A/N: To let everyone know I am now in the process of re-editing my work. I am still going to update on a fairly regular basis and I am not to stop writing new chapters for this story.
Summary: Harry realizes he likes Ginny, Ginny still likes Harry, Weird stuff happens between them. Takes place in Harry's 6th year after OOTP.
Warnings: Contains sexual descriptions, violence, some adult language, Readers discretion is advised.
Spoilers: SS/PS, COS, POA, GOF, OOTP
Rating: Mature audiences only
Harry had been receiving a ton of mail after the end of term and so far only two of the senders seemed to realize his need for normalcy in his life. The first being of course the owl that sent his O.W.L. results back (he had received an O in defense against the dark arts and an A in potions, he managed to scrape up ten owls and, had the circumstances been different, he might have been celebrating) the other had been Ginny Weasley. He wasn't sure why exactly, but he looked forward to getting letters from her. He found himself writing to her more than he wrote to almost anyone including Ron and Hermione. It wasn't that he was mad at them; he just found it hard to care.
It was late that night, two days before his birthday when he received another owl from Ginny. This one was quite a bit like her last five except that it said for Harry to get ready because they where coming to pick up Harry tomorrow at noon, whether his Aunt and Uncle approved or not. He was immediately filled with excitement, worry, and something else he wasn't quite sure how to explain in words yet, kind of a rushing sensation like flying on his broom brings, but he couldn't place it. He wrote back to Ginny to let her know that he didn't care whether the Dursleys approved of him going or not, he was going. After he sent Hedwig out to deliver his mail, he told her to stay with the Weasleys as he would see them tomorrow, and there wasn't much point to fly back tonight, he started packing up his stuff. His room, as he just realized, was surprisingly messy even for his tastes.
He finished packing in about two hours and it was now pushing two in the morning. His normal moping around, while not completely passed, had subsided a bit while he cleaned up his room. Now that he faced yet another dream about Sirius' death, everything that he was feeling suddenly fled his mind and the fear of sleep was yet again approaching. He knew that he couldn't stay awake forever; eventually sleep would fall upon him. But every night that had passed since Sirius' death, he was still plagued by this fear, this paralyzing fear of sleep. He laid in his bed thoughts racing, trying to stop the horrible visions that flashed before his eyes. Eventually his body gave in and he drifted into sleep. The vision of Sirius' death shot before him, Bellatrix ran out of the room and Harry chased after her, he hit the dark room round with the spinning wall, just in time to see her leave and the door shut, the room began to spin.
"Let me out," he cried, "let me out."
The room stopped and the door out opened, he ran through it and found that he was at the Burrow enjoying the company of Ginny, holding hands, staring in her eyes as she stared back, both with looks of want and love. Harry awoke with a startle; Dudley had just snored really loudly making it hard to tell were he was. When reality snapped back to him and he realized he was in bed, he sat up. He was rather disturbed by his dream. Not just the part about Sirius' death, but mainly about him and Ginny.
"Where did that come from," he found himself voicing, surprised that he had said that.
Harry rolled over and noticed it was four in the morning. His senses came back to him and he allowed himself to calm down.
"It was just a dream," but even as he spoke these words, he felt that they where untrue. Something wasn't right about the situation.
The thing about it was he felt that the dream made sense and explained what he was feeling before, at least a little bit clearer than when he first felt it. He knew that the odd soaring feeling was because liked Ginny Weasley. He would not go as far to say love because he didn't quite know if he loved her, but he at least admitted that he fancied her.
"This is crazy," he thought, "I don't have feelings for Ginny, I don't fancy her."
He laid back down to fall back a sleep again thinking of Ginny, his mind raced about her. His thoughts about Sirius' death left his mind, being replaced subconsciously by thoughts of Ginny. Slowly he fell back asleep feeling, if not happy, then at least something since the death of his godfather.
