Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter in any way, shape or form. This is just fanfiction. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
He never had expectations for her. Instead, he'd merely watch as she made her mistakes and laugh about them afterwards. It was easier not to care, rather than to force himself to protect her. She didn't want anyone to protect her and that was probably the whole problem.
A wild one, was Bellatrix. Her dominant Black looks and her seductive attitude naturally lured her into trouble. She was smart though, she knew where not to cross the line and where to be weary. She didn't need him to tell her she was messing up - naturally, she had everything under control. He was the one who would ruin everything.
Showing up when he wasn't invited and grilling every guest at a party she attended was not her idea of a protective cousin. More of an obsessed one. Their years at Hogwarts were filled with tension and arguements. Their parents ever looming shadows upon their fates caused much turbulence between their barely there friendship.
No matter how much a rebel she was, her cousin would always out do her. While she lived happily in her own little world, where her parents treasured her and praised her every action, Sirius lived in the shadows. His friendship with that damned Potter had probably done it to him. He'd been turned against his family, he'd moved on from their beliefs and history, so he could go throw Dungbombs with his small friends.
He would glare over at Rudolphus from the Gryffindor table, knowing very well that his cousin was dating the 'prat' and that he had a shady history. For such a young boy, he was very observent. She had even heard from Narcissa that he had been asking around about Rudolphus' family.
There was no stopping her cousin.
"Just stay out it!" she ordered one night, after a confrontation in the Great Hall.
"You're my cousin, dammit!" he'd hissed, "I can't stay out of it!"
He wasn't easily swayed and he was far too stubborn for his own good. Regulus would lay at her feet in the Slytherin Common Room, his notes and books sprawled out messily around him, and ask why Sirius was so upset. He was such a naive child.
"He's just lost his way," she would say plainly. "But he'll find it, eventually."
She'd ruffle his hair and give him a small smile, before turning to Rudolphus, who would watch them with an amused look on his face. They were so young, and yet they were like a family. There was no one else they could possibly trust now.
By this time of course, she was already training under Lord Voldemort. This caused Sirius to become even more suspicious, when he couldn't keep track of where she was.
"I'm not one of your petty possesions, Sirius!" she announced, "I can go where I want, when I want!"
"As long as it's not with Rudolphus, then fine," he answered. "Trust me, Bella. He's bad news."
But she didn't care. She was intoxicated. The life she led now was so dark, so exciting. It was a life she could never have dreamed of. Rudolphus asked Regulus to join the fold soon after, for he knew how much she missed her cousin and Regulus, who was still just a young boy, joined soon after. Unfortunately, Sirius had a way with his little brother and he soon found out.
That night. It had ruined it all. It had torn down the barriers that the 'happy family' had put up. No one could've prepared her for that night. He had come to her, through the rain and hail, his face contorted with anger. Rudolphus had been out, busy on Death Eater business as usual.
"Why, Bella?" he'd screamed, grasping her wrists tightly. "Why did you have to be so damned stupid!"
The look in his eyes is so cold and menacing and that she can't help but shudder. She is only a year out of Hogwarts, she is older than him, she is supposed to be in control.
"I'm not the stupid one!" she bellows, wrenching herself out of his grip and stepping away from him. "You're a turncoat, Black. For once in your bloody life, will you just admit it!"
They both stand outside her house, the rain pelting down on them fiercly, soaking them both to the very bone. Salty tears run down his face. He ignored her statement. He can't seem to focus at all. "You let Regulus in, didn't you? It was you! You're turning him into a monster!"
"He's no more of a monster than I!" she proclaims.
"That's saying a lot," he says bitterly. "Why?"
That's the question, isn't it? The question to their whole lives. Why were they born at all? To become the army of the Dark Lord? To grow old and turn into their parents, forever hating change or anything different that they are to come across? He was never one for tradition, she was never one to turn her back on her loyalties.
"Because it's what we're meant to become, Sirius," she whispers, though there is no remorse, nor regret in her voice. "It's what I want to become."
He stares at her in disbelief, shaking his head and covering his ears. "No!" he rasps.
"Yes!" she insists. "And you'd be one of us as well, Sirius. If only..."
"If only what? If only I had decided to abandon everything good that's left in the world? For what? To Maim, torture and kill?"
Disgusted, he steps away from her. The look on his face is one she'll remember for everyday of her life. It's no longer that comforting grin, or that annoyed frown. It was one of pure loathing and rage.
"It's power, Sirius. Pure and simple."
And he laughs. And he spits at her feet.
"I'd rather be nothing, than to have that kind of power."
The rain still pours down on them and he opens his arms up wide, ignoring the burning hot tears that are streaming down his face. He laughs now, a deranged laugh as he sinks to his knees. He has lost everything. He has fought so hard to try and sustain his family - or the part of it that he wanted.
Something about Bellatrix had reminded him of himself. She wasn't like Narcissa, obsessed with boys and menial objects. She wasn't the quiet type, like Andromeda, who had been shunned from the family a year earlier. She was him - she was what he would have become, should he have remained in his fanatical family.
And he had lost the battle. He hadn't suceeded. No longer did he have a little brother, named Regulus, who would play Quidditch with him at the Malfoy's Estate. Instead, in his place, stood a murderer whose appearence and speech exactly like him. But it wasn't his Regulus.
And no longer did he have a cousin named Bellatrix, who would tease him constantly about the scar on the inside of his hand. No longer would she sneak down from the guest's bedroom and crawl into his bed, for she was afraid of the dark and didn't want her parents to know. All that's left is a shadow, whose dark amber eyes glare at him as he gets back to his feet.
She opens her mouth to speak, but he keeps shaking his head. He turns and pulls the back of his coat over his head. He walks off into the night, heading back home. He is only fifteen. He packs a bag of clothes and peeks into his brothers room, watching as he sleeps serenely. He clenches his fist and slings his bag over his shoulder. In the dead of the night, he walks away from 12 Grimmauld Place.
And he doesn't look back.
Authors Note: So, what did you think? I really don't know where this stemmed from, except for the fact that I want Sirius and Bellatrix to argue and eventually, I decided to attempt a tie into canon.
Please review and let me know what you thought, as feedback is a lovely thing!