Title: Jacks and Silers and MALPs, Oh My!

Author: Karen T

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is still very much not mine. *sigh*

Classification: Humor

Spoilers: None

Archive: Please ask first.

Feedback: Would be adored! Please send to poohmusings@yahoo.com.

Notes: During a chat, nanda innocently requested for someone to write Jack/Siler slash. I heartily agreed, and then popped out this. Heh. Somehow, I don't think this is quite what nanda had in mind ... But a big 'thank you!' to Jojo for the beta, Dia for the title, and nanda, Michelle, Jojo, and Dia for assuring me that I wasn't laughing by myself. (Oh, but if someone out there does write a serious Jack/Siler slash fic, I will gladly gobble it up. *g*)

He was already lying on his back with his knees bent, legs parted, and feet firmly planted on the ground when Jack entered the room.

Jack took a second to take in the scene -- it wasn't exactly what he'd expected to see -- before shrugging and drawing closer to the man sprawled on the concrete floor. If nothing else, Jack O'Neill was always game for new experiences.

"Looks like you could use another pair of hands there, Siler," he greeted, looking down at the sergeant with a big smile.


Sam flipped over two pages on her clipboard and scribbled down a quick note before hurrying towards the MALP room. She had made plans to help Siler conduct the monthly maintenance repairs on the MALPs that afternoon, but a sudden system meltdown in the base's mainframe had scuttled her plans. She only hoped that sending Colonel O'Neill in her place hadn't driven Siler too insane.

When she was approximately five yards away from the MALP room, a sudden burst of raised voices made her stop and wince. One voice -- low, irritated -- was definitely the colonel's, and the other -- a bit higher, frustrated and pleading -- was definitely Siler's. Oh, please, she murmured to herself, don't have let either of them say something they'll regret later.

Inching closer and closer to the door that was partially ajar, the loud voices began to form coherent sentences.

"Dammit, Sergeant, just shove it in there!"

Sam's eyebrows shot upwards and she clutched her clipboard to her chest.

"I--" A loud grunt. "You have to--" A wheeze. "Be careful, sir!"

"Do I have to show you how it's done?!"

"Sir, if you'll just--"

"Ow! Watch the leg! I'm not made of clay, you know."

Sam clapped a hand over her mouth in order to suppress her laughter. She knew what they were doing, but if some non-suspecting passerby happened upon the room ...

An unabashed grin spread across her face. Oh, wait until she told Daniel about this! They still enjoyed teasing the colonel over how he'd taken a swing at Daniel when he'd grown "primitive" after being infected by that alien virus.

And speak of the devil, there he was, headed towards her with a file folder in hand.

"Hey, Sam, General Hammond wants me--"

She shushed Daniel with a wave of a hand, and motioned for him to come join her side.

What's going on? he mouthed.

She gestured toward the door with her head, and they both leaned in just in time to hear:

"Jesus, Siler, my mother moves faster than you do! You won't get the amount of friction you want unless you force it in!"

Daniel grew bug-eyed as he clamped his lips together and turned an unnatural shade of red.

"If I ... move too quickly, sir, I ... could hurt you!"

"Well, do something because I can't keep my knees bent like this forever!"

Sam grabbed onto Daniel's arm and shoved her face into his shoulder to smother her giggles. She felt like she was going to explode.

"Major Carter? Doctor Jackson?"

At the mention of her name, Sam sprang to full attention and turned to face General Hammond, who was peering at her and Daniel in bemusement. "Is everything all right here?" he asked, studying their flushed faces.

"Just fine," Daniel managed to chirp.

"And have you informed Colonel O'Neill that I'm moving SG-1's briefing to 1700 hours?"

"Not yet, sir. I was just about to."

"Okay." Hammond turned to leave only to pivot back around. "Son," he began, placing a fatherly hand on Daniel's left shoulder, "are you feeling all right? You're a bit ... red."

Sam had to use everything within her power to stop from snickering as Daniel nodded and assured the general that he was fine, and that perhaps he'd merely gotten too much sun over the weekend.

When they were left back to their own devices, Daniel and Sam glanced at each other and immediately erupted once more in laughter, this time not bothering to restrain themselves.

"Hey, I thought I heard you guys out here. What's up?"

A peek at the MALP room door showed Jack standing in the (now) open doorway, his hands on his hips and an amused smile on his lips. "What's so funny?"

Sam shot Daniel a look before attempting to straighten out her smile. "Nothing, sir. We were just ... Daniel just told me a really funny joke."

"Really?" He eyed Daniel incredulously as the archeologist waggled his eyebrows. "Daniel? I probably wouldn't get it, huh?"

"Probably not, sir." Looking over the colonel's shoulder, Sam saw Siler, with a large wrench in hand, peering at something near the MALP's camera. "Hey, Siler."

The sergeant looked up and waved before returning his attention back to the MALP.

"I've been helping Siler," Jack stated, beaming like a proud little boy. "I've been a lot of help."

"I'm sure you have," Daniel mumbled lasciviously under his breath, which almost set Sam off again.

"General Hammond's moved our briefing up to 1700 hours, sir," she managed to say in a small, strangled voice.

"Okay," Jack replied slowly, eyeing both of his team members. "You gonna help me and Siler until then?"

"Well, I was, but ..." She hesitated, contemplating whether or not she should say what was on the tip of her tongue, before relenting. "I don't want to crimp your style. Sir."

The chortle that erupted from Daniel pushed Jack over the edge. "All right, what the hell is going on with you two?"

"Nothing, nothing," Daniel gasped between gulps for air. "Really."

"Yes, it's nothing," Sam echoed, her eyes large and seemingly innocent. "Daniel's just learning how ... to be as smooth of a talker as you are, sir."

Daniel turned a brighter shade of red as a series of snickers built up within him.

Frustrated, Jack threw up his arms and marched back into the MALP room. "Oh, for the love of ..."

Winking good-bye to Daniel, Sam trailed after her CO, all the while mulling over how much fun their upcoming mission would be after she'd informed Teal'c of what had transpired in the MALP room that afternoon.

-the end-