A/N: I'm sorry I haven't update in a…long time. I promise it won't be that long of a wait next time. Maybe two or three weeks, or less, depending. Uhm. Expect a chapter of ATCC out sometime soon. Probably within a week. This chapter isn't beta-read, so please don't kill me for mistakes. I did my best.


Chapter Five: The Boy is Giggling

By VirtualFaerie

Day Three: Potions Classroom

While the Great Ferret Prince is quite gitacular, he's a very sexy gitacular Ferret Prince. And sexy males usually make me…well, nervous to tell you the truth. I don't know. There's something about them that just makes my palms sweaty and my eyes shift to my feet. It's really quite stupid. I shouldn't be afraid of boys just because they're sexy. That's completely insane!

What's wrong with me? I'm Ginny. Ginny is not scared of boys, no she isn't. It's ridiculous now that I think about it. How can I be scared of boys when I'm on my Hunt for Prince Charming, huh? It's just not right. Okay, Gins, time to get over this fear of boys, it just isn't working.

"Weasley?" Draco said, interrupting my thoughts. Damn him! I was just working up this great…great…speech in my head about why I shouldn't be afraid of boys! Had he let me finish that speech, I might have been able to actually give myself some encouragement. But no, he didn't let me finish, did he? "While I'm sure whatever's going on in your head is certainly entertaining," he continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I doubt it's improving your horrid potions grade."

Oh fine, just rub my stinky grade in my face. I can take it. Besides, what I was thinking about just might have helped improve my potion's grade, seeing as I don't know how I'm going to concentrate with the GFP around since I wasn't able to give myself that encouraging speech.

"Right," I said stupidly. Extremely stupidly. Why couldn't I have thought of something clever to say back at him? Hmmm? What happened to my tongue? I certainly don't see any cats around here. I guess this just isn't my day. Not that any other days are my day either.

"Difference between terry root and ginger root," the GFP shot out at me quickly.

I blinked. The difference between what and what? I thought this was tutoring, not Let's-Quiz-Ginny-Until-She's-Dizzy time! How am I learning anything if he just spits questions out at me? Completely unfair.

I looked over at him, trying my best to keep a dignified expression on my face. (Practicing those faces in my mirror over the summer. Yes, good times.) "I don't know," I said in what I imagine could be percepted as a cool tone. "Isn't that what you're here to tell me?"

If looks could kill, I'd be dead five times over. That's how badly Malfoy was glaring at me. No joke.

"I can see why Snape wanted you to be tutored. If you were any worse you'd be put in Remedial Potions with Darla Worthington and Freddy Laster."

"Isn't Freddy Laster the boy that picks his nose?" I asked slowly. I knew that Darla Worthington had a nasty habit of getting things stuck in her hair…and forgetting to take them out. Once, I heard she had dried up mashed potatoes with peas in her hair for a week. I guess that means she doesn't wash her hair very often, either.

Draco nodded slightly. "That would be him."

"I don't think I'm quite that bad," I said, meekly. I didn't want to be in a class with them. I mean… I'm sure they're not bad people or anything, but the fact that I would be in a CLASS with them would just do awful wonders for my self-esteem. It would plummet, more so that it already has.

Mr. Great Ferret Prince just looked at me. "We'll see." He walked behind Snape's desk and picked up a small cauldron and a small basket of vials. "Let's see how you fare with some simple potions…"

Day Three: Potions Room an Hour Later

He left me! That jerk! He just left. He didn't even give me time to get started on the potion he'd assigned me before he walked out of the door. He'd just said, "Things to do," and left without any regard to the fact that he was supposed to be TUTORING ME. I thought the whole point of him tutoring me was for him to be there to help me with the things that I don't understand.

Yeah, wonderful tutor that Great Ferret Prince, let me tell you.

So, I sat there on my stool, staring at the cauldron for five minutes before I finally realized that, hey! – Gitacular Gitacular wanted me to make the potion while he was gone. By then I'd wasted five precious minutes that I could have been using for my potion, which wasn't as simple as he'd said it would be. There was far too much measuring, exact measuring to be done. And the timing! Oh, the timing! You had to make sure you put the ingredients in after a certain number of minutes, or after three or four stirs. And you couldn't mess up, do something too early, or too late. You'd mess the whole potion up.

