By Nintendo Maximus
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except perhaps a few names.
Author's Note: You've probably been awaiting this fanfic for a LONG time. Well, now it's here. This is a game-based novelization of "Super Koopa", which was the season finale for the Super Mario Bros. 3 cartoon, and a personal favorite episode of mine. I've made changes that I felt were necessary, as well as patched up pretty much every plot hole. Of course, I've added a few of the newer Mario characters into the fray. This is the hardest I've ever put my work into a Mario cartoon episode novelization, and what better day to publish then the day of the North American release of Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3? Super Mario Bros. 3 is considered the best of the Mario games, "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3" was the definitive best of the Mario cartoons (even though they didn't get the Koopalings' names right and the characters seemed to cope well with the fact that they weren't real), "King of the Koopas" ranks as my top favorite of the Mario-based songs by the Ambassadors of Funk, and Super Mario Advance 4, being the first game (that I know of) to feature e-Reader support, will definitely be the sleeper hit for Game Boy Advance owners this Christmas. So, as the best-selling game of all time comes to Game Boy Advances, Game Boy Advance SPs, and Game Boy Players everywhere in the country, I publish this - the fight of Super Bowser!
It was a dark and stormy night in Darkland. Actually, that wasn't much of a surprise, as it always seemed dark and stormy in Darkland. But tonight was a good night for it to be dark and stormy. Tonight, something really evil was afoot. It was something so evil it nearly brought the whole Mushroom World to its knees!
The whole affair began in an laboratory in King Bowser Koopa's Castle. Bowser Koopa Jr., the youngest of the eight Koopalings, and Kamek, the head Magikoopa, watched from a corner of the room at what was going on. On an operating table sat a golden pendant. A pendant more frightful than when the Koopa Tribe first took over the Mushroom Kingdom. More devastating than when seven of the eight Koopa Kids stole wands from seven Mushroom World monarchs. More problematic than when they took over Dinosaur Land. Bigger than when they hid away all 120 Power Stars in the Mushroom Castle. Even more evil than when their leader stole the Star Rod from the Spirits of Star Haven. It was indeed an evil pendant!
"We're all set, Ludwig!" rang out the voices of the Koopa Kid Twins, Iggy and Lemmy Koopa.
"Then hit it, 'Hip'! Hop to it, 'Hop'!" Ludwig Von Koopa, the oldest and smartest of the Koopalings, shouted out, calling his younger brothers by their nicknames. The other Koopalings sometimes called Iggy and Lemmy "Hip" and "Hop" because they looked so similar, except for the fact that Iggy wore glasses.
Iggy and Lemmy walked up to a machine on the wall opposite of where Bowser Jr. was standing. They pulled a lever on the machine, which charged electrical energy into the pendant on the operating table.
When the electrical energy finished flowing into the pendant, Ludwig walked up to the operating table and picked up the pendant.
"Oooh, ve did it! Whoa boy, am I smart!" Ludwig congratulated himself, in his German accent.
"You know, it might have been easier if you had just let me produce that thing with my magic," Kamek interrupted.
"Aw, c'mon, Kamek!" Ludwig told him. "There's no fun in that!"
At that point, King Bowser Koopa himself came into the lab. "Ludwig! Is the Power Pendant finished yet?"
"Yes, King Dad! Here it is!" Ludwig held up the so-called Power Pendant.
"Excellent," Bowser said, taking the Power Pendant. "Heh heh ha ha ha ha... Thanks to the Power Pendant, I, Bowser Koopa, shall be able to use all of the Mario Bros.' super Power-Ups! Good work, Ludwig!"
"Thanks, King Dad!" Ludwig accepted the comments. "But there's a slight snag vit the Pendant..."
"Ah-HA!" Kamek gloated. "See? If it were my magic that made that Pendant, there wouldn't be any problems with it!"
"Watch it, Kamek!" Bowser Jr., or "B.J." as his siblings sometimes called him, scolded the Magikoopa. "He's not the one who messed up trying to prevent Mario and Luigi from ever bringing ruin to the Koopa Empire!"
"Ooooh!" Kamek shivered. "Don't even mention that whole affair to me!"
Ludwig glared at his baby brother and the wizard. "As I was saying, there's just vun little problem vit the Power Pendant."
"Yeah!" Iggy Koopa started a sentence. "It won't work anywhere..."
As he usually did, Lemmy Koopa finished the sentence. "...Except one place... Planet Earth!"
An evil grin formed across Bowser's mouth. "That's not so much of a problem. Why, it's an even better part of this master plan! Those pig-headed plumbers can't get their Power-Ups on Earth!"
"Oooh..." Kamek winced. "If that's so, then I wish I could've prevented them from ever leaving Earth..."
"I see vhere this is going," Ludwig smiled. "Ve just lure ze Marios to Earth, and then BAM!"
"Exactly." Bowser held up a little Mario doll and squeezed it tightly. "With the Power Pendant granting me Super Powers, those Super Mario Lunkheads are as good as dead!" As he finished the sentence, the Mario doll burst open, and its stuffing dropped out in a sorry heap on the ground. Thunder struck as Bowser let out a long, loud laugh. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA..."
"It's a-quiet. Too quiet..."
A tumbleweed tumbled over the ground and wind whistled as Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, the finest plumbers the Mushroom Kingdom ever knew, surveyed their surroundings. They were analyzing the area from their large-sized, team-driven go-kart. Two of three blue balloons were remaining attached to the go-kart's bumpers. Luigi sat behind the wheel, and Mario stood in the back of the kart, his eyes scanning the battlefield.
Mario pointed to the suspicious shadow hiding behind a large wall in the southwestern end of the field. "Go check over there-a."
"Right, bro!" Luigi drove the go-kart over to the wall Mario was pointing to.
But the moment the Mario Bros. had gotten near that wall, their go-kart suddenly tangled with trouble in the form of a Red Koopa Shell. As the car spun around in circles, one of the two balloons floated away.
"Ha ha!" Wario Wario gloated as he and his brother Waluigi Wario poked their go-kart out from behind the wall they were hiding behind. One red balloon was still clinging to their bumper. "It's a-down to one balloon for each of us, Mario! And this next Red Shell will ensure victory for the Warios!"
Luigi put the petal to the metal and zoomed his and Mario's kart just as Wario and Waluigi were preparing to shoot their next Red Shell.
"We got to find a-some way out of this-a!" Mario shouted as the Red Shell homed in on its target.
At that point, they zipped past an Item Block, and out of it came a Cape Feather.
"Perfect!" Luigi shoved the Feather into kart's dashboard. Then, just as the Red Shell was closing in on the Marios, their kart jumped high as it could, avoiding the collision. The Red Shell smashed into the wall in front of them, becoming inoperative.
"Waluigi, ya idjit!" Wario slapped his skinny brother on the purple hat. "Why didn't you think of that-a!"
Waluigi had no time to answer, for at that moment, Mario and Luigi's kart had grabbed a Starman, making it invincible. The Mario Bros. rammed their kart right into the Warios', spinning it out of control. The last red balloon on the Warios' kart floated into the sky.
Wario chewed on his cap in anger. "D'oh, we lost-a!"
Close to the battlefield, Princess Peach Toadstool, Princess Daisy of Sarasaland, Toad the Mushroom Retainer, and Yoshi the green Struthiomimus sat on Blocks, applauding the Marios' victory. "Attaboy, Mario!" Toad commented. "That's the way to spin them out!"
Mario and Luigi drove the kart up to the Warios'. "Look-a, Wario," Mario reasoned, as he and Luigi got out of the kart, "maybe if you and a-your brother learned to play fair-a, you might actually be able to win a Mario Kart Battle Mode match-a!"
"Whooooo..." Luigi shivered. "Don't-a make suggestions like that-a, Mario!"
Wario and Waluigi walked out of their kart and over to the four-people audience. "It's a-your fault we lost-a!" Wario shouted, pointing his finger in Waluigi's nose.
"I couldn't a-help it!" Waluigi put his hands out. "I just a-got distracted looking at-a Daisy! You know how I get around her-a..."
"Bahh!" Wario kicked some dirt. "I know from past experience that it ain't worth it to try and impress a Princess. Most likely, some other guy will a-beat you to it."
"Hey-a!" Mario barked at Wario mentioning the ordeal he was talking about. "I a-suffered in that-a, too! You ought to be a-lucky that a-Peach forgave me for giving her that-a jack-in-the-box-a!"
Luigi looked at his brother. "Well look-a, Mario, I wasn't a-trying to steal a-Peach's affections from a-you. I just a-knew that she wanted that a-Samus Aran doll-a. I didn't think she'd-a kiss me for it!"
Suddenly, Daisy knocked Luigi down with a Hammer. "HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME, LUIGI!"
Mario restrained the tomboyish brunette. "Ease off-a, Daisy. He didn't earn affections from a-Peach on purpose! She just a-needed some cheering up from Wario ruining her party!"
"Hey!" Wario yelled. "She a-blamed you for it too, y'know!"
"Well-a, you ruined it first-a!" Mario yelled back at his Mr. Hyde counterpart.
Wario glared at his Dr. Jekyll equivalent. "I'll a-get you for this-a..."
