Vignette: R. Dorothy



You wish for me to guide my own destiny.

I did not think you would understand, Roger.  I am what I am, but I do not know precisely what that is; I have a heart though not one of flesh, unlike a true robot, but my heart does not change, like yours seems to.  I feel emotions but I do not show them as passionately as you do, and I cannot alter the course of those emotions as you have.

You do not understand what it means for me to be capable of lying.  To breach the wall between truth and falsehood is a thing strictly relegated to humans, and I have done so, if only briefly.  It is odd, lying.  I am not meant to speak untruths, Roger; I am an android and should not be able to lie.  I did, even though I do not care for her, and I kept her message for you. 

I believe I love you, Roger.  I have considered this fact several times, and I wondered if it is a natural part of human emotion and empathy.  Loving you is not the romantic tale of crossing stars and passion that I have seen played out between you and Angel.  I am still learning how to be human, and yet I do not understand how you can want her. 

I have not heard you scream her name when she is danger; I have not seen you try to cajole her into agreeing with you; I have not seen small twitches of relief or affection on your face when you argue with her, or help her.  Why am I to be given these small pieces when you do not believe you love me?

You have always returned to me, and I have always returned to you.  I am not an android and I am not you, Roger: I am what I am, and you are the one who is uncertain.

Your heart is uncertain, Roger.