Author: Stoicstella Email: Rating: R (definitely)
Summary: Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?
Author Notes: This is not a song fic. but I will have lyrics at the beginning of most (if not all) chapters. I don't know why, but I somehow felt this to be the way to go. In other news: This is obviously an AU (or rather soon it should become obvious). Forewarning: Everyone is human. Also this story has been explicitly planned, yes it is definitely Sess/kag so bear with me. Suggestions are still, of course, welcome. I would never turn away reviews.
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Alanis Morisette.
"All I Really Want"
"...And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance.
...What I wouldn't give to find a soul mate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
...All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice..."
Chapter 1: All I Really Want
"1153 Pine Grove" Kagome mouthed as she scrawled the words into the box on the form. She had only been living at her current address for a little over two months so remembering it was still a little tricky. More so, since she had lived at her previous address for so long. Her whole life in fact.
Kagome had spent her formidable years, living at her Grandfathers shrine in Tokyo. Her father had died before she was born and her mother had needed the financial support. But that all changed less than a year ago when her mother had begun to date Matsushita Naraku.
He was some kind of doctor, Kagome wasn't even sure what kind, he was a really secretive guy. But the "important" thing was that her mama could finally afford to settle down in a house of her own with her husband, and daughter. Kagome could not remember her mother being so happy.
'I wish I felt the same' She sighed inaudibly as she slid the slip of paper across the desk to where the secretary ignored it for several seconds, not looking up from her computer. When she finally did address it, it was with a simple nod and Kagome having long since been lost in thought and already beginning to walk away allowed her passive dismissal to go unnoticed.
Inuyasha, her "tour guide" was waiting for her outside the office door leaning impatiently against the wall, with his arms crossed angrily on his chest. She smiled slightly. She had only met Inuyasha a couple of months ago when her mother and she were moving in that summer, but already she felt she knew him. He was very rude, and at times a downright jackass, but underneath all that he could be a pretty nice guy, and Kagome enjoyed spending time with him. He lived right down the street in a beautiful house, (not quite as beautiful as Matsushita's, but beautiful nonetheless) and he had helped her move her things into her new home, complaining all the while.
"Kami! It took you long enough to fill out those forms!" he griped as she followed him down the hall with a little laugh.
"I know, Look..." she said grabbing a lock of his long disheveled hair in her hand "Your hair is turning white."
"ha ha ha." he replied dryly, rolling his eyes and pulling his hair from her grasp. "And your clothes are going out of style." he smirked as she huffed and they walked on for several more seconds in silence.
"Here." he practically grunted. "This is your class. I'll see you after... we can eat lunch together." Kagome's pout gave way to grin, as he added the last part. She was really glad she had met him. She had never been to such a big or expensive type school before, and it would probably be awfully lonely and intimidating if it wasn't for him.
'Even if he is an ass.' She thought as she grinned a little bigger still. He rolled his eyes not knowing what was going on in her mind but guessing it was probably best not to, so without making further comment he then turned and made his way to class leaving her to her own.
The day ran pretty smoothly. Once Inuyasha had shown her the different sections of buildings on campus and where everything was she was pretty sure she could keep it straight. Her Teachers seemed nice, the students didn't seem to notice she was new and single her out or anything like that. As a matter of fact, once she found all her classes her day was pretty uneventful
After her final dismissal, Kagome had decided to wait on the steps of the school for Inuyasha so they could walk home together. They had not discussed this but they were going the same way and she liked his company. When he came out and caught site of her waiting, eyes trained on her shoes, He smiled a little.
"Get lost?" he asked sarcastically as her gray blue eyes alighted gleefully on his gold. She scoffed and the little part of her face that seemed delighted to see him transformed into a slight glare. But she still matched his stride as he left the steps and turned left toward their street.
They kept up their tradition of only speaking when they were nit picking at one another (which was actually quite fun for the both of them), and they reached Inuyasha's house in what seemed like no time. Kagome's face dropped a little as she looked down the street toward the Masushita residence... her house. She would much rather be coming home here.
Inuyasha was looking at her intently as she eyed her own house distractedly. There were some things the two just didn't talk about although her tension was apparent so he invited her in (not they he wouldn't have anyway).
Kagome's grin returned, full force, and she spent the rest of her afternoon watching bad action movies and eating popcorn with her companion.
3 months later
'Kikyou' Kagome thought to herself, as she examined her reflection in the vanity mirror she was sitting in front of. Kikyou was a year older than she. She had blue eyes 'but their brighter then my eyes.' she had black hair. 'but a shiner silkier black' In fact the similarities were so many between them. 'that it's amazing Inuyasha stomached hanging around her cheap imitation for so long.'
Kikyou was Inuyasha's girlfriend. Two months before Kagome had come to live here, she had been in a really horrible car crash. No one thought she would survive. But she lay in her hospital bed clinging to her life, sleeping in apparent peace. Long ago she had been weaned off life support and she was breathing and functioning on her own... but she refused to wake.
