TITLE: All that glitters is not gold.

AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith

E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com

DISCLAIMER: I owe nothing, unfortunately.

SPOILER: Up to and including season five.

AUTHORS NOTE: This is kind of my take on the season opening, but with a bit different outcome.It's a stand alone but it'll might be continued in an other story pretty soon : ) BIG THANKS goes to ksunsunghero for correcting this for me and to wine-into-water my faithful friend and biggest supporter. Please don't forget that my first language isn't English. PLEASE R&R


Have you ever thought about how the bad things and bad people effects us much more, compared to good things and good people? About how much deeper marks they leave and how these marks tends to be the only thing we see? When we would be better off looking at the marks from the good things and the good people? I have. Actually, that's the only thing I think about as I sit here and look at my partner in a hospital bed, because me seeing the bad marks instead of the good ones is what put her here in the first place.

Faith, she has always been good to me. She always tried to see the good things in me, and tried to make me see them as well. She always tried to reason with me and get me to look at the other side when I was acting like a jerk- be my voice of reason, so to speak. I have always loved it. Not that I'd ever admit it to her. I'd much rather die before doing that. So, I just brush it off and claim to be annoyed about that she's mothering me, when the truth is I love it. That's what I should have remembered when Cruz got onto her case for mothering me, but I didn't. I thought she was right.

Faith always tried to keep me safe. Like at the shoot out with Sjevsjenko and his guys. She killed two people to keep me safe, screaming my name in agony. She did it because she loves me, because she knew it was her job to stop me from getting myself killed. I have always needed someone levelheaded by my side, and she has always been there. That's what I should have remembered when the excitement of anti-crime got a hold of me, when Cruz and I got into trouble because we were both hotheaded, but I didn't. Instead I remembered how boring it was to be a beat cop.

Faith always stood behind me 100% no matter what. Like when I went after Steve when he beat the shit out of my mother. She went with me when I beat him up to make sure I didn't get myself into irreparable trouble by killing him. She took me to the hospital afterwards to make sure I was OK. She sat with me the whole time while I waited for internal affairs to show up. She even came to look for me in the middle of the night when I was guarding his place. She lied in the court to keep me out of trouble so I my chances to get into ESU wouldn't get ruined for good. She saved my ass when everybody thought I'd killed that rapist. She spent her whole shift trying to clear me. She didn't even bother to ask me if I did it. She knew I didn't. She trusted me.

That's loyalty, and that's what I should have remembered when she told me Cruz was no good, that she was trouble, but I didn't. Instead I only remembered the times when she was dishonest with me. I remembered how she lied about her abortion. It was a stupid and mean thing to do, but I realize when I think about it that it was none of my business at the first place. I wasn't the father. I remembered the one time she didn't back me up because she was sick. I didn't know that. She never told me. I took that as a proof for disloyalty. It wasn't. It was her way to try to hold it together for both of us. Maybe not the best way, but a least she tried.

You see, Faith always tried to make me feel better, to help me out. She stood behind me through the whole mess with Hobart. She covered for him because that what was I wanted although it made her look bad. She tried to make me feel like a least she stilled loved me when I felt betrayed because he used me to get himself killed. She took care of me and tried to help me when I had that nervous break down. She took me in her arms when I cried, and she never held it against me, ever, and most important of all: She never wanted anything in return for her love, unlike Cruz. That's what I should have remembered when we had that fight, but I didn't. Instead I told her she was a bad mother.

Faith and I have always been very good at talking with each other, not with words, but without them. We usually screw things up when we use too many words, but without them everything works just fine. That's what I should have remembered when she said that maybe we should get different partners, but I didn't. Instead I just listened to her words although I was aware of that her eyes told me something completely different, but I chose not to look.

Another thing that Faith always tried to teach me is that everything isn't always my fault, so I know she too was to blame in this mess. She had trouble seeing the good marks too. She was smarter than me though. She usually is, because somewhere along the way she started to see the good marks. I know this because the day after the big fight, when we met in the locker room, she said something that makes me sure about it. She tried to look me in the eyes, but I turned away. I could hear the sorrow and regret in her voice as she said:

"I'm sorry Bos, I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I was upset. I know you won't forgive me, but please try to understand that it never was my meaning to stop you from working Anti crime. All I wanted was to make you see that all that glitters is not gold."