He was back at Hogwarts, rumors that he fancied Ginny found their way around school, and everywhere he went he was shot bad glances. Dean tried to fight him every time they met. Ron wouldn't speak to him. Hermione thought of him as something disgusting and Troll like, and Ginny wouldn't be anywhere with him. He often found her turning the other way when she saw him and noticed that she always took the longest way to classes. He was feeling like a fool for telling her that he loved her. He just wanted to be alone; he walked up to his dorm to skip his next potions class. He arrived at the picture of the fat lady, gave the password and walked in.
He found himself again at the Burrow staring lovingly into Ginny eyes and her staring lovingly back into his. The whole world seemed to stop, seemed to be made just to live this moment with them. Ginny moved in slowly to kiss Harry. He felt her warm breath against his lips. Closer he drew, his emotions flooding his thoughts, he wanted this, no needed this to happen. She brushed her mouth against his to lock into a kiss. Her lips were moist and the kiss was wet with saliva.
Harry Potter awoke the next morning feeling more refreshed than he ever had. It was rather confusing for him, because he had awoken every morning since his godfathers death with feelings of despair. Today was different. He had something to look forward to, something to take his thoughts away from his godfathers death.
This new infatuation with Ginny was a bit strange. Ginny had always been a like a sister to him and not girlfriend material. He had always found it rather cute that Ginny had fancied him but now the thought had brought around such a good feeling for him. The only problem about the whole thing was last year she said she had stopped liking him and was actually dating Dean. This was a bit discouraging for him and the thought of Ginny with Dean made him jealous.
Why hadn't he seen her as dating material before? Why did he waste his time with Cho? Why didn't he go after Ginny as he knew that she liked him? The thought of Ginny just really never hit him like that before now, why now? Perhaps because she was the only one who really knew what he was going through? She was the only one who could at least conceive the fact of what he felt, not all the way but, more than most people he knew.
The strong urges to be with her started only since her first letter to him just letting him know what was happening there. Not mentioning anything about Sirius, letting his mind escape terrible thoughts about his godfather and join the real world for just a few minutes. At first he couldn't believe her actions, acting as if the whole department of mysteries event didn't happen. But after the third letter it just clicked in his head what she was doing. He needed some sort of escape from all of his moping and she allowed it.
He kept all of her letters and replied to all of them except for the first two. He even wrote to her before he would receive a new one from her, just to let her know that he was fine. He received owls from everyone and only sent responses to the order more than Ginny. He felt that if he sent her a letter everyday it would seem odd to her, even though he had the urge to send a letter to her everyday. He just wrote everyday and sent rather lengthy letters to her when he felt comfortable enough to send them.
He normally started the day by writing a little bit to Ginny but since he was supposed to go to the Burrow today he decided that he really didn't need to. Plus he didn't have his owl to send it anyway. So he just laid in his bed and let his mind drift on thoughts of him and Ginny.
Why was he dreaming about kissing her, she has a boyfriend? This thought didn't sit with him too well as it caused some jealousy and guilt to stir. He didn't want Ginny to be dating Dean he wanted her to be dating himself, but he also felt bad about the way he was mad at Dean. Dean, while not being his "friend," was still at least a good acquaintance and they had always got along just fine. He was being a bit unfair to himself, he didn't even know if he wanted to be with Ginny or if the fact that her letters had caused a strange infatuation with her. Whatever the reason to it all he knew that he would find out when he saw her, if it was love for her or the letters and normalcy.
He allowed his thoughts to move broadly throughout his mind just imagining him and Ginny, when he lost all control and broke down crying. Why was he thinking about Ginny and not about Sirius? He felt selfish. He tried to rationalize by saying that Sirius would be happy that he was getting a crush on Ginny or that Sirius wouldn't want him to feel this bad. But no one wants anyone to feel bad and he bet if Sirius had known that he was going to die then he would think a little differently. It had only been a little over a month, was he supposed to forget Sirius? He went numb thinking about losing his godfather, not even able to cry anymore, just nothing. No feelings, just an empty shell. He heard a knock on the door and realized that it was noon. He got up still moping around and changed into some daytime clothing. His eyes were still red from the lack of being able to cry.
