Title:  D4: Mary Sue Annoys The Ducks

Author:  Star

Rating:  G

Dedication:  To all you Mary Sues out there, this is how you should be treated.

Feedback:  Hit me!  Go on!  I love it!

Disclaimer:  Disney et all owns 'em and I'll have 'em back before they even notice they're gone!  Mary Sue – I can't claim her for myself, she's an entity far older than me.  She could well be the First Evil, as seen on BtVS.

Distribution:  My site   Anyone else:  Want.  Ask.  Take.  Have.  I'd be beyond thrilled.  By the way, I have a Ducks List, to join, just go to

Summary:  I couldn't sleep, I had a really rotten Mary Sue fic stuck in my head, and the Ducks' real reactions to everything she bloody did in there too.  I have to write this.  Basically, Mary Sue comes to Eden Hall and finds out that she's not perfect, people don't hang off her every word.

Notes:  For some reason I'm going with Sue as her name.  Maybe it's laziness.

Part 1 ~ The New Girl aka Pretty Sue vs Mrs Madigan

            As Mary Sue entered the class, heads instantly snapped up to take in the beauty that is Sue.  Or at least, they were supposed to.  Maybe they didn't hear her come in.  She slammed the door loudly to get their attention.  The class took one look at Sue, one look at the furious Mrs Madigan and then returned their attention to their pop-quiz.

            "Hi," Sue said in sugared tones.  That should at least get their blood racing.

            Mrs Madigan turned her furious glare up a couple of notches.  "Is there an emergency?"  Mrs Madigan's tone was tight, radiating barely restrained fury that her class has been interrupted, not just once by Sue's entrance, but three times, when Sue slammed the door and then had the audacity to speak.  "Because I can't imagine any other reason someone not in my class would interrupt my teaching."

            "But I'm Mary Sue!"  Sue exclaimed, her lip quivering.  What's going wrong?  Why was Mrs Madigan being so mean to her?  She is Sue!

            Mrs Madigan raised one eyebrow.

            Mary Sue mimicked the action simply because she can.  She's gifted.  Sue took the silence as encouragement to speak again.  "I'm Mary Sue, I have many nicknames, such as Razor, Ace, Ice, Blade… things like that.  You can call me whatever you –"

            "Silence!"  Mrs Madigan thundered.

            Mary Sue's lip quivered again.  She simply didn't understand why Mrs Madigan was being so nasty to her.  This is the part where the entire class was supposed to stop what they're doing and pay attention to her.  She hadn't even got to the part about how she was a member of the choir, a gymnast, a cheerleader, a hockey player, a baseball player… and all the rest of that stuff.  People needed to know how talented she was.  Didn't Mrs Madigan understand that?

            "So you're Mary Sue?  Is there any particular reason why you're joining my class halfway through?  Was September a bad month for you?  Could you not join school with the rest of your peers?"  Mrs Madigan asked.

            "Um, no, it's just that people like me have to make an entrance."  Mary Sue explained.  And it's true – every Sue in the world has to.  All of her various cousins, brothers, sisters, aunts, parents… they all made great entrances.  She is merely following tradition.

            "Take a seat next to Kelly, she will lend you a text book.  Start at chapter twelve and read as much as you can, you will see me after class about getting you caught up in class."  Mrs Madigan decided abruptly.

            "But…"  Mary Sue floundered.  "Aren't you going to let me introduce myself?  I'm a very interesting person who likes to share more than any normal person would about their lives…"  Mary Sue paused.  "And shouldn't you assign me a seat next to a boy?  And maybe someone fanciable as my study buddy?"

            "Ms Sue," Mrs Madigan glared down her nose at Sue.  "I have no interest in your hobbies, I am a teacher.  If your classmates wish to know more, there is a good deal of free time outside of school hours.  They all have mouths and means of communication.  As for your learning, I'm now your study buddy."

            Sue quivered once more and reluctantly took a seat next to Kelly, who pushed a text book her way.  She glanced around the room, Kelly did not seem very Important.  Sue, being Sue, knew there was a group of people in this class who were greatly Interesting and Important and Kelly was not one of them.  It seemed deeply unfair that she had started so badly.  Didn't Mrs Madigan understand the Rules of Sue?

            "Ms Sue, I do believe I ordered you to start reading."  Mrs Madigan's voice floated over to her.

            Mary Sue let a single glistening tear roll down her perfectly shaped nose.

            And nothing happened.  Not even Kelly, sitting next to her noticed.  Sue did not understand this.  Never once had she cried without having a flock of people around her, hugging her and telling her she was beautiful and wondrous and not to cry.

            She flashed her watery violet eyes at Mrs Madigan, in the hopes of maybe touching the humanity inside.

            "Ms Sue, if you do not start reading chapter one this instant I will assume that you are not fit to be in my class – or any other at this level and demote you to the Middle School."

