Untitled as of Yet

By Usabelle

Author's Notes: Hi all, and welcome to my first story ever! This little baby is the product of screwy life experiences and too much reality TV. This story is untitled because the only titles that I could think of were corny and the type of titles to stories that I would skip right over. I'm giving a warning that the first chapter will be slow and not romantic in the least. It gets better, I promise. Review, enjoy, and please don't flame me.

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Chapter 1

"Serena, Serena open up!" Mina screamed as she pounded on her friend's door.

"You don't think there's something wrong, do you? We had this movie night planned for weeks," Lita asked while juggling a bag of cookies and a cake.

Mina sighed, falling against the door in exhaustion, "I dunno. I have a feeling that Monsieur Jacques said au revoir to Serena."

"Hmm... you think? She was so enamored with her French lover boy."

"Why else wouldn't she answer the door for her best friends?"

Lita rolled her eyes, "Maybe because she's not home..."

After many minutes of yelling for their friend to come to the door, Mina realized something, "Hey! I just remembered! Raye has a key to Serena's apartment!"

Lita smacked her head, "How could we have forgotten? Just take these cookies and I'll get my cell phone."

As she dialed, Lita looked thoughtful, "I hope we're not bothering Raye, it is her anniversary today..."

"She won't mind!" Mina said brightly as she opened the bag of cookies.

"Hello?" an annoyed voice asked.

"Hi Raye! It's Lita! Can you do me a little favor?"

"Uh...what is it?" Raye stared at her husband and the half-drunk bottle of expensive champagne in the two hundred dollar honeymoon suite that she'd worked overtime to pay for.

"We need you to open up Serena's apartment! It's an emergency!" Mina yelled into the phone with a mouthful of cookie.

"What kind of emergency, Mina?" Raye asked in a bored tone. The last emergency that she was called for ended up to be an uneven application of Mina's blond brilliance highlights.

"Serena won't come to the door!" she whined.

"THAT'S your emergency? I'm wasting my hard-earned time on a heart-shaped water bed listening about how Meatball Head won't come to the door?"


"You do realize that Amy has a key as well, don't you?"

"She does? Why? Then I should have a key too!" Mina yelled indignantly.

"There's a reason why you don't have a key, Mina."

"What? Why?"

"Goodnight, Mina," Raye hung up and shook her head.

Her husband, Chad, rolled over on the bed," What the hell was that?"

"You don't want to know."

Meanwhile, in Serena's hallway, the two were completely bored and ready to open up the cake.

Mina, adjusting her orange sequin dress attempted to sit, "She hung up on me! Me, the sparkling conversationalist! I, for one, am offended!"

"Hm, imagine that," Lita drawled sarcastically, "Now that you've eaten all of the cookies that I made for Serena, we might as well call Amy before the cake is gone."

"Right! Amy won't mind at all!"

Lita dialed and hoped that she wouldn't be interrupting anything with Amy either, "Hi, Amy?"

"Hello Lita," a tired, high-pitched voice responded.

"Are you busy now? I need your help with something."

"This is my first break in twenty-four hours, but sure I'll help you." It was Amy's first year of residency at Springfield General Hospital and it was hell.

"Thanks! We can't get into Serena's apartment and

Raye said that you have a key."

Dangerous-sounding murmurs could be heard in the background.

"What is that noise?" Amy asked, half asleep.

"Oh that's just Mina pissing and moaning because she doesn't have a key to Serena's apartment."

"Don't you?"

Lita blushed, "Well, I did, but... um... remember Raye's bachelorette party? When Sven the male stripper was *ahem* performing, in my drunken stupor, I gave him a whole set of house keys and all the money in my wallet."

"I shouldn't have asked," she sighed, "I'll be right over."

Lita hung up and said, "Amy's coming with the key!"

"Oh, finally! I can't sit on the floor in this dress any longer!"

Lita suddenly looked very tired, "What possessed you to wear a sequin dress to a movie night?"

"I dunno... I figured that we could ditch the movie and go clubbing!" she said brightly.

Lita looked down at her own clothes, which consisted of pink striped pajama pants and an old Care Bears t-shirt, "In this?"

Mina looked at her reproachfully, "Of course not! We would have just mooched off Serena!"


Back at the majestic Best Western, Raye was worried about Serena.

"Come on, Raye, stop worrying! Hey, look! Macadamia nuts in the mini bar!" Chad said enthusiastically. "We haven't had these since the honeymoon in Hawaii!"

Raye rolled her eyes, "And do you remember the bill for the macadamia nuts in Hawaii?"

Chad pouted, "Aww, it was worth it!"

She shook her head, "I'm worried about Serena. Despite the fact that those two morons may have visited when she wasn't home, they had a movie night planned for tonight. It's just not like Serena to ditch them."

"If it makes you feel better, go and check on them," he sighed.

"Chad, you're a sweetheart," she kissed him and threw on her coat. "Will you be okay by yourself?"

He looked like a pleased little boy, "Of course, I'll just raid the mini bar and watch every pay-per-view movie available by the good people of Best Western."

Raye glared at him and was out the door.

