'Our Resident Evil'

The Panda shifted the red-headed load on his shoulder, as it knocked on the door. "Stupid boy," the black and white animal thought to itself, "Must you be so inconsiderate? To make your own father carry you around! Oh, the shame!"

The panda decided that it announced its presence, so it was alright for it to enter. Just as the large animal was about to turn the door knob, the door opened, to reveal a sweet and smiling girl with long auburn hair and an outfit that simply cried 'dutiful wife'. That image was rather offset with a rather bad skin complextion problem.

The panda decided to be polite, and ignore the girl's epidermal blemishes, before greeting her. "[Hello, is Soun Tendou home? He was expecting ussSSSSAAAAAAACCCCCKKKK!!!!]" read the panda's sign, as the girl tackled him, and started knawing on his shoulder.

As the panda was knocked backwards, it's unconcious captive tumbled to the ground, awakened at being jostled. Sitting up, the animal's companion turned to the rather unique scene of a teenage girl attempting to tear furred flesh from an endangered species with her teeth. The redhead put her hand to her chin, hummed in thought, and observed the situation. She was pretty sure she should be doing something about this...


The redheaded pigtailed girl blinked, and looked up to see a girl about his age with short cropped hair to her chin, dashing to the front door, and leaping upon the first girl who was busy attempting to maul the flailing panda.

"KASUMI! NO!" Another girl, possibly younger than the second girl, quickly arrived wearing a martial arts gi, and attempted to assist.

"SPIT IT OUT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN!" the first girl screamed out, before suddenly being tackled by the girl with the pony tali and the skin issues.

"DAD! SHE'S ATTACKING NABIKI NOW!!!" the youngest girl screamed out, trying to pry the other two girls apart.


The redhead then looked up, to see a man a little over the hill, dashing down the hall with a three pots; one holding a red fern like plant, one with a blue herb, with a green round leafed plant.

Ranma looked from the severely bleeding panda that was wailing loudly, to the three girls locked in a merciless grapple, attempting to keep the girl which seemed to be the oldest from making a chew toy of them, to the frantic man twisting and darting about hysterically with three potted plants.

Yes, Ranma decided that she would indeed stay for an explanation to all this...


Ranma looked at the three girls sitting across from him, then to his father, who was gingerly prodding around his gaping wound. Ranma was impressed at how well they took his and his father's curse. In fact, it seemed as if it didn't concern them at all, as they were more interested in making sure his father's wound was taken well care of, and apologising profusely.

"Saotome, I cannot begin to apologise for the actions of you eldest," The father, named Soun Tendou, began, "Please, forgive us for our neglect."

"Aw, don't sweat it," Ranma interjected, "It ain't like everyone hadn't gotten the same notion themselves."

Genma glared at his son, "Quiet boy, you weren't the one being attacked."

"No, but it was sure as hell funny watching you get eaten alive by a weak girl!"

"Actually, Kasumi's strength has been enhanced," the girl name Nabiki spoke up, "an effect of the virus."

Ranma blinked, and turned to the girl, "Virus?"

The youngest girl with long hair nodded, "Yeah. You heard about that bombing of an American city earlier this year, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Ranma replied. He had only caught slight news of it, but at the time, it didn't really concern him. True it was a trajedy, but it wasn't like there was anything he could do about it.

"Yes, the unfortunate demise of the infamous Raccoon City," Soun added, "it was a true tragedy that came about."

"Well, to explain things, apparently there was some sort of virus that started infecting everyone there, turning them to zombies. Turns out the virus was some sort of weird project gone wrong."

"Yeah, supposed to be some base for a skin cream that regenerates dead skin cells. It apparently mutated, managed to get out of the labs, and started infecting the whole city." Akane shrugged after her explanation, "Whoopsie!"

"Skin cream, huh?" Ranma turned to look at the girl sitting in between Akane and Nabiki, who was currently shifting around in a dazed manner in her seat, "Looks like she coulda used some of it..."