But as the argument was going on, Yoshi and Toad noticed a dark shadow coming from behind them. And that shadow was falling right over them.
"Hey guys," Yoshi interrupted the verbal fight, "did the radio announce that it was going to rain today?"
Mario and the rest stopped their argument. "Why do you say that-a?"
"Well, there's a big dark shadow looming over us," Yoshi answered.
Mario looked up at the sky and gasped. "Oh my god-a! This is no rain cloud-a! We've a-got trouble!"
"That's right, and while you're preparing for it, make it double!" A voice came from up in the sky, right above the spot the shadow was. The Koopa Clown Car hovered high up, with, surprisingly, Bowser Jr. steering it. Bowser Koopa himself let down a rope. It grabbed Luigi by the waist. "Would you like to go for a little ride, Mr. Ghostbusterio?" Bowser pulled the green-sporting plumber up and dangled him from the Clown Car.
"Whoa! Help, Mario!" Luigi screamed.
"Let a-go of my brother, Bowser!" Mario called.
"Yeah!" Waluigi agreed. "I owe 'im a pounding!"
"Why don't you come and make me?" Bowser taunted as Bowser Jr. steered the Clown Car away.
Mario, Peach, Daisy, Toad, Yoshi, and the two Wario Bros. ran off in pursuit as the Clown Car flew off. Finally, it came to a stop above a warp pipe. Bowser hopped out of the Car and slid down the rope, grabbing Luigi along the way. The Koopa King then used his claws to cut the rope dangling from the Car. They fell off, landing right on top of the pipe, which Bowser then shoved Luigi into.
"He's a-shoving Luigi into the pipe-a!" Mario said, stating the obvious.
"Exactly!" Bowser Jr. shouted as his dear ol' dad jumped down the pipe. "And if you don't follow Papa, you'll never see your brother again!" And with that, he drove the Clown Car back to Darkland.
Mario jumped onto Yoshi's saddle. "Hi-ho, Yoshi!"
Yoshi ran up to the pipe and jumped into it, taking Mario with him.
"We're a-coming, Luigi!" Mario yelled as he and Yoshi went down the drain.
Daisy followed them. "Bowser better not lay a whisker or a hook on my Luigi!" she shouted, furious.
Wario and Waluigi ran up to the pipe. "Oh no ya don't, Mario!" Wario shouted, jumping down after his rival. "I'm a-savin' the day this time-a!"
Waluigi shrugged, then jumped down after his brother, with his nose pinched shut as if he were diving into water.
Toad climbed to the top of the pipe. He was about to jump in when Princess Peach stopped him. "Toad, I need you to stay behind!" she ordered.
"What!" Toad said, flabbergasted. "Why do I have to stay behind this time! I never had to stay behind before! It's because of how low I get when I jump, right? Am I right?"
"I have my reasons, Toad," Peach said as she went into the pipe, not answering the retainer's query. "You'll find out!"
Out on the other side of the pipe, Mario sat on Yoshi as Daisy stood nearby. They were waiting for the rest of the group to come out. They heard Wario and Waluigi's voices coming out of the manhole they had come out of.
"Move outta da way, Waluigi!" Wario commanded. "Bein' stuck like this, I feel like we're those a-two little idiots on 'PastelZone' trying to get into that place simultaneously!"
"It ain't my fault we're stuck. I'm not the one who--" Waluigi was about to insult his fat brother's weight when he had a sudden realization. "OH NO! I'm a-missing 'PastelZone'! What if Randy confessed his true feelings to Ginny this episode? AAAAAH! I'm a-not around to see it!"
Waluigi's abrupt outburst somehow gave Wario enough force to be squeezed out of the manhole. As Waluigi wailed about missing his favorite TV show, his brother pulled him out of the manhole.
"'Bout a-time you came up-a!" said Mario.
At that point, Princess Peach climbed out of the manhole. "Mario, where in Mt. Lavalava are we?"
Mario pointed his left index finger to the distant tower. "We're on-a planet Earth! Or to be more precise, Paris, France-a."
Wario looked at the Eiffel Tower. "Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious."
"Look!" Daisy pointed out. "There's Bowser, and he's getting away with Luigi!"
Mario, Yoshi, Peach, and Daisy gave chase after the Luigi-clutching Bowser, as he ran down the streets of Paris.
"Why don't a-you surprise us and tell us a-something we can not a-see?" Wario asked as he and Waluigi followed.
"I say that we a-help them," said Waluigi. "The sooner we beat da crap outta Bowser, the sooner we can leave an' I can get back home to watch 'PastelZone'."
Bowser twisted his head to look at the mob behind him. "Ha ha ha! This looks like a job for... Super Bowser!"
"Super Bowser?" Luigi laughed, confused. "Yeesh! You've a-got to be kidding-a! Right?"
Bowser shoved Luigi aside. "How could I? I don't have a sense of humor! Go tell your brother to watch this!"
Luigi immediately ran back to the group of his friends.
"What's a-going on-a?" Mario was confused to see Bowser just letting a hostage get away. "Luigi, why'd Bowser just let a-you go like that-a?"
"I don't a-know," Luigi answered, "but I'm a-starting to think his capturing me was just a diversion of a-some sort-a..."
"For once I think you're right! Look-a!" Waluigi pointed to the golden pendant hanging that Bowser was hanging around his neck. "What's a-that thing on his neck-a?"
"It's a-called a necklace, something I'm sure you'd like to have-a!" Wario answered to his not-so-brainy brother.
Yoshi slapped Wario in the face with his tongue. "Don't talk to your brother that way, Wario!"
"Fellas, look!" Peach interrupted. "He's doing something with that choker!"
Bowser took his pendant and held it in his left hand. He aimed it upward and stood defiantly. Instantly, electricity surged around his body, like when Kammy Koopa transformed him right before the battle at the end of Paper Mario. When the electric field cleared away, Bowser's golden horns had transformed into raccoon ears, and his spiky tail had turned into the brown-and-black striped tail of a raccoon.
"Ha ha! You see, this little gizmo here, the Power Pendant, allows me to use your Power-Ups here on Earth! And now, permit me to introduce... Raccoon Bowser!" Bowser flapped his new raccoon tail and took off into the air.
Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, Daisy, Wario, and Waluigi watched as Bowser flew around above them.
"Oh, mama mia!" Mario cried. "Pinch a-me, Luigi!"
Wario cracked his knuckles. "How's about I give you a punch instead-a?"
"It doesn't matter what Mario needs, I'm afraid it's a-true!" exclaimed Luigi. "Bowser's able to grant a-himself power-ups, and what's worse, he's doing it where we can't get 'em!"
Just then, Bowser swooped down at them and grabbed Peach and Daisy. "Care for a little sight-seeing flight, Princesses?" he asked the two princesses as they shrieked.
"Hey!" Yoshi yelled. "Put down the Princesses!"
"Yes!" Waluigi agreed. "Don't a-let Daisy be hurt!"
Luigi looked a little uneasy about his rival showing concern for his own love interest. "Hey Mario, I don't a-like what Waluigi's a-sayin'..."
"It doesn't matter-a! We have to save Peach and Daisy from Raccoon Bowser before he does something so nasty it shouldn't be mentioned in some Everyone-rated video game!" Mario helped his green-clad brother onto the green dinosaur with him. "Yoshi, I want a-you to take us to the nearest police station so we can commandeer a helicopter. We may not be able to get a-Super Leaves, a-Cape Feathers, or a-Wing Caps here-a, but maybe we can still a-fly after Raccoon Bowser-a!"
The Wario Bros. watched as their heroic counterparts rode away.
"Wait!" Wario complained. "What does that leave us to do?"
Up in the air, Raccoon Bowser was still flying around with Peach and Daisy.
Daisy repeatedly pounded on his head. "Put us down, you evil turtle!"
Bowser flew the girls over to the Eiffel Tower. "If that's the way you two feel about it, let's make your first stop here, your last!" He took out a rope and tied Peach and Daisy up, dangling them from one of the steel girders. "I hope you like your new home, girls; having ownership of a fabulous place such as this seems like a steel! Ha ha ha ha! I made a funny."
Just then, a police helicopter flew nearby. The door on the driver's side opened, and there stood Mario, holding a megaphone. Luigi was driving the copter, and Yoshi sat in the passenger's seat.
"All right, Bowser! We have you surrounded!" Mario yelled through the megaphone. "Put down your getup and surrender... peacefully?"
"Nice try, Mario," Yoshi commented sarcastically.
Bowser flew toward the helicopter. "Sorry Mario, but I'm having way too much fun here! But how's about you just take a dip peacefully?" With that, he somehow whipped the copter with his tail.
The helicopter spun out of the air and over the river. Luckily, it happened to land on a submarine that just happened to be surfacing at the moment.
The captain opened up the hatch and looked outside. "Uh, eez everybody okay?" he asked, talking with a French accent.
"Um-a, not exactly." Mario pointed his right index finger at the flying turtle up above. "Look-a!"
"Filet mignon!" the captain squealed. "We're being dive-bombed by a flying reptile-raccoon? Oui oui! Zees ees too much for me!"
"Ah! If you think my Raccoon Power is good..."
