Title: Left Out in the Cold Author: Daphne E-mail: Srtaborradora84@yahoo.com Archive: Let me know if you do My Group: Disclaimer: I don't owe them and I have no money so don't sue me. Category: Mac-fic Rating: PG Summary: Mac's thoughts as she stands in the rain. Spoilers: 'Death Watch'

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Yes, I can get him to calm down, to really think about what he's doing. I turn around, he's not following me. I call out to him, but he simply speeds away. The salute he gives me seems fitting. Maybe that makes it easier for him. If we're not friends, lying to me is okay I guess.

The cold rain beats down on me, completely soaking my clothing, but it honestly doesn't register. I'm already numb and it has nothing to do with the rain or the temperature. Harm's going to kill someone tonight. He's going to throw away his entire life just to get revenge for her murder. And the worst part, I feel powerless to stop him.

I can still picture the way he looked at me the first time we met. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I still wonder if he sees her when he looks at me. I wonder if he'll ever feel about me the way he felt about her. Would he dwell on my death for two years? Would he be willing to kill to avenge my death? I guess his actions tonight answered all of my questions. I'm nothing to him.

Harm's always been driven on emotion, it's who he is. And it's what makes him a good lawyer. But this? He's going to throw everything away. He's willing to give it all up.even me. I know it's stupid, but I always figured I really meant something to him. But, obviously I was wrong. He lied to me, left me out in the cold, literally, and is willing to spend the rest of his life in Leavenworth. He doesn't care that his actions tonight hurt me. He doesn't care that I'm standing out in the freezing cold rain. He doesn't care that I could be brought up on charges because I knew in advance what he was planning to do. He doesn't care that I need him.

I should be mad at him. I should say, "Fine, you want to screw up your life, go right ahead and be my guest." But, I can't do that and I honestly don't want to. He may not give a crap about me, but I care about him and besides, he's my partner and I don't want to lose him. I have to do something. I have to find a way to stop him. I have to snap him out of this and make him think logically. Ha! I just used Harm and logically in the same sentence. Okay, so maybe he'll never be logical, but I have to stop him.to save him from making the worst mistake of his life and to prove to myself that there's at least something between us. That he does care. But how do I find him? He lied to me about showing me the letter, what else did he lie about? I guess the best bet is to head to JAG.maybe I should get Bud to meet me there. All I know is I have to do something. He may be willing to thrown his life away, but I'm not willing to let him.