Disclaimer: I do not own and never will own, Yu Yu Hakusho. (Bursts out crying)

Note: Heh. This is not one of those self-insert stories. They are fun to read, I just don't like writing them.

Kurama and the School Girl from Hell

Shuiichi Mina sat in his desk at school reading quietly to himself. It was early morning and classes hadn't even started yet. All of the teenage girls in the room were staring at him as usual. The teacher wasn't in class yet because they were getting a new student and apparently the teacher wanted to talk with whoever it was. Shuiichi overheard the other students whispering about it.

"I hear she's so fat she can't wear yellow, because when she walks down the street somebody yells, 'TAXI'!" a boy snickered.

Shuiichi closed his eyes and sighed. People sure could be rude. He'd have to be extra nice to the new girl, whoever she was because it seemed nobody else would.

Just then the teacher walked in. Shuiichi set his book down on his desk and looked up.

"Today we have a new student, class," said the teacher, "Her name is Fufu and I want you all to be especially nice to her. Come in Fufu!"

The class watched intently as the door creaked open. Slowly a leg emerged that was as thick around as a tree trunk. Then the body of a humongous, fat, walrus-like girl stepped in. She was wearing a pink dress and sandals. Her dirty-blonde hair was tied up in two short pig-tails. She barely fit through the doorway and had to squeeze through, making the wall crack and crumble. Fufu took one more painfully slow step and faced the class. She opened her large mouth and said in an incredibly nerdy voice, "Hi, I'm Fufu. SNORRRRRRRT!" She drooled and pushed her thick purple-rimed glasses back up her pig-like nose.

"Why don't you take a seat up front near Shuiichi?" the teacher asked.

Fufu looked at Kurama and smiled. She flounced over to the desk right next to him and squeezed into the seat, making the poor desk sag under her large bulk. Fufu stared at Kurama and drooled.

Shuiichi glanced over and gave her a polite smile. What a mistake that would turn out to be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For the rest of the class period, Fufu just kept staring and drooling at Kurama. He could smell her B.O. because either she never showered, or she never wore deodorant. Or it could be both.

"What is the fifth largest country, by area, in the world?" the teacher asked the students as she pointed to a map.

Fufu slowly raised her hand high into the air. Green stink waves of armpit odor wafted around the room. The people sitting closest to Fufu died and the rest of the students made a hasty retreat to the back of the room. Kurama hadn't moved from his seat because he was too polite, instead he just held his breath.

"Yes Fufu?" The teacher smiled, "do you know the answer?"

"Duh.Florida?"

"No, I'm sorry Fufu but Florida is not the correct answer. Shuiichi, do you know?"

Shuiichi knew he had to answer, so he opened his mouth and gasped, "Bra-" but the toxic armpit odor caught in his lungs and he started coughing uncontrollably. Shuiichi grabbed his throat, passed out, and then collapsed onto the floor in a limp heap.

The teacher looked shocked. She couldn't believe that the brightest student in the entire school didn't know the answer to such a simple question. She sighed glumly and said, "No Shuiichi, 'Bra' is not the correct answer. The fifth largest country in the world is Brazil. You will all have to study very hard for our next test." She turned her back to the class and started writing notes on the chalkboard.

Fufu finally put her arm down and everyone who was still alive sighed with relief. Kurama woke up and slowly opened his eyes. He looked around and shakily climbed back into his seat. He felt high and a bit nauseous so he rested his head on his hands for the remainder of the period.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When the bell rang all of the kids that survived Fufu's gaseous odor filed out of the classroom, relieved to get away. Kurama slowly walked down the hallway to his next class when suddenly the ground started shaking. "An earthquake!" he exclaimed.

But it was no earthquake. It was Fufu and she was following Kurama down the hall. As she walked, the ground shook with every step. "Shuiichi! I want to ask you something. SNOOOORRRRT!!!" Fufu waved.

Kurama stopped and turned around. "Yes?" he asked, a little unsure.

Fufu grabbed him in a bear hug and started squeezing. Kurama was almost completely lost in the rolls of fat as he struggled to breathe.

"Will you SNOOOORRRTTT be my boyfriend?"