Bowser flew down over the submarine and dropped onto some wooden boards floating on the surface of the water (like the ones Puka was surfing on in her origin flashback in "The Pi-Kahuna"). He then fired up the Power Pendant again. Again, electricity surged around his body, and when it cleared...
"...you'll love my Frog Suit Power! Ribbit, ribbit!"
The Frog Suit-clad Bowser dove underwater and swam toward the submarine. Inside, the captain was showing the Mario Bros. and Yoshi the strange occurrence on the sonar scope. Or maybe they were showing it to him.
"Sacrè bleu!" the captain gasped. "Now ze sonar scope says ve are being attacked by a humongous frog! Vhat next, big blue penguins dancing up on ze rooftops?"
Bowser kicked the submarine, but the impact hurt the foot he kicked it with. "Yeoww!"
The submarine pulled over onto the shore. The Mario Bros., Yoshi, and the captain peeked out of the hatch as Bowser stumbled onto shore, holding his damaged foot.
"Uh-oh, captain! That a-frog is a-hopping mad-a!" Mario said, pointing at Bowser.
"Your stupid sub hurt my flipper! And for that, you're all gonna pay!" Bowser held up the Power Pendant and transformed again. This time, he was now wearing a yellow Cape. "And Caped Bowser will not accept checks or credit cards!" Caped Bowser threw his cape off, and it tied itself around Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and the submarine captain. "I'd gladly invite you to witness my takeover of Paris," Bowser gloated, grabbing the four of them, "but I see you're a little tied up - or should I say, caped up! Ha ha!"
"Not so fast, Turtlesaurus Rex!" the voice of Wario Wario suddenly rang out. The fat yellow-and-purple-clad man, along with his string bean of a brother, was standing not too far away from the site of Bowser's latest capture. "That Power Pendant may have allowed you to beat da Marios, but you've a-still got us to worry about-a!"
"That should be very easy." Once again, Bowser held up the Power Pendant to transform, and this time, his horns grew to the size of those on Wario's Bull Hat. "The Power Pendant also grants me your Power-Ups, Wario! Now are you going to wave a red cape for Bull Bowser to charge at?"
The Wario Bros. stared at Bull Bowser and then hung their heads in defeat. "D'oh, I guess he's got a point-a," Wario kicked dirt.
"I knew I should have a-stayed home and watched 'PastelZone'," Waluigi sighed.
Several minutes or so later, Bowser had brought the Marios, the Warios, Yoshi, and the submarine captain to the Bastille jailhouse. He didn't hesitate throwing them into one cell.
"Let us out of here-a!" Wario wailed as Bowser shut the door. "We're innocent!"
Waluigi walked up and started rattling a cup against the bars. "Get us an attorney! Get us an attorney named Murray!" He waved his fists in the air.
"Ah ah ah," boasted Bowser. "As far as I'm concerned, you're all guilty for causing me to hurt my tootsie. Your sentence - life imprisonment! Now then... Jason! Gary! Snap to attention!"
Jason and Gary, two Hammer Brothers, entered. "The Hammer Brothers reporting for duty, sir!" Gary saluted his leader.
"I've just made you two the official wardens around here," said Bowser to the Hammer Brothers.
"But sir," Jason interrupted, "I believe this jailhouse already has a warden. And he probably won't like the idea of having his job title usurped by..."
Bowser pointed his finger in Jason's belly. "Who cares! We're the bad guys!"
"Oh yeah..." Jason started walking around the prison hall with his brother.
As the Hammer Brothers began their strut around the penitentiary, Bowser took out his Magic Wand-shaped communicator and dialed a number into it. "Koopa Kids, come in. This is Big Daddy Koopa calling."
Back in Darkland, Bowser Jr. was the first to answer the call. "Hey, it's Papa!" he said, and the other Koopa Kids began to gather around the viewing screen they were picking up the call on.
"How's it goin', King Dad?" asked Roy Koopa.
"Enough platter chatter. Have you disposed of those annoying Mario Bros.?" inquired Larry Koopa.
"That's right, kids! Paris is mine! I've got Princess Peach and her friend from Sarasaland trapped in the Eiffel Tower, and the Mario Bros. and the Wario Bros. in the Bastille! Now... if you've ever wanted to see the wonders of Europe... now's the time! The culture! The history! The thrill of the dark rides at the Disneyland Paris theme park! The places they filmed when they were shooting the second Rugrats movie!"
The eight Koopalings stared in an unimpressed state.
Bowser looked at the kids. "Uh... the French fries?"
Seven-eighths of the Koopalings danced a little jig, although Ludwig Von Koopa was confused. "I thought they vere called Freedom fries now..."
"Forget whether it's French or Freedom fries!" Wendy O. Koopa bragged. "Think of the shopping!"
"Hey!" Lemmy Koopa suggested. "We can visit..."
"...the Notre Dame cathedral!" Iggy Koopa finished his brother's suggestion.
"Maybe we'll get..."
"...to meet Quasimodo!"
Morton Koopa Jr. walked up to the twin brothers. "Don't be ri-i-i-i-i-i-idiculous! There's no such person as Quasimodo the hunchback! He's just a character in a Victor Hugo novel! A cast member in an animated Disney movie! A fictional person! A false alarm! A fake rumor! An unbelievable ogre! A..."
Roy Koopa, sometimes known as "Bully" to his siblings, covered up his blabbermouth brother's mouth with his fist. "Aw, shut up, moron."
Bowser Jr. raised a fist. "Yeah! The important thing is, we don't got to worry about those bad ol' Mario Bros. no more!"
The other seven Koopa Kids looked at each other, then raised fists themselves. "YEAH!"
"Ex-cellent," Bowser breathed, pushing his fingers against one another with glee. "Kamek will transport you to Paris, seeing how the pipe I went down might be guarded. But first, convert the Koopa Clown Car from vessel mode to automobile mode, and bring it with you, so we can spoil in style!"
"Right, papa!" said Bowser Jr.
Bowser turned off his communicator, and turned around to taunt the prisoners. "Well, I'd say that you Super Mario Bros. oughta lobby to change your name to Stupid Mare-io Losers!"
Wario slapped himself on the face. "Bah! Why didn't I ever think of calling Mare-io that?"
"Well, if you guys would like to see me take over this city, just shove each other trying to get a look out that window! Ha-ha!" Bowser laughed, leaving the Bastille.
Mario slumped onto the wooden mattress. "Aw, mama-mia! Without Power-Ups, we're a-no match for Super Bowser!"
Wario stood defiantly in front of his rival. "Maybe you aren't, but I am!"
"Dat's right!" Waluigi added.
Luigi stood up behind the Wario Bros. "If that's a-so, why did you cower from him when he became Bull Bowser?"
"I didn't-a!" Wario argued, crossing his fingers inside his pocket. "I was just a-pretending to cower so he could be lured into a false sense of security!"
Yoshi stood up too. "Well, it doesn't matter, Wario! Bowser's out to take over Paris, thanks to that pendant! We have to get out of here before Paris is ruined!"
Mario jumped off the mattress. "Yoshi's right-a! With that Power Pendant, Bowser could do more than just ruin Paris - he could take over Earth and the Mushroom World!"
The Wario Bros. shrugged, giving the cold shoulder. "So what?" they said, in unison.
"Why should we help you?" Wario griped.
Yoshi turned on the charm to the greedy ogres. "Wario, if Bowser takes over the Mushroom World after he's through with Paris, he'll take all the gold there is, and you won't be able to hunt for them anymore!"
"No more gold?" Wario's defiant grin was replaced by his most upset expression.
"And Waluigi!" Yoshi turned to Wario's brother. "Bowser might take control of the TV stations and cancel all of your favorite shows!"
Waluigi stopped grinning defiantly. "Even the ones that have already stopped production?"
"Even the ones that have already stopped production."
"Aw man!" Wario chewed on his cap again. "Well, I guess we have no choice but to help you out-a."
The submarine captain rolled his eyes in the other direction of this conversation. Sheesh, he thought, I wish I had a line or something to include in zis conversation...
"Good," said Mario. "Now let's dig our way out of here! I brought some spoons along."
"NOO!" Wario yelled. "Forget spoons! With my brute a-strength, we'll be out of here in no time-a!"
"Good idea!" Waluigi grinned as his brother rolled up his sleeves. "You guys handle Super Bowser, and I'll try to get home in time t'see Randy and Ginny makin' out-a!"
Wario kicked his legs up behind him like a bull, even though he wasn't technically Bull Wario at the moment, and rammed right into the prison wall. The wall wasn't affected a bit, but Wario fell down, in a crumpled heap, with little Goombas running in circles around his head.
Mario looked at his temporary cohort's unfortunate condition and turned to Luigi, spoons in hand. "Start a-digging."
Outside, in the streets of Paris, the lone figure of Bowser Koopa walked around, spinning his wand in his hands, the Power Pendant hanging around his neck. "Ha ha!" he laughed. "With the Mario Bros. out of the way, it won't be long before all of Paris is at my feet. And once I'm through here, I shall take over the whole Mushroom World!"
The Koopa King let out a full-fledged Deranged Supervillian "BWAHAHAHAHA!"-type Cackle, which wore him out for a minute, and also attracted the attention of several passerbys, among them a French couple who had been making out up to the point that they heard his mad laugh.
