A Disneyland Adventure

               We have no ownership in either Gundam Wing, and definitely don't own Disneyland.  If we owned Disneyland, we'd probably be rich snobs who didn't care about writing fan fiction because we'd be so very, very lazy.  In reality, we can hardly afford to visit Disneyland… let alone own it.  So if that's all cleared up, let us continue on to: A Disneyland Adventure!

            "An international spy in Disneyland?!" Wufei read an anonymous note he had received a few moments ago.  "That is just wrong!"

            "What do you have?" Quatre leaned over his shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of the letter in his hand.

            "An anonymous note that arrived a few moments ago." Wufei looked at the back of the paper, but there was no further writing.  "Isn't it convenient that this came to us?"

            "Hmm." Duo snorted.  "I think the authors are just getting lazy and aren't properly creating an opening plot."

            "What are you talking about?" Trowa looked confused.

            "Oh… nothing.  Heehee.  So… let's all go to Disneyland then!"

            "Are you joking?" Heero asked.

            "No." Duo replied.  "It's obviously where the authors want us to go this time, so we'd better warm up the gundams.  It's a long flight from Japan to California."

            The parking lot of Disneyland was ridiculous.  Especially on this, a Saturday afternoon in the middle of the summer.  Dozens of crazed children ran this way and that, squealing every time they caught a glimpse of the theme park's colorful interior.  Naturally, a few of the younger kids were already crying and making a fuss, whining about the heat or some other discomfort out of their parent's immediate control.

            Needless to say, the gundam pilots were not as enthusiastic about their arrival to the 'Happiest Place on Earth.'  After finding a suitable spot to park their gundams, they began the trek across the parking lot, huddling against each other to avoid the sticky children.

            "I hate this already." Heero made a face at the nearest beaming child, reducing her to a pile of tears.  "Everybody's so joyous."

            "We're standing out too much." Quatre noticed.  "We should have brought some little kids or something so we'd fit into the crowd."

            Everybody continued glaring, not at all interested in babysitting for the day.

            "Look at the size of that line!" Duo wailed.  "And that's just to get into the park!"

            It was true.  The entrance to Disneyland was swamped with happy people, many of which were laughing or chatting merrily.  The gundam pilots arranged themselves at the back of the line miserably.

            "Can you believe we're already standing in line?" Wufei said as the line moved about a fraction of an inch.  "I thought they saved that for when you got inside."

Three and a half hours later:

            Duo was sure his boots were melting onto the sidewalk from the heat.  Trowa was just about ready to set up camp in the middle of the line when they suddenly realized they were next.

            "Hello and welcome to Disneyland!" A 'cast member' greeted the five.

            "How much for five adults?" Quatre opened his wallet, grateful to be through with the line.

            "We don't accept money here." The employee grinned.  "That was the line ride, and it's free of charge!  Now you may enter the line to the ticket booth, right over there!"

            "Wha?" The gundam pilots turned their attention to an even longer line than the one they had previously been standing in.

            "You mean we didn't have to stand in this line?" Trowa looked murderous.

            "Of course not!  The line ride is a choice our guests have.  I hope you enjoyed the line ride.  Please proceed to the ticket line!"

            Heero trekked over to the back of the ticket line, unhappy with the new position.  The others gathered behind him, grumbling.

Five hours and twenty-two minutes later:

            "This is the ticket booth, right?" Duo leaned into the booth hopefully.

            "Of course!" Another cast member smiled at them.  "How many?"

            "Five adults." Quatre looked relieved.

            "That will be $250." She pointed at a price list on the wall.  "Plus $300 for umbrellas."

            "Umbrellas?  We don't need umbrellas." Trowa explained.

            "Yes you do!" The employee looked aghast.  "What would your trip to Disneyland be without an umbrella?  Look," She opened an umbrella for them to see.  "It even has all your favorite Disney characters on it!"

            "We don't want the umbrellas." Quatre's relief was fading fast.  "We just want to get into Disneyland, where we can have a good time!"

            "Not without your umbrellas." The employee folded her arms.

            "What, you're going to force us to buy souvenirs?" Duo was busy inspecting his melting boots again.  "We just don't want them, lady."

            She pouted.  "You guys are ruining it for all the children!  What would they think if they saw you all without your 'magical' umbrellas?"

            "Aw, the kids don't care!" Quatre said.

            "Yes they do!" The employee argued.  "Hey ki~ds!"

            Half a dozen children under the age of ten appeared from behind the booth with the most mournful expressions of all time.

            "What is this?" Wufei gestured at the woeful kids.

            "You not gonna buy you'we magicoo umbwellas, mistuhs?" One of the kids let a tear escape from his sparkling eye.

            "Well you see…" Heero began explaining but seemed at a loss against these pitiful youths.

