Title: Size Matters

Author: pettygrew

Category: Gen, Humor

Setting: After Small Victories

SUMMARY: Everyone likes to have fun now and then.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-1 Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fan fiction is meant solely for entertainment purposes. No money exchanged hands.

Archive: Anyone wishing to archive please ask.

Copyrighted 2003 pettygrew

Special thanks to CarolS and Thel for beta reading. Any errors are mine.


Size Matters


The room was foggy and deserted as Daniel stepped out of the SGC shower. There was nothing like a good hot shower to soothe the aches and pains after a difficult mission. SG1's most recent assignment to P2X-344 was just one of those missions. It was unexpectedly cut short due to a minor mishap to a certain poor archeologist out taking a walk. Who knew walking along the edge of a cliff would send him sliding down a mountainside? Luckily, for him, he fell on to a rock ledge twenty feet below. It took two hours for his team mates and three men from the nearby village to hoist him back up.

After getting Dr. Fraiser's medical seal of approval, he made a beeline to the showers to ease his sore muscles. Thirty minutes later, he exited the stall feeling refreshed. Taking his towel from a nearby bench, he quickly dried himself off before wrapping the cloth about his waist. Much to his chagrin, the towel was too short. One of those military-issued hand towels disguised as a bath towel types. With one hand holding the ends tightly together, he walked into the dressing room and over to his metal locker. Tossing the towel to the floor, he opened the cabinet door and started to search for his civvies.


Shocked at hearing a feminine voice, Daniel turned around immediately covering his vital parts with his hands.

"Sam! Wha-What are you doing here?" he asked as he bent down to retrieve the towel off the floor without exposing more.

"As of thirty minutes ago, this became the women's locker room," she answered sounding miffed.

"That can't be," he said confused as he tried wrapping the towel about his waist again. "My watch showed fourteen hundred hours. The switch wasn't for an hour."

To prove his point, he held the towel edges with one hand behind his back and with his free hand reached up into his locker. As he grabbed his watch off the top shelf, one end of the cloth slipped free. Quickly catching the dangling end, he brought it back up behind him.

"Daniel, it was fifteen hundred hours when we returned from P2X-344. It's fifteen thirty now."

Squinting at his watch, he frowned. "Oh." He shook it a little before giving Sam a sheepish glance. "Um, I guess falling off the cliff did something to it."

"Uh-huh," she said staring at him.

"Sam...if you give me a few minutes to dress, I'll be out of your way."

"Sure," she said snapping out of her daze. "I'll stand guard outside so no one else comes in."

With that, Sam walked out into the corridor, making sure the door closed behind her. Within seconds four women soldiers surrounded her talking in hushed, excited voices. Major Kate Boyd, Lieutenant Lynn McCutcheon, Captain Diane Pettigrew, and Sargent Carrie Stone began bombarding her with questions simultaneously.

"Did you get to see it?"

"How long was it?"

"Did he get angry?"

"Who came closest?"

Afraid someone would hear them; Sam directed the group away from the door. In a similar hushed voice, she tried quieting the ladies' exuberance.

"Shhhh," she said while searching the halls for people. "Yes, I did see it. I estimate four inches."

Captain Pettigrew responded with a hearty "YES!"

"Are you sure?" Major Boyd asked worriedly. "Could it have shrunk?"

"I was able to compare it to his hand. It's definitely smaller than his hand."

Embarrassed, Lieutenant McCutcheon quietly asked, "Ma'am, was subterfuge really necessary? Couldn't we have asked Dr. Fraiser or one of the nurses?"

"Janet and the nurses are governed by doctor-patient confidentiality. They would never have given out that sort of information." With a big smile, Sam added, "Besides, what's the fun in asking when you can see for yourself?"

"You mean, *you* got to see," Sargent Stone said disgustedly.

Sam raised an eyebrow and gave the woman a look of superiority. The soldier immediately snapped back, "Ma'am."

"Meet me in my lab in thirty minutes, and we'll go over the final figures."

The ladies dispersed, laughing and giggling. Sam walked back to the wall opposite the locker room just in time to meet Daniel's hasty exit. He stepped out into the hall while slipping his arms into the sleeves of his jacket. In seeing Sam, he blushed.

"Thanks," he said breathily.

"No problem. Take care going home," she said with a smile as she walked passed him.

Daniel stepped away from the door to allow Sam entrance. Just as she started to open the door, he casually stated.

"It's five inches."

Sam halted to look at him. "Excuse me?"

"My appendix scar. It's five inches."

Sam's face paled with fear.

"That was the reason why you pulled that little charade in there, wasn't it?" pointing at the door.

"How-how did you know?" she stuttered totally flabbergasted.

"Well," looking her straight in the eye, "You didn't look away when I turned around. I know you like me, but..."

"Oh, Gawd, no," she stuttered with her face turning beet red. "I would never. It was...uh...it was...a...bet."

"A bet?" he repeated raising his eyebrows.

Totally defeated, she dropped her shoulders and broke down, "I am soooo sorry, Daniel."

"I-I can't believe it," he shook his head in disbelief. "Sam, you of all people. How could you?"

Afraid she had ruined their friendship forever she tried to explain. "Well, it's rather funny actually. After your surgery, the Colonel said you didn't want to show him your scar. Some of the women soldiers got to talking, annnd...one thing led to another...." She swayed her hands to and fro before raising palms up in a question stance.

"So, you decided it was easier to embarrass me rather than just asking to see it?" he questioned her further.

"We decided it would be less conspicuous if it was me who did the spotting," she nodded.

"And because we're friends, you probably didn't feel I would report this to General Hammond," he said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hey," she bristled, defending herself. "You and the Colonel bet on things all the time! What is it about men that compels them to bet on how far a woman would...?"

"Sam...Sam," he raised a hand up to stop her barrage. "I get the point."

"Are you angry?" she asked softly.

Daniel looked at Sam for a few seconds before answering. "No, I'm not angry."

Feeling relieved, she smiled. "Daniel, I would never do anything that would risk hurting you or endangering our friendship."

"It's okay, Sam," he said with a sigh. "It's just...this isn't the first time this has happened."

"You're kidding? Someone else?" she blurted in surprise.

"You know how tactful Jack is," he paused to clear his throat. "After our mission with the replicators and the Russian sub, he and Ferretti cornered me in the showers. They wouldn't give me my clothes until I showed them the scar."

Sam dipped her head trying hard not to laugh at poor Daniel's mishap.

"*You* on the other hand, were a little more creative," he added. "Hopefully, everyone has finally gotten this out of their system, so I don't have to be on the look out for any peeping toms."

Before she realized what she was saying, Sam commented, "Believe me, I saw enough...." Choking on her last words, she looked at Daniel with panic in her eyes.

Daniel raised his eyebrows while biting his bottom lip. "Should I be worried about hidden cameras?"

Amazed at his ability to still joke, Sam walked up to him and gave him a big brotherly hug.

"Just checking. See you later, Sam."

After their embrace, they parted in different directions. Daniel walked down the tunnel, and Sam entered the locker room. Two seconds later, she came back out.

"Daniel," she called as she jogged up to him.


Stopping within a few feet of him, she looked at him suspiciously.

"Daniel, if you knew I was lying back in the locker room, why did you play along? You could have easily called me on it. Why didn't you?"

With a coy smile, he replied, "And spoil *my* fun teasing you?"

Sam laughed at his response before heading back to the locker room. Daniel continued to watch her as she disappeared into the room. Turning towards the elevator, he said, "By the way, we're out of towels."