I misread the directions…once.


I lied.

I misread them twice.

My mistakes though – totally understandable. Anyone could have made them. I mean, hello, beeswing looks a whole lot like beeswing. And the 2s and 3s on the paper, they looked a lot alike too.

That means that instead of my potion bubbling a nice peachy color, it was barely simmering at a light pink. At least pink is close to peach. Not too far off…. And it was a pretty color pink, really. I quite liked it. In fact, last Christmas, I think I saw a dress at Madame Malkin's that exact shade of pink. It was a gorgeous dress. I wanted it. Badly. But for course I didn't get it. Of course.

"What's that smell?" came the Great Ferret Prince's voice. He was walking down the aisle of lab tables to mine, a frown wrinkling his nose. His very nice nose, at that. It was cute…in a very aristocratic way. Long and sloping, yet, a little squared at the end, flaring out just a bit. Merlin. My description sucks. I'll just say, he's got the nicest nose I've ever examined.

He came up beside me and peered into my cauldron. Then he looked at me. "What is this?" he asked, pointing to the champagne pink bubbles that had started floating out of my cauldron. Funny I hadn't noticed them before.

"Bubbles?" I tried helplessly, batting them away with my hand.

Bad move.

One of the bubbles popped, covering my fingers with gooey pink syrup-like stickiness. I grimaced.

"Can you not do anything right, Weasley?" Gitacular Gitacular asked irritably. "It was a very simple enlargement potion, and you managed to botch it into something that's not even recognizable. This is second year material."

"Well, excuse me," I said, shaking a gooey, pink finger at him. "But the instructions were hard to read." I don't see why he's got to be so mean about it. It's his fault really. If he had been here, I could have asked him if what I thought the instructions said were right.

"Right," he said shortly. "Excuses, excuses." He grabbed an empty vial from Snape's desk and handed it to me. "Fill it up, and then we'll test what's left and see what it does."

I cut my eyes at him and snatched the vial from his hand. I'll admit, that was immature, but he made me feel stupid. Oh so stupid. I ladled potion into the vial and set it down on the table. "How am I supposed to test it?" I asked.

Gitacular Gitacular blinked. "You'll be testing it on yourself."

Now it was my turn to blink. "What if it's deadly?"

"None of the ingredients in the potion would make it deadly. Besides," he sneered at me, "it isn't exactly like you'll be missed if it is." Ouch. Talk about mean.

"You're a great tutor," I said, glaring at him. No witty comebacks. Sigh. Why can't I have a quick, silver tongue when I most need it? It would be wonderful to have something oh so clever to say to Malfoy. Unfortunately, I'm just not that good.

"I am," was all he said.

I picked up the vial and pulled the cork out, raising it to my mouth slowly. Malfoy's eyes were trained to me, watching my every move. Kind of nerve-wracking, really. Even if he is The Gitacular Gitacular Great Ferret Prince, he's a sexy Gitacular Gitacular Great Ferret Prince. Vial goes to my lips, I tilt the vial, letting the pink stuff ooze down into my mouth. It actually didn't taste that bad.

I set the vial back down on the table and waited for something to happen. Anything.

"See now, wasn't so bad, was it?" Malfoy said, corking the vial. "You probably botched the potion so bad that it won't even do anything."

I opened my mouth, to shoot something back at him, anything really. But my lips felt funny. In fact, they started to feel a bit plumper.

The GFP blinked at me, staring at my mouth. How rude! You can't just go around staring at people's mouths. It socially unacceptable! The only time you stare at someone's mouth is when they've got food on it, or when you want to kiss him – and since I am relatively sure that neither of these reasons are related to the one that's causing Gitacular Gitacular to stare at my mouth, I think I should tell him off.

And I was going to. Really. But my lips were too heavy. All I got out was a mangled, "WHAT?"

And then he started laughing. He started laughing at the exact moment I notice that my lips are WAY BIGGER! They're huge! It's like I've got two bananas on my face! Growing rapidly. Before I know it, I'll have two…two… OH MYGOD! WHY IS HE LAUGHING?! WHY ISN'T HE HELPING?! CAN'T HE SEE I'M HAVING AN EMERGENCY HERE?!?!?!?!