"Boy get down here..." his Uncle Vernon roared.
He walked down the stairs to meet who ever was picking him up. He was surprised when he saw Ginny standing in the living room with none of her other family members there.
"Where's Ron," Harry asked Ginny.
"Explain yourself, boy," his Uncle yelled while Ginny said "home."
"There is nothing to explain really just going to spend the rest of the holidays with the Weasleys."
Harry could see his uncle trying to fight off a look of triumph. This was his Uncle's chance at getting rid of his nephew for almost a year. He could tell that Vernon was pleased but would rather not show it.
"Fine, you can go."
"Come on Harry lets go grab your things and signal the Knight bus."
Harry and Ginny climbed the stairs and entered his room.
Ginny felt a little weird being in Harry's room with him. She closed the door behind herself so she wouldn't be over heard and sat on Harry's bed. She wanted to tell him that she liked him still and that she had broken it off with Dean but she didn't know where to start or if he felt the same way.
She cursed herself for being this foolish. This was Harry. She had been a friend to him for a while now. Besides she told him last year that she was over him. And in a way she thought it was true. She believed that she could move on. That didn't happen very well.
"Thanks for sending me all those letters Harry, but I think Ron is a little disappointed, you sent me at least twice as many as you sent Ron."
"Well it's just that..." Harry started, "Replying to you took my mind off Sirius."
"Well I know that it can't be terribly easy for you to have to relive what happened and I thought that I shouldn't be contributing to you thinking about it. I wanted my letters to you to be something that made you a little happier not more depressed."
Ginny thought about how he must feel with the only person that Harry could ever really call family dead. She would be devastated had she lost even one of the members of her family, but to lose all she had would crush her. She couldn't believe that this man in front of her was still able to think. Sure she was just as devastated by the loss of Sirius as the rest of her family, but it wasn't the same for her, as it is for Harry. To Harry this was a strong link to his parents.
She watched him as he began to gather his stuff. He seemed to be holding back something but Ginny couldn't tell what.
"So I guess that we should be going we don't want to be late, Mum would kill us." Ginny said breaking their silence.
"Ok," Harry sighed.
"What's wrong Harry..." Ginny was a bit shocked by his sigh and a bit curious about why he did it, "...would you like to stay here," she teased.
"Well then, what is it?"
"Nothing really," Harry said quickly realizing that she suspected something.
"Then why sigh about leaving here?"
"I wasn't sighing about leaving here,"
"Then what was it?" She tried to make it sound as if she was being sarcastic and playful but her nerves made her seem a bit more forceful. She smiled weakly at him.
"I'll tell you later. We don't want to be late do we?"
"No we don't." She sighed. She caught a glance from Harry and she quickly looked away. Steadying her breath they headed down the stairs and out the front door.
"See you next year," Harry called he got no response in return.
They walked out and down the block to a muggle bus stop and signaled for the Knight bus. Harry thought it would be less suspicious to see a bus pull up to a metal post rather than in front of his house. The bus was there as soon as the signal was given.
"'Ello 'Arry nice t'see ya."
They went up to the top level of the triple-decker bus and went to the back, and sat as far away from sight as possible. Stan came up to collect the fee. Ginny made to reach for money in her pocket but Harry paid for the both of them.
"T'anks 'Arry, where ya goin' ta."
Ginny spoke up telling him to take them to the Burrow giving him the address.
"'K be 'bout alf 'n hour to 'n hour we got other stops ya know and we won't 'ead ou' there til la'er."
"That will be fine," she liked the idea of spending an hour with Harry. He seemed to think it wasn't a bad thought either. Stan left and Harry and Ginny were the only ones on the top deck. The bus screeched off making loud pops and cracks as it bounced the seats around. Ginny had fallen into Harry's arms and was reluctant to move off so quickly but did so anyway.
