Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Movie Parody

Scene starts in clouds… we see the Warner Brothers Sign, then HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS.

We descend to see about a hundred million houses on one neighborhood, totally different from the first movie when there were just a normal amount. However, the worst part is that they all look exactly the same! The horror!

We find the back of number four privet drive, and can see that the only light on in the house is the one in Harry's room, even though the Dursleys are downstairs, planning for the Masons'.

Harry is looking at the book he got from Hagrid with magical pictures, and Hedwig tries to pick the lock on her cage.

Stealthily, the owl slips her beak into the cage, opens the lock, and flies out triumphantly, only to smack into the closed window when she tries to go outside.

Harry in a deeper, more mature voice than he had a month ago, which surprises all of the audience: Stupid bird! Now I'm gonna have to Ajax the window all over again!

Hedwig gives him a reproachful look.

 Harry: I can't let you out, Hedwig! Besides, if Uncle Vernon-

On cue:


Harry: *sniffle * You know my name!

Harry: *to Hedwig * Now you've done it!

Harry goes downstairs to find Petunia wearing the ugliest dress I've ever seen, and decorating a cake with cherries—or so they look.

Petunia: He's in there. Vernon…

Vernon: I'm warning you, boy! I'll have no more of those birds knocking into windows! Can't they see that it's just a reflection?

Harry: If I could only let her out for… an hour or two… or 24…

Vernon: So you can send messages to your freaky little friends? No sir!

Harry: The owls… haven't been bringing me news…

Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley: …

Harry: Sorry, wrong book.

Dudley: Who'd want to be friends with you?

Harry, Vernon, and Petunia: …

Dudley: What?

Dudley tries to eat the cake, but Petunia slaps him.

Petunia: Not now, pumpkin, for when the Masons arrive…

Petunia decides she likes slapping him, so she does it again, and again…

Petunia: slap slap! I love to slap!

Vernon: Er… let's go over our schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive, you'll be…?

Petunia: In the insane asylum… I mean, *in a false sweet voice * in the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home.

Vernon: Good.

Petunia: *mumbles* I don't get paid enough for this…

Vernon: And Dudley?

Dudley: I'll be stuffing my self silly with cake, and growing to a size of roughly a baby killer whale.

Vernon: Good. *Turns to Harry * And you'll be?

Harry: I'll be warned by Draco Malfoy's house elf that there will be a plot to kill at Hogwarts, and then Dobby the house-elf will make me promise not to go back to Hogwarts. When I don't promise, he'll magic a cake to fall on Mrs. Mason's head.

Vernon: Good… wait, what?

Harry: Never mind. I'll be a good boy in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist…. Right after I ruin the punch line of your Japanese golfer joke.


Well, this is a start to a new story. I'm going to try and update frequently (though any of my current reviewers know that I say that every time). I've got four chapters done already, and my goal is to have them up here by the end of the week.

Let me know what you think. Is it funny? I hope so. Please review!