The Real Harry Potter

Disclaimer: Hey guys, dis is an original idea, you gotta look at it wit a sense of humour. For all you die hard fans with a sense of humour you'll luv it.

Prologue -


"Hi. My names Zach and this is my documentry on the famous Harry Potter. You see, I used to go to Hogwarts but did anybody notice me? Nooooooooo. So I decided to let you people know what the real Harry Potter was like.

I'll also be telling ya the truth about most of his so-called friends and I'll even let you in to a few previously unknown Hogwarts secrets.


Chapter One -

"Alright, where should I begin? Lets try da beginning." **Holds two fingers to ear, as if recieving a message from headquarters**

"I'm recieving a message from headquarters, I've just been told, we can have an interview with the old guy himself...Dumbledore. And off we go, follow me down the corridor, dont get lost."

Dumbloredore: "Huh-whos there?"

"I've schedualed an appointment with your secretary. My names Zach."

D: What secretary?!

Z: I have a few questions for you. Is it true that you've met Harry Potter? And if so, how was he?

D: What is your first question? Sorry my boy, hearing getting bad at old age.

Z: Thats because your beard is stuck in there.

We dont seem to be getting anywhere with Dumbledore, so I better go back to my old common room in the Slytherin tower. I think it's now safe to tell you the Slytherin's password, cupcake.

As we enter, I must ask you to be quiet, Snape needs his beauty sleep, he really needs it. Now come on crew, we'll tiptoe up to the boys dormitory, where the most evil of boys sleep. P.S Draco snores.

We're creeping up now **Thump**. Ohh no you fat photographer, you tripped over one of Dracos powerpuff dolls.

We hear Snape, girlishly scream from his room.

"Who interuppted my beauty sleep?!" He squeeled. There was Snape at the base of the stairs. His face covered in coconut balm and cucumber slices falling off his eyes.

At that moment, something stirred at the top of the stairs.

"My powerpuff doll!" Draco screamed.
"Bubbles, are you okay?!"

Draco crept down the stairs, picked up his doll, gave it a big hug and threw it at me.

"Fly Bubbles, get him!!"

I stood there puzzled as Bubbles landed at my feet. I starred at it, one eyebrow raised. In the corner of my eye, I saw Draco turn.

"Don't worry Bubbles, I'll get the others," Draco says as he runs away.

Snape: I'd just like to say, that no-one else in my house runs like a girl and sleeps with a broomstick behind his legs.

Just as we thought it couldn't get any weirder, Draco is back at the top of the stairs, with the two remaining powerpuff dolls.

"Shush Blossom," he whispers to himself.
"Wait til your in battle to say rude things. Fly my preciouses,"

With a big throw, he hurls Buttercup and Blossom through the air for about a metre where they start bouncing until they reach our feet.

"We have you surrounded!" Draco yells angrily.

I look at my toes, to see Buttercup and Blossom lying on the floor.
I step backwards and heard a squeak.

"Bbbbbbuuuuuubbbbbbbbbbbblllllllllleeeeeeeeessssssssss!!!!!!!!" Draco yells as he falls to the floor. "My one true love."

This is getting just a little bit to weird, even for a senior such as myself I say as Snape runs past me ups the stairs to comfort Draco.

"I'm telling my daddy on you," Draco snarls as we leave the room.

Keeping our heads down, as not to make eye contact with any other freaks in here, we run out of the common room.

As we leave the common room and enter the main entrance I try to reframe from laughing as I pull out a parchment with the names of our future interviews. I tick off three names...Dumbledore, Draco and Snape.


A/N: Please remember that this is all just for fun. If you liked it please review I'd love to hear from you, if you didn't enjoy it don't. It just makes me feel bad! Many more funny interviews to come, and more secrets to be told. Picutre links coming soon.