A/N- Thanks to Jeff's Favourite Skittle for telling me I should write this. Well, here it is!

Disclaimer- Anything you would recognise belongs to either the WWE or Three Doors Down.

Author: Hearts Desire

Rating: PG-13

Distrubution: ask please, but I definately wouldn't mind!

~~~~~

When I'm Gone

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Matt watched the scene replay and replay in his head as if it were happening again for the first time every time it flashed in front of his eyes. The enterance....the fans screaming wildly....the slow start...the ladder being set up...then....the fall. The flashing lights, everything in slow motion., and the medics carrying his brother away in a stretcher.

It was scary as hell, watching Jeff land on his neck like that. Matt could have sworn that his head started swimming and and he was going to pass out. Good thing he didn't, cause Shannon did. He had a panic attack and Matt had been in the right spot to catch him before he hit the floor. Matt was about to go get a trainer when Amy had rushed in. Amy helped wake up Shannon and gave the two a ride to the hospital.

Shannon had fallen asleep on the couch in Jeff's hospital room; those panic attacks always wore him out. Amy had gone to fill out some forms, so Matt could have some alone time with Jeff, when he woke up. Matt was lost deep in thought when he heard a moan and Jeff wake up. Matt thought about waking Shannon, but decided against it.

"Jeff, you okay?" Matt whispered.

"Yeah....A little sore, but- You know."

Jeff winced, letting out a stiffled yelp. Matt clicked his tounge.

"Carefull. You landed on your neck pretty hard."

Jeff sighed, "I bet this wouldn't have happened if I were you."

Matt laughed a bit, "You're right, cause I wouldn't have gone and jumped off that damn ladder!"

Jeff rolled his eyes and settled back in the bed. "Stop it, alright?"

"What, Jeff?"

.

*~*

There's another world inside of me that you may never see.

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.

Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.

Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.

*~*

.

"You always do that, Matt."

"Do what, Jeff?"

"Make me feel so.... low."

"What do you mean, little bro?"

Jeff closed his eyes tightly, " You always make me feel like I am smaller than you are. Less important."

"Oh, come on, you know that's not true."

"See, there you go again."

"You know I don' mean to, Jeff."

"Then don't make me feel so badly! OW!"

Jeff quickly grabbed the back of his neck as his voice rose. Matt gasped, lurching forwards to sit on the bed and cradle his brother.

.

*~*

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.

Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.

Everything I am and everything in me

Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.

I'll never let you down even if I could.

I'd give up everything if only for your good.

*~*

.

Jeff sighed and settled back again. "You haven't done that since we were young."

"Do what?"

"Hold me when I was hurt."

Matt shrugged, "I care about you. Really, I do."

Jeff sighed again, shifting slightly.

"What's the matter?" Matt asked.

"Nothing."

"That was a bit too fast to be believable."

"It's nothing, really. Just..."

"What you said earlier?" Matt assumed.

"Yeah..." Jeff admitted reluctantly.

.

*~*

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.

You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,

So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone

When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.

I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.

*~*

.

"You always got more attention than I did, Matty. I wanted to be just like you. I acted just like you but it did nothing. People just thought I was copying you and being a nuissense since you had done everything first. You got the best of everything..you were the best of everything!"

Matt furrowed his eyebrows at his brother. He was about to speak when Jeff kept going.

"You were the one with the scholarships, the one with teh trophies, the dates, the honor rolls. What was I? I was...Matt's baby brother."

"Jeff, I-I didn't know..I'm so sorry!" Matt stuttered, "I've gotta go. I'll see you at home. Shann'll give you a ride home."

Matt smacked Shannon on the arm, waking him. Shannon jolted awake and looked around, just in time to see Matt disappear out the room.

"Wassup?" he asked, then noticed where he was, "Jeff! Are you alright? You're not seriously injured, are you? You won't need-"

"Shannon, quiet down, man. Lay off the sugar."

.

*~*

Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.

Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.

Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.

*~*

.

Matt slowly walked up the stairs to Jeff's bedroom. It was trashed, as usual. Matt didn't know why Jeff used the upstairs room as his, there was a perfectly good master bedroom downstairs that he could have used, but he had turned it in to a studio. matt looked around his baby brothers room quietly searching it. Jeff could be home any moment, the hospital just wanted to check him out and he was released as soon as he woke up.

.

*~*

Everything I am and everything in me.

Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,

Ill never let you down even if I could.

I'd give up everything if only for your good.

*~*

.

After Matt looked around Jeff's room, he headed home. He stood in the middle of his room. Jeff was right, Matt did have the awards and medals and things. Of course, there was that baseball trophy...but the whole league had won that. Well, Jeff had won that second place in the...wait, Matt had won first place. Jeff had...no, that was Matt's. Matt growled in frustration and slammed his hand on the deskside table. It cracked under the weight of his fist. He watched the wood crack before sitting on his bed.

Maybe Jeff was right, maybe he did always have to be the best.

.

*~*

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,

So love me when I'm gone.

(Maybe I'm just blind)

*~*

.

Matt had obviously fallen asleep, becuase the next thing he knew he waswaking up. He checked the clock beside his bed. 1:30. There was only one person he could talk to at this time of the night.

.

*~*

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.

Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.

Everything I am and everything in me,

Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.

*~*

.

"Shane?"

"Matt? Is that you? What the hell are you calling this late for?" the groggy voice from the other end of the line asked.

"It's Jeff."

"Yeah, is he alright?"

"He's fine, I think."

"You think?" Shane questioned. Matt could hear the rustling of Shane's sheets indicating that he was sitting up in bed, "What do you mean 'think'?"

"Well, I left the hospital when he was still there."

"What? Why?"

"He...he pointed out everything I should have known all along."

"Oh yeah? Well, what's that?"

"That...I need to be more like Jeff."

.

*~*

I'll never let you down even if I could.

I'd give up everything if only for your good.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.

You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.

So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone.

*~*