Kagome had first found out about her about a month after school started. Whispers in the hall about the girl hanging around with Inuyasha, and isn't it sad he thought he could replace Kikyou. Apparently everyone loved Kikyou so much.
Inuyasha never wanted to talk about her, and Kagome respected that. There were certainly things going on in her life she would never tell to Inuyasha.
'or anyone for that matter.' her hand went to instinctively to the bruise on her forearm as that thought came unbidden to her head.
The problem was Kagome wasn't really romantically interested in Inuyasha; she thought of him kind of like a brother actually. But rumors about them spread far and wide, and it was all because Kagome resembled Kikyou.
'And it just keeps getting more complicated' Kagome thought as she stood and turned her back on the vanity mirror no longer wanting to compare herself to the other girl. The news had come last week, that Kikyou's condition was improving, the day before last, she woke up.
Things instantly got weird between Inuyasha and Kagome. She understood he wanted to devote his time to his girlfriend who had been in a coma for the past 5 months, but it was more than that. He didn't talk to her when he was home from the hospital. He hadn't walked her to school in a week. He stopped taking her phone calls. Kagome sighed, as she crossed her room and looked out her window at the blanket of snow on the ground.
'So much for friendship.'
There she was at the window, her face reflected palely against the glass that otherwise showed only white flakes against dark night. She was wearing that short skirt: her school uniform. It cut off just short of heaven. He licked his lips imagining the way the soft skin of her thighs would feel upon his fingertips.
The young girls body shifted in the way she was leaning against the wall, and he swallowed hard. She was a bratty little girl, who didn't know who was in charge, but he'd show her before the night was out.
She heard him approaching her and turned scared eyes upon him. Like a deer in the headlights, he could see her going over the list of things she had done wrong. It must have been a long list, from how long the action lasted, he'd have to punish her extra hard then.
"Fa..father" she faltered as she attempted to take a step back even though she was already against the wall. His lips twisted sadistically. 'I think I'm going to enjoy this.'
Her lungs hurt. Not just from crying, or running, or the cold. Although any one was enough with out combining all three, and she thought her chest might explode. Kagome panted heavily with her hand clasped tightly over her heart, willing it silently not to burst out of her chest.
When she finally abandoned clutching her chest it was to peal the frozen streak marks of tears from her face, and try to (without luck) wipe away any trace of their existence before she rang the bell at Inuyasha's house. There were just things they didn't talk about, and what had just happened... 'no almost happened' Kagome reminded herself 'things could have been a lot worse.'
She watched her shaking hand lightly press the bell wondering detachedly how much of her was shaking from the cold and how much...
the door opened abruptly. Which was the way Inuyasha usually did open the door, except this time, it wasn't Inuyasha on the other side. This man was to Inuyasha what Kikyou was to Kagome. The same, but better. Similar but more. He was what Inuyasha would look like if he were an angel, or a god.
Kagome gasped despite herself. She knew that Inuyasha had a half brother who was away at college. She was even vaguely aware of Inuyasha mentioning that he would be visiting over Christmas break. But obviously at the moment she wasn't thinking very straight, and he was the last person she had expected to see. Not that she knew what he looked like before this moment. Actually what he looked like at this moment was slightly annoyed but otherwise disinterested. That's why Kagome realized she had been standing on his doorstep not speaking.
"Inuyasha... here?" she mumbled out, managing somehow to at least string together the two more important words of her sentence.
"No" He replied coldly and was about to slam the door when Kagome's hand shot out instinctively to stop it's progress.
"Wait!" She cried out finding her voice. as the words 'I'm not going home' played through her head like some old song (you know, the one you forget most of the words to, so you just repeat the 4 or 5 you know throughout the entire melody).
One pencil thin eyebrow arched, in what could have been any emotion, he was very unreadable. And Kagome almost backed down and let him shut her out into the night. She probably would have if not for the twisted melody her mind was singing.
"Please." she pleaded "Let me wait for him."
At that Sesshoumaru eyed her for the sparest of seconds then released the door and allowed her to enter. "Suit yourself." was all he had to say before walking of in the direction of the foyer and abandoning her in the entrance hall completely.
The girl was sitting at the foot of the stairs watching the door with expectant eyes. She almost resembled a puppy dog whose master was away. He wondered what she expected from his brother... certainly not comfort. She had obviously been crying; the wait streaks from the tears stood out like signposts against the bright red of her frozen face. As a matter of fact her entire appearance was disheveled, as if she had just suffered the most gut wrenching experience of her known life, and then came running to Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru shook his head idly as he walked into the room.
Her head shot up as he approached her gray blue eyes suddenly wide with fear. She swallowed then trying to calm her exterior but the fear still lay there in her eyes, on some level.
He held her gaze until the fear started to melt away a little, but part of it stayed there, on some deep untouchable level. And it almost seemed reasonable that maybe she was always a little scared. Maybe she had reason to be. he released her eyes from his scrutiny, and she quickly looked away, suddenly finding interest in a spot on her school uniform. that's when he noticed how little she was wearing. She was probably freezing. Which would explain why she was shivering, and nervously tapping her feet. He almost offered her something warmer to wear but changed his mind, he turned and was about to leave the room again, when she spoke.