"Murrrrph!" said Kurama.

"I'll arrange for the marriage! SNOOOORRRT!!" Fufu dropped Shuiichi and stomped away.

Kurama sat on the floor and stared. "Marriage? Oh dear, I'd best avoid her from now on." He stood up and walked to his next class.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The rest of the day was a living hell. Fufu was in every single class that Shuiichi was and she always sat in the desk closest to him, constantly drooling, snorting, farting, squirming, staring and giving off B.O. None of the teachers seemed to notice that Shuiichi was suffering. They just kept right on teaching.

Finally at the end of the day, Shuiichi was able to plan his escape. He didn't bother talking to people or mingling in the halls. Instead, he crept along the walls and looked around every corner, making sure Fufu wasn't waiting to grab or fall on him. Shuiichi managed to make it to the main doors of the school and when he stepped out into the fresh warm air, he sighed with relief. He'd made it, he managed to survive Fufu and now he was free, at least until tomorrow. Damn it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Shuiichi walked down the sidewalk in the direction of his house. He thought to himself as he walked. How was he going to survive this crush? Normal girls he could handle, but Fufu? She was a monster! He wouldn't be surprised if she was really some sort of awful sludge demon.

"Oh Shuiichiiiiiii! SNOOooooOOOORT!!"

It was Fufu! She had followed him nearly halfway to his house!

"Aaaargh!" Shuiichi turned on his heels and ran for it. Perhaps if he went another way she wouldn't find out where he lived and maybe he could lose her for good.

"Wait for me! SNORT!" Fufu was surprisingly fast for her size. She chased Shuiichi through alleyways, busy downtown, the park and the mall. Every step that she took made the ground shake and crack. Dogs whimpered and scampered out of her way. Squirrels fell out of trees birds flew away as fast as their wings could carry them.

Kurama ran across a rather busy street as soon as there were no cars coming. Fufu followed close behind and when Kurama was safely across, Fufu was right in the middle of the street. Kurama ducked behind a tree. Fufu stopped and looked around, confused. "Where are you sugar lumps? SNOOORT!" she asked.

As if from nowhere, a powerful eighteen wheeler roared down the road, straight for Fufu! There was no time for her to get out of the way.

Shuiichi turned around and gasped. "Look out!" he shouted to Fufu, but it was too late.

The large truck crashed into Fufu, metal and glass went flying everywhere. Steam and smoke surrounded the wreck and when it cleared, Fufu was standing there unharmed. The poor truck, however, was completely smashed in.

Fufu slowly turned around. "Who threw that pebble at me?" she asked, annoyed.

Shuiichi fled. Fufu spotted him and happily started bouncing, and I mean bouncing, after him. "Hehehe SNOOORT! I love it when you play hard to get Shuiichi my love!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After about another hour of running, hiding and trying to lose Fufu, Shuiichi began to grow tired. He hid in a bush for the time being. "I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get away!" he said in exasperation.

"What are you doing Kurama?" a man's voice asked.

"Hiei, what are you doing here?"

Hiei was watching Kurama from up in a tree. "I asked you first. You look exhausted." He jumped down and sat by his friend. "What's going on?"

"She's after me!" Shuiichi blurted out.

"Who is?"

Suddenly the bush the two demons were hiding in was ripped up by its roots and tossed to the side. Kurama and Hiei looked up in shock.

"There you are SNOOOOOORT!" Fufu laughed and drooled on Hiei.

"That!" Shuiichi shouted and pointed at Fufu.

"Stay back Kurama, I'll handle this!" Hiei stepped up to Fufu and pointed his sword at her. "You had better stay away from him, I'm warning you!"

Fufu looked at Hiei stupidly.

"What's the matter you corpulent fool? Are you deaf as well as ugly?"

Fufu slowly bent down and looked Hiei in the eye, then held out her chubby hand and quickly grabbed him around the waist. By the look on his face, Hiei was quite surprised. He didn't think such a bulky creature could move so fast.

Fufu snorted and picked Hiei up. She stood with her mouth agape, looking as if she were about to eat him. Hiei struggled and tried jabbing Fufu with his sword, but the blade just bounced right off.