"Well, she did, that's the problem," Nabiki started, "Dear sis here was kinda worried about her looks, not that she had anything to fear at nineteen years of age, but she had a hidden vanity streak you wouldn't believe."

"Yeah, Kasumi used to spend hours in the bathroom checking herself for wrinkles, stretchmarks, or any sort of skin blemish." Akane continued, rolling her eyes at the memory, "She used to drive us up the wall when we had to use the bathroom. She finally just started getting up earlier in the morning."

Nabiki took over, "Kasumi caught wind of this new miracle cream, and she was paying outragious prices for shipping to have it ASAP before the American Goverment could even declare the stuff safe." Nabiki reached over to pat Kasumi on the back. Kasumi responded by hissing, and lunging at Nabiki. Fortunately for the middle Tendou sister, she was that much faster, and was up on her feet, backed against the wall several meters away. Smiling and shrugging as if nothing happened, Nabiki continued, "That's our sis for ya, we still love her anyways."

"That's um... yeah..." Ranma replied, staring cautiously at the mutated girl, as she recovered herself to swaying listlessly in seiza position. The really disconcerting thing for Ranma was the way Kasumi continued to smile. It was a sweet, serene smile of one who was content with life, the same smile that had been wrapped around his father's shoulder not too long ago, attempting to tear away like she was pulling saltwater taffy.

"But enough about us, were you really that girl from earlier?" Akane asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, we've got to hear the story on that!" Nabiki added, shifting forward in interest.

"Ah, China, cursed springs, hot and cold water, Pops is an idiot," Ranma vaguely explained, as he began to follow Kasumi's swaying almost hypnotically, "Um... is she contagious?"

"Oh, you don't have to worry that!" Soun interjected, "The virus has gone completely into remission. My baby girl's perfectly harmless!"

"Gee, Mr. Tendou, you said that with a completely straight face," Ranma commented, impressed.

"Now, here's my youngest daughter, Akane. She's sixteen. My middle daughter Nabiki, she's seventeen. And, Kasumi's nineteen. Pick one and she'll be your fiancee."

Ranma stopped staring at Kasumi, and focused on Soun, "Wuzzat again?"

"Oh! He wants Akane!" Nabiki quickly stated, pointing to her younger sister. After all, they both apparently were the same age. Plus, Akane was always complaining that she hated boys, and Ranma was only half a boy. What a swinger, Akane was.

"ME!" Akane shrieked, as she turned to look at Nabiki, and realized her other sister was sitting between them, "How about Kasumi! I'm pretty sure Ranma will get along fine with Kasumi!"

Nabiki blinked, but decided to go along with Akane, "Hmm, you have a point there. I think Kasumi would make a fine fiancee for Ranma!"

Kasumi let out a shuddering moan, which happened to be totally coincidental with the proclimation that she was now Ranma's fiancee. "Oh, come on, sis!" Nabiki chirped from where she was still standing, on guard if her sister was agitated with being pawned off like that, "You were always so concerned about how guys would see you, and you're now being handed a hunk on a silver platter!"

"Could you, like, rephrase that for me?" Ranma commented. It was then when the whole situation caught up with him, WAIT A SEC!!! FIANCEE?!? FIANCEE WITH *THAT*?!?"

"Hey! Don't point at Kasumi like that!" Akane scolded. She was glad she wasn't engaged to Ranma, if the manners he was displaying were all he had.

"Ah..." Ranma quickly looked to his father for help, surly as much as a moron as his Pops could be, he wouldn't allow his son to be engaged to a zombie.

For once, the kami relenquished the dam in Genma's brain that welled up his common sense. Of course, the damaged flesh of his shoulder probably had a help in that, "Um... how about her instead?" Genma nervously enquired, pointing to Akane, "You like her more, don't you Ranma? She's pretty cute, Ranma m'boy!"

