Title: Bachelor auctions aren't that bad.

Author: SJ

Email: SnkNJak@yahoo.co.uk

Disclaimer: I don't own, or even pretend to own Stargate or any of the characters, they belong to Gekko, MGM. So on and so forth. This Fic was made for entertainment purposes only; I get no money for any part of this.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: None

Summery: The title sums it up pretty well I think.

Warnings: none

Authors notes: as I read over this again I noticed I have a bit of trouble with past and present tense, hopefully its not that noticeable. I also don't really know much about bachelor auctions so please don't feedback to tell me I got it wrong.

Jack held his breath, what had he been thinking? Jonas was right, carter was evil.

He couldn't believe it " I can't believe it" damn carter, damn SGC, damn Charity!

This had all started yesterday when carter bumped into me in the hall, knocking my paper work (which I finally got round to dong) all over the floor

**Cue wobbly screen and cheesy music**


"Sorry sir"

She bent down to help me pick up them up, lucky for her there wasn't much to pick up or all hell would have broken loose. It took me all afternoon to finally complete those reports.

Once all of the folders where safely in my arms again, carter asked


"Yeah, I thought I'd get it done before Hammond sent me on toilet cleaning duty" that rewarded me with one of her brilliant smiles.

"So where were you going in such a hurry"?

"Oh, err I'm off to see Janet, were organizing the auction"

"Ah yes, the bachelor auction, many bachelors..." quick think "...to be sold" I mentally slapped myself. She laughs and replies

" Yes, we've got forty-nine, we need one more, want to be number fifty"

"Yea, when hell freezes over"

"Come on sir it'll be fun and besides it's for a good cause" hmm think I'll ignore that last bit.

"I wouldn't call humiliating myself in front of a bunch of people fun, would you?" You know, for a second I really believed that she would say yes.

"No I guess not" she paused, probably trying to come up with a new tactic.

"Well you would be helping raise some money and I'm sure you'll get lots of bids" Ah flattery will get you no-where Major, hmm have to think of a good come back, I know

"Oh I know I'll get tons of bids, problem is I wouldn't want the others to look bad no would I"

"So is that a yes"

"It depends, are you going to be bidding" oh my...did I just say that?! Ok don't panic she's smiling, oh no, red alert she's getting closer.

"I may make an exception" she whispered. I can so not believe she just said that, she's flirting with me, ok smile... there we go.

"I guess I'm in then" No! No! NO! Why oh why couldn't I keep my big mouth shut, I could of taken a few more second to think but no... This woman can read me like a book!

*End the flash back*

So that's why I'm here, Stood on a make shift stage, Being bided on like a Antique piece of furniture. That is not the worst part, No it gets worse, I just happened to be up just after the new major to the SGC. The one that every woman in this place stares at he walks past.

I have been standing here for what seems like eternity but has been about two minutes and have only gotten a bid of a hundred and sixty yet.

Where is carter? I don't want to get stuck on a date with someone I don't know, that I'll spent the entire night trying to come up with conversation an being bored out of my mind...


What, Oh NO, Who got me?


Ok One foot in front of the other, "just calmly make your way over to that nice man over there who will tell you who bought you" *your talking to yourself again, Bad Sign! *

"Hey so who's the lucky lady" Oh don't look confused, do I really have to explain.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm one of the bachelors"

"Oh, right, Name please"

"Colonel Jack O'Neill, Two ll's"

"Let me see O'Neill, O'Neill... Ah Dr.." Oh no "Janet" Noooo! "Frasier" Great! Just act natural

"Know her do you?" Ah yes I hide it well.

"No never met her" by the sceptical look on his face I can safely say that he doesn't believe me, maybe I should just go over there, to those drinks, and make myself comfortable.

"Hey sir!" Now, she shows up.

"Carter where the hell were you?"

"Sorry sir I got held up"

I think I'll just ignore and go to the drinks, ok doesn't look like it's going to happen she's following and I'm Sooo not getting drunk in front of her, I'd never live it down.

"So when are you free?"

What? "What?"

"When are you free? I didn't buy you for nothing"

She what? "Err carter, Frasier bought me" you have no idea how much I hate that, 'bought me' what am I a piece of meat?

"No, well yeah, I told her I was going to be late so..."

"So" what! I've got to make sure and really got to hear it.

"So... I told her to buy you for me"

Ah now I'm smiling

"I'm free tomorrow"

"19:00 Hours, I'll pick you up?"

Not funny but still it makes me laugh

"Sure see you then"

"Bye sir"


I know I'm getting weird looks, I know I look like the cat that caught the canary... Carter hmmn... But I couldn't care less!