Bowser stared at the couple in front of him. "Hey, what are you staring at!" he yelled. "Haven't you ever seen a reptile ready to conquer the world?"
Two French boys watched as the man and woman ran away in fear from Bowser. One of the two boys turned to his friend and said, speaking in French, "Hey, isn't that Bowser, the main villain of the Super Mario Bros. games?"
"Why yes, it is," the second boy said, watching Bowser walk into a clothing store. "Looks like there's some competition for Disneyland Paris getting live advertising."
Inside the clothing store Bowser had entered, he watched as his only daughter tried on an outrageous outfit in front of several onlookers. "Well everyone, how do I look?" asked Wendy O. Koopa.
Everyone in front of her dropped down, fainting. Except, of course, for Bowser. "You look marvelous, Kootie Pie!" he applauded, calling her by her nickname. "Simply mahhhh-velous!"
Wendy posed victoriously. "I just knew I could count on you for an honest opinion, King Dad!"
Over at the Louvre gallery, Paragoombas flew in and out, taking the historical paintings with them.
"Get those ugly old paintings out of here!" Iggy Koopa commanded to the Paragoombas. "We gotta make room for some new masterpieces!"
Iggy's "masterpieces" were actually nothing more than just a bunch a cheap scribbles that were supposed to resemble various members of the tribe from an inexperienced Buzzy Beetle to the tall and mighty Whomp King. Lemmy Koopa, however, was painting glasses, a moustache, and horns on the "Mona Lisa".
"On the other hand," Lemmy said, adding some detail to the painting's new moustache, "with a little improvement, some of these old ones look pretty good too!"
At the Notre Dame cathedral, Roy Koopa cut the ropes holding up the giant bells, and the bells plummeted to the floor below.
Roy looked at the bells on the floor below. "Ooh, I'm gonna need some Magikoopas to help me steal dese bells!"
At Disneyland Paris, tourists were on their merry way, whistling familiar Disney tunes when suddenly, a 5,000-pound dragon stormed out of Le Château de la Belle Au Bois Dormant (known in the United States version as Sleeping Beauty Castle), with Ludwig Von Koopa and Larry Koopa riding on its back. All the visitors stopped walking around humming and started scrambling about screaming.
One unconvinced park visitor looked at the dragon. "It's only an audio-animatronic."
Ludwig and Larry leapt in front of the arguer. "Well, we're not!" Ludwig shouted, spitting out fireballs in the direction of all the fleeing visitors. "Is this a hot enough visit for you? Ha ha!"
"Look, Bowser Jr., if you untie us, we won't harm you afterwards, OK?"
Peach and Daisy were still tied to the Eiffel Tower, and it was quite obvious that Bowser wasn't going to let them go anytime soon. As if that weren't enough, he had given Bowser Jr. the assignment of standing guard by the two Princesses. He paced around on the steel floor to which the rope they were tied up in was attached.
"Let me think about that for a min--NO!" Bowser Jr. laughed cruelly at the Princesses' predicament.
Daisy snarled at the miniature Bowser look-alike. "Why you little delinquent! You'd better untie us or you'll be in for a world of hurt!" She tried to shake a fist, but had trouble doing so due to being tied up.
Peach wasn't making any threats to Bowser Jr. Rather, she was just fidgeting around in the ropes.
Daisy turned her head around to try and face her friend. "Hey Peach, help me think of a good deal to strike with this brat."
"Not so loud!" Peach silenced the tomboy, sticking her right satin-gloved arm out of the ropes. There was a scroll of paper in it.
Daisy quieted down. "What are you doing? And what's with that paper?"
"It's a message to Toad, telling him to bring help," Peach quietly explained so that Bowser Jr. wouldn't hear a word she was saying. "I always bring this along, but I only need to use it if Mario and Luigi fail against the current threat. That's why I told Toad to stay behind - so he'd be able to receive this!"
Then, while Bowser Jr. wasn't looking, Peach threw the scroll downwards, aiming for the manhole that she, Daisy, Mario, Yoshi, and the Wario Bros. had come out when they entered Paris earlier. But the scroll landed just a few feet short of the manhole. Fortunately, a passerby happened to kick the scroll while walking along, and it fell right into the manhole.
"Whooo!" said Daisy. "That's some precise aim you got there, girl!"
Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Toad was still sitting next to the pipe that everyone else had jumped down. He was sulking with his arms crossed.
"'We need you to stay behind, Toad!'" he sulked, mocking the princess. I can't believe she'd make me stay behind! he thought to himself, staring at the grassy ground. After all the times I assisted Mario and Luigi in their adventures! I helped them save the land of Subcon from that tyrant, Wart. I provided Mario with the Marine Pop and the Sky Pop when he went off against Tatanga. I assisted Mario, Peach, Bowser, Mallow Nimbus, and the guardian of the Star Road in every way possible during the Smithy Gang's invasion. I even stopped Wario from taking over those woods! And how does she thank me? By making me stay behind while she, Mario, Yoshi, and Daisy go off to save Luigi! Dang it! It's not fair!
Just then, the scroll of paper popped out of the pipe he was sulking in front of. Immediately noticing, Toad got up and walked over to what had emerged from the tube.
What's this? he thought, looking at the scroll. He picked it up and unfolded it. It's a message! he realized as he began reading it. It read:
To my loyal retainer Toad:
You must come, quickly. Mario and Luigi are in great need of your help. Bring Power-Ups!
Hmmm, a message from the Princess, Toad thought as he finished reading the letter. Then it's a good thing she told me to stay behind, or I might not have gotten this! Toad folded the message back into a scroll and ran off in the direction of Professor Elvin Gadd's laboratory. I'm gonna need some help with this...
Professor Elvin Gadd was testing out a chemical when Toad burst into "the Gadd Science, Inc. building", better known as the shack where the little guy conducted his experiments and created his inventions.
"Professor!" Toad shrieked in the scientist's direction.
"Ah! Toad!" Professor E. Gadd squeaked. "What brings you here?"
Toad, unfolding the scroll and shoving it in the face of Gadd, quickly explained the problem to the professor. "Well, it all started earlier today when Bowser kidnapped Luigi, and Mario, Yoshi, and Daisy chased after him down a warp pipe. Peach told me to stay behind. And they must've failed to defeat Bowser, because Peach sent me this message!"
Professor Gadd looked at the message Toad was showing me. "E-gad!" the professor shouted, not realizing he was saying his own namesake at the same time. "Dear me! This is quite a pickle."
"That's why I came to your place, Professor," Toad finished his explanation, folding up the scroll again. "You've provided Luigi and Mario with some of your inventions in their most recent adventures. Now I need to use the yellow water pump thingy that Mario used to clean up Isle Delfino! Do you still have it?"
"The Flash Liquidizing Ultra Dousing Device?" Gadd answered as he headed over to his inventions storage closet. "Yes, I'm certain it's still in here, but I don't see what it has to do with your dilemma."
"Trust me on this, sir," Toad said as Gadd rummaged through his inventions, "I'm gonna need the F.L.U.D.D."
After shoving the Poltergust 3000 out of the way, Elvin Gadd pulled the Flash Liquidizing Ultra Dousing Device out of his closet. "Ah, here it is!" he said, handing it to Toad. "What makes you believe you'll need it?"
"Not only did he clean up all the ugly paint," said Toad, "but he told me that he managed to unearth a lot of Blue Coins after spraying at the signatures of the guy impersonating him. If he can get Blue Coins just by spraying at signatures, I could probably use this to get some Power-Ups out of their Blocks! I'd better get those things out!" And with that, Toad dashed out of the lab, the F.L.U.D.D. in hand.
"Uh, don't forget to bring it back when you're done!" Professor Gadd called after him.
Having gotten the F.L.U.D.D., Toad then headed back to his house and came out with a rather large treasure chest. Although a chest as big as this couldn't really be lifted by someone of his size, Toad was rather strong and quick for someone who jumped like a broken pogo stick, and therefore, he could carry that chest. In fact, strangely, he could run faster when he was carrying things, and unlike his confidants, his jumping didn't get any lousier when he was carrying something. With the F.L.U.D.D. slung on his back, and the treasure chest on his head, Toad began looking for Power-Ups.
His first stop was in a territory better known as World 1-1. After stomping on a Goomba, Toad looked up and saw five Blocks hanging not far above, arranged in a sort of pattern; breakable bricks in the odd-numbered spaces, and ? Blocks in the even-numbered ones. Toad jumped at the first ? Block on the left, and out popped a Fire Flower. Blasting streams of water from the F.L.U.D.D., Toad knocked the Fire Flower off of its stationary position and into the treasure chest.
He then continued onward, walking past some tall pipes and stomping on Goombas while he was at it. After a while, he came towards two Brick Blocks. Crouching down, Toad jumped and hit the Brick Block on the right. The smashed block was revealed to be a ? Block in disguise, and out came a Starman, which Toad grabbed and deposited into his treasure chest.
Toad then noticed an upside-down "T" pattern of ? Blocks. Figuring there was another Fire Flower in the top ? Block, Toad aimed the F.L.U.D.D. and shot at it. The Fire Flower came right out and landed in the chest.