"Um..." Akane nervously shifted her eyes around for an excuse, before one finally came to her, "I'm a hardcore lesbian. I don't like guys... yeah, that's it!"

"WHAAAAAAHHHH!!! MY DAUGHTER'S A SAPPHO!!!" Soun lamented, causing Genma to quickly back away from the bawling man.

"You're shamless, you know that?" Nabiki drytoned to her youngest sister, to which in return, Akane gave Nabiki the rasberry.

"Then I'll take her!" Ranma quickly voiced up, pointing to Nabiki, before the thought hit him as to why he's choosing at all. Panic will do that to you.

Nabiki leveled him with a flat stare, "You couldn't afford me."

"Um..." Ranma began, scratching his head, "Are you some sort of prostitute or som-WHOAH!!!"

"Careful, Kasumi's pretty defensive about us," Akane warned, as she looked up at Ranma clinging to the ceiling, while Kasumi was face down in the spot Ranma had been sitting. Akane thought for a moment, "Although, I have to admit that what you were about to say is right on the money..."

"Hah hah, very funny, little sis."

As much fun as Ranma thought it would be, he decided that he had other plans. Still clinging to the ceiling, Ranma started to skiddle towards the exit of the room.

"And where do you think you're going, boy?" Genma enquired, watching his son attempt to make an escape.

"Back to China!" Ranma countered, "This is no time for, um... mutated zombie fiancees!"

"You have to, this is a matter of family honor!" Soun proclaimed, wielding the rightous sword of justification.

"Bite me!" Ranma replied, still skittering to the threshold.

"Akane," Soun said, simply. Akane nodded, lifted the table with one hand, and slammed it into the ceiling, incidentally where Ranma was. She gently then lowered the table, turned it over, and watched a flattened and unconcious Ranma peel off the laquered surface.

"You know, Akane? You probably shouldn't do that to our future brother in law. He may get the wrong ideas about you."

Akane shrugged at Nabiki, "So what? I'm supposed to be a lesbian, what do I care?"


The next morning, Ranma began to awake from the weirdest dream. It was about his Pops bringing him to meet this friend of his and his family, where he found out he was engaged to one of them. As idiotic as he knew his father was capable of being, the dream was just too surreal for his tastes. Really, getting engaged to a zombie girl. A zombie girl with a sunny smile, much like the one of the girl who was hovering above his face just about a foot away.

Ranma's eyes were still bleary from sleep, but the smile was unmistakable. Figuring he must still be dreaming, Ranma decided just to go along with it, "Cute!"

As Ranma's eyes began to focus, the 'cute' girl's complextion didn't seem as flawless. Her smiling mouth opened to reveal pearly white teeth, as her eyes widened pupils dialated, and her throat emitted an angry hiss while she descended on Ranma's face.



Akane stopped, and looked up to the general direction of the guest room. She spit out the toothpaste that was in her mouth, and walked out to see what the commotion was about. Just as she did, she found their pigtailed guest rushing down the stairwell. Spying her, Ranma dove behind Akane, and used her to shield himself from the terror he had almost experienced.

Nabiki followed a smiling Kasumi downstairs, smirking herself, "I see Kasumi woke you like the loving fiancee she is."

"WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING OVER ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Ranma demanded, not leaving from behind Akane.

"Quit being so spinless," Akane commented; it really was too early in the morning for this.

Kasumi simply moaned, and frowned. At the sight of her sister upset, Akane grabbed one of Ranma's hands on her shoulder, and flipped him over, "You jerk! How could you upset Kasumi like that? She's the sweetest person you could meet, and you have the gall to be rude to her?"

From his prone position on the floor, Ranma was about to retort, before he found the ponytailed eldest sister of the Tendou clan hunching over him, bearing her teeth.


"Nooooooo," Nabiki corrected Akane, "Kasumi frowns because she's hungry."

Akane's eyebrows climbed to her hairline in rememberance, "Oh, yeah."