            So Mary Sue read.  She found that she did not know her designated reading already, neither did the knowledge flow to her on an immediate intuitive level.  What was going wrong?  Was she at the wrong school?  Her parents had told her endlessly about how easy their school days had been.  Why was Sue finding it so difficult?

            After class, she spoke with Mrs Madigan, who was still being completely horrible.  Mrs M drew up an extensive schedule of after-school study sessions, gave her a text book of her own and told her to spend the rest of her natural life in the library if she wanted to get through this class with a pass.

            It was on the tip of her tongue to say "But I'm Sue!" again, but the memory of Mrs Madigan's indifference stopped her.  She merely took the book and the list and made her way out of the class.

            Sue was surprised to see that nobody had waited for her.  It didn't matter that she hadn't officially met anyone yet, she had been told by Mommy and Daddy that people would be queuing up to befriend her.  One of the Important People should really have waited while Sue spoke with Mrs M.  They could have said something like "Wow, that was way harsh," and Sue could have replied (something witty, naturally) and a friendship would have started from there.  A friendship that would naturally lead to an introduction to the other Important People and most probably love.

            Sue glanced at her timetable.  She had to be in Biology in ten minutes.  All she needed now was a person to guide her there.  Preferably an Important One.  Ah-ha!  She spied someone who had the look of Importance, he was tall with brown hair and was wearing a green hockey jersey.  She walked up to him, smiling slightly and tossing her hair – a sure-fire way to get attention – and… he walked straight past her.

            Sue blinked, unsure of what had just happened.  She had smiled, looked pretty, her waif-like-yet-strangely-muscular figure should have really gotten his attention, it was so rare to be skinny, muscular and voluptuous at once.  In fact, damn near impossible.

            She glanced around again, thankfully spotting some more Important People.  There were two this time, both tall with dark hair, though one had longer hair than the other, they were both dressed in rocker attire.  Sue smiled again and tapped the arm of the nearest one (slightly shorter than his friend, and a little less toned), just in case they were so caught up in conversation that they might miss her.  Ordinarily, such a thing would never happen, but Sue wasn't having the best of days so far, and it didn't hurt to err on the side of caution.

            The guy in question looked rather annoyed at being tapped mid-sentence.  "Yes?"  He said impatiently.

            Sue blinked again.  Why was his tone so cold?  She was just an innocent new girl asking a question.  "Um, hi.  I'm Mary Sue."

            "Fascinating."  He turned back to his friend.  "So anyway, Gilby was in a biker bar and some guy comes up and says 'hey, you'd be great in the Guns n' Roses video'…"  He reluctantly stopped his conversation again and turned back to Mary Sue as she was persistently tugging at his sleeve.  "Yes?"

            "It's just that I'm new."

            "Ah."  The other boy said.  "New girl.  Thought so.  You have that look."

            "And I need to get to Biology over in Lab 5.  Could you maybe take me there?"  Sue asked, wondering why they weren't thrilled to hear the words 'new girl'.  Weren't they just dying to know where she was from, who she was, what she did and every intimate detail of her life?

            "No, I can't 'take you there'."  The boy replied impatiently.  "I'm going to English over in K13 which couldn't be further away from Lab 5 if it was on another continent."

            "Look kid, just go down this hall, do a right, go down the stairs, a left, a right out of the main doors, across the courtyard to the other part of the building – that's the science department – and Lab 5 is over there.  Each lab is labelled clearly on the door.  Didn't they give you a floor plan?"  The other boy said.  His tone was not exactly curt, but it was certainly not friendly.

            Mary Sue thought back to her induction earlier that morning.  Yes, she had been given a map, but Mommy and Daddy Sue had assured her that people would be tripping over themselves to show her around and help her learn the ropes.  For an agonising moment, Mary Sue thought she might cry again.  Ordinarily she would, but to be ignored for crying twice in one day might break her fragile heart.

            "Um, thank you…" She trailed off, hoping they would introduce themselves, thus starting a friendship.

            They did not.  The taller boy turned to his friend, "So what did Gilby say?"

            And with that they left Mary Sue all alone to figure out how to get to Lab 5.

            "Dude, that was cruel."  Fulton told Portman, his tone stern, though his eyes were smiling.

            "I asked if the girl had a map, she said she did.  If she had half a brain, she'd double check it before taking my word for it.  That's what I hate about these new kids, they don't figure anything out for themselves, and why the hell are there so many of them recently.  I swear to God this campus has doubled in size since the start of the school year."  Portman retorted.

            "And why do they target us?"  Fulton pondered.  "It's always a member of the Ducks – or sometimes Varsity that get stuck with them.  They never bother any of the other kids in our classes, what's up with that?"

            "It's a friggin' mystery."  Portman sighed.  "I wish I knew their secret, then maybe you and I could actually finish a conversation one of these days."

            Forty minutes later Sue arrived at class.  Suffice to say that things were not going well.