Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.
Summary: Have you ever heard 'Why can't you be like him/her?' Well Goten feels the same when his mother nags him to be like his brother. Don't you ever reply 'I am me?'
Accept who I am
"Goten, I can't believe this test score! I am so disappointed."
"Why can't you be more like Gohan?"
And that's how it started. Now I lay alone on a beach thinking of the day. She just had to say those words… hi I am Son Goten and I am crushed. I mean, come on…I try too. So what if I am not like Gohan, I like being me. I just wish for once mother wouldn't compare Gohan and I. Cant she just let me be me? Can't she accept the fact that I am not my brother? Sure, don't get me wrong, my big brother is awesome, and its cool and all that he is smart, but I am just not he in any way.
I bet my mom idolizes Gohan. Every time when someone brings him up in subject, kassan always says how good and smart he is. I am not like that. Gohan grew up with too much shit, with being kidnapped at four, and losing dad, fighting the Saiyan's at like seven, and losing his sensei, fighting Frieza, and losing a good friend and dad again, fighting Cell, and losing dad and his love for father, then fighting Buu, and losing everyone he loved and him dieing. See, he grew up more different then me.
I grew up with only Buu. That was the only enemy I had to go through. But he went through so much intense stuff, so he is use to it. Me on the other hand, I am not use to the whole school thing. I have not been home schooled of any of my life. I was stuck at a public school after the whole Buu ordeal, and I have done nothing but poorly on everything except P.E.
Then after my little talk with kassan she brought up a new person. Oh how I despised those venomous words she spoke.
"Oh Goten, Trunks got a 100 percent on his science test, but you got a 50? How could you?"
"Mother, I try really hard, trust me!"
"Goten, why can't you study like Trunks? He trains and studies."
"B-but kassan I…"
"No Goten, you said you tried but I don't believe it. You have so much potential and you never use it! If you spent more time on studying then training, then you might get a decent grade!"
"Gomen, I'll try harder."
I tried hard on the next test; I even skipped a week of training. Trunks got 100, and I got a 50. I talk to Gohan and he says give mom time. Gohan said he would help me, but I already tried tutoring. I tried it secretly at school to surprise kassan, but when I told her, she ranted on about it. I don't know what to do…
Why can't I be accepted in this world for who I am? I am not a normal person, and I know that. I am half alien for crying out loud! Why cant kassan accepts the fact I am me and that's all I'll ever be.
Why cant she see that I am not Gohan, or on top of that Trunks. Just because Gohan and I share blood and were brothers, doesn't mean we are the same. After fourteen years she can't see that. Why is it that she isn't the only one to look at me with disappointment? Yamcha, Krillin, Bulma, Tien, Marron, dad, you name it…they hate me for being dumb. The only people who don't humiliate me are Gohan, Videl, and my little niece Pan.
Then, the worse thing happened. Mother and I got in a fight. I felt heart broken inside. My own mother degraded me with her own words. Words that made me shatter inside. It felt worse then Buu's punches…or dad sparring with me. Dad was out and Gohan and his family moved a while ago to a different part of the forest. Then it happened… the argument of no return…
"Goten, that's it! You will be home schooled until you show improvement!"
"Iie Goten! No matter what I am taking you out of that school. I knew I couldn't trust you bring in a public school! Your getting worse everyday…"
"Worse? Are you calling me stupid kassan? I can't believe you! If I am stupid, then you aren't a good mother! I can't handle all the things in life! It hurts mother! Too deep for me to express or even think! Every damn day you degrade me by giving me pessimistic advice! Your words are malicious to me and I can't accept it any longer! Good bye kassan, sorry for being such a disgrace!"
After that, I flew off. I don't know where, but I had tears in my eyes and they were flowing freely. They cascaded and made it impossible for me to see. I decided to suppress my Ki because I knew kassan would call someone instantly. I couldn't see anything, so I slowly fell towards the unknown.
I felt I rush of cold-water slam against my back. I was under water. I opened my eyes and found my self in the ocean. Isn't that a surprise? Well anyways, I explored the deep sea a little and found myself out of air. Now, I had a choice between living and dieing.
If I lived, then I would just be discouraged for being a failure and let down everyone once again. I would live my life as I did before, and it would be a while until someone found me. I doubt I could get far without bring noticed.
On the other hand if I died, I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. But would I really want to die of suicide? Could I take that risk…that sacrifice? If I didn't live, then kassan will know how much pain I went through. But if I do die, then the three people that cared for me wouldn't live it out. I would cause pain and grief to Gohan, Videl, and little Pan.
I don't know, I think I will choose number two. Time ran out and I let all my breath out. The taste of salt filled my mouth…making me gag and choke. So this is it, this is how I choose to die. The image of the world falters and I get weak. Memories of the fourteen years I lived flash before my eyes…
All of a sudden, I feel a grasp of two strong hands grabbing me into the air. Then I had another decision. I couldn't make out who saved me, all I know is they were still there. Now my eyes were closed, and I was on the balance of life or death situation. I could either fight the pain and unconsciousness or let go and be alone with no worries.
