I don't own any GI Joe characters or X-Men Evolution characters. With the exception of Xi, Althea, Trinity, and Baby Claudius of course. This ties into my Misfit series. Of course this time it's from the Joes' perspective.
Who Said I Wanted to Be a Role Model?
Chapter One: Gossip and Griping on a Monday Morning
Over the years GI Joe had seen everything imaginable. From ancient civilizations to ghosts, from aliens to time travel, the team had dealt with all sorts of weird and strange things under the sun. They had even encountered Egyptian Gods and fought giant monsters without a hitch. America's best fighting team had seen it all, done it all and was ready for anything.
And then one day Roadblock and his unit found an abandoned young mutant in a swamp, and it changed everything.
Oh sure they had dealt with mutants before. Even one of their own, Low Light had been mutated against his will by Cobra. And Shipwreck even had five children that were mutants and were being raised on base. But this kid was different. His name was Todd Tolensky, AKA Toad. He was a former flunky working with a mutant terrorist named Magneto. However Magneto believing that the boy was weak abandoned him and left him for dead. Hawk didn't have the heart to turn the boy over to a government lab to be experimented on, so he gave him to Roadblock to train and raise.
Toad not only bonded with Roadblock and Shipwreck's own children, but several other members of the Joe team as well. Not long after, the Joes had encountered a young mutant that Cobra had created but had escaped from the labs. Soon after that, several of Toad's friends, also abandoned by Magneto came to live with him. Before the Joes knew it, they had a whole herd of young mutants on their hands.
Hawk finally did the only thing he could do, he managed to set up a separate team of Joes that were in charge of training and raising the young mutants who called themselves appropriately enough, The Misfits. Even though the team under Roadblock's leadership was responsible for training them, the rest of the Joes found themselves getting more and more involved with the kids.
It was during one of Hawk's meetings with Roadblock on the Misfits' progress that the whole mess started. He and Flint were sitting in the Misfit home kitchen with Shipwreck and Roadblock. "I can't believe that actually happened," Hawk blinked. "And this happened when you were at the Slaughterhouse?"
"Uh huh," Roadblock nodded.
"You found them all together?" Hawk blinked.
"Uh huh," Roadblock sighed.
"In the same bed?" Flint blinked.
"Uh huh," Roadblock nodded.
"And there were feathers everywhere?" Hawk asked.
"Uh huh," Roadblock nodded.
"What were they…?" Flint started to ask.
"I really didn't ask," Roadblock sighed. "With those kids it could be anything!"
"O-kay," Hawk sighed deciding he was better off not knowing.
"So anything more on the Duke/Scarlet/ Snake Eyes love triangle?" Shipwreck asked.
"Let's see," Flint rubbed his chin. "Duke tried to talk to Scarlet the other day during training. She told him to buzz off and go for one of his other girlfriends. He tried to tell her that there were no other girlfriends and she was confusing him with Falcon. Then she said that she could see where Falcon got it from then punched his lights out."
"In other words the same old thing," Roadblock sighed. "I really wish it would get more interesting!"
An explosion rocked the building. "Uh shouldn't one of you be checking on that?" Hawk asked.
"I think we're better off not knowing," Shipwreck sipped his coffee as if nothing had happened.
"There's no doubt these kids can wear you out," Roadblock sighed.
"Problems training them?" Flint asked.
"Not with getting them to train," Roadblock sighed. "It's teaching them to act like human beings that's a pain!"
"Nobody said training mutants was going to be easy," Hawk told him.
"I know these kids need the discipline, but after a while its so easy to give in," Roadblock sighed.
Just then a lanky teen with sandy long hair hopped in on all fours. He positioned himself at Roadblock's side and looked up at him with big yellow eyes. "Oh lord Toad," Roadblock groaned. "What happened now?"
"Roadblock," Toad said. "Lance and Pietro were having a staring contest and they wouldn't let me play so then Xi attacked them but then Wanda started to fight but then Pietro said something really stupid so everybody attacked him and now nobody is paying attention to me and can I sit with you for a while?"
"Two year olds," Roadblock grumbled. "We're babysitting a bunch of overgrown two year olds. Come on show me what's going on," He got up and went back with Toad.
"Is it always like this?" Flint asked.
"You have no idea," Shipwreck groaned. "We really need a vacation. Even if it's only for a day! Don't get me wrong we love the kids but…"
Another explosion sounded out back. Shipwreck winced. "We just need a break!"
"Oh come on Shipwreck I know it's not easy having kids," Flint said.
Shipwreck glared at him. "Flint, you and Lady Jaye send that daughter of yours to a fancy smancy prep school and let her stay at her grandmother's mansion during the summer. How much time do you actually spend together? A couple weeks tops! Talk to me when you have your kid around longer than a few hours. Trust me there is a difference!"
Another explosion shook the building. "A huge difference," Shipwreck moaned. An alarm sounded throughout the house. "Oh for crying out loud! Now what's on fire?" Shipwreck groaned as he got up. "Excuse me please."
"Man it sounds like they really have their hands full," Flint said.
"Well if anyone can handle the job of raising these kids these Joes can," Hawk said.
That was when Spirit walked into the kitchen. "Excuse me," He said as he took out a watermelon from the fridge. He brought out a large mallet and then proceeded to smash it violently while screaming.
