Shipwreck: Hey there! At this time on behalf of the Red Witch we'd love to thank all of you folks who contributed ideas and suggestions to this story! It really makes this swabbie's heart feel good. All right first up…(Looks at the list) Man there are a lot of you aren't there? Well…THANK YOU EVERYBODY!
Hawk: Yeah thanks a lot people!
General Whithalf: Let's do the thank you dance for all the boys and girls! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (Struts around) Your help is so appreciated! Thank you!
Lifeline: Did I mention the General had two cups of BA's coffee as well as three shots of scotch?
Hawk: No you didn't. Well thanks to all of you this has been a memorable fic. And I'd like to say one thing more before this ends…
If I Ever Suggest This Again, Shoot Me
"I never should have accepted Quicksilver's challenge of who can eat the most cookies in five minutes…" Hawk moaned as he staggered down the hall. "Why did I let him talk me into it?"
"Sir the turkeys we were supposed to have for dinner tonight have taken over the cafeteria!" BA shouted as he ran up to him. "I was lucky to escape with my life!"
"Is this some kind of joke?" Hawk groaned.
"Do I look like I'm joking!" BA shoved him in the direction of the cafeteria. "See for yourself!" He opened the doors.
"You weren't kidding," Hawk blinked. There were turkeys everywhere. Several were pecking madly at plates and trays.
"I told you I…DUCK!" BA grabbed Hawk and they dodged a fire attack.
"Okay first what is a flame thrower doing in the kitchen in the first place and secondly how the hell did those birds learn how to use it?" Hawk snapped at him.
"I dunno but Blob's the one who let them out," BA told him.
"BLOB!" Hawk stormed outside. He stopped and blinked at the mess before him. "Why are those wheelchairs on fire?"
"Oh sorry…" General Whithalf walked up to them. "My bad."
"General…" Hawk saluted and gulped. "This is not…"
"The most fun I've had in a long time! It certainly is!" General Whithalf grinned.
"You're not the only one having fun," BA pointed.
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!" Falcon screamed as he was being chased by the elderly nudists.
"Nudists…" Hawk was starting to twitch. "On…my base? This is not proper military procedure! This…this…FOR ONE THING THOSE PEOPLE ARE OUT OF UNIFORM!"
"Even worse, one of them's my wife," Whithalf told them. "CHARLENE CONTROL YOURSELF! DON'T TORMENT THE NICE LIEUTENANT!"
"This is not a good day…." Hawk groaned as Whithalf started to chase his wife.
"I need help…" Hawk ran inside. He ran to Duke's office. "Duke! Duke! It's Hawk! Open up! We have a crisis on our hands!"
"GO AWAY! WE HAVE A CRISIS IN HERE TOO! OUR LOVE LIVES ARE A MESS!" Duke howled.
"Duke what the…" Hawk blinked. "Are you…crying?"
"SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!" Duke bawled.
"Duke isn't feeling well sir," Avalanche explained through the keyhole. "Yet strangely enough I feel much better. Especially since Kitty and I have made up." A loud sob could be heard. "Sir maybe I'd better talk him down?"
"You do that…" Hawk walked away, dazed.
"Hawk!" Sci-Fi ran up to him. He was soaking wet. "Scarlet and the Scarlet Witch are using all the guys for target practice!"
"Sir!" Ace ran in covered with whipped cream. "Xi set off a whipped cream bomb in one of the hangers! I had to swim through it to get out!"
"Sir…" Mainframe walked up to him. "Beach Head's still…tied up in the infirmary."
"What about the Sarge?" Hawk dreaded the answer.
"He's...A bit stressed with the babies," Mainframe gulped. "Let's just say Duke's not the only one crying."
"Flint and Lady Jaye…" Hawk asked, terrified of the answer.
"Uh…" Mainframe pointed to a window. Outside Hawk could see the two of them on motorcycles with lances and helmets. The remaining Misfits were cheering them on.
"Hawk something tells me that this was not one of your better ideas," Mainframe sighed.
"What have I done?" Hawk moaned. "This day has been nothing but a disaster! My second in command is having a nervous breakdown. One of my female soldiers is going on a shooting spree with water bombs. There is a horde of naked horny elderly women running amok on the base. Turkeys have taken over the cafeteria…"
"With BA in charge turkeys have always been in charge of the cafeteria," Mainframe grinned.
"Yes but unlike the non feathered kind, these turkeys are a bit more organized!" Hawk snapped. "Two more of my officers are participating in a marital jousting tournament. There's an insane General loose. There's a mess all over the base. AND ON TOP OF IT ALL I HAVE THE STUPID THEME OF SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS RUNNING ON AND ON IN MY HEAD!"
"Hey Hawk," Shipwreck walked up to them. "There's a crate of flamingoes at the gate. Do you know anything about this?"
"FLAMINGOES? HE ORDERED FLAMINGOES?" Hawk shouted.
"Not the real ones," Shipwreck said. "The pink plastic ones. There must be a million of them in that case. Let me guess, Quicksilver ordered them right?"
"Bingo!" Hawk groaned.
"Yeah I thought so," Shipwreck scratched his head. "He's been going on and on about getting them all week. I wonder why he wanted them."
"I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!" Hawk shouted. "JUST GET THESE MAINACS OFF MY BASE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!"
"I don't suppose this would be a good time for you to consider 'Spend a Day With a Joe' to be a weekly thing would it?" Shipwreck asked weakly. At this suggestion Hawk screamed. "I'll take that as a no."
"Let me put it to you this way…" Hawk told him. "From now on all Misfit handlers are getting double hazard pay!"
"Well then today wasn't so bad after all," Shipwreck grinned. Then he frowned. "Oh great, now General Whithalf is running around in only his boxer shorts."
"Why me lord?" Hawk was crying. "Why me?"