He was bent over laughing, laughing so hard I was sure he'd start crying soon. I could already feel tears pricking my eyes, but they certainly weren't from laughter. I glared at him as best as I could, and picked my wand up from the table and whapped his head with it – hard.

"Bloody hell! What'd you do that for?" There was still a smile on his face and I so desperately wanted to smack it off. It looked unnatural on him and I didn't like it one bit. But…even though it was a bit…weird to see him smiling…it wasn't such a bad smile, really. In fact, I might have found it quite attractive if I wasn't preoccupied WITH MY BALLONING LIPS!

I pointed to my rapidly growing lips for a lack of anything better to do. I couldn't move them, as they were TOO HEAVY! Stupid wanker. He's giggling! The BOY IS GIGGLING! DEAR MERLIN!

I whapped at him again a couple of times, tears spilling out of my eyes. I heard a strangled sound issue forth for my Giganticus Lips as I beat him on the head as hard as I could.

He reached over and yanked my wand out of my hand. "Would you stop that?" he snapped. He tossed it onto the table and started to walk out of the room. Just where did he think he was going? Was he just going to leave me here like this? With these lips that were about the size of a WATERMELON by now?! What did he expect me to do? Walk down the corridors to Madame Pomfrey's with this…this MESS on my face? I could already feel my head drooping from the weight of my Monstrous Lips.

Gitacular Gitacular disappeared from the room for a moment, then shot right back in, a small vial of clear liquid in his hand.

PLEASE LET IT BE AN ANTIDOTE! Please. I'd do anything for the antidote.

He started laughing again. "You're going to have to open your mouth to take this, Weasley," he said between laughs.

By now my face was pointed to the ground I couldn't lift it up. I admit it. I whimpered. I was crying. But wouldn't YOU be crying if you had lips the size of small piggies attached to your face? I wobbled for a moment and fell to the floor. Luckily, my bag cushioned my head and no skulls were fractured. No thanks to the GFP. Who I've decided has lost some sexy points by LAUGHING AT MY INSANLEY LARGE LIPS THAT ARE NOW BIGGER THAN MY BLOODY HEAD!

The GFP knelt down beside me, still laughing, harder than ever. I really don't know how he still thinks this could be remotely funny. All I can say is he won't think it's a bit funny once I have these MONSTERS off of my face. I will take my wand and I will curse him until…until he is VERY WELL CURSED DAMMIT!

He wrenched my lips apart with his hands and pulled the top out of the vial and began pouring it in my mouth. I felt it slip past my HUMONGOUS lips and swallowed it eagerly. For all I know, he could have been feeding me poison. But I didn't really care. There was a 98 percent chance that it was the antidote. I mean, it's not like you can just go around poisoning the people you're supposed to be tutoring. That's like…against…the law. In fact, poisoning anyone is against the law…

Anyway. I felt my lips starting to subside, and he took the vial away, putting the top back in, and setting it on a table. He sat back on the balls of his feet, watching as my lips began to shrink to their normal size. I let out a sigh of relief when I brought my hand up to my lips and felt them nice and small again.

Gitacular Gitacular was grinning a sharky grin at me. And I didn't like it.

I was about to open my mouth and tell him off for laughing at me and being a stupid wanker, but he beat me to it.

"Well, I guess we did learn something today. And you shall never be left alone to make a potion again." He started chuckling and got up, leaving the classroom.

And I felt stupid. Oh so stupid.

Day Three: In My Nice Bed

Alright. I've come up with some reasons of why I hate the GFP.

Hating the Great Ferret Prince: A List

1. He's a self-centered prig.
2. He's a wanker.
3. He's a Malfoy, and everyone knows Malfoys are gits.
4. He's snarky. Snarky with a sharky smile.
5. He is sexy, despite all prig-wanker-git-snarkiness. Damn him.
6. He is my tutor.
7. He laughed at me.
8. He's a wanker.
9. I hate him.
10. HE LAUGHED AT MY HUGE LIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Not my best list, I'll admit. But a girl's got to take out her frustrations somehow doesn't she? GRAaagh. I am still just…so… humiliated.

Sigh. I must turn my attentions elsewhere so that I don't get insane urges TO WHACK A CERTAIN BLONDED HEADED FERRET with my wand.

Now, my list. My long forgotten list. What was left?