"FOR THE LAST TIME JAMES SCARREY IS NOT A MUTANT! AND NEITHER IS DICK CLARK!" Low Light shouted as he walked through the kitchen. "CRAZY! THEY'RE MAKING ME CRAZY!"
"I will not kill them," The Blind Master followed him. "I will not kill them. I'd love to kill them but I will not kill them!"
"Would you like to use the watermelon?" Spirit asked, casually stopping his pounding.
"Nah actually I'm in more of an apple mood today," The Blind Master took out an apple and his sword. He threw the apple in the air and started to slice it into tiny bits. Spirit nodded and then went back to pounding and screaming.
"Three, four, five…" Cover Girl walked in counting strands of her own hair. "FIVE MORE GREY HAIRS! AGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!"
"I am so glad I send my kid to boarding school," Flint gulped.
"Maybe they do need a break," Hawk sighed.
"You can't be serious," Duke asked.
"He is," Beach Head grumbled. Hawk had Duke, Flint, Beach Head, Scarlet and Lady Jaye with him in the briefing room.
"Look it's just for one day," Hawk said. "This is a good opportunity."
"For who?" Beach Head asked.
"The Misfits aren't bad, not really," Hawk told him. "They just need some more positive role models. Especially human ones."
"I don't know about this General," Duke sighed.
"Look at it this way," Hawk said. "It's also a time for us to evaluate their progress."
"And a time for the adults at the Misfit center to recover," Flint said.
"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt," Scarlet said. "It's only for one day."
"As long as I don't get Quicksilver I don't care," Beach Head told him.
"What's wrong with Quicksilver?" Duke asked.
"He's a nut that's what's wrong with him," Beach Head told him.
"They're all nuts," Duke said.
"Yeah but he takes it to an art form!" Beach Head told him.
"Well compared to Xi he's not that bad," Duke said.
"What do you have against Xi?" Scarlet asked.
"Besides the fact that he's a genetically engineered assassin who looks like the Cobra mascot?" Duke asked. "It's the way he stares at you. He just sits there, watching. Like he's studying you. I'm sorry but he gives me the creeps."
"Yeah well at least he's quiet," Beach Head said.
"Yeah he doesn't go on and on and on babbling," Sgt. Slaughter moaned. "Like Toad!"
"You don't hate Toad now do you?" Lady Jaye asked.
"I never said that," The Sarge told her. "I'm just saying he's one guy I don't want to be stuck in an elevator with for a long time."
"For obvious reasons," Beach Head sighed. "Look I don't mind taking Xi or some of the other kids but I definitely do not want Toad or Quicksilver."
"Well as long as we're calling dibs I want either Wavedancer or Scarlet Witch," Scarlet said.
"Nobody is calling dibs! Look we all pick from this hat and whichever kid's name we pull out we're responsible for!" Hawk snapped. "No if, ands or buts! No trading or re-takes or dibs on anybody! Except for Lifeline because he offered to take the Triplets…"
"Well that's pretty reasonable," Beach Head shrugged as Hawk put the names into his helmet.
"Okay I can agree to that," Falcon said. Everybody agreed to Lifeline taking the Triplets. "Don't suppose he could take Quicksilver as well huh?"
"No!" Hawk said sternly. "Okay let's do this. Duke you're up first!"
"Oh goodly," Duke sighed as he drew a name out. "Which lovely child will I be spending the day with? Oh great…Avalanche. Our own walking Richter scale."
"Hey at least it's not Toad or Quicksilver," Beach Head said.
"You have a point," Duke sighed. "But even Toad's not that bad! At least he tries to behave sometimes. Doesn't succeed but he tries."
"Flint you're next…" Hawk sighed. "You too Lady Jaye…"
"I got Wavedancer," Flint said.
"Well I got Toad so we have a matched set," Lady Jaye said.
"Oh it figures you two would get that pair!" Beach Head grumbled.
"Okay I'm next," Scarlet crossed her fingers. "And I get…Scarlet Witch! YES!" She pumped her fist and gave Lady Jaye a high five.
"Oh this has got to be rigged!" Beach Head protested. "I'm gonna end up with Quickie…I know it!"
"You may not," Hawk told him.
"Wanna bet?" Beach Head snapped. "Just my luck! Not that there are exactly any good picks left!"
"Oh stop whining Beach Head and take it like a man!" Sarge snapped as he drew a name out. He looked at it. "Oh man I got the babies! I don't want to change diapers all day! I don't wanna!"
"Ha!" Falcon snickered as he drew out a name. "Blob…well that's not too bad. How much trouble can he be?"
"Famous last words," Hawk snickered. "Well there's only two names left and there's only two of us left so…"
"Yeah, yeah…" Beach Head grumbled as he pulled out a name. "Figures I'd be the one to get stuck with…XI! YES!"
"NO!" Hawk looked stricken. "You're lying!"
"No way baby!" Beach Head showed him the paper. "Read it and weep! There is a god! Yes! Yes! Oh yes!!!!" He whooped with joy and danced around.
"No, no…" Hawk looked at the last piece of paper in the hat. "Quicksilver…why oh why did I get stuck with Quicksilver? Anybody want to trade?"
"No trading General," Beach Head said happily. "You insisted! Remember?"
"So I did," Hawk moaned. "Me and my big mouth…"
Next up: The fun begins for General Hawk…Any requests? Send 'em in!