"Nobody will ever break the bond between me and SNOOOORT Shuiichi!" Fufu threw Hiei as hard as she could. Hiei went hurtling through the sky and disappeared over the rooftops.

"SNOOOOORT! Now Shuiichi, we can..where did you go?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

While Fufu was occupied with Hiei, Shuiichi managed to escape and loose the tank of a girl completely. "I was lucky this time, but I don't know if I'll be able to survive another day!" Shuiichi sat on a bench in order to catch his breath.

"Hey Kurama, what's up? You look awful." Yusuke had just turned a corner and saw Kurama sitting there by himself. He walked over and sat by Shuiichi.

"I've been trying to avoid contact with a certain girl." He mumbled.

"A girl? What kind of a girl?" Yusuke asked, curious.

"Well, she's rather large and smells."

"What? You mean a fat geek? Well why didn't you just say so?"

"It isn't polite to stereotype people." Shuiichi said softly.

"So? If she's stalking you then you'd better figure out a way to get rid of her!"

"I've tried, but nothing works."

"Geek Repellant!" Yusuke grinned and crossed his arms.

Shuiichi stared blankly at the Spirit Detective. "What is 'Geek Repellant'?"

"Come on, you know. Like bug repellant only for geeks." Yusuke said. "I'll go buy you some, my treat!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yusuke took Shuiichi to a mini mall. The small store at the very end was called, "The Anti-Geek/Nerd Store".

Shuiichi stared in disbelief. "I had no idea there was such a place."

"Oh yea, they are all over. You just have to know where to look!" Yusuke shoved Shuiichi through the door. Inside were shelves full of anti-geek and nerd equipment. Shuiichi looked around, amazed.

An extremely hot guy wearing nothing but tight leather pants approached Yusuke and Shuiichi. "Anything I can help you find?" He said with a grin, flashing his perfectly straight white teeth.

"Yea, we need something really strong that can get rid of Kurama's large geek problem." Yusuke informed him.

"No sweat, what you need is some extra powerful geek repellant! If that doesn't work, you can always come back and try one of our heavy duty anti- nerd stun guns." The guy walked over to a shelf and selected a large spray can filled with the most powerful anti-geek spray ever invented. He then tossed it to Shuiichi. "What do ya think?"

Shuiichi looked at the bottle. "So this only works on geeks, it won't hurt me if I accidentally get some in my eyes?"

"You got it Kurama," said Yusuke, "let's pay for this and scram."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Shuiichi couldn't believe he was going to get rid of Fufu for good if he sprayed her with this so called "Anti-Geek Repellant" but it was his only reasonable option to rid himself of her. Shuiichi walked down the street toward his house alone. Yusuke had left it up to him to deal with Fufu on his own. Shuiichi felt a drop of wetness on his cheek. "That's odd, it's perfectly clear out today, there shouldn't be rain." He told himself.

"HIIII SHUIICHI!!! SNOOORTTT!"

Shuiichi's eyes bugged out and he jerked his head up. There was Fufu, standing over him with long strands of drool seeping out of her mouth.

"Stay back! I'm warning you!" Shuiichi yelled as he took out his can of super strong anti-geek repellant.

"HEHEHEHE! SNOOOOOOOOOORT!" Fufu bent down and started reaching out to Shuiichi, ready to grab him.

SSSSSPPPRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT!

Shuiichi sprayed the anti-geek repellant at Fufu with all his might; the black spray went right in her face and eyes.

Fufu started hacking and snorting while trying to rub the black gunk away. When that didn't work, she screamed and ran for the hills, never to be seen again.

Shuiichi was astounded, it actually worked! He kissed the anti-geek repellant bottle and bounced up and down happily.

Just then Hiei jumped down from a tree and landed next to Shuiichi. Hiei had his sword in hand, ready to kill. "Where did that tubby fool go? I'll kill her for sending me into orbit!"

"She's gone!" Shuiichi said gleefully.

"What do you mean?"

"I got rid of her Hiei, she's gone for good. Better luck next time!" Shuiichi turned on his heels and skipped home, happy to be alive.

Hiei watched him go. "Hn."

THE END