CREDITS AND BLOOPERS

The reason why I have Calamity Coyote and Little Beeper as Mexicans is because in the episode "Piece of Mind", written by Jim Reardon, at the beginning of Calamity's flashback, the mailbox in front of his lair reads "Los Coyotes". Since Little Beeper was born in that area as well, he also qualifies for Mexican citizenship.


"My dear Tex, you just can't grasp the whole principle of it all, can you?" She rubbed his paws with both of her hands, making him grind his teeth softly and nearly making him melt. "We rich people have power which is not to be denied. We are above the rest. We are smarter, stronger, better fed, better protected, and better informed than the rest. The J had every single one of those qualities, except the 'richer' part, but with the rest, he had everything in him to make it BIG in the business world! But no, he had to become a goody-two shoes who wouldn't give or take bribes, or wouldn't twist the rules for his benefit! Have you any idea how much wealth both of us together could have made by NOW?" By now, she was crushing his paws and making him lower his ears and grind his teeth loudly, so with a quick yank he pulled himself free, with deformed knuckles, unfortunately. The Caucasian returned to the article, "That stupid black panther just HAD to choose the wrong side…"

Shaking his paws back to normal, the lagomorph replied, "That hurt like (CENSORED), you know."

"CUT!" And Dakota laughed her heart out, as Tex kept shaking his pained paws.


The "couple" looked up and saw another toon pad in from the hole in the wall. It was a male, but the species was not very well defined. He wore a red shirt under a yellow vest, and blue shorts. His fur was cream coloured, with black points on his ear tips, muzzle, paws, foot-paws, and tail, like a Siamese cat. His ears were large, but triangular. Rodent teeth hung from his upper jaw, and carnivore fangs hung right alongside them. His muzzle was too short to be rodent, and too long to be feline. His black tail had thin translucent fur, allowing the hide to show through a trifle.

"Nolan?" asked Dakota.

(TRIP!)

(THUD!)

"The one and only," he replied, with his light British accent, on the ground.

"CUT!"

Everyone laughed, naturally. "Bloody (CENSORED)! My dramatic intro, and I had to bloody blow it!"


"All right, Furrycoat," she said with a very distinct romantic tone returning, "If you have no problem with it anymore, then I won't either—" Two heads moved in for the previously scheduled ki—

(The phone doesn't ring, and the two stay still just once centimetre from each other. After a minute, Mary starts laughing.)

"CUT! Who forgot to cue the phone?"


Keeping in mind Calamity's laboratory, she jumped and reached outside the frame. With a quick yank, she pulled down the scenery over her boyfriend's lair—

(SCRAPE)

And the scenery was stuck again half-way.

"Cut…not again…"


It was definitely Elmyra's voice, but three more toons dropped out from nowhere, interrupting her. One fell right next to Mary—

(THUD!)

•or on her, actually.

"CUT!"

"Ow," they both said.


The Tiny Toons characters were created by Tom Ruegger, Glen Kennedy, Dave Marshall, Ken Boyer, and Rich Arons, I think.

Minerva Mink was created by Sherry Stoner, I think.

Wile E. Coyote was created by Charles Mendelson "Chuck" Jones.

The name "Ethelbert" was assigned to Wile E. Coyote by the writers of "Beep Beep, The Road-Runner".

Wile E. Coyote's mother was created by the writers of "Beep Beep, The Road-Runner".

O'Mike The Leprechaun was created by Michael Maltese and Charles Mendelson "Chuck" Jones.

All characters are © Warner Brothers/Amblin Entertainment (and used without permission, but it's doubtful that they mind) EXCEPT FOR:

Nolan Carrotte and Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, who are © Jennifer Cleckley. Used with permission.

Mister Freeman, who is © Himself. Used with permission.

D-Boy Whitewulf, Kendo Gekishuu, and Ryoko Gekishuu, who are © Daniel Wheeler. Used with permission.

The M is © The J.A.M./Jennifer Cleckley.