"Where is Inuyasha, anyway." Kagome decided to ask. She had been in the entrance hall for what seemed like her entire life although it was really only about 15 minutes or so, but if you asked her that was more than long enough.
The beautiful man she had posed the question to, turned his head behind his retreating form as he paused to reply.
"He is visiting his girlfriend."
"Kikyou..." Kagome said with a sigh. Why should should she have thought he would be anywhere else? She had not noticed but her "host" had turned again and was considering her.
"You look like her...She's prettier though." He stabbed her in the heart.
"Ya," Kagome agreed "and smarter, and kinder, and more virtuous and pure..."
'Kikyou would never let a man touch her like that.' Kagome's stomach turned, and she stared at her feet, willing herself not to puke.
"Probably..." Stated Sesshoumaru coolly as he began to approach her again. "So if Inuyasha was dating you on the side, you can probably forget him now that she is awake, and devote your time elsewhere." He twisted the blade.
"I am not interested in Inuyasha in that capacity." Kagome replied to her feet as she watched her shoe soak up the single tear she let escape.
"Oh really?" he ridiculed getting entirely to close to her, and making her cheeks begin to burn red. She refused to raise her eyes to his, as he leaned his arm against the wall to her right and hovered over her seated form.
"Yes really." she added with a tinge of annoyance in her voice.
"How about me? Interested in me in 'that capacity'" he mocked. She swallowed hard but did not move. And found he was suddenly leaning low over her, his lips near her ear. "If your not I wouldn't mind... I only need your presence not your interest."
Her stomach lurched and she stood suddenly, almost knocking the man off his feet. She probably would have had his hand not been on the wall.
When she was in the bathroom with the door locked she released the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl and cried bitter tears. She should have known it was written on her face.
'Everyone can see I'm a slut...Daddy's little whore...' Her body shook with tears she should have cried hours ago, but suppressed. She wanted to die, or just curl up and disappear... instead she hugged the toilet bowl and puked, then curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor and cried.
He hadn't meant it. He certainly didn't expect her to run off into the bathroom and wretch. He had expected anger, maybe even a slap thrown his way. But not nauseous to the point of puking.
'Christ, maybe something was the matter with her.'
That would be classic, harassing a girl with emotional problems. He shook his head slightly as he eyed the bathroom door. She had ceased to vomit but he could still hear her choked sobs on the other side. It'd probably be best to just leave her alone, but...
Whatever reasoning for breaking down the door to the bathroom he'd been trying to think up he let leave his thoughts with the ringing of the phone. Sauntering away he pushed the fragile girl to the back of his mind and put the receiver to his ear.
"Yamamoto" sounded his disinterested voice.
"oi, inukkoro, dad says the roads are bad so we're staying here for the night -- think you can handle the house for yourself?" His brother was certainly being cheeky... in which case it suddenly slipped Sesshoumaru's mind to tell him about his visitor.
"I think I'll manage." Sesshoumaru replied and then promptly hung up.
Speaking of the girl he suddenly remembered where she was and why. 'There goes that twinge of guilt... I should get my head checked.' he thought to himself as he pressed his back against the bathroom door and slid along it 'til he was sitting on the floor.
Sesshoumaru, pressed the side of his face to the wood, letting his lips come close to touching it as well.
"Hey..." he spoke gently, letting the slightest bit of concern enter his voice. She stopped crying for a second so she could hear him.
"I didn't mean it... I'm..."
"An asshole?" came a much less muffled voice. She was probably laying on the floor speaking thorough the crack at the bottom of the door. He bit back a grin.
"Yes, something like that."
"well don't loose sleep over it. I'm not feeling real emotionally stable right now." she sighed, obviously continuing the sentence in her head... he found himself wondering what more she had to add.
"Well I have to tell you, your the first girl who ever threw up at the offer of sleeping with me, so I might just loose sleep over it." he said, making sure the humor was apparent in his voice. he no longer wished to offend her. And when he heard her chuckle, (albeit morosely but still...), he smiled.
"Come on out of there..." he added in a soft commanding voice. moving his back ever so slightly so he was leaning on the frame and not the door. When he heard the door knob turning he smiled again.
Kagome crawled out of the bathroom and sat down next to the older prettier version of Inuyasha, looking up into his auburn eyes and trying to read him. She noticeably jumped when his hand touched her face. He had reached a hand out to wipe away her tears without looking away from her eyes. She blinked the last remnants of a tears from them at that point, and focused her attentions on him.
"Should I call you Yamamoto-sama or do you have a name?" she asked in an almost whisper. They were sitting very close to one another and besides that her voice hurt.
he smirked slightly "Sesshoumaru." then nodded a little for her to respond in kind.
"Kagome" she added, and then both were silent for a while studying each other.
"Are you okay, Kagome?" he asked after several long minutes of silence.
"I hope so" She responded in her quietest voice imaginable, all the while nibbling her bottom lip and avoiding his gaze.