I didn't answer. I didn't turn around. I just left. So I can't say I really blame her for closing the door in my face. She had reached out her hand. I didn't take it, and she wasn't going to forget it. She must have continued to see the good marks, though; because when I pleaded with her again, she came and rescued me. She usually does, no matter what. She must have remembered all the good times we had. All the things we went through that made us stronger. All the times when having each other was the only thing we could relay on. She must have remembered how much we used to care for each other. She must have remembered that I once told her that I would always be there for her. Maybe she wanted to show me that she felt the same way.

I just wish she hadn't, because I failed her this time, all the way. I failed to see the good marks, and I failed to protect her. She didn't. She protected me and she saw the good marks, and that's what put her here, her ability to see the good marks.

She stirs in bed. I look intensely at her. Maybe she's waking up. The doctors told us she would eventually. They told us she'd be all right. That made Fred so relived he got back into his Jesus mood and let me sit by her bed, because we should all forgive and forget. I never thought Fred loving Jesus so much would work in my favour. Not that I blame him for thinking this is my fault, but it is, and I need to talk to Faith. I need to know if she can forgive me or if she wants me to leave. If he's not letting me see her I can't do that, so I'm grateful he loves Jesus.

Suddenly her eyes flutter open and I find myself looking into her beautiful blue eyes. I hesitantly reach out and gently squeeze her hand. I don't know if she wants me to touch her. We usually don't, but I feel a sudden need to be touched by her. Maybe I'm hoping her fingers will leave a good mark that I'll be able to see the next time I feel the urge to look at the bad ones. She looks at me in confusion for a short while, like she's trying to figure out who I am. Then suddenly her face is lit up by a big smile and she says:

"Bosco, you're here!"

I wonder how she can be so happy to see me. I was the one who got her shot, but then I remember she has the ability to see the good marks. I can feel some stupid tears starting to fill up my eyes, but I smile back and say in a raspy voice that doesn't sound like my own.

"Yeah, where else would I be?"

She knows me so well and of course she sees that I'm upset about something. Her expression immediately changes from happy to concerned as she says:

"You're OK?"

Why does she always care so much about me? Yeah right, the good marks. I keep forgetting about them.

"Yeah, I'm not the one that got shot, " I say wearily.

Suddenly she looks very upset.

"Oh God Bos! I'm so sorry! She got shoot too, didn't she? I'm sorry. I know she's important to you. I never meant to." I cut her off.

"She's not important to me. She got shot, but I don't care. I only care about you. I'm so sorry Faith. I'm so sorry. I know now that what you said was true."

"What?" she asks bewildered.

"That all that glitters is not gold," I say softly.

She smiles softly at me and gently squeezes my hand.

"That's good Bos, that's really good."

I can tell that she's starting to get tired and I squeeze her hand again and say:

"Why don't you go back to sleep. Fred will be here when you wake up again."

She looks worriedly at me.

"Is he very mad at you?"

Damn, she really must see a lot of good marks to care this much about me. I smile reassuringly at her and say:

"Not anymore. Jesus is back."

She smiles briefly and I can see that she struggles to keep her eyes open. To my own surprise I reach out and caress her cheek as I say:

"Don't worry about a thing. Just go back to sleep, OK?"

She nods slightly and closes her eyes. I watch her as she sleeps and I silently vow that from now on I'll only look at the good marks, starting right here and now with this precious moment of love and forgiveness.

All That Glitters by OMD

All that glitters Is not gold So don't believe What you've been told And take a chance of being strong Because they destroy you If you're wrong

Only lovers act this way You see Only lovers are so cruel

All your friends are here tonight Never ones to miss a fight Their applause for what you've done Rings in the darkness when they've gone

Only lovers act this way You see Only lovers are so cruel

I would die here next to you I will make your dreams come true There's so much I had to say I got lost along the way

All that glitters is not gold So don't believe what you've been told

Only lovers act this way You see Only lovers are so cruel

Only lovers act this way You see Only lovers are so cruel