Dakota Dee, Tex Bunny, Barbara Ann "Anni" Bunny, Rebecca "Bekki" Bunny, The Fourteen, The J, the Fire Dove design, The Evening News, The Eagle, The Chihuahua, The Pheasant, The Iguana, The Pumamaid, The Ratmaid, The Oppossummaid, The Raccoonmaid, The Guard Dog, The Clerks, and The Policemen, who are © The J.A.M.

and The J.A.M. and Cygmon, who are also © The J.A.M.

I'll say that The T-M.A.N., The R.R.O.S.I.E., The R.I.C.K., The J.U.L.E., The R.R.O.S.I.E. TWO, The Z.A.M., The H.O.K.E.Y., The C.A.T.M.A.N., and The J.J., are also © The J.A.M., because my family simply isn't into furry RPG, he he.

The prologue and epilogues were co-written with Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty.


She needed explanations now, and the only one who could answer them was the one who caused all this mess. She jumped and pulled down the scenery—

—and stayed hanging there.

"CUT!"

"Um, a little help here?"


Right on cue, Furrball dashed past them, with a white stripe painted on his back, AGAIN. And right behind him, doing the traditional skunk-skip, was Fifi LaFume. Again, Mary had trouble digesting what she saw and smelled, as both females stepped/rolled back from the scent trail the skunkmaid left behind—

—but not fast enough. They stared at Fifi for a few moments, and promptly fell on their backs, out cold.

"CUT!"

"Pardonez-moi," giggled the memphitid.


"Bleep it, no!" shrieked Mary, but not at Shirley's question. She jumped and pulled down the scenery of Acme Forest—

—but she pulled too hard, and ripped the bottom bar off the scenery.

"CUT!"

"Like, calm down, Mary, er sum junk!"

(take 2)

"Bleep it, no!" shrieked Mary, but not at Shirley's question. She jumped and pulled down the scenery of Acme Forest—

—and pulled too hard again, bringing down the whole scenery crashing down.

"CUT! A little less panicky, please?"

She just stuck her tongue out at him.


Quickly rolling in front of the dove in submission, on his back, paws up, and ears low, the canine replied, "I think a rock rolled down my jacket."

"CUT!"


Props by Acme Co.

Bicycle furnished by Montero.

Mary Melody's wardrobe furnished by Oscar de la Renta.

The J.A.M.'s wardrobe furnished by Yazbek and Casio.

Dakota Dee's wardrobe furnished by Pierre Cardin.

D-Boy Whitewulf's wardrobe furnished by Levi's.

Mister Freeman's wardrobe furnished by Wrangler.

Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty's wardrobe furnished by Hanes Casual Wear (it's the polo shirt, you gutter-minded readers!) and Bobbie Brooks.

Looney Toon consultant: Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman


Her attention returned to the screen when the computer asked for a name and password. Here goes nothing, she thought, typing the name and password she knew, praying that they had not been deleted from the syst—

"Um, guys, the computer crashed."

"CUT!"


Slowly, the latrans stood, padded toward the dark window, paws behind him, and spoke softly, "When Calamity presented to me the theory and a rather crude design, deep in my mind I knew that with the right modifications, and a huge power source, the transporter could double as a time machine. I never mentioned that to him because I knew he would stumble onto that possibility all by himself as he continued to work on his machine. I felt somewhat relieved when he told me that he had shelved the project, and right now someone's stealing Bugs' car from the parking lot."

"CUT!"


Looking up, he was right above her, his index claw reaching for the top of her t-shirt. The panther was also licking his lips and fangs in a tremendously disturbing manner—

Mary started laughing again, halting his movement.

"CUT!"

"Sorry, J.A.M., but you look so funny licking your lips like that!"

He just frowned, and spoke in perfect English, "Um, can we hurry this scene along? I hate being drawn like this."


The panther chuckled again, tilting back on his chair, and spitting to the side—

(THUD!)

The chair fell back, taking him with it.

"Ouch…cut…" he said, while Mary giggled uncontrollably.


Original casting by Steven Spielberg.

Additional casting by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty and The J.A.M.

Voice direction by Andrea Romano.