Having gathered up enough Power-Ups in World 1-1, Toad then headed to the World 1-1 over in the Mushroom World land known as Grassland. After stomping on another Goomba as he had done over in the Mushroom Kingdom, Toad hopped onto some scenery boxes and placed himself under the rightmost of two pairs of ? Blocks. He hit the ? Block, and a Super Leaf, which granted Raccoon Power, floated out of it. Toad positioned his chest so that the Super Leaf landed in it.
Next, he hopped over a fireball-spitting Piranha Plant and spotted a Red Koopa Troopa pacing idly back and forth. Timing his landing, Toad hit the Koopa Troopa on the back and kicked its shell at the ? Block nearby. Out floated another Super Leaf, and Toad was quick to nab the Super Leaf and throw it in the chest.
Just then, Toad saw another enemy hopping by. Surprised, he saw that it was none other than a Kuribo's Goomba. Only usually seen in a certain territory in a section of the Mushroom World known better as Sky Land, this particular Goomba hopped around in a Kuribo's Shoe. Kuribo, pronounced "kah-ruby", was another name for the Goomba. If attacked from below, the Goomba would lose his shoe, allowing its defeater to use the Shoe to jump higher and defeat enemies without taking damage. Knowing that the Kuribo's Shoe could be a big benefit to the Mario Bros., Toad decided not to wait until the Kuribo's Goomba got under a Block to steal the boot. Instead, he shot a steady stream of water from the F.L.U.D.D. at the Goomba, knocking it out of the Kuribo's Shoe. Toad then picked up the Kuribo's Shoe and tossed it into his chest.
After gathering yet another Super Leaf from another ? Block, Toad found a Star Road warp pad and warped to the Star World. There, he warped to the division of Dinosaur Land known to the tourists as Donut Plains. Behind the Donut Ghost House, Toad found a secluded bit of forest known only to those who had discovered it as the Top Secret Area. In the Top Secret Area were five different ? Blocks, one swaying in the middle, with the other four sitting in two pairs on opposite sides of that one Block. Toad shot from the F.L.U.D.D. so that the water hit all five Blocks in one stream. A 1-Up Mushroom, which came in handy to someone who had been brutally damaged, came out of the center ? Block. Fire Flowers popped out of the left pair of ? Blocks, and Cape Feathers drifted from the right set.
Toad's next destination was Kitchen Island, which happened to be the atoll where Wario and Waluigi's castle resided. Avoiding some spear-carrying Goombas along the way, Toad used the F.L.U.D.D. to obtain a few Bull Hats. Toad didn't know why, but he somehow felt he'd need to bring Wario's Power-Ups too.
Toad then warped back to the Mushroom Kingdom and headed for Princess Peach's castle, for that was where he would find some more Power-Ups. Down in the basement, he found just what we was looking for - ! Blocks colored in red, blue, and green. Thanks to the F.L.U.D.D., Toad opened the infinitely-appearing Blocks several times, and obtained several Wing Caps, which like the Super Leaf and the Cape Feather could allow the wearer to fly, Vanish Caps, which made the wearer temporarily invisible, and Metal Caps, which turned the wearer into an invincible Terminator-like being made of liquid metal. It made them look cool, too.
In addition to those Power-Ups, Toad gathered at least two of the many Power-Ups that the Mario Bros. could use. Among them were: the Frog Suit, which, though really slow on land, could allow the wearer to swim really fast underwater; the Tanooki Suit, which granted the same flight powers as the Super Leaf, but also allowed the wearer to temporarily turn into a harmless statue; the Hammer Suit, which was a really cool suit that allowed the wearer to sneak around disguised as a Hammer Brother and toss enemy-harming Hammers; the Super Carrot, which grew bunny ears on the consumer's head, allowing him to float in midair for as long as they were airborne; the Jet Hat, one of Wario's own personal Power-Ups, which could let him fly for short distances; the Dragon Hat, with which Wario could burn Bricks and fry enemies; the Boomerang, a weapon that the thrower could make use of no matter what form they were in; and of course, the Super Mushroom, which allowed its consumer to grow twice his size. Having gathered all the Power-Ups he needed, Toad returned the F.L.U.D.D. to Professor Gadd and then took the chest with him to the pipe that Bowser, Luigi, Mario, Yoshi, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, and Peach had gone down earlier. With a mighty heave, he threw the chest into the pipe and stopped to catch his breath. Then he jumped onto the mouth of the pipe.
"Hang on Marios," he proclaimed, jumping down the pipe, "I'm coming!"
Back in the Bastille, Wario wasn't having much luck ramming at the wall. He kept falling back and groaning, and Waluigi had to continually slap his brother in the face to get him back up
"Faster, Luigi!" said Mario. "Wario's a-growin' impatient."
"I'm a-diggin' as a-fast as I can!" Luigi said, not having much luck digging a hole in the ground with the spoons. Then he picked up his digging utensil and observed, "Whoops, I bent the spoon! I'd better try something else." And he started digging with his hands.
Yoshi just stood in front of the wall, sighing as he watched the Mario Bros.' try at digging their way out and Wario's pathetic attempt to destroy the wall. "I'm surrounded by idiots," he mumbled to himself.
The neglected submarine captain, who was still resting on the wooden mattress, also sighed, fearing he was never going to have any say in this. He hadn't spoken once since Bowser threw them in that cell, and Waluigi had secret fears that, along with the fact that the male and female leads on his favorite show were going to kiss while he wasn't watching, the French-accented man was going to go crazy from not saying anything for such a long time.
Just then, Jason the Hammer Brother walked up to their cell and opened the door. "Prisoners!" he announced as Mario and Luigi covered up their hole, "Since it's your birthday, you're allowed visitors."
"Hey, it's not my birthday," Luigi pointed out. "And I know it isn't a-your birthday, Mario. What about you, Yoshi?"
"No," Yoshi answered. "We celebrated my birthday four months ago, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Hey, Wario, Waluigi? How about you guys?"
"NO!" the Wario Bros. shouted in unison.
"Well then, there's only one guest of honor left." Luigi turned to the nondescript submarine captain and asked, "Is it your birthday?"
Just as the captain was going to shake his head no, an abnormally short bearded hippie with a big nose and glasses walked into the cell, bringing with him a large birthday cake. It had four tiers with a big candle on top, and was pretty much good enough for an appetite as large as Mario's. Every prisoner in the cell except the captain had a strange feeling that they had seen this man before.
"Okay, you've delivered your present, you gotta go!" Jason yelled as the hippie walked out. Like the five out of six captives, he and Gary seemed to suspect something about this short guy, but they couldn't quite put their finger on it.
"That a-hippie looked a-mighty familiar," Wario said when Jason and the hippie were out of their sight.
"Yeah," said Waluigi. "Those large glasses of his remind me of Ginny's! You think she's a-gonna switch to contacts before or after she marries Randy?"
"Could you please shut up about 'PastelZone' for once!" Luigi begged his rival. "It may not be any of our birthdays, but at least it's a-nice to have a cake-a."
Mario dug into the cake and suddenly discovered something. "Hey, wait a minute! This isn't a cake, guys; it's a Power-Up container disguised as a cake!"
"Oh, too bad!" Yoshi commented, his stomach rumbling. "I was hungry!"
Luigi realized who had just brought that Power-Up in. "That hippie must've been a-Toad!"
"Huh!" Wario grunted. "I guess that's a reason I didn't a-see him comin' out of the pipe with Peach."
Mario grabbed the Super Leaf hidden in the "cake" and transformed into Raccoon Mario.
"Whoa!" exclaimed the submarine captain, finally speaking for the first time since they landed in that jail cell. "You're half-raccoon? Zis weel make quite a story for ze Paris Journal!"
Raccoon Mario ran up to the wall Wario had continually assaulted and slammed it with a Tail Whip attack. The wall somehow opened up, but the Bastille's alarm system went off as well. The five white male humans and one green male dinosaur jumped through the new hole in the wall and ran as far as they could before the Hammer Brothers could take a look.
"Say Mario," Wario asked angrilly, "how come you managed to use a-your tail to simply break a wall that a-my fists could not-a!"
"Well, I guess you weakened it enough for my Tail Whip to destroy it," Mario answered, trying to avoid a pounding from his jealous rival.
"That'd better explain it," Wario chose to say.
"Hey look!" Luigi pointed ahead. "There's a-Toad!"
Toad was standing at the end of the sidewalk, the treasure chest at his side.
"A short man who wears a mushroom on his head?" The sub captain was even more amazed. "Zees ees getting to be quite a farfetched story!"
"Toad!" Mario called to the little shroom when they reached him. "How did you find us?"
Toad gave them the answer. "Let's just say that Wario's got a whine like no one else."
Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi flashed Wario with half-happy glares on their faces.
"But anyway," Toad asked them, "what happened? How'd you wind up in jail?"
