Disclaimer: I own nothing of Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.

New Story. Check the end of every chapter for briberies, reminders and such.

Lip Balm

"…and really bad eggs," Jack Sparrow slurred to no one in particular, wandering the streets of Port Royale in the evening. Twigs snapped underneath his boots as he strode around, squinting into each alleyway, wondering where that damned Smithery was. His legs, clumsy from the afternoons drink and arms, feeling quite heavy pointed towards a certain street. "That's Captain Jack Sparrow…"

He remembered Elizabeth's voice quite clearly in his head. Not entirely clear, but slurred, more like. You may visit any time you wish, Jack. Any time you're hungry, we have a plate at the table for you.

Jack was hungry.

His crew was gone. Gallivanting down the taverns and whorehouses in Tortuga, underneath the watchful eyes of the Anamaria and Gibbs, who had been so gracious as to accept his offer on being the two captains for only a few days. He trusted them completely. No, not completely. Partially. Maybe even less. But at least enough to put the Pearl in their hands. Those two loved the Black Pearl almost as much as he did. But of course they loved their captain more. Or feared him more…possibly both. Anamaria had wanted to leave the first few weeks. He even gave her the boat that she wanted.

She never left. That was good. That was very good.

Jack shrugged mindlessly, peering down another street and raising a hand in exasperation. Surely the Smithery would be in plain view by now. He didn't want to admit it, but he actually missed those two blighters.

He had practically checked every alleyway and street in Port Royale. Where was his meal? He had turned down Tortuga for this. TORTUGA. Right now, he could be having a beautiful woman with her bosom spilling out of her dress in his lap, feeding him rum while he told stories of great adventures.

A small scratching noise reached Jack's ear in the near left. It was a gentle scraping noise, nothing to be worried over, hopefully. Pausing, Jack raised one finger, lowered it and then proceeded to walk forward for investigation.

And there she was. The most beautiful creature in the world it seemed. White fluff, soft like down cascaded over her body. Jack yearned to touch it, but it was too far away...and she might get frightened. She had thin legs, slightly scraped and bony from plain clumsiness or mistaken grace. Healthy looking eyes, beady and cautious, yet brown and a perfect circle, swiveling this way and that. And a beautiful beak, yellow and pointed.

That's right. Jack Sparrow had spotted a chicken. His stomach growled loudly, as if screaming out Eat the damn chicken since you can't find those damned two. Else you be hungered for a bit.

Jack grabbed his pistol, aiming carefully at the chicken and then hesitated before drawing it back carefully. No, he didn't want to eat a bloody mess or a metal skewered bird. He grabbed for his sword, but found it to be too large and clunky. It would slice the chicken down the middle, and that would do no good.

"Not good," Jack muttered, wishing he had a certain dagger that he had nicked from another pirate before arriving at Port Royale.

He would have to use his own hands and wring the bird. Jack pondered for a moment, watching the chicken flap around helplessly. No, that was no cover at all. He knew that it would a damn wild goose chase, which meant, running around in circles and then falling face first into the ground again and again.

But this was the last straw. He needed food.

He lunged forward, springing from the base of his feet and legs, accurately measuring the distance from himself to the chicken, who was looking quite careless. Naturally, Jack Sparrow landed hard on the ground with a mouthful of grit and dirt. He looked up towards the chicken, who was bawking quite feverishly, as if pointing a large feathered finger towards him and screaming HA-HA. Cap'n Jack Sparrow can't catch a damn bird.

Groaning, he got up and jumped towards his food again, getting the same result. A mouthful of dirt and a mangled sense of pride.

"Damn fluff-bird, bet you'd taste like shit any'ow," Jack said, as if assuring to himself that the chicken was actually not as delicious as it …would be. Walking away from the chicken, Jack stepped out of the alleyway and then turned around swiftly, pistol drawn and aimed accurately.


"A bloody metal skewered fluff-bird be better than no bird at all, eh?"

Smiling triumphantly, Jack stepped forward to retrieve his prize. …Now, where was the damn chicken? It was impossible for him to miss. Captain Jack Sparrow did not miss at such things…Jack's stomach growled louder this time. He stepped forward once more, running clear into a being with a…chicken wrapped in it's arms.

Jack felt a pang of pain across his left [FACE] cheek, as he blinked rapidly. That was by far, the hardest slap he had received from a woman. Even Anamaria... Perhaps this being was not a woman, but a man with a crowbar in his hands and fingers made of metal.

"I didn't deserve that," Jack said clearly, blinking away tears to see the being more carefully. It was a woman alright. A hellcat, more like. She looked fairly young, messy hair stubbornly poking out from the sloppy ponytail from the back and top of her head. She was wearing men's clothing, holding the chicken ever so delicately in her left arm.

"You tried to kill my chicken," she said calmly.

"Oh…then I may have deserved that," He said, lowering his voice. "But love, I was only tryin' to get a decent meal.."

Jack felt another pang of pain in his right cheek. Blinking away a fresh set of tears, he turned around with a strained smile and faced the woman.

"Alright, you hellcat," Jack said, sounding completely unruffled. "You think it wise slapping once, nay, twice a pirate captain such as meself?"

"Captain, eh?" the woman said in mock shock, dropping the chicken onto the ground. It fluttered about for a bit, and then scampered off to pick at the few corn kernels on the gritty floor. The woman grabbed for her sword, which was hanging loosely from her waist. Jack stared for a few moments, a sly smile plastering slowly on his face. "Where's your ship, Captain?"

"In Tortuga, love," Jack said, eyes roaming across her body. The woman placed the tip of her sword underneath his chin, motioning him to look at her and not at her body. Grabbing his own sword, Jack unsheathed it and pointed it calmly at the woman, who's face was lined with disgust and determination.

Why in the bloody 'ell was this woman so angry about that damned chicken? She probably had a pen full of the loud white fluff-birds back home, couldn't she spare just one?

Hesitating, Jack asked, "Why are ye offended o'er the fluff-bird o'er there, any 'ow?" He pointed towards a small pen behind him, where many other chickens clucked and picked at their own droppings. "I'm not 'exactly in the mood for killin' someone o'er some poultry."

"Keep your nose in matters that are yer own, Captain," The woman snapped, thrusting towards Jack's head and knocking off his beloved hat with great success. The pirate captain groaned, hiding his surprise, picked up his hat and placed it sloppily on his head once more.

"Easy on the goods, darlin'"

[Points to little purple button] C'mon..review. :D

[Bribes you with Version Two of Captain Jack Sparrow action figure doll. Pull the string on the back and it says, "Welcome to the Caribbean, love." It also comes with a sword made by dear Eunuch Boy himself. ]