Mary Melody is Cree Summer Franks

Dakota Dee is also Cree Summer Franks

Tex Bunny is John Kassir

Anni Bunny is Francesca Marie Smith

Nolan Carrotte is Daniel Radcliffe

Bekki Bunny is Nancy Cartwright

Wile E. Coyote is Noel Blanc

Calamity Coyote is Himself

Little Sneezer is Kath Soucie

Lightning Rodriguez is Luke Ruegger

Sweetie Bird is Candi Milo

Shirley The Loon is Gail Matthius

The Dove is James Earl Jones

D-Boy Whitewulf is Daniel Wheeler

The pheasant is Lou Diamond Phillips

The spider monkey is Erik Estrada

The iguana is Emilio Estévez

The ocelot/J.J. is Ricky Martin

The brown eagle is Ricardo Montalbán

The Chihuahua is Andrés Bustamante

The pumamaid is Anabel Ferreira

The ratmaid is María Alicia Delgado

The raccoonmaid is Ludwika Paleta

The opossummaid is Rita Moreno

The guard dog is Rubén Aguirre Fuentes

Little Beeper is Himself

The Snake is Eugenio Derbéz

Clerk 1 is Mario Bezares

Clerk 2 is Horacio Gómez Bolaños

The R.I.C.K. is The N.I.M.H.

The J.A.M. (cub) is also The N.I.M.H.

The T-M.A.N. is Himself

The R.R.O.S.I.E. is Herself

Mrs. Coyote is Phylicia Rashad

Buster Junior Bunny is Charles Adler

and

The J.A.M. is Himself


"Joor boyfrend ees a looser," hissed the feline, lowering his ears and throwing the pictures in her face. The humanmaid staggered back at this—

"OW!"

—because a picture poked her eye.

"OOPS! CUT! Mary, you okay?"

She plucked out the photo from her eye, and rubbed her eye, "Ouch, you have a trick wrist there!"


Slowly, The J.A.M. stood, put down his cigarette, lowered his ears, swished his tail, and glared back, making her roll away slightly in fright. "Negrita, dere ees no such teeng as lobb." He pointed at his missing eye, "I lerrnedd dat when I was forr. My beeg brodder tott eet was fonny to pool my eye out. Joo teenk he onlee wanted to geeb me a scar?" He sat down again, and she calmed down a trifle. "I gabe heem what he deserrbed. And de fonnee teeng ees—(in perfect English) that you're blocking my view of the teleprompter, Mary."

"Oops."

He shook his head. "Cut…"


"¡Nos secuestraron!" shrieked the opossummaid.

"¡Tiene una joven humana en su oficina!" squeaked the ratmaid.

"¡Nos iba a y comer!" yowled the pumamaid.

"¡Él está allá!" chattered the raccoonmaid, pointing in the direction of the "office". "¡Apúrate¡Creo que se la va a echar primero!"

The Spanish lessons he had before were now brought into use; hence, the wolf blushed when the pumamaid cursed. Still, he spoke with a heavy English accent, "…um, what was my next line?"

"CUT!"


The canine was suspicious for a moment, but he took his walkie-talkie and asked, "¿No se ha ido todavía Lightning Rodríguez?"

The three waited, and waited, and waited some more. The canine smiled and repeated, "¿No se ha ido todavía Lightning Rodríguez?"

"Oh, cut already. Someone tell Lightning to turn on his walkie-talkie, bleep it…"


He ground his incisors some more, overwhelmed at her request, "Joo—joo'rre askeeng a lot, Mery. I help a lot of toons heerr. Eef joo change everyteeng back, oll of dees weel be gonn. And what's left—"

"Cut, sorry, Lightning."

"¿Qué? But what was rrong with dat?"

"·Um—" the jaguar blushed, "I forgot to grab the gum so I could spit it out." Lightning squealed, brandished an enormous mallet, (WARP!) and dashed off after the jaguar, who warped away just in time.

Mary sighed, "Males…"


Special appearances by Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman and Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty.

Additional special appearances by Enrique "El Perro" Bermúdez De La Serna and Raúl Orbañanos: the soccer commentators.

The line "These are words of wisdom: Let it be" was originally conceived and written by Sir John Lennon and Sir Paul McCartney.

The term and concept of "aniplasm" was originally created by Abel DuSable, I think.

The Toon Animal Heritage Ritual was conceived and created by Andy Fox.

