This is an ALL GROWN UP fanfic. The Rugrats aren't babies in this. If they were, it would be really, really wrong. Hey, it's really, really wrong anyways, but if they're pre-teens, it's almost acceptable. BTW, does liking (pre-teen) Kimi make me a pervert?

Description: The Rugrats experiment with alcohol with disasterous results.

Chuckie Wants Kimi

"Remember when we were babies and Chuckie used to think Taffy was sexy?" Phil said, as he drunk from a can of Reptar Beer for the Under Thirteens.

"Yeah, I remember that," Tommy said, as he drunk from a can too.

"Hey," Chuckie frowned, "that didn't happen! I never ever said that!"

"Oh, don't try to pretend you didn't say that, Chuckie!" Lil said. "We all heard you!"

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil and Kimi were sitting in Tommy's living room, drinking beer. Stu and Didi had gone out to a party with Chaz and Kira, leaving Grandpa alone with the kids. Of course, Grandpa had fallen asleep. Well, he had been screwing Lulu for two hours straight. That would be enough to make any man tired.

"You guys," Kimi said, in a concerned tone, "leave him alone. If Chuckie said he didn't say that about Taffy, then he didn't say it."

"Oh, but he did," Phil said.

"No I didn't!" Chuckie yelled, angrily. "That does it, I'm going home."

"You can't go home, Chuckie," Tommy said. "Your mom and dad have gone to a party with my parents. You're s'posed to stay here until they come to pick you and Kimi up when it's over."

"Well I'll go and wait on the front lawn and you tell 'em I'll be waiting for 'em there," Chuckie said, getting up, "'cause I'm not staying here listening to you guys saying that stuff about me."

"All right, all right, if it's that big a deal we'll stop," Phil said. "Geez, can't you take a little joke?"

"A joke's something that's supposed to be funny, Phil," Chuckie said. "And from where I'm standing, that wasn't!"

"Okay, okay, geez!" Phil said.

"Come on, Chuckie," Tommy said. "Stay?"

"Well..." Chuckie sat back down with his friends. "Okay, but no more talk about me and Taffy. It was just a silly crush, okay."

"Ah ha!" Phil said. "So you did say that! I didn't imagine it in one of my sick sexual fantasies!"

"Shut up, Phil," Kimi said.

Tommy's brother Dil then entered the room, screaming. This alerted the other Rugrats.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Dil screamed.

"Dil, what's wrong!?" Tommy said, getting up.

"Tommy, I was just in my room minding my own business, when aliens came in and tried to abduct me and probe my ass!" Dil said.

"Oh, grow up, Dil!" Lil said. "You always think aliens are trying to abduct you. It's so old now."

"But they did try to abduct me!" Dil said, almost hysterical. "They... They were green and slimey and scary and they had ray guns, and..."

"Dil, Dil, are you sure you didn't just dream it?" Tommy said.

"If I dreamed it I wouldn't be running around screaming like a fucking retard, would I, T!?" Dil paused. "Oh my God. Did I just... curse?"

"Yeah," Tommy said.

"Oh, shit!" Dil said. "Fuck, I did it again! Shit!"

"You're lucky Mom and Dad aren't home, or you'd be in big trouble, Dil," Tommy said.

"Shit, you're right." Dil looked at his brother with a worried expression." You won't rat on me to Mom and Dad for cursing, will you, Tommy?"

"Not if you don't tell 'em you caught me masturbating over a picture of Angelica last night," Tommy said.

"It's a deal!" Dil said, before he retired to his room.

Tommy looked over at his friends, who were all staring at him in disgust for some reason.


"Angelica...?" Phil eventually said.

"Look, I know she's my cousin and all, but damn, she's hot."

"I'll never look at you in the same way again, Tommy," Phil said, as he lowered his head. "Then again, I'll probably be able to forget all about this awkward situation with a little more beer."

"Sure, there's plenty of Reptar Beer for Under Thirteens left." Tommy threw Phil another beer. "Anyone else want another? Chuckie?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Tommy," Chuckie said. "Drinking beer is something only the over 21s should do."

The other Rugrats stared at him.

"Oh, wait, that sounded like something the old me might have said," Chuckie said. "Sure, I'll have a beer."

A few hours later, the Rugrats were quite drunk. Chuckie turned to his best friend Tommy.


"Yeah, Chuck?"

"Have you... ever noticed that Kimi looks... kinda hot?"

"Yeah, she's a ba-" Tommy paused. "Did you just say Kimi looks kinda hot??"


"Chuckie!" Tommy said. "You're... You're her brother!!"