"So, Ginny," Harry started and stopped as if contemplating what he should say next. She reached her hand out as if to hold Harry's but withdrew when she realized what she was doing. Harry sighed, and Ginny, thinking that this could be a good time to just chat, started.
"Harry I like you," she thought but all she could say was "Harryiliyou," she seemed a bit like herself when he first came over to the Burrow. She turned scarlet behind the ears.
"Sorry didn't catch that"
"No I suppose you wouldn't catch that I barely caught it myself, and I was the one who was speaking, wasn't I?"
"So what did you say?"
"Don't worry about it." she couldn't bring herself to tell Harry that she loved him. She stopped liking him in the last year and dating Michael and Dean made her realize that she stopped just liking Harry and was actually in love with him.
It was really awkward between them and before they had a chance to figure out how to break the silence, they where staring into each other's eyes again. He was adorable from his untidy hair, to his scar, right down to the clothes that were too big for him. His eyes always had a way of making her melt, while losing herself altogether in the depths of them. He was perfect.
"So how's Dean," he asked. She jumped, his words where unexpected. Not just when he said it but what he said as well. She didn't think that he would care about that.
"We broke up a week ago but I imagine that he is fine." A smile crept across Harry's face.
"What happened," he asked but he could hide the excitement in his voice. She noticed this and tried to tell him the truth.
"Well it's just hard to date someone when you..." she didn't finish her sentence, fear gripped her ability to speak.
"When you what?" Ginny shook her head. It had been well known that she liked Harry before but she didn't want to say that she still liked him. She knew that he didn't think of her that way.
"So got any ideas of your next boyfriend?"
Harry's question brought on the possibility of telling him that she thought he was a perfect choice. That she loved him. That she wanted to kiss him. Instead she just slyly looked at him and said,
"Yes I have someone in mind why do you ask?"
"Well I am just curious about you really." Harry turned a shade of crimson. Ginny took notice. It was time she asked him some questions about these weird signals she was getting.
"Harry, do you mind if I ask you some questions?"
"No not really what kind of questions?"
"Well I want to know why you keep staring at me."
"Well it's just that um well you see the thing is um I um." Harry stumbled over his words.
"Because you see it looks to me like you fancy me."
"Well um you see um." still unable to talk
"Would it be better to just shake your head because this is going to bother me if I can't get any answers out of you?"
"Ok Harry, do you fancy me?" even as she thought these words she couldn't speak. What if he said no, what if he laughed at the idea of him actually being able to fancy her? The thought was too much to bear. She could live not knowing for sure, she had done that for six years now, but knowing that he didn't feel that way would kill her. She had to know though. She needed to know that she wasn't imagining the things that he did, the way that he looked at her or seemed incapable of coherent speech around her. It was too much. She thought about this and finally said
"Harry I need to know..." but whatever it was that she needed to know Harry would have to wait to answer. The bus had just stopped at the Burrow and they where getting off. There wasn't even time to finish the question when they exited the bus as they where immediately welcomed by the Weasley family and Hermione.
"We will talk later, ok Ginny?" Harry said as he was pulled into a hug by her mum.
"Ok, how about tonight?" she replied now getting weird glances from Hermione who seemed to be the only one that was interested in what they where saying. She could have sworn that she saw her mum smile at her while hugging Harry.
"That sounds good to me, Ginny." Ron and his older brothers Bill and Charlie carried Harry's stuff into the Burrow. Her parents lead Harry inside for some lunch. The twins followed them talking about there next invention.
"So, Gin what was that about?"
"Oh, it's nothing." Ginny felt the blush creep up on her face. Hermione chuckled and turned towards the house.
Ginny was left standing outside of the Burrow with her thoughts on the day. There seemed to be more about Harry that she didn't know.
Ultimately she decided to go and join her family for lunch.
A/N: I would like to thank my beta Lesli. We just got started on editing this story and I look forward to working with her through the rest of them. She is very talented and wonderful; I can't thank her enough.