"It's a pretty hard-to-believe story," Mario explained. "When Yoshi, Daisy, Peach, the Warios, and I exited that pipe, we noticed that Bowser had led us to Paris. Then we saw him running off with Luigi, and we began chasing him. He then just let Luigi go, much to our surprise. But that's when he turned on this pendant he happened to be wearing. That pendant allows him to use all the Power-Ups that Wario, Luigi, and I use back home! He gave himself Raccoon power and then tied Peach and Daisy to the Eiffel Tower. Luigi, Yoshi, and I tried to stop him from a helicopter, but he just knocked us down onto this guy's submarine. Then Bowser put on a Frog Suit and captured us after kicking the submarine. Wario and Waluigi tried to stop him, but he frightened them by giving himself Wario's Bull Hat ability. And then he threw us in the Bastille and put the Hammer Brothers in charge. Then he called up his kids and told us that once they finish ruining Paris, they'll take over the entire Mushroom World!"
"Yeah! They might even cancel all-a my favorite programs!" Waluigi added, chewing on his cap. "The big-a cheeses behind 'PastelZone' might want to have Randy and Ginny get married in the series finale, and they won't a-be able to do that if the Koopas cancel it-a!"
"Golly! That is bad!" Toad gasped, referring to Mario's monologue, and not Waluigi's petty problem. "How can we stop them?"
"I have only one solution," Luigi explained to them all. "We can only defeat Bowser if he is unable to grant himself Power-Ups. Therefore, we must get that pendant off of him!"
"Hey, I think I see your plan-a!" agreed Wario. "If he can't a-use Power-Ups, then he's a weakling again-a!"
"We'd better find Bowser and start the final battle!" Mario raised a fist and looked upwards, then turned to the sub captain. "You wanna come along?"
"No," answered the captain. "Giant flying turtle-raccoons who transform into humongous frogs, hippies with oversized eyeglasses, and men who mutate into raccoons ees enough weirdness in a whole day for me."
"Oh. I see." With that, Mario went off looking for Bowser, followed by Luigi, Yoshi, Toad, and the Wario Bros. "Farewell, captain! Thanks for everything!"
"Au revoir, raccoon man!" the submarine captain waved goodbye.
Back in the Bastille, Jason and Gary stared at the remains of the cell where Bowser had placed the Mario Bros. group.
"Aww great," Jason moaned. "The Mario Bros. and their pesky little Struthiomimus have somehow managed to escape! King Bowser isn't going to like this."
"Well, I suppose we could tell him that we executed 'em," suggested Gary. But then a thought struck him. "But then we'd have to worry about him running into them out there..."
Jason moaned again. "Ohhhh, he's not going to like this at all."
Bowser was driving around in the streets of Paris in his Koopa Clown Car, which was in its automobile mode. His other seven Koopalings were all sitting in the passenger seats. They pretty much preferred this form of the Clown Car over its usual heli-vessel form, because there was more legroom in this particular form.
"Heh heh heh heh," Bowser chortled. "I'd say we've done a good job of bringing grief and agony to those dirty French. Too bad we weren't around for when they filmed 'Rugrats in Paris' - we could've provided some neat ruin in the giant Reptar robot's rampage sequence at the closing!"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, King Dad!" Morton Koopa Jr. blabbermouthed. "They never went to any locations to film 'Rugrats in Paris', 'cause it was just a cartoon! An animated movie! A hand-drawn motion picture! You don't gather up cameras and shoot some film for a piece of animation! It's all an optical illusion cast onto a theater screen for all to see and witness the--"
Again, the little big mouth was covered up by Roy Koopa's hand.
"Well kids," said Bowser to his kids, "I suppose we've brought enough ruin to the capital of France. It's time to head back to the Mushroom World and start conquering! With the Mario Bros. imprisoned, it's open season."
"But Pop," suggested Ludwig, "can't we take over the rest of Earth first?"
"Yeah!" agreed Roy, taking his claw off of Morton's jaws. "Why just stop at Europe's city of romance? We could take over all of da Earth continents!"
Iggy started another sentence. "Just like when..."
Lemmy continued where his glasses-wearing twin left off. "...you sent us..."
"...to take over..."
"...one continent each!"
"That's a totally depraved, appalling, despicable idea, kids!" Bowser shouted, sounding disturbed at first before switching into "accepting-the-idea" speech mode. "I love it! It's world class mischief!"
Isn't that how he complimented us when we took over all the continents? Larry Koopa thought about Bowser's compliment.
Bowser pulled out his map of Earth from their previous takeover of the planet and handed it to his kids. "So kiddies, which continent should we take over next?"
Before any of the Koopa Kids could shout out their answers, the Clown Car's portable telephone rang.
"Interruptions, always interruptions! How can I ever get anything accomplished when nobody ignores the phone!" Bowser mumbled, in a griping tone, as he reached for the cellular phone. He pushed the "Talk" button and put the phone up to his ears. "Yeah, what is it?" he asked, speaking into the mouthpiece.
"Uh, King Bowser, your highness?" the voice of Jason the Hammer Brother sounded from the other line. Gary was whistling innocently behind him. "Gary and I really hate to bother you, but... um..."
Bowser sighed, annoyed. "Don't tell me, let me guess. You ate all the candy bars I left for you two? Gary fell asleep on the job again? This call had better be important, Jason. I'm a toe away from deciding which continent we should cause unnecessary pain and suffering to the people of next."
"Uh, uh, uhhhhhhh..." Jason stammered, trying to drag the news as long as possible. "Well sir, uh... have I ever told you how good you look with that Power Pendant?"
"You did, just now," muttered Bowser. "But that's not a very good reason to be calling me right now!"
"Ummmm..." Jason fished for another lame excuse. "Could Gary and I dissect a Goomba and find out what they look on the inside?"
"Absolutely not!" Bowser shouted. "If you were going to give me a suggestion on who to guard the Princesses over at the Eiffel Tower when Bowser Jr. returns to the Mushroom World with us, then this call might have some significance. But so far, it hasn't any."
Gary took his brother's receiver and talked into the mouthpiece himself. "Would you believe we were just calling to say hello?"
"Jason! Gary!" Bowser commanded to the Hammer Bros. "I demand you get to the point of this conversation!"
Jason took the phone back from his brother. "Well, your majesty... it's like this, sir. You see... the Mario Bros. and... the rest of... the prisoners, sir... well... they're in the process of... uh... circumstances being what they are... ah... they... they... they've escaped, sir."
The Clown Car came to an abrupt stop.
"WHAT!" Bowser roared into the mouthpiece, almost crushing his cell phone and nearly blowing up the earpiece of the Hammer Bros.' receiver. "YOU IDIOTS! YOU MORONS! How could you let them get past you?"
Gary took the receiver again, seeing how his brother had been blown down by the Koopa King's screaming. "Well, it was kind of an accident, your royal pain. You see, this short bearded hippie came in with a birthday cake he claimed he was bringing to one of them. Odd that he didn't specify which one. Then, the moment he had left, the alarm went off and when we looked in the cell, there was a big hole in the wall and the hostages were gone! I guess this means we won't be getting a gold star any time soon..."
Bowser snorted angrily, then continued speaking to the Hammer Bros. "Well, boys, you just run on back to Darkland. I'll handle the Mario Bros." And with that, he put down the phone and turned to the Koopalings. "Kids, your daddy's gonna have to go and make a slaughter right now." He faced his oldest heir and said, "Ludwig, you take the wheel. This looks like a job for Super Bowser."
Once again, Bowser held up the Power Pendant, and once again, electricity surged around him. As with before, his horns turned into raccoon ears, and a black-and-brown tail sprouted in place of his usual (and actually kind of cute) tail. As Ludwig took the wheel of the Clown Car, Raccoon Bowser flew off again.
Those Super Mario Bummers have meddled in my affairs once too often! the Koopa King thought to himself as he flew above the streets of Paris. I've taken a licking from them for years now, but it shall not happen again. For it's high time we settled our little quarrel. Now... the final showdown begins.
Wind whistled throughout the streets of Paris. On a street corner a medium-sized distance away from the Eiffel Tower, Mario Mario, Luigi Mario, and Yoshi the Green Struthiomimus stood in wait. Behind them, Toad leaned his back on his Power-Up-filled treasure chest as Wario spat on the ground a bit and Waluigi looked on.
"I don't a-get it," Luigi complained. "We've looked all over and still no sign of the Koopas! You'd a-think they'd-a stick out like sore thumbs in Paris."
"You don't think they've gone back to the Mushroom Kingdom, do you?" Yoshi suggested.
"If they did," Mario planned, "chances are they might've taken over already. Toad, you go free Peach and Daisy while Luigi, Yoshi, and I head back to the Mushroom King... wait!" He pointed to the big flying object coming toward them. "Look! Up in the sky!"
Luigi: "Is it a bird?"
Yoshi: "Is it a plane?"
Toad: "Is it an eggplant?"
Mario: "Is it a meatball?"
Wario: "Is it Superman?"
Waluigi: "Is it Randy Tabandy in a flying machine?"
Toad: "Is it Pee-Wee Herman?"
The others looked at him strangely.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," Toad said, embarrassed.
"No way, fungus face!" Raccoon Bowser shouted, in reply to all of their solutions, as he swooped at them. "It's Super Bowser! And he's here to settle an old score!" He missed hitting any of them, but continued onward into the air, preparing to strike again.
Toad pulled a Super Leaf out of his treasure chest full of Power-Ups. "Luigi, catch!" he said, throwing it to the green-clad man.
"Thanks!" Luigi said as he grabbed the Leaf and became Raccoon Luigi.