Fifteen minutes later, Amy and Raye arrived at Serena's apartment. Mina and Lita found Raye to be wearing a suspicious looking trench coat and red slippers with feathers while Amy, who looked as though she was about to drop off, had on a stained lab coat.

Amy looked at Raye in disbelief, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your husband on your anniversary?"

Raye scowled, "Well excuse me for having concern for a friend."

Lita jumped in as the moderator, "Guys, guys, come on. The important thing is that we're here and we have keys. We all know that you're deprived of..." she looked from Ami's drooping head to Rei tapping her foot impatiently, "one thing or another, so why don't we just go in and get it over with?"

The two sighed and Raye grabbed her key. She bellowed, "Meatball Head, you better be decent because we're coming in!"

They opened the door to find the apartment in shambles. Clothes strewn about everywhere, with tissues, toilet paper, and paper towels everywhere in sight.

"Holy shit..." Raye whispered, "Somebody ransacked Serena's apartment..."

In the quiet of the apartment, they could hear the noise of a TV and soft crying. The girls rushed in to see Serena huddled in a pathetic mass on her bed. The usually vivacious blonde's meatball hairstyle was in absolute disarray, her complexion pallid, and her normally clear blue eyes were puffy and red.

Lita stared at Serena in shock, "My God, Serena, what happened to you?"

Serena looked up from the seemingly mesmerizing television screen to find her four friends watching her raptly, "He...he... I... we..." and she began crying once again.

"Let me guess-Jacques?" Mina asked with surprising insight.

Serena only sobbed harder.

Amy looked at her piteously and handed her her silk handkerchief, which she proceeded to blow her nose in. Amy wrinkled her nose.

After her sobbing had subsided to hiccups, Raye was the first to jump in with questions, "So what the hell happened?"

Between hiccups and nose blows, the girls discerned, "Jacques decided to go back to his nude model ex-girlfriend in Paris."

Ami shook her head, "Oh dear..."

"That's what he told you?" Lita asked in utter disbelief.

Serena's eyes narrowed, "Well, actually he told me that while I was his little croissant, I was not worldly and cultured enough and cramped his artistic style. So he plans to go back to France to paint his new girlfriend."

Lita took her hand and smoothed out her disheveled hair, "What a bastard."

Serena began to cry again, "What the hell is it about me? Every single time the same thing happens. I always get crapped on! Do you realize that this is the seventh boyfriend I've had by the age of twenty-five and every single time I've been dumped?!? God, what is wrong with me?"

Everyone cooed words of encouragement, "Oh honey, nothing's wrong with you, it's them."

Serena scowled, "Oh, like I haven't heard that one before! Every single time! What am I doing wrong?"

Ami hesitated, "Well, maybe it's because you were never on the same intellectual level with the men that you've dated."

"Please, remember Evan the football player? I think he had one too many concussions on the field. He was just as, if not more ditzy than me!"

Mina patted her on the head, "Oh, you're not ditzy."

Raye came up with another idea, "Maybe it's because you're not a take-charge kind of girl. Men like to be controlled."

Mina glared at her, "You mean Chad likes to be controlled."

Raye glared back, "I was just trying to make a point."

Lita shrugged, "Maybe it's `cause you don't put out."

This was followed by a chorus of "LITA!".

Lita crossed her arms defensively, "Well, you guys didn't have any better explanations! Think about it! Evan left her for the slutty cheerleader, then Jacques leaves with a nudie! There's a pattern, if you didn't notice!"

Serena angrily shook her head, "I'm not compromising my beliefs for the morally bankrupt of America!"

Mina cooed at her, "They're not morally bankrupt, dear. You're just strong willed!"

Serena glared back.

Mina sighed, "I think the problem is that you have absolutely no confidence. Men like confidence, and how could you have any if you've been dumped in every relationship?"

Serena smiled a bitter smile, "Yup, I'm the resident dumpee."

Mina looked as if the light bulb had just turned on in her head, "What you need is to dump someone!"

Ami looked at her as though she were crazy, "Come again?"

Mina returned the look and spoke as if she were talking to a child, "Serena said it herself-she's the resident dumpee. She always thinks that it's her fault in a breakup, and how could she not with so few relationships and so many dumps? So if she gets into a relationship, and breaks it off, she will realize that it's not her fault when the relationship goes down the crapper and will gain the confidence she needs!"

Lita sat in quiet disbelief for a moment on the bed, "You know, that is crazy enough to work. If we find someone that Serena won't feel bad about dumping, then we could actually do this. Of, course, we'd help her every step of the way."

"While completely unorthodox in theory, this may end up being beneficial to Serena's self esteem," Ami said thoughtfully.

Raye paced back and forth, "But who? Who would be dislikable enough to make Serena want to crush their spirit?"

Serena sat up in the bed that now had a body-shaped indent due to her lack of movement, "Excuse me! Did anyone even think of consulting me? I don't want to hurt someone's feelings! Although... it would be nice to finally have the power to say, "too bad, so sad" and walk away!"

Mina jumped up excitedly, "Fine then! We begin tomorrow!"