            "How awe they gonna expewience the twue Disney spiwit without the magicoo umbwellas?" Another child burst into a fit of tears.

            "It's an awful lot of money for umbrellas!" Quatre told them timidly.  "They're much cheaper everywhere else!"

            "But those umbwellas awen't magicoo!  They don't have Mickey Mouse on them!  Why don't you wove Mickey Mouse?" All six of the children were crying.

            "Ah heck, Quatre just buy the #$(%^ umbrellas!" Duo threw up his hands.

            "GASP!" The kids looked as though the dirty word had slapped them in the face.  They began screaming nonsensically.

            "Ooops." Duo observed the wailing spectacle.  "Guess I better watch my mouth in here, eh?"

            Wufei twirled his umbrella as he forced his way through a crowd of ecstatic vacationers.  He hadn't been able to glimpse any rides thus far, as the view was always clogged by groups of Disney fans.  "We're never going to be able to find that international spy in here, guys.  It's just too crowded."

            "Oh yeah, the plot!" Duo nodded.  "Why'd the authors make us wait in line for seven hours and forty-two minutes anyway?  Are they cruel?"

            "What's up with that author crap?" Heero looked evil.  "There aren't any authors!  You make this sound like a book or something!"

            "Oh fine, just forget it." Duo sighed.  "Where should we start looking for the international spy anyway?"

            "If I were an international spy, where would I be?" Trowa mumbled.  "Hey wait, we should ask Heero that.  Hey Heero, if you were an international spy, where would you be?"

            "Not at Disneyland." Heero kicked an abandoned Styrofoam glass out of the walkway.  "I'd be at Six Flags… now that's an amusement park."

            "But the letter says that the spy is here in Disneyland." Wufei looked upset.  "Why didn't we get park maps when we got in?"

            "Because they cost even more than the #*&^$* umbrellas!" Duo complained.  Every kid in earshot began screaming nonsensically.

            "Stop swearing." Wufei pointed at Duo.  "This is the 'Happiest Place on Earth!' There is no place for foul-mouthed anime characters such as yourself!"

            "Calm down." Duo twirled around to view almost a hundred youths screaming.  "They're really over reacting, you know that?"

            "Let's keep looking for that spy." Heero suggested.  "How about over there at that food booth?"

            "Uh-uh.  No way.  No more lines, Heero." Trowa held up his hands.  "That's at least a two hour wait… and it's for a $50 hotdog."

            "Yeah, let's skip it." Quatre sweatdropped.  "I didn't plan on money being such an issue."

            It was the most amazing looking ride of all time.  Even though you couldn't actually see any of it, but that was beside the point.  Space Mountain, the ultimate in space adventures.  Duo stared at it, hands clasped.

            "What is it?" Heero followed Duo's line of vision.

            "I want to go on that!" Duo sighed.

            "You're sounding like a little kid.  Don't forget we're here on a mission.  Now snap out of it."

            Could Space Mountain really be skipped?  He would have to think of a way… any way, to ride it.  "I'll bet the international spy is hiding somewhere on Space Mountain!" Duo exclaimed.

            "What kind of crazy spy would hide there?" Wufei looked aggrieved.

            "Think about it!" Duo insisted.  "The crowd is so huge there, it would be almost impossible to pick one person out of it!  It's the perfect place!"

            "So if it's so impossible to find him in there, why should we bother?" Trowa smirked.

            "We have nothing better to go on." Quatre began to look enthusiastic.  "What the heck, let's get in line!"


            "Sure, Quatre, let's get in line." Trowa glared dangerously.  "I'm already sick of lines!"

            "At least this line doesn't cost anything." Quatre smiled nervously.  "I'm worried about running out of money here."

            "We're going on Space Mountain!" Duo sang.  "We are going on the best ride, Space Mountain!"

            "No!" Heero scolded.  "We're not here for petty entertainment!  We're hunting an international spy, and if you forget it again, no plush Mickey Mouse for you."

            "Forty-five minutes and thirty-three seconds.  Forty-five minutes and thirty-four seconds.  Forty-five minutes and thirty-five seconds."
            "Do you have to count, Wufei?" Quatre was trying to fall asleep on the sidewalk.

            "Yes, I must.  I'm bored, and this line is taking too long.  Forty-five minutes and thirty-six seconds."

            "Why would any normal person pay to come and do this?" Trowa despaired.

            "What normal person would pay that much to come and do this?" Quatre looked groggy.  "It's not worth it, I tell you!"

            "You know what?" Duo said.  "I suddenly feel really sorry for those terminal kids whose last wish is to go to Disneyland.  I mean… I'd demand a refund on that wish!"

            "At last!" Heero could spy the end of the line, and people were boarding some cheesy looking spacecrafts.  A few more minutes and he would have lost all faith that the end of the line actually did exist.  "Still no sign of the international spy."

