I'm in a very depressed mood! I turned 20 today (13/11) *cries* I'm so ooooold!!!!!!

Anywayz, hope ya'll enjoy this. Bye.

Hodgkin's disease. I never even heard of such a thing before. I wanted to go to a library and look it but it wasn't the right time. Me and Soda were sitting in the waiting room interrogating the doctor. Soda was going wild. I'd never seen him like that before.

"You don't know him" he kept saying to the doctor, "he's health and fit. He takes care of himself"

"Mr. Curtis, calm down" the doctor said. He later told us his name was David Mathews.  

It only made Soda madder when he said that.

But he kept his mouth shut.

"So what is it, how did he get it?" I asked trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Well the truth is, we don't know" he sat back in the seat, "we don't know the causes and we don't know why he in particular got it. We do know that it's not cause by injury and it's not contagious."

I didn't know whether he said that last part to make us feel better knowing we won't get it from Darry but that was not at all what I was worried about.

I guess up until then I sort of thought that Darry was invincible. Like Superman.

"Can we go see him?" Soda said

"He's in a deep sleep at the moment. We'll be starting the chemo as soon as he's ready"

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Dr Mathews said he'd let us see Darry after an hour, so me and Soda sat around doing nothing until Soda said "get me something to drink will ya?"

I shrugged and took the elevator to the basement where the snack bar was. I decided to get some fries to go as well so I sat on the stool waiting to be served.

"Ponyboy?"

I looked up. It was Cathy. I'd forgotten that she worked there. The last thing in the world I wanted was to socialise, to be asked questions.

"What are you doing here?" she said

I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want anyone to know about Darry. Two-Bit and Steve didn't even know yet.

"I'm just here with my brother, just doing some tests, you know the drill"

She smiled and said "yeah so what can I get you?"

I made my order and waited a while. The place was pretty empty. Maybe sick people's families are too upset for food. I felt a bit guilty.

Cathy put me the drinks and the fries in a paper bag on the counter.

I took the bag and went to leave "bye" I said

"Ponyboy, wait" she said

I stopped and turned. She looked really sad all of a sudden. I thought maybe she broke up with Bryon or something. I didn't really care anymore. There were more important things in my life.

"I know this is a strange question, but have you by any chance seen M&M lately?"

I didn't expect her to ask that.

"No why?" I said

"He's gone missing" she said trying not to cry

"Oh I'm sorry" I said but I knew I didn't sound sorry at all.

"If you see him just let me know ok. You've got my number"

"Sure" I said and hurried to the elevator.

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When I came up to the waiting room, I found Soda asleep on the seat. I wasn't really sleepy so I put the food and drinks in the seat next to Soda and snuck into Darry's room. I didn't like to go against the rules but this was different. I needed to see for myself if he was alright.

He was lying on the bed in a deep sleep just like the doctor. I went in and closed the door behind me. I sat on the bed and took his hand. It was cold and dry. He looked different. I noticed that his face was thinner and paler than ever before. He looked so weak unlike the strong, fit Darry I knew.

Before I knew it, the tears had started coming down my face. I couldn't help it.

"Darry, I know you cant hear me. I just wanted you to know that I," I couldn't find the right words, "that I cant live without you. So please don't leave me"

I was sobbing out loud now. It was hard to keep it in. why did this stuff always happen to me? mom, dad, Johnny, Dally and now Darry. Just when we started getting along great too.

God please help him please. God, if you help him, I'll never argue or fight with him again!

Then the door opened. I wiped the tears from my face before turning to see who it was.

"You must be Darrel's younger brother" whispered the nurse when she came in. I eyed her up and down suspiciously. She was very pretty with dark eyes and hair. She looked around 20 years old.

She smiled.

"Don't worry. I won't tell on you"

"Thanks" I said.

I was going to leave but I had to ask her. "How is he?" I said.

"He's doing great," she gave me a big smile, "He just fell asleep an hour ago. He told me to tell ya'll not to worry and that Ponyboy has to go to school" she smiled again.

That was typical of Darry. No matter what happened to him, he'd always be thinking of me and Soda.

"He's going to be alright" the nurse said again, "I've seen cases like this before. They always get through"

I smiled at her. I needed to hear that.