Hey.........this time i am really sorry for the wait I just needed some time away from this story...........well this chapter is confusing when I started writing I had no idea what so ever for what was going to happen and I truly just free wrote and let whatever come out plus I was tipsy from a few drinks I had so some parts I feel ramble on........and hey Kelly! I totally forgot to tell you on my last update if you want I have other stories on ff.net here and I've got one over at fictionpress.com, just look up the pen name Justy on the search.......but there are no more BP stories once I finish this one I'm done


A week later.............

Amanda walked around the silent apartment, she knew she should sit down and relaxed but just the thoughts of sitting down scared her, the room would just eat her up. She ran her hand through her hair and stared at a picture on top of the TV. The smiling carefree faces seemed to burn into her and taunt her, picking it up she turned it down, she really didn't need to be looking at her wedding photo at the moment. Sighing she wrapped her arms around her and wandered down to the room, the one she use to call her own. Standing in the doorway she looked at the bed, it wasn't made and the sheets had been changed. A picture of her from her modelling days sat on the bedside table. Reaching into her pocket she fingered the two gold rings before pulling them out. She walked over to the bedside table and set them down on the table before picking up the picture of herself and smiling slightly.

"If I could only tell you,"said Amanda softly as she looked at the younger picture of herself,"The stories I could tell." She set the picture down as she heard the front door unlocking, turning to the bedroom doorway she froze. It hit her that at that moment she might not be as strong as she thought, taking a deep breath she stood still just waiting for him to appear.

Harry walked into the apartment and dropped his brief case by the door before walking into the kitchen flipping through the mail. He went to hit the lightswitch but found it was allready on. Looking over at it he creased his brow knowing he had turned out all the lights before he had left, someone was in his apartment. Cautiously he set down the mail on the counter and walked into the living room only to find it empty. He scanned it to make sure it was empty before silently walking down the hall, Aiden's door was closed but his was opened. Slowly he walked to the doorway and stood still as he seen her standing next to the bed with a lost expression on her face.

"Hey,"said Harry softly not knowing why she was here. He bit his lip as he looked at her, she looked so small under her large black wool coat. He didn't want anymore to be said because those words would just be painful, he just wanted to stand there and stare at her for the rest of his life.

"How are you?"asked Amanda unwrapping her arms from around herself.

"Still breathing, so I guess I'm okay,"said Harry softly.

"Well uh, that's good,"said Amanda looking over at the window, Harry was just too much of a pitiful sight for her,"I figured we need to talk, so we're both on the same page." Harry just simply nodded, he didn't want to hear what she had to say because it was just going to be painful for him.

"Can we talk in the living room?"asked Amanda. She did wait for Harry to answer as she started towards the doorway. Harry stood not moving as she headed towards him, he wanted to imagine she was there for another reason but in reality she was there for one reason alone. He looked up as she stood in front of him waiting for him to move but Harry was frozen still. Amanda looked at him with an expectant look on her face as she stood there. Harry could smell her soft scent of vanilla as she stood within arms distance of him.

Without thinking Harry did the only thing his body could do, he leaned over and ran his knuckle over her cheek as he pressed his lips to Amanda's. He waited for her to respond but it never came, reluctantly Harry pulled away as tears started burning his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. Amanda went to speak but Harry turned from her and walked away down the hall to the living room. Blinking Amanda held back tears as she brought her hand to hear mouth.

"Keep it together,"whispered Amanda softly to herself as she inhaled deeply and walked out to the living room where Harry was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He was tugging at her heat with full grip as she watched him break down, she had never seen him cry before, Harry was always the strong one who kept it together for everyone.

"Harry,"Amanda slowly walked around to the couch and sat down next to Harry. She grabbed a box of tissue from the coffee table and pulled a sheet from it before tugging on his shift sleeve.

"C'mon Harry,"Amanda forcefully tugged Harry's hand away from his face as she took a hold of his chin in her freehand and held his face up. She wiped his tears away and looked into his eyes that were just so hollow.

"I've never seen you cry,"said Amanda softly as she mopped his up his tears, her thumb slowly drifted over his cheek wiping away an escaped tear came down. He was like a child and reminded her so much of Aiden at that moment. Harry sat there wishing he was numb so he couldn't feelt the silkiness of her hand or the warmth. Silence hung heavy the air as they sat together on the couch trying unsuccessfully to avoid each other's eyes.