I felt my self being sat down on a couch, and hearing a little girl crying.
"Momma, uncle Goten will be alright, wont he?"
"I don't know Pan, I just don't know…"
I was happy…the only three that cared for me, saved me. I could now sense Gohan fully and well. I could fell him come closer.
"Oh Goten, what happened to you?" I heard him whisper.
Then I felt little Pan come and embrace be. Both tears and the water I drowned in were drenching her little self. I could feel her shiver.
"Uncle Goten, please don't leave just yet…please…"
My six-year-old niece started to cry once more. Then I heard sobs from my sister in law…no, my sister. My sister Videl was crying for me.
"Goten, don't leave, we care…"
Suddenly I found out that they cared for me. This was my family right here. I will only live for them and their love that they offer me. Gohan himself understands I am not he.
I opened my eyes slowly and blinked all the water out of my eyes. I looked around, but was pushed down by little Pan hugging me for dear life.
"Uncle Goten!" she yelled.
Videl looked up from her position and smiled. Tears were streaming down her face and Gohan just entered the room from the commotion. Both Gohan and Videl ran to me and embraced me in a hug.
"Goten, what happened? Gosh you frightened me so much, you idiot!" Videl screamed in happiness while crying.
I smiled and looked at them. Yup, they loved me alright.
"Hey squirt, what happened, you scared the shi- er crap out of me," Gohan said while escaping a glare from Videl.
I looked down and didn't speak. I don't know if I should talk or not. It wasn't my fault the kassan couldn't accept me not being Gohan. It is just not my fault!
I took a glance at Gohan. He deserves to know what happened.
"Gomen Gohan, its just that…it started out like…" I was at a loss of words.
"Its ok Goten, just tell us," Videl said soothingly.
I gulped and finally opened my mouth.
"Its kassan…she is really making me angry and degrading me."
Gohan and Videl looked at me strangely.
I sighed and continued. "Every day when I get home, mom always puts me down and tells me I never try at anything but training. But Gohan, I do! I even put off training with dad for a week to get a tutor to surprise mom! Then she goes and yells at me for getting a tutor. Gohan, Videl, I cant handle it much longer! She keeps comparing Gohan and I, or Trunks with me. Its too much for me!"
"Goten, have you talked to her?" Videl said.
"I try to, but when I do she never lets me finish…then we had a even bigger fight. Kassan threatened that she'd pull me out of school because I am not using all the potential and that I am getting worse everyday in a public school. I yelled at her, because it sounded like she called me stupid. Then I said the worse thing of all… I said if I was stupid that she wasn't…that she wasn't a good mother…" Goten said in shame.
Videl gasped and Pan stood confused about the whole dilemma.
"Goten kassan means well…" Gohan said but I interrupted him.
"No Gohan, she always compares us! She never says anything good about me. She always sees the bad things I do. I am me and I like that! Why can you accept the fact that I am me, but she can't? That's why…I just want to get away from kassan and tousan for a while."
Videl was shocked. "Goten, you cant be serious.."
"Videl, I am dead serious. I just want to be away from them both. Dad makes me spar too often and mother makes me study like hell. How can I live like that? How?"
I stood up and walked around.
"You know what guys, thanks for everything. I think I should get going you know," I said and walked out of the door. I was about to walk out until I felt something latch to my leg.
"Oh come on uncle Goten, daddy and mommy are training me so I can be as strong as you! Why don't you train with us?" little Pan said with hope.
I was shocked! "You guys train her? Both of you train her? Gohan don't you need to work? What about your glasses?"
"Hehe, well Goten, I started to get prescribed contacts. And my eyesight is getting better. No one knows yet though, but they will find out soon."
I looked over to Videl and she began to speak. "Um Goten, you are welcome to stay here if you'd like."
I stared at her and smiled warmly. "Thanks Videl I will take you up on the offer."
So I went to the guest room that I usually stayed in and sat down on the bed. Night soon came and I got a little uneasy about everything. The moon rose into the sky and I stared at it. I couldn't take it anymore and went outside. I flew high above the moon.
I looked around and spotted the ocean where I almost gave away my life. I lowered down on the beach. I lay down on the nice warm sand. It was one of those not too hot or not too cold days.
Now here I lay alone from the beginning. I look around the sky and found a shooting star. I wished with all my might hoping it would come true.
"I wish people would accept who I am," and I lay asleep in the cool summer air.
Saiyachick (Kat): I wrote this cause I feel down and the dumps and too damn depressed. I don't know what to do.
Kat: I just cant live this shit hole life any longer....
Lady Melanie: ahhh, poor Kat "gives her a BIG hug" you'll feel better as long as everyone gives ya lots of love^^ Just hang in there.