"Now let's go take care of Raccoon Bowser!" Mario shouted.
Mario and Luigi got a running start and then jumped at the right moment. Flapping their tails, they flew off after Bowser.
Wario watched as the Raccoon Mario Bros. flew around. He then turned to Toad and asked, "Hey Toad, ya got any of my Power-Ups in that chest-a?"
Up in the sky, Raccoon Bowser stopped his preparations to strike when he saw Mario and Luigi coming his way. The Mario Bros. stopped flying in his direction.
"Look, Bowser," Mario reasoned. "You've been a big thorn in our paws since we first landed in the Mushroom World, and we can guess you feel the same way about us. That pendant may be granting you the use of our Power-Ups, but we can still beat you. Now are you gonna just give up, or are we gonna have to resort to fisticuffs?"
"So you managed to get Power-Ups. Fiddle dee-dee!" said Bowser, not convinced. "I'm still gonna win this match! Since I'm now able to to use yours and Wario's Power-Ups, it's finally your turn to get your butts kicked! I've waited years for this, and now I finally get the pleasure of doing it."
Luigi folded his arms. "Well then, you'll just have to beat us first-a!"
"Let the butt-kicking begin, Koopa Stoopa!" Mario yelled, calling Bowser by an insult that Toad usually used.
Bowser zipped off, flying in the western direction.
Mario watched the Koopa King fly away. "C'mon Luigi, the coward's a-gettin' away!"
The Raccoon Mario Bros. flew off, following Raccoon Bowser's flight path. During this chase, they flew by the two French boys from earlier.
"Hmmm, there goes Bowser again," said the first one.
"Yes, and Mario and Luigi are chasing after him this time," added his partner. "You really think there's some new Nintendo-themed park opening near here?"
"Well, either that, or this is live advertising for their new game on the Game Boy Advance SP."
After a while, Mario and Luigi apparently lost sight of Bowser.
Where did he go? Mario thought, eyeing the scenery.
They looked around at the setting in front of them. He wasn't anywhere to be seen.
That's when they suddenly heard Bowser's laugh behind them. They turned around, but Raccoon Bowser now looked a little different. Nearly everything on Bowser's body that was scaly was now as orange as a fireball.
"Heh heh heh heh heh... I guess I didn't mention that my Power Pendant grants me the privilege of being able to use two Power-Ups at once!" Bowser gloated. "I can fly and shoot fireballs at the same time; I can swim like a fish and toss hammers simultaneously; I can even be invisible and metallic at once! Now say your prayers while you can, 'cause you're about to feel the heat I experienced the first time you ever defeated me!"
And with that, Raccoon-Fiery Bowser shot them with a large fireball. The Mario Bros.' raccoon ears and tails vanished as they lost their Raccoon Power. In cartoon style, they stopped in midair before gravity took its force. They screamed high-pitched screams as they fell presumably to their deaths.
Mario closed his eyes. It was quite obvious that this was the end.
But when he didn't ear the sound of them hitting the pavement, he opened his eyes again. He and Luigi were still in the air, even though they had lost their flying ability. Mario looked to his right and found that he and his brother had just had their lives saved by the most unpredictable rescuer.
"Wario?" He said blatantly to the man holding them up, a Jet Hat on his head. "You... you saved our lives, Wario."
Luigi was quite surprised by the money glutton's act. "But why'd you do it? I thought you and Waluigi hated us..."
"Aw, I just couldn't let you guys die," Wario answered as he hovered towards the ground with them in his muscular arms. "If I did, who would my brother and I be able to-a challenge to a game of tennis or golf? Certainly not Donkey Kong..."
In the meantime, Bowser Jr. was still guarding Peach and Daisy over at the Eiffel Tower, not noticing the two figures entering the tower's first floor below.
"Well, I take it you're not going to let us go even if we offer you a nice steak dinner at McKoopa's," Daisy sighed, running out of deals to strike with the little dinosaur-turtle hybrid.
"Nope," said Bowser Jr. as he continued his pacing. "But maybe you'll have better luck with the guard on the next shift. Since Papa's gonna be headin' back to take over the Mushroom World with that Pendant of his, he's gonna need me accompanying him, so maybe I'll be leavin' somebody like Mouser or Petey in my place here. I would like some pictures of this city to bring home, though."
Suddenly, a high-pitched voice behind him rang out. "Yeah?"
The youngest Koopa Kid then found himself lifted up by the quick and strong arms of Toad. The blue-vested Mushroom Retainer and Yoshi had come out of the elevator while the kid was speaking.
"Well, paste this in your scrapbook!" And with that, Toad threw the spine-tingled Bowser Jr. down to the ground like as if he were throwing a Shy Guy. The young turtle crashed right into the pavement, going right through it.
Toad then untied Peach and Daisy, and they unraveled to the ground. He then got back on Yoshi's saddle, and the dinosaur leapt down gracefully, landing in front of the Princesses.
Jumping off of Yoshi's back, Toad ran up to Peach. "Now I know why you told me to stay behind, Peach!" he apologized. "Sorry I got mad."
"It's all right, Toad," Peach said, patting the mushroom on his red-spotted hat.
"Yeah," said Daisy. "Luigi tells me that he has to do that sometimes himself, but he always controls his anger."
"Did you bring Power-Ups for Mario and Luigi?" Peach asked.
Just as Toad was about to answer, Wario touched down in front of them, and Mario and Luigi got out of his arms.
Daisy looked at Jet Wario. "Hmmm, I see you had to bring Wario some Power-Ups, too."
"Hey, it was just a thought that occurred to me!" said Toad, putting out his arms.
That's when Waluigi ran up, jumping over the Bowser Jr.-shaped crater now in the road. "Hey! I'll have you guys know that my bro's got some mighty wicked Power-Ups!"
"Hey, Waluigi," said Mario, "I thought you wanted to go back home and watch 'PastelZone'."
"Aw, why bother?" Waluigi said, putting his gloved hands in his pockets and kicking some dust. "The show's already over by now, but I'm sure this episode'll air again in reruns. Besides, I can't resist watching a big fight!"
"Speaking of the fight..." Mario turned to Toad and shouted, "Get Luigi and me two different Power-Ups! I've got an idea."
Peach opened up Toad's treasure chest (which he had placed right there in front of the Eiffel Tower), and she and Daisy dug through the chest, pulling out a Cape Feather and a Fire Flower, respectively.
"Luigi, Mario, heads up!" Daisy yelled as she and Peach threw the Power-Ups to the Mario Bros.
Mario grabbed hold of the Feather, and Luigi plucked up the Fire Flower. The Power-Ups transformed them into Caped Mario and Fiery Luigi.
"Got it, Daisy!" said Luigi as his blue overalls turned green and his green shirt and hat changed into an orange-ish shade of white.
"Good choice-a!" Mario proclaimed as the yellow cape sprouted on his back. "Come on, Luigi, let's fight that fiery flyer with flying fire."
Caped Mario took Fiery Luigi by the hand and took off into the air again.
Raccoon-Fiery Bowser watched as the Mario Bros. flew towards him. "So, you survived that drop. Well, I'll bet you can't do it again!"
"We won't need to!" shouted Mario, bringing Luigi and himself above the Koopa King. "Give him what's a-for, Luigi!"
Luigi shot a few fireballs Bowser's way. It took one fireball to rob Bowser of his Fiery power. Another fireball hit him, taking away his Raccoon power.
"AUUUGH!" Bowser screamed as his Raccoon ears and tail disappeared off of him. Powerless, the Koopa King started to fall to the ground below. Fortunately for himself, he held out his Power Pendant so that it gave him Cape Power. Having gotten himself a Cape, Bowser slowered his descent, landing in front of a river. "Ha! It'll take more than the ammunition of fireball-shooters to stop me!"
"Well, how 'bout the charge of a bull!" Bull Wario came charging at Bowser, bashing right into him and knocking him into the river.
"Olé!" Waluigi called from afar, standing right in front of Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toad.
Mario and Luigi reached terra firma in front of the river, landing next to where Wario stood.
"Hey, you think he's a-still down there?" asked Luigi.
"If he is," Mario reasoned, "he's probably gonna come up. Toad, toss me a Frog Suit!"
The next thing Mario knew, he was swimming in the river, donning his Frog Suit, looking for Bowser. And sure enough, he found him, for the King of the Koopas, also now wearing a Frog Suit, was right behind him! Swimming quickly, Mario narrowly avoided being attacked. Frog Bowser swam after him, not realizing that Mario was luring him out of hiding. Mario leapt out of the river, with Bowser following him. But right when Bowser came out of the water, his head was struck by wood, and the outline of his Frog Suit bolted right off as he fell back into the substance known scientifically as H20.
Luigi grinned as the Boomerang landed back in his hand. "It helps to have a wooden stick, mate!" he said, winking to his Frog Suit-wearing brother.
But just then, Bowser jumped out of the water again, now wearing a Hammer Suit. "But it helps even more to have hammers!" he yelled, knocking Mario and Luigi aside with his Hammers. "And just to make sure, this Kuribo clogger-upper will be just the thing to kick some sense into a couple of clogs!" He used the Power Pendant once again, and this time, a big green Kuribo's Shoe appeared around him.
