pretty good huh? Looks just like Rivvy huh?"
"Um…it's very nice sweetie." Ever patient and sweet Arwen replied, tears still on her pretty face but a kind look of appreciation in her lovely eyes. Legolas, on the other hand, didn't seem quite so impressed. Neither did Gandalf, but that was only because he didn't know what was going on anyway. Gloin just snorted, muttering something about Gimli being able to draw way better than that or something.
"What is it?" Legolas finally asked after a few seconds of silence.
Aragorn stared at him as if he had just said that he had seen Sauron down by the beach in a pair of Hawaiin swim trunks. "Well, whaddya' mean what is it! It's Plan B! In other words, the plan that B never got to finish. Hehe. Cool huh? And it's EXACTLY what we're gonna need to get those guys out of there!"
"But…didn't Boromir have something else in mind than actually going in there and pulling them out?" Legolas asked cautiously, now looking a bit worried as he could see that Aragorn was way to confident about this so-called "plan" of his…
"Well…yeah…but that's Boromir. Not Aragorn." Aragorn concluded with a very happy smile, turning around after that, crumpling up the "map", and sticking it safely in his pocket. "Ok now. It's just a simpily-simple matter of bait, come, and grab. And we'll do it tomorrow night."
"Um…why tomorrow night?" Arwen asked rather worriedly.
"Because ya guys won't be READY anytime sooner!" Aragorn insisted, now looking very excited as his plan became more and more real to him with each passing moment. "You guys all gotta know your parts perfectly…and if ya do that, there's no WAY we're gonna fail…and we STILL won't be sendin' the money! Haha!"
"Ha ha." Legolas responded, looking rather confused before the dandy Dúnadan grabbed him and Arwen and started pulling him into the other room, jabbering all the while about how they needed to "rehearse", and what kind of parts they were going to be playing, while Gloin followed along, demanding to be included, and Gandalf just followed meekly behind.
There was no telling what Aragorn had up his sleeve, but something was telling Legolas and Arwen that it was going to get all of them in a lot of trouble.
"…and then he's probably gonna go hanging Legolas off of the edge of a cliff to try and swing at us…" Boromir mumbled drearily, his head lolled on his shoulder as he spoke numbly to his two fellow prisoners on either side of him, staring off at the wall and not seeming to respond to anything. "…maybe even tossing Miss Arwen in the process…and then they'll set the whole place on fire…"
Gimli gave a loud whimper at that one, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary, because each time Boromir named another disastrous thing that he was certain the other group was going to do, he always made a small noise of distress. After all, this was pretty scary stuff they were dealing with!
"…he doesn't know half the stuff he needs to about manuevering, so he'll probably try to set up a trap with Gandalf as bait or somethin', and then get him captured too, and then he'll try to ambush and get all of us stuck until there's absolutely no one else left to fish us out." The inventive Gondorian finally concluded, looking over at both of the other captives with an ending smile. "Sound like Aragorn to you?"
"Oh yes." Elrond ground out, having previously been turning angrier and angrier with each thing that Boromir named, because he knew full well that that was exactly something that demented Dúnadan would do. And it made him SO mad. I mean, come on, that crazy mortal was supposed to be supporting his daughter for the rest of their lives!
"Not to mention what'll happen if these Orc-guys decide to kill us even before they come." Boromir added lightly, idly watching a spider crawl across the floor in front of them. "Then they'd really get it."
"I want my FATHER!" Gimli wailed, but regretted it a moment later when a tiny rotten tomato hit him in the forehead. Boss was still obviously in a very bad mood.
"I'm sure he's just dandy about this whole circumstance as well." Elrond replied, his dangerous eyebrows still terribly low on his forehead. "Infact, I'm guessing he'll probably play the part of the bait along with Gandalf. He'd be fat enough at least."
"HOW DARE YOU!" Gimli roared, but the only reward he got for that was another little rotten tomato in the forehead. Boss was still obviously in a very bad mood.
"You idiots be quiet or we're REALLY going to kill you!" The enraged leaderly Orc screamed back at them, but that scream was soon echoed by other screams from the other Orcs, begging him not to do that and starting to tell him all over again about everything Elrond had described on the subject of killing them.
"I'm sure." Elrond muttered, and Boromir just thunked his head back against the stalagmite. Boromir, of all people, knew how dangerous Aragorn was when he became set on a plan of his...and heaven knew his plans were always enough to panic about. Why, just a few summers ago it had been his own engenius idea to pour dishwater soap in Galadriel's mirror. Everyone could guess how that one turned out…
And as Aragorn sat happily in his bed that night, stitching up a perfectly fake-looking bag of gold with his own Rangery threads and needles…one could only guess how correct Boromir would be in his assumptions.
Ok…chapter 13 is there. I don't know how anyone's going to forgive me for being absent in this for almost a year now…but I did get another chapter up! And though this may be my last one, at least I've put up a chapter for 2005. (droops head meekly) Another huge apology to everyone out there. I've really missed you guys!
…please review? (pitiful pleading look)