Ranma walked in from her morning spar with her father, still dripping wet, but not wanting to miss a bite of breakfast. Of course, Ranma would never have gotten dunked into that fishpond in the back if it weren't for the large gaping wound just a few inches below his jugular. Kasumi apparently worked to keep her teeth healthy and sharp.

"Ranma, could you at least dry off before you sit down?" Nabiki enquired, somewhat disgusted by the pigtailed girl's state.

"Hey, if you knew my Pops and his eating habits, you wouldn't take the chance at being late, either!"

"Well," Soun interjected, folding his paper up, "It appears you were right on time! Here comes Kasumi with breakfast!"

Just as Genma was sitting down, Ranma baulked, "Kasumi cooked?"

"Yeah, sis is an exellent cook," Nabiki praised, "There probably isn't a thing around she can't cook... unlike others that don't have the common descency to stop trying..."

"Oh, blow it out your ear, Nabiki," Akane mumbled, not missing the blatant snipe at her expense.

Before Ranma could comment, Kasumi shuffled into the tearoom, holding a large platter. With a smile, she set it on the table, causing Ranma to stare, and stare hard. Finally managing to drag his eyes from the 'meal', he checked the other people at the table. Her father was passed out, while Soun, Akane, and Nabiki seemed oblivious to what was sitting in the middle of their teatable.

Akane and Nabiki caught onto Ranma's distress, and both held up their forearms to Ranma, while shaking their heads. Ranma gulped, if it wasn't from them, where...

Her thought remained unfinished, as Kasumi suddenly hunched over the severed arm with her palms braced against the table, and started tearing at the bloody limb. After a few moments, she managed to tear a piece away, and chewed on it while the blood ran down her chin. She swallowed, and bent down to indulge more of the flesh.

Ranma bolted away, "WHAT THE HELL?!?"

Nabiki sighed, once again not really hungry for breakfast, and started pulling at the middle finger of the hand while trying not to disturb Kasumi's eating. Growling in fustration, she then went to the kitchen, and returned with a meat cleaver.

In one fail swoop, Nabiki severed the finger from the hand, "I'll return Mrs. Yamato's ring on the way to school," Nabiki stated, as she worked the ring from the finger, and left.

"I better get to school, myself," Akane commented, getting up from the table. She would have to leave early if she wanted to catch breakfast somewhere.

"You're going too, Ranma, your father already arranged i-"

"Gladly," Ranma interrupted Soun, standing up and quickly following Akane. As they were both beginning to depart, Kasumi sat back up, and moaned unintelligably.

"Yes Kasumi?" Akane enquired, turning to her sister.

"Ah, doesn't she always moan, let's just go!" Ranma nearly pleaded. Actually, moaning to her signified that she was going to attempt to take another bite out of her. As much as the redhead would fight her off, she couldn't bring himself to hit that smiling face of hers, so that just left the option to run.

Kasumi shuffled into the kitchen, before returning with two bento boxes. She almost listlessly handed one to Akane, and one to Ranma. Looking at each other, both teens checked the contents, and were surprised to find a rather normal, if not exorbantly crafted meal underneath the cloth cover.

"Thanks sis!" Akane commented, giving Kasumi a quick peck on the cheek, but backing away before the elder sister could snap at her. Ranma gave a weary glance to the obliviously smiling older girl, before mumbling her gratitude, and departing with Kasumi, retrieving the satchel that Soun held up for her to take to school.

Kasumi watched the two depart with a contentful smile, signifying that all was right with the world.




"Gods, I hope not!"

"Yeah, I mean, don't you have better things to do, like 'Older'?"

"Yeah, ditch this one and write that one!"

"Jerk, you just like older women!"

"Well, your sis is pretty hot in that one. I mean if Nabiki was gonna look like that when she gets that age..."

"Don't even think it..."

"Oh my"

"He turns you into a flesh eating zombie, and that's all you can say?"

"GUYS! YOU'RE RUINING THE MOOD HERE! Anyways, Happy Halloween!"