Disclaimer I don't own Fruits Basket.


Summary She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?
I'll Forget It All : Chapter One

Kagura


I wish I had never fallen in love, that is if you can call it love. Tohru has always been the special one, the one who found love. Two had fallen for her, but she could only choose one and she picked Kyo, my love. I could never really, truly be mad at her, she was just too stupidly nice. Their personalities were so different that I could only hope ithat they find happiness. I should hope they find what they want, but I don't. I know I should feel happy for them, but all I felt was hostility. If only she picked Yuki, I wouldn't be in this sad depression.

The pain is just too much… I wish it all could end. Everything, I wanted it to end… the torment, the jealousies, the depression, the darkness, coldness, and insanity of life.

I stood up and walked into the main house and upon entering I could see that Hatori was in his clinic giving Akito his daily check up. I slowly and attentively approached the door.

Akito's even breathing was the only thing I heard.

I wonder how Yuki is doing… I wonder if he's still depressed about Tohru as I am about Kyo. Looking around I see Kisa smiling up at me in her little corner. She motions for me to join her and that is what I did. I sat down at the small rug she had spread out on the floor to see she was playing with her dolls.

"This is me." She declared with her adorable squeaky voice as she held up a cute little red haired doll. She smiled up at me and held up another doll, but instead of being a redhead it was a brunette doll. "This is you." She reached over to a doll with a lovely white wedding dress. "This is Tohru-san."

I felt crushed.

I know their dolls and all, but it was like real life. Tohru was so much prettier than I was. She was everything I was not. She was the perfect person for Kyo, something I wasn't. I always felt that I would be Kyo's bride, but I guess life doesn't work out the way you want it to.

I finally realized the pain I inflicted on Kyo every time I saw him and I finally realized that it was Iwho beat him into a pulp, but Tohru would never do that. She couldn't hurt a flea, she was just too nice that it was almost sickening. I was not that kind of person, but I have to be happy and cheerful or else they will know something is wrong.

Kyo could care less, but Tohru will make him check on me. She will be the reason he "cared" if I was hurt and what hurt more was that I couldn't do anything about this. I was too powerless.

I was cursed with the boar, the stupidest of creatures. I was born under the most unladylike sign.

"If Kyo and Tohru-san get married, do you think I'll be their flower girl?" Kisa's little voice broke my chain of thoughts.

"You would be the greatest flower girl ever." I tucked my chin against my chest and carefully talked so I wouldn't break down at any given moment. She seemed happy with my response, so I continued with a small sentence. "You would be the cutest and everyone will want your picture."

I made sure that my voice didn't crack and it didn't, something that I was grateful. Again the cooling numbness worked its way up my body, if they got married and have little red-haired children, when they take their vows and when they live together… will I be forgotten? Will I be nothing more than a small obstacle in their relationship?

Forget… I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget ever being here.

I wanted to forget all of the Sohma's, the curse, Akito, and even Kyo. I wanted to forget it all. I couldn't take this torture anymore. I just can't take it! Everything seems to be spinning, everything seems to be living, everything except me. Kisa still smiles, still oblivious to the pain she's putting me through.

I never want to see this place again, I never wanted to see anyone again. I was tired of living with the Sohma's because there was nothing for me here, nothing at all. I stood up suddenly, which caused Kisa looked up at me questioningly.

"I'll be back."

I ran away and into Hatori's clinic. He was still there and this time he was alone.

"Hatori-san!" I shouted and finally I broke. I reached the one person who could take the pain away, I reached him and I wanted him to make me forget.

I started to sob uncontrollably, it was so wonderful. Everything would be different… everything would be forgotten. I wouldn't be a problem to anyone anymore. No one would have to worry about me because I could move out. I was twenty-three anyway. I could find my own place to live and my own job. I could be anything I wanted, I just needed to forget this pain so I can have strength to move forwards.

"Hatori-san. Can you help me? I want to forget. I want you to erase my memory."

"Kagura, what's wrong?" His emotionless exterior melts away till he looks genuinely concerned.

I smiled up at him, although a smile didn't convey my feelings. "There's nothing wrong, I just don't feel like I need to remember this life. I-I want to start over."

"You want everything erased."

I nodded my head carefully. This caused Hatori to sighed out loud. "Even the happy memories."

I laughed sarcastically. "What happy memories? Without Kyo, my life has no meaning because he was the only thing I was willing to live for. He was everything to me… and when he chose Tohru my whole life collapsed. What happy memories? They were all just my imaginations."

There was a long moment of silence before a dark laugh was emitted into the room. The laugh belonged to Akito and as he entered I felt myself shake at the expected pain he would inflict soon. "Finally you understand what everybody's seen long before. He never loved you nor needed you. You were just a pain that he tried to avoid. Have you ever noticed that he never came to you?"

"H-h-hai…" I replied shakily.

"Kagura, come with me to the living room." He motioned for me to move and when I didn't I felt a push against my back. Hatori gently ushered me to the door, but before we were able to reach our desired destination Akito stopped Hatori and signaled him to stay.

We entered the living room and he automatically walked to the birds.

"This little fellow is Taikobou." He caught a bird in his hands, a small one. He held the bird close to me so I could see it and I found it to be adorable, but knowing Akito something terrible will follow. "We just got her yesterday." Suddenly, his knuckles turned white as his fist tightened around the innocent creature. Akito didn't care, it was as if the little bird's cries fell on deaf ears.

"No!" I rushed up to pluck the bird from his hands, but he pulled his hand away from my grasp and pushed me onto the floor. I wanted to cry… It was just a bird.

He doesn't answer, instead he smiled sadistically at me. He let the bird go and it fell to the floor, still alive but weak from either the fall or it's near suffocation. His eyes narrowed as his gaze snapped back towards me.

"You can't forget Kagura, I won't allow it. I want you to feel the pain of loving someone who will never return it. I want you to suffer. You stupid girl… your just as stupid as the boar you represent. Quite frankly I can't tell the difference."

He grabbed a porcelain vase and threw it at the spot in front of me. The ceramic flew and a piece grazed my cheek and when his deed was done he left the room with a smug smile plastered on his face.

When I was alone, I brought my hand to my cheek and found that it was bleeding.

Hoarse chirping broke the silence that followed Akito's cruelty. I looked down and saw the little bird on the floor. I gingerly picked it up, not wanting to further injure it, and found that it had a broken wing. There weren't any serious injuries besides that, so I brought it into m room and bandaged the wing. All through this, the bandages and ointments, I did nothing for my cheek. It continued to bleed and I knew that there would be a scar later.

I felt more alone than ever. Akito just forbade me to forget, he wanted me to suffer… he wanted everyone to be miserable for his own sick amusement. Even though his words stung, I forced myself to smile through the tears. It hurt so much, that I just had to smile.

TBC


I think that was a bit OOC, but that's okay! Right? I hope you liked it… I haven't seen all the Fruits Basket episodes, but I'm pretty sure that Kyo and Tohru get together. It was a pain for me to write the Tohru parts. I really don't like her, but I hope all you Tohru lovers will understand.

Review please.