One Day

By Zhakeena and General Quistis

Disclaimer: We don't own anything but the story plot.

A/N: Due to extreme boredom, our sick humor just began to work… so here it is. Sorry for the OOC. It's for the sake of funny.


One day, upon waking up, Cloud realized that he lost his…


Chest hairs.

Upon realizing this, he rushed out of his bedroom in the AVALANCHE home in Sector 7, Midgar, and dashed to Barret's room. "Barret! Barret! Something terrible has happened!!!" Cloud cried out in a frantic manner.

The sleepy big bear got up. "Wha?! Wha?! What happened? Did ShinRa explode again?" he demanded.

"NO! My chest hairs are gone!!!" Cloud wailed.


"What?" Barret asked, face-faulting.

"MY CHEST HAIRS ARE GONE!" Cloud sniffed before bawling.

"Aw, shu' up, ya foo'! More like ya brain's disappeared too!" Barret threw a pillow at the crying Cloud to make him shut up.

Cloud caught the pillow in his mouth, swallowed it and wailed even louder.

"Demet, foo'! You'z jes' ate mah dang pillow!" Barret blubbered in amazement.


"What's going on?" Vincent asked from the doorway with a sleepy look on his face.

"This guy lost his damn chest hairs and now he's cryin' like a gurl!" Barret replied with a frustrated look on his face.

Vincent just stared unbelievably at Cloud. "You woke up the whole of Midgar just because of that?" he asked.

Cloud stopped crying. "I did?" he asked in disbelief, with a look of awe on his face.

"Just a figure of speech." Vincent replied.

"Figure of speech?" Cloud asked.

"Oh no, don't tell me ya don't know what that is?" Barret chimed in.

"No." Cloud answered simply.

"His hairs must've been connected to his brain and when they disappeared, the poor brain disappeared too…" Barret muttered miserably.

"Never mind. Just go back to your bedroom and…" Vincent trailed off when he realized that Cloud was still wearing his usual sleepwear: his shirt and jammies. "How the bloody hell did you find out that you lost your chest hairs?" he continued.

Cloud began to cry again. "They spoke to me and told me that they hate me! Then they plucked themselves out of my chest and… *sniff* it hurt!!! And then they packed their bags and left without saying goodbye and… *sniff…sniff*  and then they went to Sephiroth and implanted themselves on his chest and… NOW HE'S GOT BLONDE AND SILVER CHEST HAIRS!!!!! WAAAAAH!" he explained.

Vincent and Barret both exchanged confused looks. "I think that was a dream, Cloud." The former told him.

Cloud stopped crying. "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah." Barret replied.

Vincent went to Cloud and patted his shoulder. "You can check if you want to." He said.

"How?" Cloud asked.

"Take off the damn shirt, dammit!" Barret snapped impatiently.

"Okay," Cloud removed his shirt and…


The chest hairs are really gone!

"OH NOOOOOO! IT'S TRUE!!!!! IT'S NOT A DREAM!!!" Cloud was screaming frantically.

"Wh…what's going on? What's with the screaming?" Aerith asked from the doorway as she entered the scene.

"Aerith! Aerith! My chest hairs are gone! They went to Sephiroth!" Cloud wailed helplessly.

Aerith raised an eyebrow. "Cloud, you don't have chest hairs." She pointed out.


"I don't?" Cloud asked.

"You don't." she stated flatly with a stiff look on her face.

"Oh, that's okay, then…" Cloud replied before prancing out of the room back to his own bedroom.

"What was that all about?" Vincent asked, turning to Aerith.

"Yeah, how'd you know he doesn't have chest hairs?" Barret asked.

Aerith just smiled at them. "Heeheehee." And then left the room.

            Sephiroth yawned and opened his eyes, feeling the cold December air around him… "Because I left the window open again…" he thought miserably before he got up from his bed, stretched and proceeded to close the window. Then, he faced the mirror and realized that he forgot to put on a shirt before going to bed last night. "And that's why it's really so cold…" he thought silently. He turned away from the mirror but stiffened. His green eyes widened all of a sudden before turning back to face the mirror again because he just realized something.

He screamed and touched his chest. "What the hell?! Where did these come from?!" he asked out loud frantically.

Okay, we all know he doesn't have any chest hairs based from what we've all seen during the last battle with him… but then…

"THEY'RE BLONDE!" Sephiroth cried out in disbelief.


Now here are some questions for you:

Was it really just a dream? Or did Aerith pluck them out and transferred them to Sephiroth? Or maybe it was another person who did it… Or it's just coincidence.

You decide. -.-'