The "Back To The Future" movies are © Amblin Entertainment.

"Men In Black" is © Columbia-Tri-Star Pictures.

The line "They left me all alone! Where did everybody go?" was originally conceived and written by Dave DeTiege, in the Looney Toon short "Mother Was A Rooster", directed by Robert McKimson, and it's © 1962 Warner Brothers.

The giant eyedropper/drink shaker procedure in helping a toon out of the meltdown take was suggested by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty.


Slowly, the carnivore brought them down on her shoulder blades, and slowly pressed so that the tips went through her shirt.

The omnivore was to the point of hyperpanic when she felt eight needles press on her skin—

"Yikes!" she yelped, jumping back. "Furrycoat, your claws are cold!"

He grumbled, "Cut……"


At the sound of the 'klong', it will NOT be lunchtime, she thought, gritting her teeth.

Little Beeper zoomed up and suddenly halted next to Calamity with a "toing".

"NOW!"

(UNWARPOUNC—WHAM!)

Mary was on the sand, and The J.A.M. was flat against the cave wall. Groggily, he peeled his face off the stone, and mumbled, "Cut…Panterita, a bit higher next time, okay?" (THUD!) Panterita just laughed.


Firearms were rarely used in the Looniversity, but now more madness was thrust in her face (UNWARPCRACKWARP!) quite literally, as another snake dropped dead, his surprised face inches from her—

(BONK!)

"Ow!" they both said.

"CUT!"

Mary rubbed her head, and the snake rubbed his head as well. "Perdón," he smiled.


He glanced down at his shirt and pulled out his chains again. "Ah, oll of deese are famoss peepoll." He held them out one by one. "Darrween—Karrl Marrx—Engells—Staleen—Lenneen—Heetlerr—Robbesspierr—Napoleón—Mussolini—General Tojo—Marrshall Tito—Saddam Hussein—Anton LaVey—Osama Bin Laden—Idi Amin—Mao Tsedong—Fidel Castro—El 'Che' Guevara—————and what's the name of this idiot?" Mary laughed her heart out again. "I know, I know, cut."


He took another drag and tilted his head as he searched his memory for a summary of his exploits, smiling and chuckling occasionally as he did so, and counting off on his paw digits—and Mary started laughing at him again.

"Cut," he grumbled.


Bleep it, why won't he accept this? "To you, yes, I suppose I am. True love can do that to you. You go crazy because the one you monster has been turned into—no, wait, I got that wrong. You go crazy—"

"CUT!"


"…Please, stop this…" Her whisper seemed to penetrate his brain, like a light in a dark cave. "…Let's go back to Calamity's. They must have finished the time machine by now. And if it works, none of this will have ever happened! No one will remember this…!" And she was weeping, driving her point straight to his putrid soul. "…For once in your life, just let this go! He can't hurt you anymore, and he won't hurt you anymore! He won't remember this. No one will—!—except—"

—except that he was wincing, bending his head and raising his shoulder. He chuckled, "Um, cut. Not so close, Panterita. You're tickling my ear."

She fumed at that, and poked his side.

"EEP!"


Music directed by Steve Bernstein and John Van Tongren.

"Since I Met You" is © 1998 Achtober Songs / Out of Twisted Roots Music / Blind Theif Publishing / Fun Attic Music (from the album "Supernatural", © 1998 Forefront Records / Virgin Records America, Inc.). Words and Music by Toby McKeehan, Michael Tait, Kevin Max and Mark Heimermann. Performed by Cree Summer Franks, Candi Milo, Kath Soucie, Luke Ruegger, and The J.A.M. Concert and duet interpretation by The J.A.M. Used without permission.


"I—I will—and—J.A.M.—" she put her hand on his shoulder, "You didn't do anything to deserve losing your eye, or to grow up without someone caring for you. Yes, you did terrible wrongs because of it, and you may not feel sorry for any of that, but that will change now. And—and—from all you told me, it's obvious to me now what you always searched for, and wanted, and never got. So even if this timeline is destroyed and no one remembers it, like me with the rest of this line you wrote—"

"CUT!"


