Author's Notes: First off, I must say that I haven't seen any episodes of G.I. Joe, nor do I really know anything about them other than what I've read in Red Witch's wonderful stories. Second, I can't rhyme, so I'm sorry if Roadblock seems a bit…off kilter. I'm dead serious when I say that it takes me at least five minutes to come up with a single line of his (though, honestly, I should go read some Shakespeare, I always seem to rhyme after reading that…) Third, this is my first Evo fic. I'm used to doing soap opera fiction and stories for "Angel," so this is very new to me. Fourth, I'm not sure if this is any good at all, but at least I tried. :) Fifth, I suggest reading chapters 22 and 23 of "The Misfit Chronicles" if you get a little confused about the first few lines. That pretty much explains the sneak attacks. Sixth, I recommend listening to the song "Ache" by No Doubt off of their first album, the self-titled "No Doubt." It's where I got the title and a little bit more of the inspiration. Seventh, kudos to me for finding the strength to reject the little idea for part of the story as well as the title: "Why Does the Tooth Fairy Look Like Betty Boop?" If someone wants to take that thought over, please go ahead. And one last thing…I apologize for the second "paragraph" of section two. I couldn't resist.
Dedications: This is dedicated to two lovely people. To Red Witch for encouraging me to attempt a Misfits fic, without that encouragement Lance wouldn't be in the position he's in. (If you don't know her:  Where have you been?  Go read her stories (check my profile under favorite authors)  If you love her, go join the fanlisting (again, check my profile)) And to my aunt Bette, who had a tooth infection and had to get two teeth yanked yesterday. Because of the numbness in your mouth, I got a plot bunny, which resulted in this. I hope you get better soon.
More Notes: I'm sorry
if this chapter keeps showing up odd for you. I hope that I can fiction
"I didn't mean to hurt him, really."
Lance faintly heard Todd's voice through the dark haze of semi-consciousness. Much to his annoyance he found that he couldn't gather the strength to open his eyes and see who his little friend was talking to, but either way he was able to grasp hold on one thought. This was going to be one of those weeks. Again.
"Calm down, Todd," Spirit's voice came next, breaking through the half-formed thoughts of the prostrate mutant. "What happened?"
"He was trying to surprise me but I heard him coming, so I jumped out of the way and accidentally kicked him," the hyper and apologetic mutant youth replied.
The earth-manipulating mutant groaned as he struggled to gather his strength and not pass out again. He took stock of his aches and pains. Headache, check. Backache, check. Toothache, double check. This was definitely going to be one of those weeks.
"Lance, are you all right?"
"I'm fine. I'm just in a bit of pain…I think I landed on a rock," he answered as he sat up. Only to be knocked back down by a very repentant Todd.
"I'm so sorry! Are you sure you're okay?" the sandy-haired youth asked—the questions coming out very rapid-fire—as his arms wrapped around his friend in a tight hug.
Lance's brow furrowed in confusion. Todd was acting just like…a two year old. He quickly turned his heads to the adults, Spirit, Roadblock, and Low Light, the only ones there other than Todd and himself. "All right, who gave him the sugar?" he asked, wincing at the pain that was situated in his jaw that made itself more evident when he spoke.
"He got into B.A.'s coffee," Roadblock replied, pulling the smaller mutant off of his injured friend. He continued speaking, this time to the other two adults. "They've caused a lot of damage, those three."
"Three?" Lance groaned. "Please tell me that Pietro isn't one of the three. He's hyper enough as it is."
"He's not. Todd, Althea, and Xi snuck into the kitchen and snagged the coffee," Low Light said. "We've been looking all over for them. At least we found one of them."
"Todd, why don't you take Lance to Lifeline and make sure he's okay," Spirit suggested. He continued quietly, "and maybe get him to give you a sedative."
"Okay," Todd replied happily, helping his friend up. "Let's go."
"What started these surprise attacks this time?" Low Light asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose in an effort to stave off another tension headache.