Amanda broke the gaze as she crumbled up the tissue that was soaked with Harry's tears and set it on the coffee table. Slowly Harry sighed and pulled himself together as he sat up, red eyed from the tears.

"So uh, do you have the papers for me to sign?"asked Harry. Amanda looked at him questioningly.

"The divorce papers,"said Harry in a coarse voice. Amanda bit her lip and looked away, she hadn't given Marty the go ahead to file the divorce papers and at that moment divorce papers were the last thing on her mind, she didn't want to discuss it right now, not with Harry in the state he was in.

"I haven't filed yet,"said Amanda.

"Oh okay,"said Harry as he went back to staring at her. Amanda stood up and shrugged off her jacket.

"I'm going to get a glass of water,"said Amanda as she carried her jacket to the kitchen. Harry watched as she set her jacket on one of the dinning room table chairs then walked into the kitchen. He could hear her getting a glass out then to the fridge, he knew she wasn't going to find anything in there, he could barely go to school never mind anywhere else. Just as he heard the fridge closing darkness flooded the apartment.

"What happened?"asked Amanda from the kitchen. Harry got up from the couch and walked to the patio doors to look out, the building across from them was completely dark, the whole block was.

"The power went out,"said Harry. He could hear her in the kitchen uncorking a bottle of wine, he knew which one it was, a bottle from a secluded vineyard they stayed at in France. He could remember how the vineyard's owner's young teenage son adored Amanda, following her around and being at her beck and call. They left the vineyard with countless bottles of wine all given as gifts to Amanda.

After she left him Harry had drained almost every bottle of alcohol trying to fill the lonely void she left behind. But that bottle of wine just sat in the fridge, after emptying bottles of brandy and vodak like water the wine just didn't seem enough.

A few minutes later he could see from the light streaming in from the window Amanda walking back into the living room. He watched as she sat down on the couch and set an armful stuff on the coffee table. Slowly she started lighting candles that she set down then reached over for her purse that she had set down on the couch when she first arrived. In the dim candle light Harry could see her lighting up a cigarette before she picked up her glass of wine and took a drink.

"I don't think we ever bought any flashlights,"said Amanda as she blew the smoke from her cigarette. Harry watched as she took an empty wine glass she brought in with her and filled it from the same bottle of wine she had filled her's from.

"C'mon Harry, stop looking like a such a lost little child,"said Amanda as she held the glass up to him, offering it. Slowly Harry walked over and took the glass from her before sitting down next to her. He watched as she sat there smoking and drink in the darkness. She reminded him of that eighteen year old girl he first met, always having a air of mystery and rebellion to her. But she wasn't eighteen anymore, she was his wife, his soon to be ex-wife and the mother of his child. Amanda looked around for a make shift ashtray, she found a stray coffee mug sitting on the coffee table. Amanda set the mug in front of her and flicked the ashes from her cigarette into the mug.

"I miss you,"said Harry softly. Amanda looked away from him as she nursed her glass of wine, it was easier to hide her pain and tears in the dark.

"I wish you'd come home too,"said Harry.

"I wish I could too,"mumured Amanda before taking a drink of her wine.

"You could ya know,"said Harry softly. Amanda shook her head as she took a drag from her cigarette.

"So have you talked to Ronnie?"asked Amanda knowing it was an awkward question. Harry took a much needed drink of his wine almost taking half the glass in one go.

"No,"said Harry softly.

"Honestly?"asked Amanda.

"Yeah, why?"asked Harry.

"Mmm, nothing,"said Amanda shaking her head to dismiss the idea,"Just thinking about something that someone said."

"How is Aiden?"

"He's fine,"said Amanda,"He's uh, he's asked about you."

"What do you say?"asked Harry.

"That Daddy can be with him right now,"said Amanda,"He's two, he's pretty easy to distract." Harry nodded, he wished he could explain to his son why he wasn't there and that he did love him, but Amanda was right he was two and he wouldn't understand.

Slowly they talked about Aiden, and what they had done over the week. With the talking went the bottle of wine, Harry watched as Amanda slumped on the pillows slightly with a loopy grin on her face, she was such an easy drunk. In the candlelight she looked like an absolute goddess to Harry and when she smiled, she just lit up the room. Harry was feeling the affects of the wine, not as much as Amanda was but his head was slightly swimming none the less.

"I think I should go,"said Amanda sitting up. Running her hand through her head she stared at the candles through glassy eyes. Tilting her head she looked over at Harry with an awkward smile. Harry shook his head slightly, he didn't want her to go, even if all she did was sit there in silence. Gripping the sides of the couch Amanda kept her balance as she stood up.