"You all are in grave danger just by being close to him! That jaguar has tortured, killed, and eaten hundreds of toons like yourselves! He has stolen countless amounts of money, he has laundered millions of dollars of drugs and smuggled goods, he has caused rebellions and insurrections, he is a mafia pin—I mean 'kingpin', he is a drug lo—"

"CUT!"

"J.A.M., can we get another wolf for this?"

"Don't tempt me."


Seeing her eyes widening, he continued, "Don't worry, they're both nekkid toons, otherwise they wouldn't do this with an audience." That brought some relief from the humanmaid—

"Um, can we stop for a minute? My zipper's stuck."

"CUT!"


(by D-Boy)

"I can defeet joo—" growled the jaguar.

"You're welcome to try—" replied the wolf.

"Forr de highest carnívoro—"

"We fight under the sky—"

"Onteel one of oss dies—"

(D-Boy hesitates, obviously forgetting his line, so he improvises:)

"Prepare for trouble—"

(The J.A.M. continues without missing a beat) "Make eet a dobble—"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite oll people weeitheen our nashon!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extennd our reach to de stars abobb!"

"D-Boy!"

"J.A.M.!"

"Team Furry blasts off at the speed of light!"

"Sorrender now or prepare to fite!"

(Furrball appears out of nowhere) "Meowth! Dat's right!"

Everyone laughs until The J.A.M. says, "Okay, cut, that's enough fun for today."


The lupus then realised that the onça's own instincts were being called forth as he felt sharp teeth clamp on his head—

"PTOOEY! D-Boy, your head has dandruff! CUT!"

"Oops, sorry, I'll go shower right now."

(take 2)

The lupus then realised that the onça's own instincts were being called forth as he felt sharp teeth clamp on his head—

"PTOEEY! Now your head tastes like Pantene®™! Cut!"

"I just can't win here…"


No copyright infringement is intended or implied. I did all this for the fun of it.

All of the characters, places, and events portrayed in this fanfic are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is unintentional and purely coincidental, except in cases of severe self-insertion, I suppose, but even then the similarities are controlled, he he.

Can you guess who the two-tone toon that Mary is referring to is?


This was Mary's chance. The moment that the villain turned and walked away to find a hiding spot, she pulled down the scenery and found herself right next to the lethal branch. Without letting go of the scenery, she dropped her branch, picked up the lethal branch, and—

—got the scenery stuck again.

"Sorry."

"CUT!"


Oops. Embarrassed, she released him, remembering that in this particular time they hadn't met yet. "Um, sorry, Prof—um—Mister Coyote. I realise that you don't know me—um, yet—but I'm sure that this will explain everything." She handed him the note, and he raised an eyebrow when he saw that it went like this:

2 gallons of milk

2 loaves of bread

4 rolls of—

"Eep! That's my shopping list!"

"CUT!"

"Humans…"


"Well, now, child, since you're all rested up, it's time to get cleaned up before breakfast, and then Wile can send you home."

Mary then noticed something, "Say, where is Prof—"

"CUT!"

"What was wrong with that?"

"Not you, Mary, Mrs. Coyote!"

"Huh? What did I do wrong?"

"It's dinner, not breakfast."

"It's (CENSORED) for all I care!" she smirked, making everyone blush.


The cast and crew prepare the next scene. The camera pans down on Mary, on the couch, wearing a long blue bathrobe. She looks at the camera, and smiles seductively.

"Hey, fanboys, it's my first shower scene! Four years of comedy school, and I get to do a shower scene! If you thought my bikini scene with Furrball was cute, just wait till you get a load of this! So eat your heart out, Babs!"

"Mary, we're ready," said The J.A.M., padding by, wearing his standard attire.

She smiles again, stands, and walks to the bathroom set. There, she stands in front of the camera (which blocks her from YOUR view, mwha ha ha ha!) and drops the robe. A stagehand picks it up and takes it away. Instantly, wolf calls fill the set.

"YEAH!"

"WHOO, BABY!"

"FIFI'S GOT NOTHING ON YOU!"

"Quiet on the set!" orders the jaguar.

"I LOVE THIS JOB!"

"GO HUMAN TOONS!"