The other two adults answered him in unison, "Shaving cream bombs in Lance's room."
"That's it. We need to get those kids on Ritalin."
One week later Lance awoke to one of the Pit's unusual choices for reveille.
"On the floor of Tokyo, Or down in London town to go, go, With the record selection, With the mirror reflection, I'm dancing with myself..."
"Billy Idol," he mumbled, taking care not to move his jaw so much to aggravate the still-present toothache. "That's a new one."
He slowly got out of bed and started getting ready for the day, finally taking a deep breath to head down to breakfast. He hoped that he'd get feeling better soon. Todd wanted to help nurse him back to health—seeing as how the injury was partially his fault—but the hovering was starting to get annoying.
"Your jaw looks more swollen," Todd commented upon looking at his friend.
"It's all right, Todd," Lance assured, taking a seat. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
"I think it's once again time for you to visit Lifeline," Roadblock said.
"You might have an infection," Cover Girl added. "He may be able to help."
"I hope he can, it's starting to drive me nuts," the brunette mutant replied, speaking more about Todd's hovering than the actual pain.
"You're already nuts," Pietro grinned.
"That's the pot calling the kettle black," the injured youth griped.
"You really are. Why else would you constantly keep mooning over Kitty?" Wanda pointed out, surprisingly coming to her brother's defense. "She's an airhead."
"She's just as bad as Jean," Fred spoke up, getting into the spirit of X-Man bashing.
"At least Jean could string guys along with no problem, yo," Todd explained. "Kitty's too dumb to pull it off. She can only accomplish getting you and the Tin Man to fight constantly. Face it, she's a ditz."
"Kitty is not a ditz!" Lance shouted as he stood up and pounded his fist on the table. These motions, however, caused his vision to swim. He waited for it to stop then began to walk out of the house. "I think I need to see Lifeline." Just before he closed the door he called back, "Kitty is not a ditz!"
The Misfits all looked at each other for a few moments before they chorused, "Yes she is."
"When Todd kicked you, your tooth must have been knocked loose," Lifeline said as he examined Lance's mouth. "And from there it became infected. I think you need to go see a dentist and get it pulled."
Lance groaned, "I hate the dentist."
"I think I can get rid of the infection so the appointment can be made as soon as possible," the medic continued.
"There's no way I can get out of this?"
"Not unless you want to be in a tremendous amount of pain."
"Then let's get this over with."
Later that afternoon Spirit led a groggy Lance back into the house. They had been lucky enough to find that the dentist in one of the nearby towns had an opening and could fit the young mutant in.
"You look terrible," Xi observed, turning to look at his returning friend.
Lance said something in reply, but it came out as undistinguishable gibberish.
"He said that he's going to go lay down," Spirit translated as he handed his charge his bottle of painkillers and sent him up to his room. "The Novocain hit him pretty hard. He's tired and can't really talk. He's going to need your help over the next few days."
"He is?" Pietro asked, wary. He knew that a sick Lance was often very cranky. Of course, he had caused most of his friends' illnesses so that may not always be true.
"Yes. He's going to need you all to be considerate of his pain and, most importantly, be quiet and leave him alone," Spirit replied. "That goes for you, too, Shipwreck."
"Why are you bringing me into this?" the slightly insane sailor questioned indignantly.
"You can be just as bad as the kids sometimes," Cover Girl explained.
"I am not!"
"Dad, you really are. There are times when I think that the triplets are more mature than you," Althea stated. "That's not often that I think they're more mature, but I do think it on occasion."
"I'd say he's just as bad as the triplets," Pietro agreed.
"You're one to talk. You can be as bad as them, too."
"You all can be," Low Light broke in, attempting to head off the fight that was sure to ensue.
"Low Light is right," Roadblock agreed. "Now let's not fight."
Todd smiled at the adults. "We'll be good, I promise."
"Thank you, Todd. I'm sure Lance will appreciate it," Spirit said. "Now don't you all have something you should be doing?"