"You tell 'em, Papa!" Bowser Jr. shouted approval, raising his fist out of the crater he was in.
Mario and Luigi landed on opposite sides of each other, seeing how Bowser had tossed them in separate directions. The Boomerang disappeared from Luigi's grasp, and Mario's Frog Suit came off. As if that weren't enough, now the sleeves of their shirts had rips at the shoulders, and there was visible signs of blood dripping down their arms. That had to hurt.
"I'm-a beginning to think that Bowser's not-a lying when he says this-a Pendat's a-making him unstoppable," theorized the battered Luigi.
"Well, that doesn't me we can just let him beat us!" said Mario. "Hey Wario, Waluigi! Let's team up for a quadruple attack!"
"We're right behind ya, Mario!" Wario was digging in Toad's box.
Mario and Luigi immediately ran from the Hammer-tossing Kuribo Bowser, heading for the chest.
"You'll never escape the wrathful doom of this shoe! Ha ha ha!" Bowser laughed as he used the Power Pendant again. This time, his horns turned into Bunny Ears. When he hopped into the air, he stayed in there, as he continually flapped his new ears.
By now, Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi had gathered their own Power-Ups. They counted in unison. "One... two... three!"
When Bowser landed his Kuribo's Shoe, he suddenly felt a kick in the behind. That kick was coming from Luigi, made invisible by the Vanish Cap. Right when Bowser turned around, Tanooki Mario landed on him, as a statue. Bowser's Bunny Ears disappeared as he rubbed on his helmet. Suddenly, he felt himself getting hotter. He then leapt out of his Kuribo's Shoe and high into the air with an agonizing scream, as well as the loss of his Hammer Suit, as he had just been burned by Wario and Waluigi, both using Dragon Hats.
"Fancy firing, Wario!" commented Mario. "I guess you're good for something."
"Yeah. Gold hunting!" Wario acknowledged.
But then Bowser wound up back in his Kuribo's Shoe, landing on his top. Picking himself up, he transformed back into Raccoon-Fiery Bowser and started flying again.
"Oh no!" shouted Luigi. "He's a-still not down yet!"
Bowser shot the four once again with his fireballs, removing all of their respective Power-Ups. Now Wario and Waluigi were showing signs of physical damage themselves, and there were rips on Mario and Luigi's pant legs. Bowser laughed cruelly at their shabby appearance, and Bowser Jr. began to crawl out of his crater to join in.
That's when Peach and Daisy tossed a Starman each to their plumb paramours, making them invincible. Bowser tried to shoot them with the fireballs again, but this time they bounced off and hit him, robbing him of both his Raccoon and Fiery Powers.
Landing on solid ground again, Bowser activated the Power Pendant once more, and this time his horns changed to Wings. Obviously, he was now Winged Bowser. The Mario Bros. and the Wario Bros. ran about, avoiding Bowser as he flew around, trying to land his shoe on them.
"Dang it! Stand still!" he yelled.
Bowser was now getting really ticked. He was so PO'ed that steam was coming out of his nose. So he jumped out of his shoe and flew towards the treasure chest. He then grabbed Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toad.
"I should probably just do away with the rest of you before you give those plumb scummers any more help!" he shouted at them.
Suddenly, Metal Mario and Metal Luigi jumped on him, and he dropped the four prisoners. He angrily forgot to look where he was going, and crashed right into a tree. As he was wiggling there, Yoshi threw an Egg at him, and it smashed into him, taking away his Wing Cap Power.
Mario and Luigi did their trademark plumber hand-shake, despite being metallic at the time. "Lugg-lugg-lugg-lugg-lugg!" they said, in unison.
Waluigi observed the handshake. "Hey bro," he said to Waluigi, "how come we don't shake hands like that?"
Bowser picked himself up, turned his Raccoon Power on again, and flew back into his Kuribo's Shoe. "OK, plumbers and gold hunters! Now I'm gonna show you what it's like to be a Goomba!"
As Bowser did some more stomping, Yoshi pulled Toad's Kuribo's Shoe out of the chest. "Here, Mario, use this!"
Mario jumped into the Kuribo's Shoe that Toad had brought. "Good thinking, Yoshi!"
Bowser was by now preparing to stomp on Luigi from above. But before he could, Mario leapt at him in his own Kuribo's Shoe and gave him a swift kick. The booted Bowser went flying out of his shoe, and as he came for a landing, he noticed something.
"The Power Pendant! Noo!" he shouted, seeing the Pendant, now dislodged from his neck, was sitting on the ground. in front of him.
"Grab it, guys!" Mario shouted. "If we can destroy it, we may be able to defeat Bowser!" He, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toad ran towards the Pendant, trying to prevent Bowser from grabbing it.
But they were too late. Bowser swiped up the Power Pendant in his bare claw.
"Too late, goody-goodies!" Bowser taunted. "You've only succeeded in delaying your fate! I shall now bring to you, your death! And I'll do it by making myself invincible! By wishing for every Power-Up there is!" He held the Power Pendant in the air, preparing to make his transformation.
"Oh no," moped Wario. "No no no."
"I guess I've watched my last 'PastelZone' episode." Waluigi cowered behind his brother.
Yoshi held onto his tail. "I wonder how Birdo will react to this..."
A tear dropped down Mario's eye as he stared at Princess Peach Toadstool. He had a large secret, and he only one chance left to say it.
"Uh... Peach?" he started. "I've been hiding a little secret since I saved you from Booster back in Marrymore. I think you'd-a better know it before Bowser kills us. I..."
"Aw, ain't that pretty?" Bowser interrupted any chance of any romantic moments. "Just the kind of sentiment that needs to be expressed in the face of death! It's such a shame to be losing an enemy as he admits a secret, but in every game there are winners and there are losers. And in this game, you, my foes, are losers! Power Pendant! Give me the powers of the Super Mushroom, the Fire Flower, the Super Leaf, the Frog Suit, the Hammer Suit, the Tanooki Suit, the Boomerang, the Cape Feather, the Super Carrot, the Bull Hat, the Jet Hat, the Dragon Hat, the Wing Cap, the Vanish Cap, and the Metal Cap all combined!" Thunderous laughter came from his mouth and echoed around Paris.
Bowser Jr. ran up to his father. "Don't forget the Starman, papa!"
Just then, Ludwig and the rest of the Koopalings drove up in the Clown Car, stopping next to Bowser. "King Dad, NO!" Ludwig screamed. "Don't tell me you requested to be granted every Power-Up possible!"
"Uh, yeah," Bowser told his inventive offspring. "I just did! And now I'm gonna kill my lifelong enemies!"
"I vas afraid of zis!" Ludwig said, slapping his forehead. "King Dad, by vishing for every Power-Up possible, you've overloaded ze Pendant! It's going to explode!"
Upon hearing Ludwig's exclamation, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Toad, Peach, Daisy, Wario, and Waluigi ran for cover.
Bowser looked at the Pendant, just about getting read to blow up. He could only utter one sentence to describe this unlucky turns of events.
The Power Pendant exploded with a mighty BOOM! It sent Bowser rocketing around in the sky, with him unable to control it as his forms switched between Raccoon Bowser, Fiery Bowser, Frog Bowser, Tanooki Bowser, Hammer Bowser, Caped Bowser, Bunny Bowser, Bull Bowser, Jet Bowser, Dragon Bowser, Winged Bowser, Vanishing Bowser, and Metal Bowser. Finally, he landed right in the manhole he had entered Paris through earlier as Mario and the group watched.
The Koopa Kids drove the Clown Car over to the manhole. Seven-eighths of them jumped out as Ludwig converted the car into a suitcase.
"Daddy! Wait for us!" Wendy cried as she and six of her brothers jumped down the manhole.
Ludwig picked up the Clown Car, in suitcase form, and shook a fist at Mario's group. "You drained brains may have gotten ze best of us zis time, but mark my words... next time papa fights you, he shall be victorious!" And with that, he followed his single parent and his seven siblings down the manhole.
"Aah, who's he a-foolin'?" Luigi scoffed. "After this episode, I don't a-think he'll ever be able to defeat us!"
"And I don't think Paris will be seeing them ever again!" said Yoshi.
Daisy hugged her favorite green-hatted man. "Yeah! We're unbeatable!"
"That battle was as good as gold-a!" Wario gave a thumbs-up. "Maybe I should tell one of my employees at my minigame factory to make a game outta dis."
Waluigi crossed his arms confidently. "I gotta admit, even I could stand to miss 'PastelZone' for a battle like this."
"I guess we can accomplish anything if we try!" said Peach, raising her long-gloved arm.
"Yeah!" agreed Mario. "Next to the time when he stole the Star Rod, that Power Pendant marks-a the closest time Bowser has ever came to beating us. But I guess Super Bowser was never really super after all!"
"You're right," said Toad. "Ol' Bowser may have thought he was super, but when you're talking Super Mario Bros., there's just no substitute for the real thing!"
Mario patted his Mushroom-hatted confidant on the head. "Yeah, but we couldn't have done it without our Toad!"
Toad smiled, for with his help, the threat of the Power Pendant was no more.
So there you have it. My most ambitious Mario cartoon novelization ever. It's done. Now don't forget, Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3 comes out today. So...
Until next time everybody, DO THE MARIO!