The Emperor Hotohori's New Groove!
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yugi or The Emperor's New Groove. When I hurtle the universe into chaos, I might just come to possess ownership of them, but other than that...
Author's Notes: I have a bunch of "production sketches" from my original plan for this story, and I will try to post them online somewhere very soon. In the meantime, just use your imagination! About 90% of the dialogue and other stuff is taken straight from The Emperor's New Groove. Mostly, I just replaced the characters in TENG with characters from Fushigi Yugi.
Chapter One: Opening, or "And So The Insanity Begins"
Long ago, somewhere deep in the land of Konan...
In a dark, shadowy glade there sat a moose. The moose shivered despondently, soaked to the bone from the freezing cold rain that was pouring over him from the skies above. This, however, is no ordinary moose. No, he was once an Emperor. The Emperor of Konan, to be exact.
Emperor Hotohori, the young, foxy, and mighty Emperor of Konan, is now a moose. Well, not exactly a moose. He has the upper body of a human, but where his legs should be there is the bottom part of a moose. To top it all off, he has two (heavy) moose antlers protruding from his head. He is sorta like a centaur...well, kinda, but he's really more of a moosetaur of something like that.
"Why did this happen to me?!" he wailed, bursting into tears. "I used to be so beautiful, and now I'm a circus freak!"
Now, I'll bet you're wondering how something like this happened. Well, fear not, for you shall find out. Let's go back a little!
(Scene changes to Hotohori as a baby, clutching a teddy bear protectively.)
AWWW!!! IT'S CHIBI HOTOHORI!! Ahem. Not THAT far back you dolts!! (the sound of someone being hit in the back of the head is heard) I mean back to the day that he became a moose!!
THE EMPEROR (HOTOHORI)'S NEW GROOVE!!!
Ah, here we see Hotohori in his full glory. He became the Emperor of Konan at a young age, smack dab in the middle of his teenaged years. So, he did what any teenager suddenly in command of a country would do...he went crazy!
There are despots and dictators, and political manipulators. There are blue bloods with the intellect of fleas!
Hotohori primps himself, and then makes his way out of his room, on a red carpet being freshly sprinkled with rose petals by a young, female servant.
There are kings and there are tyrants who are so lacking in refinements they are better seen swinging from the trees!
Now, he reaches the end of the red carpet and clears his throat. A bunch of male servants come and bow before him. He steps on their backs and makes his way over to his golden throne, which is picked up by another male servant.
But he was born and raised to rule, no one has ever been as cool in a thousand years of aristocracy! An enigma and a mystery in Konan's infinite history, the essence of refinement, that is he!
He lounges in his thrown as servants rush around frantically with stacks of paper, doing his work for him.
Okay, see that guy? That's the real Hotohori. Not the moose. The human, not the moose. Person: animal. Winner: loser! He was lazy, laid back and lethargic. In a word: spoiled.
"You bet I am!!" Hotohori exclaimed. "Watch this!" he snapped his fingers. "Oh chef!!"
Suddenly, Mitsukake burst into the room, pushing a huge cart of food nearly five times bigger than him.
"Y-yes your Majesty?"
Hotohori took a small cookie off of the top.
"That will be all."
Mitsukake rushed out of the room.
"Butler!" Hotohori called, clapping his hands together.
In rushed Miboshi.
"Yes your majesty?" the monk asked.
"Clean up these cookie crumbs. Oh, and does my hair look all right?" Hotohori asked.
"Well," Miboshi unwisely replied, "It's off a little to the left, and-"
Miboshi became unable to finish his sentence, due to the fact that Hotohori had just drop-kicked him out of the palace. He was never seen or heard from again.
Hotohori cleared his throat, and clapped his hands again. "Theme song guys!"
Out of a cake, Amiboshi and Suboshi suddenly appeared. Amiboshi was playing his flute, and for some inexplicable reason and entire orchestra accompanied. Suboshi held up a microphone, and began to sing:
Oh yeah!! He's the sovereign lord of the nation! He's the hippest cat in creation! He's the alpha, the omega A to Z!
Hotohori snapped his fingers again, and ten young female servants appeared, each with a bowl of grapes, and began feeding the grapes to him.
And this perfect world will spin around his every little whim, because this perfect world begins and ends with-
"Me!" Hotohori exclaimed, and jumped up, suddenly feeling energetic. He burst through a set of golden double doors, dancing like there was no tomorrow.
What's his name?
That's his name!
He's the king of the world!
Is he hip or what?
The music suddenly screeched to a halt as Hotohori moonwalked straight into Chichiri. Amiboshi, Suboshi and the servants watched anxiously as Hotohori jumped up, fire flashing in his eyes.
"You've THROWN OFF MY GROOVE!!!"
"I'm really sorry, you know?" Chichiri apologized.
"THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THROWING OFF MY GROOVE!!" Hotohori screeched. A guard walked up to Chichiri and picked him up.
"I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove," the guard said.
"GOMEN NASAI NO DA!!" Chichiri yelled as he sailed out of the palace.
"You were saying?" growled a disgruntled Hotohori.
Amiboshi cleared his throat, and began singing again:
What's his name?
Hotohori suddenly danced into an auditorium and behind the curtain.
The curtain rose to reveal twenty of Hotohori's guards, all tap-dancing. Hotohori danced onto the stage, in tune with the guards (gasp!).
he hip or what?
Don't you know that he's the king of the world!
As the music wound down, Hotohori danced off of the stage and through a crowd of people, who instantly bowed to him.
Oh yeah!! He's...
As the music ended, Hotohori made a dramatic entrance by kicking in another set of golden double doors and exclaiming
Oh, now don't get me wrong, here. It wasn't always like this for Emperor Hotohori. No, no, he was soon going to find that out for himself, when all of his dreams turned into nightmares...