"No, don't,"said Harry getting up, he grabbed on to Amanda's shirt sleeve as he moved over to the couch she was previously sitting on. Amanda looked down at him before she sat back down again looking at him with a questioning gaze.



"Because why?"pushed Amanda.

"I love you,"said Harry. Amanda just stared at Harry wishing the alcohol would choose this moment to take over and make her do something but all she could do was stare at him. It wasn't a shock to her, she knew he loved her, she never doubted that. Closing her eyes she tried to pin point what Harry had taken from her, she knew he had hurt her, there was no doubt to her about that, the pain she was going through was the proof of that. As her mind streamed on to endless thoughts of Harry she felt a pair of lips pressed against her's. She opened her eyes slightly to see Harry kissing her, closing her eyes again she felt her body relax as Harry's hand cupped her cheek. Slowly she found herself respond to the kiss even though a small voice inside of her cried for her to pull away.

'Good idea, why not just drag him down the hall and let him fuck you on the bed he screwed Ronnie on' Amanda could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she thought back to that night she walked in on them, 'Marty's right, you can't do this without thinking of her or what they did.' Harry pulled away from the kiss to see the tears streaming down Amanda's cheeks. Softly he ran his thumbs over her cheeks to brush them away leaving her with red glazed eyes.

"I am sorry,"said Harry as if he were reading her mind. Amanda reached up and took his hand from her cheek and held it in her's as she brought it down to her lap as she stared down at it. She placed her other hand on top of Harry's as she leaned back against the cushion and stared at him with a half smile. As she went to speak the shrill ringing of the phone interupted her. She sat up as the ring broke the silence once more. Immediately she leaned over Harry who wasn't moving, just sitting in disbelief. She picked up the small black cord phone she kept on the far end table.

"Hello." Harry looked down at her body that was leaned over his lap so casually.

"Amanda." Amanda immediately recognized Kyle's voice as she picked up the base of the phone and got off of Harry pulling the phone cord with her.

"Yeah, hey how are you?"asked Amanda.

"Fine, why are you there?"asked Kyle confused at why she'd be at Harry's.

"I uh, well I don't know now,"said Amanda as she briefly glanced over at Harry who was looking at her waiting for her to either hand over the phone or tell him who it was.

"Are you two alone?"asked Kyle.

"Yeah,"said Amanda,"The power went out." She was unintentionally keeping her answers vague, not letting Harry even get a clue as to who was on the phone.

"Amanda what are you doing?"asked Kyle,"Do you not remember what he did?"

"Don't,"said Amanda quietly.

"Don't what? Don't point out to you that you are making a big mistake?"stressed Kyle,"What are you going to do? Sleep with him and then what? You come home to Aiden and cry some more?"

"No,"sighed Amanda.

"Who's on the phone?"asked Harry.

"Uh yeah, ya know I'm busy right now can I call you back later?"Amanda asked Kyle.

"Leave there,"said Kyle.

"Bye,"said Amanda before she hung up the phone. Amanda set the phone on the coffee table and looked back at Harry.

"Who was on the phone?'asked Harry.

"Uh, it was Christian,"lied Amanda refering back to her agent in Paris. Amanda leaned over and rested her head on Harry's chest as Harry wrapped his arms around her holding her close to him.

"What if we went back to Paris?"asked Harry softly. Amanda just sat there silently, she had considered it before but going back to Paris wasn't going to solve anything, it wasn't a simple situation like that.

"Just a different scenery,"said Amanda shaking her head.

"Then what are we going to do?"asked Harry. Amanda sighed as she pulled back and looked at Harry, what were they going to do? She had no idea what to do because everything just seemed to lead to heartbreak.

"We have to keep it together,"said Amanda,"I can't do this do Aiden." A fresh batch of tears started falling from her eyes.

"I can't put him through what I went through,"said Amanda. Harry pulled her into a hug and held her close, the realization of how this was was completely affecting her on so many levels finally hit him. Not only was she suffering a failed marriage but she was sitting at a point where she was putting her son into a situation through the pain and agnony that she had gone through with her own family.

"I'm not going to walk away from you,"sobbed Amanda between tears. Harry smoothed her hair down as he kissed her forehead. He held her tightly as he tried to soothe her crying down. Amanda just closed her eyes and allowed the tears to fall.