Saturday Morning

Damn them! Damn them all! I'm going to cut out they're little puny hearts with chopstick! And then feed them arsenic and liquid crucio then jump on it! Jump, jump, jump, jump on it! Again and Again! Hahhahaha! Ahem.

I'm bored. Think I'll go curse Trelawny. Or maybe longbottom.hmm.


Damn it. Why does he always appear at the most inappropriate moments! Anytime I'm about to expel Harry Potter or another one of his little midget sycophants, who walks round the corner!? I'd swear he's putting Imperio on them half the time to make them do it then stop me from expelling them just as I'm about to if I didn't know better.wait a minute I don't know better! Damn Dumbledore.


Wasn't bored. Didn't release a vampire in the dungeons. Didn't see Potter and his fan club helplessly stranded beneath a large pile of rubble. In fact, there wasn't even a pile of rubble there. Actually I wouldn't know because I didn't see it, because I wasn't there. Good, glad we're clear on that.


Just heard apparently Potter and his friends are stranded under a large pile of rubble with a vampire running around the place. Terrible! I must run and save them, away!


Brats still alive. Vampire dead. Rubble still blocking 4th corridor on the right in the dungeons.

Unfortunatley.I mean thankfully that br..I mean sweet child is still alive and well. As are his syco..friends. Thank the heavens, I don't know what I would have done if they had been injured. I would have been so hurt it would have been such a terrible loss to the wizarding world! Thank heavens that Albus Arseing-Ridiculous-Time Keeping Dumbledore arrived in time. Thank bloody God.


Was temporarily in good spirits this morning when I heard that someone else had predicted Potter's "untimely" terribly horrible, gruesomely disfiguring, long and protracted, incredibly drawn out excruciatingly painful, gut wrenchingly awful, utterly repulsive, satanic, messy, and all round very nasty death. Then I found out said person was Trelawny. Damn it!

Docked 57 points from Gryffindor, 34 from hufflepuff, 18 from Ravenclaw and added 129 to Slytherin. Scared 4 Gryffindor first years to tears. Convinced Peeves to pour "Master Stickies All Purpose Never Release Extra Strong Glue" all over the Gryffindor teams locker room, and equipment stores. Petrified Trelwany and nearly expelled Potter twice. All in all a rather successful day I think.

You absolute bastard, how could you! The poor woman is utterly traumatised!

Oh come now Minerva, I only.emphasised what was already there, I'm surprised it's that noticeable.

She has a four-foot long beard Severus! And I don't know how you did it but we can't get rid of it, every one agrees this was a terrible thing for you to have done. Albus is working on removing it; it won't be there long.

You know fine well they only agreed with you so you wouldn't lecture them, didn't you notice the echoing sniggers that followed when you left, and we both know the only reason Albus is helping is because he doesn't want anyone to have a beard larger than he has. Biggest beard, biggest cup, biggest chair, talk about inadequacies.

Will you be serious for once! Get over here and remove this curse.

Can't I'm afraid. I'm terribly busy besides I wouldn't anyway. And I'll have you know I'm an intensely serious person.

Listen to me you, slimy, snivelling little weasel get over here and remove this curse at once!

I'm going to bed, I was having a good day before you came along you know that. I think I'll go get a good nights rest….maybe I'll go offer Trelawny a cutthroat razor first.