Spot Blaise and try to have a conversation with him. Remember to look up meeting a new male in Damsel in Distress Handbook.

That shouldn't be too hard. The hardest part is actually trying to find him. Sigh. Blaise is so smexy. He is definitely one of the main contenders for my Prince Charming – not that there's many. But still.

Now, let's see. Meeting a New Male. This Damsel in Distress Handbook really is quite nifty. I'm glad I put it together.

Meeting a New Male
When meeting a new male, do your best to look nonchalant and uninterested. You cannot capture a male's attention by crowding/clinging/or hanging on him. New male will become irritated and leave. Instead, strike up intelligent conversation and bat your eyelashes prettily every now and then - Volia! You have met a New Male.

Hrmm… something tells me I should have made this handbook a bit more precise when I was writing it. Oh well. It all came from my head! Surely I can come up with more when I have to.

Day Four: Great Hall

Wow. That Blaise Zabini. Let me tell you. He is one hunking hunk of male flesh.

And the way he eats his breakfast! So sophisticated. Have you seen the way he lifts his fork? It's sexy. If anyone can make eating look sexy, he can.

I take a bite of hash browns.

Oh my. I just thought of something. Blaise is skinny. Much skinnier than I am. Not that it isn't attractive – in fact, it's very attractive on him. He's got nice cheekbones, and great bone structure all around when it comes to his face. Is it bad for boys to be pretty? Would it be hard to be with a Prince Charming who looked more like a pretty girl than you did? And was skinnier than you?

I wouldn't be able to eat around him! I'd feel so fat! I already feel fat just looking at my plate. I glance at my stomach. Ohmigod. Did I get a new roll?

I poke my stomach. Whew. No. Just a wrinkle in my sweater.

But still. I would feel self-conscious around him. What if he doesn't like girls that have slightly…uhm…bigger stomachs that him? Not that I'm really fat or anything. I'm average. I'm not a stick. I'm not willowy. I have no svelte figure. I'm just…normal. That could be a problem. Can you stick a normal looking girl like me with an extremely gorgeous guy like him?

I let out a sob. My prime Prince Charming candidate is down the drain.

"Ginny?" Colin looked at me, concerned.


Blaise was the perfect candidate! Perfect.


"What?" I bit out. "What is it?"

Colin blinked, taken aback. "Er…well, you just seem a bit…"

"A bit what?" I snapped. Didn't he understand that my plans were being ruined because my waist wasn't small enough?

"Distressed," he said.

Distressed? I am MORE that distressed. My Hunt is ruined. Seamus can't be my Prince Charming. He only pays attention to me because he's mates with Ron. Colin can't be my Prince Charming because he's my best friend and it would be weird. Draco Malfoy definitely cannot be my Prince Charming because he's a bloody wanker.

What am I going to do?

There's no one.

"What?" said Colin, looking extremely confused. Oops. Did I say that last bit out loud? "There's no one? What do you mean?"

"Uhm. Nothing," I said quickly, shoveling hash browns into my mouth.

"No," he said, putting down his fork. "Tell me." His eyes were watching my closely as I chewed. He folded his arms across his chest.

Damn! I hate it when he gets like this. He won't stop. Remember how he used to follow Harry around persistently? Well, he's still persistent. But he's channeled this persistency.

"Really, it's nothing." Please, please, leave it alone. If he asks me again… Well, let's just say that I'm not always so good at keeping things to myself. I mean, I can keep the Hunt to myself, but…if someone asks…why not tell them? I mean, Colin is my best friend, after all. Shouldn't I tell him what's going on? Then maybe he won't think I'm acting so loopy.

"Ginny," he said in that voice. That voice that says he knows I'm lying. How does he know I'm lying anyways? I am probably one of the best liars on the planet.

Cough. Right.

So I told him. I told him everything. I told him about the Hunt. I told him about my prospective Prince Charmings – well, except for that he was one of them. I told him about the requirements for my Prince Charming. And I told him about my waist problem.

And surprisingly enough, he didn't laugh. In fact, he just sat there and paid close attention as I spilled out every detail.

When I finished he looked down at the table, then back up at me and said, "Is that why you wanted me to help you transfigure your clothes?"

I opened my mouth. Then shut it again. "Well…yes."

He laughed.