"We gave them the afternoon off to check on Lance."
"They were torturing Beach Head again?"
"Yeah, they kidnapped Sergeant Snuffles and held him for ransom. They're all now under house arrest as per General Hawk's orders."
"Lucky us," Low Light grumbled.
"Todd, I'm fine," Lance groaned the next day, more than a little annoyed. The amphibious mutant was acting as his personal nurse in an attempt to make him feel better—despite the fact that he had already forgiven his friend for both the kick and the shaving cream bomb. "Please just leave me alone."
"No," Todd replied. "It's my job to help make you feel better. I hurt you and, on my honor as a ninja, I will help heal you."
"For the millionth time, you are not a ninja!" he burst out, immediately regretting it as he opened his mouth wider than he intended.
"I am too! I'm a Ninja-in-Training," he defended.
"Toad, will you just go away!"
"No, it is my duty to take care of you."
"He's not going to leave no matter what you do and you know it," a familiar cocky voice sing-songed.
"Oh no," Lance groaned. "Not you, too. This is one of the worst weeks of my life."
"What? Aren't you happy to see me?" the silver Coyote asked with its usual feral grin.
"What is this? Torture Lance Day?"
"What makes you say that, my friend?" the figment questioned as it made itself comfortable on Lance's bed. "Like Todd over there I'm here to help you get better."
"No you're not. I want you to go away. Go away now!"
"Oh, you're really going to get rid of me that way," was the sarcastic reply. "Haven't you learned by now?"
"I hate you. Words cannot describe how much I hate you."
"You're just saying that."
"Yeah, I am. Repeatedly."
Todd looked between Lance and the bare space that he was talking to. Then the situation dawned on him and he hopped to the doorway. "Roadblock!" he yelled. "Lance is seeing the coyote again!"
"I bet you wouldn't mind it so much if it was Kitty doing the nursemaiding."
"That's all I need, Kitty to see me in my misery. I don't want her to have to see me when I'm sick."
"You're always sick, but that's beside the point."
It was then that Pietro walked in with a Cheshire cat grin on his face closely followed by the other Misfits. "Lance, we have a surprise for you."
"Why am I now terrified?" Lance questioned. He raised his eyes heavenward, "And why do you hate me so much? Why?"
"Nobody hates you, Lance. And to prove it, we did something nice for you," his white-haired friend replied.
"And this time you won't get electrocuted," Xi chimed in.
"What are you talking about?" Lance asked, instantly suspicious.
"Lance, are you, like, all right?" Kitty asked, entering the room and heading straight for her sort-of-boyfriend.
"Kitty…what are you doing here?"
"Pietro and Shipwreck came over and told me what happened and I wanted to come and make sure that you're all right."
"I- I-I'm fine," he stuttered, before he had to turn to the laughing Coyote. "This isn't funny…will you just shut up!?"
"Lance? Like, who are you talking to?" Kitty asked. "Nobody's laughing." She then heard the Misfits begin to laugh. "Well, they weren't just a few moments ago."
"I think he's hallucinating again," Todd said, deciding to be helpful. "He's seeing a Coyote."
"This is just a, like, side effect of the pain killers, right?" the valley girl questioned.
"Yeah, it is," Todd lied. He gestured the others toward the door, "We'll leave you alone now. Just you and Lance…and the Coyote."
"This has got to be one of the best days of my life," the Coyote cackled. "I wish I had a video camera."
"Why me? Why have I
been marked for torture?" Lance moaned quietly—resigning himself to his
fate—as Kitty fluffed his pillows. "Why me?"
Well, there it is. Let me know what you think of this…insanity. I hope it didn't suck too badly.
Legolas: (Coming out of obscurity with Kay) Now that that's finished with, will you please keep writing our story?
Kay: Or one of my other stories?
Give me an idea and the desire and I certainly will. You going on strike isn't helping anyone.
Lance: Yeah, so there. (Sticks out his tongue.)
Why do I sense the oncoming of WWIII in my head?