How do I live.

By Miss P.

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Summary: *SONG-FIC* Thomas have just died, Miss Parker is devastated. How is she going to survive without him?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the pretender characters in this story. And I'm not getting paid for writing it.

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Four days have passed. Four days of loneliness and sorrow. Days with nothing else than tears and grieving. Outside it was dark, and the moon shone bright. Miss Parker slunk out through the door to the porch. The air was warm on her cold skin. This was the first time since Thomas had died that Miss Parker had been outside. She hadn't even left her bed. She was tired, she hadn't been able to sleep, all she had done was crying. She was surprised she had any tears left. She closed the door behind her. She looked down at the floor, tears filled her eyes as she thought of the day she had found Thomas. She leaned her back against the wall and the tears started to fall. She felt her legs getting weaker. Slowly she slid down the wall, to a sitting position. Everything was silent. The only sound that could be heard was the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees. Miss Parker closed her eyes. Memories of Tommy came flashing through her mind. She opened her eyes and looked up at the stars. She sobbed softly. Four days had passed, but for Miss Parker it felt like years. Every minute felt like an eternity. She was so lonely, Thomas had been the only one in her life that cared about her. And now he was gone. Dead, murdered by the Centre. Miss Parker wrapped her arms around her knees. She wanted to die. A life without Tommy was no life at all. She didn't know how to survive without him.

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How do I get through one night without you

If I had to live without you

What kind of life would that be

Oh I, I need you in my arms

Need you to hold me

You're my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave

Baby, you would take away everything good in my life

And tell me how

How do I live without you

I want to know

How do I breathe without you

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive

How do I

How do I

Oh, how do I live

*

They could have been happy together, could have been a family. But now everything was shattered, Thomas had been the only light in her life. The one who gave her a reason to come home at night. Reason to go on with her life. But now it didn't matter. That reason had died with Tommy. Miss Parker wanted to just close her eyes and disappear. To a place there she couldn't feel the pain. She hadn't thought she could miss someone as much as she missed Tommy. She felt so deserted, so lonely. She didn't know how much longer she could take it. Sydney had told her it would feel better with time. But how could it? The only thing that could make the suffering go away was Tommy himself. But how much she prayed, he would never come back. Miss Parker watched the stars above. She remembered the nights she and Tommy used to do that together. Even the coldest nights, felt warm in his company. She missed the feeling of warmness and affection. She missed it so much that it was tearing her apart inside. She didn't understand why her heart was still beating, why she was still breathing. It wasn't right. She shouldn't, not without Tommy.

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Without you, there would be no sun in my sky

There would be no love in my life

There would be no world left for me

And I. baby, I don't know what I would do

I'd be lost if I lost you

If you ever leave

Baby, you would take away everything real in my life

And tell me now

How do I live without you

I want to know

How do I breath without you

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive

How do I

How do I

Oh, how do I live

*

Gloomy clouds started to take form on the sky, slowly they covered the moon. Making the world completely dark. Raindrops started to fall and the warm wind became chilly, Miss Parker shivered. She was only wearing a thin silk pajama. The roof over the porch didn't keep the rain away since it was raining from the front. Miss Parker didn't care. Nothing mattered to her anymore. She was just sitting there, letting the now hard rain fall over her. Very soon her clothes were covered in water. Now she would do anything to feel Thomas loving arms around her, she wanted to press her body against his to keep warm. She eyed the place he'd been lying. A loud sob escaped her throat, she reached out to touch the floor. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she was crying loudly. Her whole body was trembling, both with sorrow and cold.

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If you ever leave

Baby, you would take away everything

Need you with me

Baby, cause you know that you're everything good in my life

And tell me now

How do I live without you

I want to know

How do I breathe without you

If you ever go

Ho do I ever, ever survive

How do I

How do I

Oh, how do I live

Without you.

*

Miss Parker awoke in her bed. She looked around, confused. The room was dark except a burning candle. She noticed she had new, dry clothes on. Suddenly her bedroom door opened and a person walked inside. Miss Parker couldn't see who it was through the dim light.

"Tommy?" She asked with a small ray of hope in her voice. Maybe everything had just been a bad dream.

It took a while before the person answered.

"No, Honey.it's just me, Lyle."

Miss Parker didn't say anything. How could she have been so stupid. Of course it wasn't Tommy. He was gone. She tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Even though she knew Thomas was dead. She felt so disappointed that it was only her brother. The tears rolled down her cheeks and she sobbed softly. She tried to hide it, which only made it worse.

Lyle walked up to the bed and sat down on the edge. "It's okay.it's okay to cry.." He said softly.

"I miss him so much." Miss Parker said in tears.

"I know.." Lyle put his arm around his sisters trembling body and pulled her close to him. First Miss Parker didn't do anything. It felt strange, She had always thought Lyle didn't give a damn about her. But she had been wrong. Maybe he had been the one who cared most of all. Now she knew he had only pretended to hate her. Since Thomas death he had started to show his real personality. Miss Parker slowly wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face against his shoulder and wept loudly. After a while her crying had turned into soft sobs.

"Lyle, what happened?" Miss Parker asked weakly.

"I don't really know. I got this strange feeling that you needed me. I had to check it out. And I found you lying at the porch, you must have passed out." Lyle explained.

"It was so cold."

"Yeah, you're lucky I found you in time."

Miss Parker shook her head. " What if I didn't want to be found.I could have made the pain go away.I could have." Miss Parker's voice trailed off. She sniveled quietly.

Lyle sighed sadly. "Suicide doesn't help, Parker." He said sympathetically.

"Yes it does. I can't live without him. I feel so lonely.." Miss Parker sobbed.

"I know it's hard, but you are not alone, You have me, Sydney.. and I think even Broots loves you, he's just a coward who is afraid to let you know." Lyle said.

Miss Parker smiled sadly. "Thank you Lyle." She whispered.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep? You must be exhausted."

Miss Parker shook her head. "No, I can't." She whispered.

"Parker, you can't stay awake forever. I'll stay with you. I promise, I'll be here when you wake up." Lyle said kindly.

Miss Parker nodded. Slowly she laid down, Lyle tucked her in. "Comfy?" He asked.

"Yeah.." Miss Parker whispered. "You promise you'll stay? " She asked.

Lyle nodded. He took Miss Parker's cold hand in his and held it. Miss Parker slowly drifted into sleep. Lyle didn't move. He was afraid to wake her up. She needed all the sleep she could get, he watched her, her face was red with weeping and her eyes red-rimmed. He felt so sorry for her. First she had to deal with the death of her mother, and now Thomas. It wasn't fair. Lyle decided, that from now on, he would make sure no one would ever hurt her again. She deserved some happiness. And he would make sure she got that. He had no idea how, but somehow, It would work.

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The End.