Group is in Session
Warning: In case you didn't already know, this story contains vulgar humor. It's childish, rude, and full of innuendo. If that's not your thing, then STOP now before you get all offended.
Who Let the Dogs Out
Lecter: Now that we are back in session after removing those scank… volunteers, we can delve further into any issues…
Freddy: Look over there. Is that the blob?
CandyMan: (looking) No, that's Honey BooBoo's mother.
Chucky: Who left the barn door open?
Pinhead: The quality of our interactions is becoming hellish.
Chucky: What is that?! (points at doorway)
Freddy: It's hideous! Bloody, black and blue.
Chucky: Look at how it shambles!
Michael: (whispers to CandyMan)
CandyMan: Michael says it's a zombie.
Chucky: No zombies, no zombies! They smell bad.
Freddy: Couldn't smell any worse than old hockey mask over there. Grunt for me, baby! (thumps chest)
Jason: (glares) (then grunts)
CandyMan: Don't be such a big baby. It's only Rhianna.
Freddy: She must'a ran into Chris Brown in the hall.
Chucky: You mean she ran into a door.
Freddy: Yeah, sure, that's what I meant.
Freddy: I'm really itching to kill somebody. Who we got in the closet, Doc?
West: Let me check. (rummages) How's this?
All: (weapons at ready)
Freddy: You have any idea how long I've waited for this.
Pinhead: No longer than I. I assure you.
CandyMan: (peeks) What's that little thing jumping up and down in the corner?
Chucky: What's it saying?
Freddy: It's a Bieber.
Chucky: A what? A beaver? You know, at my eye level, I've seen plenty of beavers and while I can see the resemblance… they don't usually sing.
Pinhead: What is a Bieber?
Freddy: That's singing?
CandyMan: Apparently, it's a tantrum throwing man-child with an over-inflated sense of importance.
Pinhead: I thought that was Charlie Sheen?
Chucky: Well, someone step on it already! That whiney voice is grating on my nerves.
Freddy: You might want to set him on fire first, he looks like he's got a load in his pants.
Pinhead: I believe that's just a fashion statement.
Freddy: Yeah? What's the message? Even my pants don't wanna get that close?
West: Why don't you just feed him to Demi Moore? She'll eat him alive and take all his money.
Freddy: Demi Moore? She's the animal lover, right?
Chucky: Yeah, she's got three dogs. Scout, Rumer, and Tallulah.
Freddy: Aww, That's sweet.
Chucky: Yeah, they're a real part of the family. Here poochie, poochie.
CandyMan: What happened to the dumb as a brick, boy toy?
Chucky: He got fleas.
Freddy: That's what happens when you let the dogs sleep with you.
Chucky: I guess Demi didn't like it when her mid-life crisis jumped outta bed and yelled, "You got punk'd!"
CandyMan: Michael wants to know if their relationship qualifies as necrophilia.
Pinhead: I believe the old hag was technically still alive at the time but her soul died long ago.
Chucky: (shakes head) And I thought Jason had mommy issues, at least he didn't marry his.
Freddy: (laughing) I just figured he wanted to grow a beard! (wink wink, nudge nudge)
CandyMan: I understand he's dating a pretty little imp now. She's bilingual.
Freddy: Well, I hope he's a cunning linguist.
West: (rummages deeper in the closet)
CandyMan: Is that a moose?
Freddy: Khloe Kardassian.
CandyMan: Close enough.
Chucky: (dancing) I like big butts and I cannot lie…
Pinhead: Kanye sold his soul to the devil.
Chucky: I think he should ask for a refund.
Freddy: (laughs) Kanye or the devil?
CandyMan: Which one is the devil?
Freddy: Well, let's see, the mom is the wicked witch of the west…
Chucky: She eats her young.
Freddy: And castrates anything that has balls.
CandyMan: Ahhh, that explains Khloe.
Chucky: Hurry! Someone drop a house on her! Or at least a law suit...
Pinhead: The devil is the one with the enormous ass.
Chucky: (snorts) Like that narrows it down.
Michael: (holds up sign) Rush Limbaugh?
Candyman: No, Michael, that's just an assho$$ with an enormous ass.
Michael: (nods in understanding)
REVISION: I'm much happier with the revisions. It's still silly but better defined silliness. If you enjoyed the jokes let me know.
I want to apologize for this chapter, up front. I am really out of practice, writing comedy. I don't envy stand-ups or writers of sit-coms. It makes me appreciate Big Bang even more.