DISCLAIMER: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine. It's Kazuki Takahashi's. Leave me alone.

Notes: Kiwi here. I'm reuploading this for Logo because it got reported and her computer's completely dead so she can't do it herself. I think I have up to chapter 6 or 7 on my computer, from there they might've been lost... so if they are lost, please don't get mad, it's not Logo's fault (or mine, for that matter) it's her computer's, and I don't think she's likely to retype any of it.

By Laura G

Even the quietest of people can get pissed. I watched, amazed, as Ryou typed 'fuck you' into the IM window. I'd never seen him look so angry before. Angry Ryou is disturbing. And sexy. Ooh, yes, sexiness is stunning.

"She'd probably like that," I commented. He is completely unsurprised by my comment - after all, we've known each other for... a few years, probably. I lose track of time, I mean, I'm over five thousand years old! I think. We didn't have that sort of calendar back then. If we had it'd be kind of fascinating. I mean, if it was 3000 BC, talk about psychic. Predicting the birth of Jesus Christ that much earlier? Speaking of Jesus Christ, who exactly was he, anyway? Some kind of early rock star or something? He sure was famous.

Ryou wouldn't respond, but I noticed that his friend's status had switched to 'blocked'. Ryou's never blocked anyone before. This is an interesting event. And I need alcohol. Ah, screw it, I'll just wait and find out what's going on. Ryou is acting way out of character. What the fuck's going through that guy's head?

"Bitch," Ryou growled. Yeeup, he's still acting weird.

"The hell's wrong with you?" I demanded. I know I sounded pretty harsh, harsher than I meant to be. I thought for a moment that I'd scare him, but he whirled around to face me. I'd never seen him look so furious. He looked so much like me then! Not the usual effeminate face I was used to seeing.

"Do you really want to know?" he snapped. I was going to answer, but he continued anyway, still absolutely furious. He's in a ranting mood. That's not too good. "Remember that host I got for my website? She's an evil bitch, and I want nothing to do with her. That's what. I'm gonna have to move back to Tripod now, I'm not putting up with her!"

What? Oh yes, I remember. Just before Christmas (again with the Christ stuff? Is it pronounced 'kraist' or 'krist'? People can't make up their minds!), Ryou got a new host for his website. Yes, you heard me, Hikari here has his own website. He draws and puts his pictures on there. He draws 'furry', which results in a lot of people mocking him. He doesn't care about mockery. Not that I'm surprised, the people who do the mocking are complete and total fucktards. Have you seen their sense of logic? Even I, the psychotic sadistic future-ruler-of-the-world, am able to see sense... to a certain degree. These people deserve to be mutilated and have decorative jewellery carved out of their spines. Anyway, back to his web host. Person. Thing.

"What's she done?" I want to know. I know my eye's twitching. When my eye twitches it vibrates the rest of my head, and I can hear a weird noise. Sorta like 'rrrrrrrrrr'. Maybe I should lay off the caffeine. My eye always twitches like mad after too much caffeine. Wait, did I have any last night? No, I think I stole Ryou's dad's beer instead... weird...

"Well... she asked me out, remember?" I nodded. My eye was twitching even more. I can't see properly. Damn.

"You refused. Didn't you?"

"Of course I did! Why the hell would I go out with someone I'd just met? And internet relationships nearly always come out bad! I know this one person on a forum, he thought he had a wonderful girlfriend for ages and ages! Guess what? She turned out to be a guy!" He typed out a web address and went to another site. Hmm, LiveJournal. It's some kind of diary thing. Except not so secret. And he gets to know what's going on in the lives of others. Isn't it fascinating? Note my sarcasm.

"Absolutely wonderful," I comment. Yes. More sarcasm. I think it's quite definitely the greatest thing in all creation. Apart from Ryou. Nothing can be greater than Ryou. If anyone tells him I said so, that person will ALSO be added to my collection of human bone jewellery. A necklace made out of toe bones would be nice. I could give it to Marik for his birthday. Marik could also go on my list of greatest things in all creation. That boy is fucking hot! I don't know why I like Ryou more, maybe it's because he's so weak. Shame he's not gay. Unfortunately for yours truly, Marik's taken. I'd kill his boyfriend if he wouldn't kill me first. It's not fair, I'M supposed to be the psychopath!

"I'm assuming there's a point somewhere."

"Well, I found out she's been going around hitting on loads of artist guys, and she's still insisting on chasing me around on the net, like some kind of deranged cyber-mongrel. She's whining that she loves me."

Hmm... stalker girl. This is new.

My eye is still twitching. Oh yes, I already want to kill. Besides the fact I like to see blood (Ryou swears I must be a new species of vampire), she's stalking what is MINE! And he doesn't WANT to be stalked! Isn't stalking illegal anyway? Capital punishment, yay.

I must have spaced out or something. Ryou's looking at me with a weird expression on his (adorable) face.

"How did you find out?" I asked. Not that I'm interested, just insanely bored. Insanely bored is a fantastic term.

"She was hitting on Yugi," was Ryou's response. I'm stood there thinking that the girl must be an absolute lunatic. One, Yugi's taken (he's with the Pharaoh, there's a surprise - am I the only yami who's not in a relationship with their aibou?). Two, he's openly gay. Three, he's a short-ass git who looks half his age. If it was Yami she was hitting on I could understand - as much as I hate to admit it, the Pharaoh's actually quite sexy - but YUGI?! And Ryou thinks I need MY head examined. "I have to go meet him in a few minutes," Ryou added. Oh yes, he was supposed to be going out with Yugi, Yami, Joey and... people. Damn, I suck with names. Oh yeah, Tristan and Tea. What kind of name is Tea? It's a drink, not a name! I think her parents must have wanted a boy.