"But... But you just said..." Tommy looked down at the floor. "Geez, I really hope that was just the booze talking."

"Y'know, sometimes I like to spy on Kimi while she's in the shower and... play with myself," Chuckie said, drunk.

"Chuckie, I suggest you take a lie down," Tommy said. "And then, make a solemn promise to never consume alcohol again."


"I'm sorry, Chuckie, but you just said your sister was hot."

"Yeah, but it's not like she's my real sister," Chuckie said. "She's not blood related. She's just the daughter of my dad's wife."

"Yeah, but that makes her your step-sister. It's still wrong for you to have those kinds of feelings for her."

"What are you talking about, feelings?" Chuckie said. "As far as my feelings for Kimi go, I still love her as a sister. But I'd still like to have sex with her."

"Chuckie, you... you're freaking me out!"

"I'm gonna ask her to have sex with me!" Chuckie said, bravely.

"Chuckie, no!" Tommy said.

"Kimi?" Chuckie said, firmly.

"Yeah?" Kimi said, turning away from Lil.

"Will you go to bed with me?"

Tommy, Phil, Lil and Kimi stared at Chuckie, shocked. Kimi couldn't believe what her brother had just said.

"Chuckie..." Kimi struggled to get the words out. "What did you just say?"

"I said I wanna have sex with you, Kimi. I wanna put my weiner into your sweet tight-"

"All right, that's enough, Chuckie!" Lil said, angrily. "Tommy, I think he's had way too much to drink."

"Yeah, come on, Chuckie," Tommy said, helping Chuckie to his feet. "Let's sober you up."

"No!" Chuckie threw Tommy's arms off him. "I want you, Kimi."

"What!?" Kimi said.

"You don't know what it's been like for me these past few years, Kimi," Chuckie said. "Growing up, developing these sexual urges towards you. Wanting to get close you, spying on you while you're getting dressed and whacking off."

"You did what!?" Kimi said.

"Oh, boy..." Phil said.

"Come on," Chuckie said, grabbing Kimi's arm. "I'm taking you upstairs and giving you a good bonking! Tommy, can we use your parents room?"

"Well, I guess if you..." Tommy begun.

"Chuckie, what's gotten into you!?" Kimi said, horrified as she tried to escape Chuckie's grasp.

"Fine, if you won't have sex with me upstairs, then we'll just do it here!"

Chuckie ripped Kimi's T-Shirt, exposing her bra.

"Hello, Momma!" Phil said.

"Chuckie!" Kimi said.

"Tommy, make him stop!" Lil said.

"All right, Chuckie, that's enough," Tommy said, trying to pull Chuckie away. "If you don't stop harassing Kimi this instant, I'll set Spike on you."

"You do that and I'll kick Spike's fat ass!" Chuckie said, before pulling out a knife. "Nobody move! I'm calling the shots here!"

The Rugrats gasped. Chuckie ripped off Kimi's skirt.

"Ah!" Kimi said.

Chuckie forced Kimi back onto the couch and pulled down his own pants. He prepared to rape his little sister.

"I've been waiting a long time for this, Kimi!" Chuckie said.

"Chuckie, please!" Kimi pleaded with her brother.

Chuckie advanced onto Kimi. But before he could act, the ceiling collapsed, sending Dil falling to the floor.

"What the hell...?" Tommy said.

An alien spaceship had crash landed through Tommy's roof. Dil had been right about the aliens all along.

"I told ya!" Dil said, as he climbed to his feet and hid behind his brother. "Protect me from the aliens, big brother! Even though probing may be beneficial to them, it sounds really painful to me!"

An alien race, similar to the alien that was in Tommy's garage from that episode when they were babies which I can't remember the name of, appear in the living room.

"Oh my God!" Tommy said.

"Earthlings, do not be alarmed," one of the aliens said. "We come in peace."

"Yeah, and I come in about five seconds if my raping of Kimi goes according to plan," Chuckie said. "Now get lost."

"We merely need to probe an earthling to prepare for our immenint invasion of Earth," the alien said. He turned to Chuckie. "Uh, you."

"Me?" Chuckie said. "But... But I was just about to rape Ki-"

"Come." The aliens led Chuckie to their ship.

"What!? No! Nooo!" Chuckie screamed, as the aliens led him off.

"Man, what a crazy evening," Phil said. "And I can't help but blame alcohol."

"Yeah, alcohol sucks," Tommy said. "I'm never drinking again."

"Me neither!" Dil said.

"You didn't even drink in the first place, Dil!" Tommy said.

"Oh, yeah."


the end