"I LOVE YOU, BABE!"

"QUIET ON THE SET!" roared the onça again, hushing everyone. Standing next to the camera, he continued, "Lights! Roll camera!"

"Rolling."

"Speed," said the sound operator.

The slate person walked in and said, "Mary's Quest: Only A Scar, Chapter 11, scene 4, take 1." (CLACK)

Mary stopped smiling, put on a worried expression, and waited for the narration.

The feline ordered, "Action!"

Mary closed her eyes, leaned her hands on the wall tiles, and let the water soak her hair and splash her face…

Did I succeed? Did I save J.A.M.? Did I defeat that girl? Will the time machine work again? Will any of this happen again? Will—

"You all right in there, hun?"

Mary nearly slipped on the tiles by the sudden knock and q—

(THUD!)

"CUT!"

The camera pans to the floor, where Mary is sitting unceremoniously—

•and wearing a strapless dark brown bikini (nyah nyah nyah!)

"Ouch," she said, rubbing her gluteus maximus. "Can we get some non-slip pads here, please! I promise we'll take them out when we're done, really!"

"Sigh, from the top, people…"


SPECIAL THANKS

To Century 22.

To Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman, Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, and Daniel "D-Boy" Wheeler, for letting me use their characters.

To The Bible In Basic English.

To Power Bible CD.

To the late Francisco Gabilondo Soler "Cri-Crí". Though I never did like his music, one excerpt served quite nicely here.

To El Heraldo De México.

To Roberto Gómez Bolaños "Chespirito", also for a bit of his material.

To the Instituto Nacional de Estadística, Geografía, E Informática, and The T-M.A.N., for helping me find the actual location of Tepito.


To female saw his amber eyes widen and his ears lower with surprise, as if he were a puppy getting his Christmas present. The elder male padded all around it, trying to digest what was before him. "I—WHOA" he stuttered, tripping on something, making everyone laugh. "I built this?"

"CUT!"

"Excuse me."


Acme Acres!

That meant that behind her was Acme Forest!

So, she turned, and RAN—

(WHAM!)

—straight into a tree.

"CUT! You okay, Mary?"

She peeled herself off, pointed at the trunk, and mumbled, "Heh, a tree…"


That still didn't make sense to him. "Ooookayyy—um, you know, I was about to start thinking the same thing about you when you just vanmmmmmMMMMMFFFFF—!—FFFfmmmmmmmmmm…" He really didn't understand what was happening with her right now, but after a while, he decided to raise his ears, just go with the flow, and let her explain later. "PrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr…" Golly, how she had missed that. She ran her hand on his chest over his t-shirt and—

—suddenly hugged him tighter and leaned him back. The jaguar tried to mumble something, but his mouth was locked. Frantically, he waved his hands about, and then made a cutting motion with his paw digits.

"I zeenk 'e wants to cut," smiled Fifi, leaning into the frame.


"Stalin?"

"A paranoid dictator just as bad as Hitler."

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm—who came next?"

"Mumblemumblemumblecutmumblegrumble—"

"That's right. Even in the most severe judgment, there is always mercy available. Anyways, when I sensed everything changing, I immediately shifted dimensions in order to witness the changes without being changed myself." The lupus then lowered his bruised head, and his ears as well. "Your quest is over, but mine has barely begun. You see, the actions of the evil jaguar caused me to forget the rest of this freakingly long line and—"

"CUT!"


EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS

To Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, for co-writing the prologue and epilogues (tons of fun!), and for coming up with The M.

To Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman once again, for editing this story and providing reference information, and for letting me put him in here.


(by Rottin Kid)

Bekki could stand it no longer. She grabbed the hybrid by his damp shirt, and kissed him hard. Nolan's eyes widened in shock, then closed in a slow blink. He slowly embraced her, and then she, too relinquished her grip on his shirt and gently held his head—one hand slipping down his chest to—

"GLMPH!" Nolan exclaimed, jumping, and breaking the kiss, Bekki grinning impishly at him.

"CUT!"

Bekki smiled at the camera, "Like my mom (CENSORED) says, I just can't (CENSORED) help myself." Nolan just did a full-body blush, considering where Bekki's hand was.

