Radical Edward: Hooray! My very first .hack/SIGN ficcypoo! Unfortunately, Saza went back to Germany for fall break and won't be back until next week. So while she's off drinking German beer and hanging with her family and friends, I'll be doing this fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own .hack/SIGN, Cat in the Hat, and Fruity Pebbles. Growl!

.hack/FAIRYTALES

Chapter One: BT and the 3 Bears.

Once upon a time, there was a wave master named BT.

BT: Hi! I'm BT!

There was also a Heavy Blade dude named Bear.

BT: Aww. look at da cuddly bear! *pets Bear*

One day, Bear's friends from "Da World" went to Miami for a week. He couldn't go because they didn't allow shirtless men with blue paint there.

Bear: This life sucks!

He got lonely and created 2 mini-me's named "Bear-Thing 1" and "Bear-Thing 2".

*2 Bear-Things come out of a box. They're Heavy Blade's too, but with plastic toy swords*

2 weeks later, Bear made cereal for breakfast. Everyone had a complaint about the food.

Bear: My Fruit Loops are too colorful.

Bear-Thing 1: My Frosted Flakes are too Grrreat!

Bear-Thing 2: My Fruity Pebbles have rocks in them.

Bear: Let's go to "Da World" for a while. Maybe when we come back, the cereal will be just right!

The 3 Bears left the real world and went to visit Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Subaru in "Da World". They wanted to here about their trip to Miami.

Bear: I hope they brought me a present!

Then, BT came to Bear's house and knocked on his door.

BT: Hey Bear! You wanna play Dodgeball in traffic? *no answer* Bear?

BT walked inside and saw the cereal on the table in all its sugary glory.

BT: Yummy! *eats the Fruit Loops* mmm. colory! *eats the Frosted Flakes* mmm. grrreaty! *eats the Fruity Pebbles* mmm. rocky! I'm full!

BT ran to the living room and sat on Bear's big chair. She noticed the chair was solid stone.

BT: My ass hurts!

BT sat on Bear-Thing 1's chair, but the chair was covered in cat hair*

BT: ACHOO!!!

BT sat on Bear-Thing 2's chair and felt comfortable.

BT: Ooh! Comfy! *starts jumping up and down* WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

Then the chair broke.

BT: Oops! I'll just blame it on Sora!

BT ran up to the bed room and sat on Bear's bed, but the bed had Hamtaro bedsheets.

BT: EWW!! HAMSTERS! *tears up bedsheets*

She sat on Bear-Thing 1's bed, but the bedsheets were Avril Lavinge.

BT: POSER!!! *throws sheets in fireplace*

She sat on Bear-Thing 2's bed with Inu-yasha bedsheets.

BT: DOGGIE EARS!!! *strokes ears and falls asleep*

Later, Bear and the Bear-Things came back from "Da World". They were hungry and decided to eat the cereal. But when they got there, the cereal was gone.

Bear: Someone ate my Fruit Loops!

Bear-T 1: Someone ate my Frosted Flakes!

Bear-T 2: Someone ate my Fruity Pebbles!

They went into the living room.

Bear: Someone hurt their hiney on my chair!

Bear-T 1: Someone sneezed on my chair!

Bear-T 2: Someone jumped on my chair and broke it!

In the bedroom.

Bear: Someone tore my Hamtaro sheets!

Bear-T 1: Someone burned my Avril Lavinge sheets!

Bear-T 2: Someone is sleeping on my Inu-yasha sheets! Gross! She wet them! I just got those cleaned!

All: Eww!

BT woke up and saw the 3 Bears. She didn't know how to explain the damage.

BT: Sora did it!

She ran back to "Da World". Bear never saw her again until he went to "Da World" the next day to kill Sora.

Radical Edward: Yeah! I'm done. I'll type up the next chapters VERY SOON, so wait patiently. In the meantime, read hack/INSANITY. Very funny fic from a fellow .hack/SIGN fan. Read it!