"What're you doing then?" I wonder. I always had to ask this. They usually did completely random stuff. Last time they went on a six mile walk in the countryside. It was minus five degrees out there. Ryou got sick. I got an excuse to snuggle, but I don't like to see my hikari get sick.

"We're going on a magical mystical quest to find a place that sells paninis," Ryou replied. Ah, yes, the almighty paninis. I have never tried one. Ryou assures me they're the greatest kind of food in the universe, but he can never find a place that sells them. I was put off by the way he first described them as Italian toasted sandwiches. Joey's description, 'like pizza only better', was a lot more appealing.

"Well, have fun," I said, shrugging. I sounded like I didn't care. I know it. I don't care if I sounded like I didn't care because if I did care that I sounded like I didn't care I would apologise and Ryou would probably think I was ill because I cared about not caring. Hang on, would I get snuggled if he thought I was ill? Hey, just a thought!

"I'm not going yet," Ryou sighed. He looked at his Friends page on LJ. Naturally, I read over his shoulder. Yugi's rambling on about sex. Lucky bastard. I want sex.

Yugi's not as innocent as he makes out he is. Do you realise that it's usually him that's dominant? I think it's a shame he doesn't go into more detail. I'd have fun reading that. Plus, I could tease Yami.

Hey, that entry was made two minutes ago!

Ah, stalker girl is on Ryou's friends list. She posted... a conversation with her mother. And she's going on about how she's always getting abandoned by those she thought were her friends. And that her world's 'going up the crapper' as she says. Hmmm... I was under the impression that she was the one who was acting like an obsessive madma... uh, woman. You do not hurt my Ryou, emotionally or physically. Those who do shall suffer painfully. I will shove a turnip down your neck and make you choke.

Turnips have a fascinating shape. I mentioned Ryou's a furry artist, yeah? One of his characters has a turnip fetish. You should see some of the RPs. There was one incident where the turnip was the guy's girlfriend, and someone ate it. I thought my mind was twisted. Ryou's is just downright weird.

Ryou posts a response. He told her what her crimes are. I see a flame-war waiting to happen. Ryou's LiveJournal escapades are more fun than anything on the television. You shoulda seen the time he said he was interested in someone who was NOT stalker-girl, and that he thought stalker-girl was nice and friendly and all but not potential girlfriend material. Stalker-girl was not happy. Neither was Mai, who had been dragged into the whole thing because stalker-girl thought she 'knew something'. Stalker-girl was under the impression that Ryou showed her no affection and wanted Mai to tell her why. Stalker-girl's weird. Ryou's been really nice to her (then again, Ryou's nice to everyone). Much more than she deserves. My eye twitches furiously. This is annoying. Isn't there some kind of anti-eye-twitch drug?

"I'm going now," Ryou informs me, grabbing his coat. "Don't break the computer." I'l be honest - my first encounter with the computer had less-than-desirable results. I don't think Ryou can afford another new one. Thankfully, I understand it (somewhat) now.

Ryou opens the front door. It's cold out there! "Seeya," he calls, and leaves. Typically, I don't reply. I don't even grunt.

I'm FINALLY able to sit down. Normally I'd spend about five minutes entertaining myself spinning in the chair. It's a childish and undignified habit. You do NOT tell Ryou about it.

Today, however, I have better ideas. Stalker-girl needs to be taught a lesson. Now, this ought to be fun. I don't know how I'm going to do it though.

Something Ryou said earlier comes to my mind. It's unfortunate that nobody's around to see my evil smirk. I laugh... well, actually it's more of a chuckle. There's no point in making my laugh maniacal when there's no one around to hear.

Except for Lucky, who has just jumped onto my lap. He's lucky he's a cat. I like cats. Since I'm Egyptian, that's hardly a surprise. I stroke Lucky.

"Stalker-girl is gonna pay!" I snicker. This is going to be fun!

I copy and paste stalker-girl's IM address (Ryou uses MSN, what fun), then sign out and go into my own account. Ryou set it up. I hardly ever use it. I just use his. Everyone notices it's me really easily. I can't type to save my life.

I add stalker-girl to my contacts list. A window pops up.

"Hi, who are you?"

I think. I try to think of a name that could easily be male or female. I struggle, then decide to go with a net alias. Yami something. Yami... Bakura? No, no, no! She'd instantly make the connection! Yami Hikari. That'd be okay, I guess. Sure, Hikari's a girl's name, but Yami balances it out. No, wait, I'll call myself Hikari Yami. That way it'd sound more male. That's what I'm trying to go for here. Do you get where I'm going with this?

"Hkari Yammi" I type. I told you I couldn't type. This was going to be amusing.

I decided to speak with Ryou through our mind link.

//"Hey, Ryou..."//

/"Yami? What do you want?"/

//"I'm having... FUN with your computer."//

/"Please tell me you're not having cybersex."/

//"What? Of course I'm not. This is much more fun than that."//

/"I'm only slightly less worried."/

//"Oh trust me, you'll love me when you get back."//

I cut off the link. He will love me. Maybe not in the sense that I really want him to, but hey, I'm sticking up for him here! Even if I AM only doing it for the amusement factor.

Stalker-girl will wish she'd never heard of Ryou Bakura.