(take 2, also by Rottin Kid)

Bekki could stand it no longer. She grabbed the hybrid by his damp shirt, and kissed him hard. Nolan's eyes widened in shock, and then closed in a slow blink. His tail held still, and his fur lowered. He slowly embraced her, and then the leporid, too relinquished her grip on his shirt and gently held his head. Her ears slowly rose and turned to him. The felid-murid's heart was beating fast, and when Bekki broke the kiss—

(She didn't)

Instead, the kiss went on…and on...and on...Then they fell out of frame.

"CUT!"

Anni shouted, "Hey, you guys, GET A ROOM!'


He lowered his head, covered his face with one paw, and ground his teeth very loudly, meaning that it was not out of pleasure.

Once again, he was left all alone.

The dust on the floor parted in circles as his tears fell.

"Oh, (CENSORED)—I mean—Dee!"

"CUT!"

"I hope Bekki isn't rubbing off on me, geez…"


The carnivore looked away a trifle. "It's something like that, but much deeper. Wolves, lions, and other species do the Alpha Male Rank battle to keep everything in order, and only within their own packs. With them, challenges are rare, and short-lived. If the Alpha is a true leader, no one will dare challenge him without the risk of getting seriously hurt, or even banished from the pack. But ACR challenges are even more rare. In a given region, the Alpha Carnivore is generally in that position by de facto. One rises to that rank by merit, wisdom, and leadership, not just strength or good fighting skills. Since the Alpha Carnivore is the accepted leader over all carnivore species, he or she is also extremely respected by all species, and few will question his or her authority. Generally, an Alpha Carnivore succession happens when the Alpha is about to die, and he or she assigns a new Alpha to that position, again, based on wisdom and leadership. If the Alpha dies suddenly, a new Alpha rises to that position almost like a piece to a puzzle. Every carnivore simply knows that the Alpha is the Alpha, and no self-respecting carnivore will question that. Since they are so well respected—and feared—and I can't believe this lunacy I have in giving such ridiculously long lines that not even I can remember! Cut already!"

"Wow," reeled the omnivore. "That explains a lot." And everyone laughed.


Just in case you're wondering, the various ways of saying "To Be Continued" are written in English, Spanish, and Portuguese, respectively.

Also, the chapter titles were being counted in Náhuatl (Aztec). The word for "1" (and the suffix for "6" and "11") is actually "zen", but is pronounced "zeh". The spelling was altered to reflect the true pronunciation.


(still another by Rottin Kid)

A wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, falls over her. It doesn't harm her, but it effectively traps the irate humanmaid.

(THUD!)

And sure enough, a wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, fell over her. It didn't harm her, but it effectively trapped the irate humanmaid—

—or would have. Instead, the box misses, completely.

"CUT!"

Rottin looked up, "Okay. Whoever's aiming the box is BLIND!"

(take 2, by, you guessed it, Rottin Kid)

A wooden crate, tall and large enough to contain Mary, falls over her. It doesn't harm her, but it effectively traps the irate humanmaid.

(TACKLE!)

(THUD!)

Rottin tackled Mary out of the way, both narrowly being beaned by said box.

"CUT!"

Mary said, "Either they're blind, or we've got some psycho up there." And eerie rabbit giggles were heard from above.


(Yikes! One more by Rottin Kid!)

Naturally, the Author freaked out, and bristled completely, backing away, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Call her off, J.A.M.! Call her off! Uhhh—you wouldn't hit anyone with glasses, would you? Dang, I knew opening a dimensional porthole in the closet was a bad ide—"

(WHAM!)

Her last statement was cut off due to Mary whacking her back into the closet—

—but missed, and Rottin was whacked into the wall.

"CUT! Let's try that again"

Rottin mewled, "Do we REALLY have to do another take?" (sliiiide—ker-thuddle)

The jaguar noticed his girlfriend smiling, "Um, Hun, are you sure you aren't deliberately missing?"


END TAG:

Mary Melody comes out of the TTA rings and proclaims, "Nigra sum, sed formosa."

Until next time, remember:

I AM THE J.A.M.

Good evening.

(WARP!)