            "Does anybody else have a really weird feeling in the pit of their stomach?" Quatre wobbled a little.  "I think I'm going to throw up!"

            "You're supposed to throw up after the ride, weakling!" Wufei announced.  "Kids these days!"

            "Are you getting nervous or something?" Trowa looked concerned.  "You don't have to go on the ride, you know."

            "But I've been standing in this line for an hour!  That would be such a waste!"

            "Suit yourself."

            "But believe me, I do not plan on getting in this line ever again!" Quatre held up his fist with passion.

            "Same here." Heero said.  "I would never wait in this line again."

            "I would self-detonate Deathscythe before standing in this #$(^& line another time!" Duo winced as all the children in the vicinity began screaming nonsensically.

            "Maxwell!" Wufei screamed.  "Stop traumatizing the innocents!"

            "I'm sorry, I'm just getting frustrated.  My boots are melting… honestly!  Look at them!"

            "How many are in your group?" An employee asked suddenly.

            "Eh?" Heero turned around.  "You mean we're actually next?"

            "You're next!  Now how many?"

            "There are five of us." Heero said suspiciously, as if he didn't trust this event.

            "Are you an international spy!!!!!???!?!?!?!?!" Wufei accused the employee, pointing wildly.

            "No." The cast member replied blandly.

            "Oh… okay." Wufei seemed to forget the moment.

            "Okay?" Duo shook Wufei by the shoulders.  "You don't just accept 'okay' as an answer!  This is serious business remember?"

            "Board the ride, please." The cast member pointed at an empty space ship.  "Have fun and keep your hands and feet inside the shuttle at all times."

            The five squished into various seats happily.  Duo and Wufei took the front seat, Quatre and Trowa took the middle, and Heero sat all alone in the back.

            "Prepare yourselves!" Quatre screamed worriedly.  "This is going to be rough!"

            The shuttle jolted gently, moving gracefully along the track.  The line of people disappeared from sight as the Space Mountain ship proceeded into the inner ride.

            "This is going to be great!" Duo howled.  "This is the best roller coaster ever!"

            "Eeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Quatre shut his eyes tight.

            "Hey, Quatre…" Trowa looked annoyed.  "The ride hasn't even started yet.  We're going up this big hill first."

            "Oh?" Quatre opened his eyes again to take in the sight.  They were climbing a steep hill, where a blinking red light blinded everybody.

            "Here we go!" Wufei called out like a battle cry.

            And they were off.  After adjusting to the initial speed of the coaster, flailing lights appeared in everyone's peripheral vision.  After a few seconds, the entire area exploded into a frenzy of star and planet shaped lights, moving at least as fast as the ride did.  The first turn tossed everyone to their rights.

            "Eh?" Wufei struggled to see in the dark.  "Everybody!  The international spy has got me!"

            The ride gained velocity for another sharp curve.  Wufei felt the weight of the international spy against him and began strangling him viciously.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Trowa held on to the hand bar as tightly as he could.

            "Are you okay, Trowa?" Quatre spoke, although the coaster whipped around violently.  "This is actually kind of fun!"

            "Worry not!  I've got the international spy in my grasp!" Wufei yelled.

            "Did Wufei just say something?" Quatre wondered as he enjoyed the speed and sights of the ride.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Trowa screamed.

            "Take this you international spy!  And this!  And this!"



            "I've always despised international spies!"


            "This is great!"

            And then the ride was over.  (Not really worth the hour wait, ne?)  The shuttle slowed suddenly and jolted the five passengers roughly.

            "The international spy got away!" Wufei screamed when he found himself empty handed.  "He must still be in the ride!"

            "Whatever." Duo looked stern.

            "Is it over?" Trowa glanced around.  "Who would build such a monstrosity?"

            They exited the ride and followed the moving sidewalk up to the Space Mountain gift shop.  Quatre immediately noticed something of some importance.

            "I would never care to do that again!" Heero moaned.

            "I hated it!" Trowa looked angry that Space Mountain even existed.

            "Look guys!  They took our picture!" Quatre pointed towards a screen, displaying pictures snapped during the course of the speedy ride.  "There we are!"

            The picture showed Heero with an unimpressed look on his face, arms folded tightly against his chest.  In the middle seat, Trowa was screaming pitifully while Quatre's entire face was obscured by his hair.  The front seat was occupied with Wufei, busily strangling Duo.

            "Duo!" Wufei stared at the picture with disbelief.  "You're the international spy?"

            "No!" Duo stomped his foot, which got stuck momentarily to the floor, obviously a result of the melting it had been going through.

            "Oh… okay.  So did the international spy take this picture of us or something?" Wufei demanded.

            "No, I'm pretty sure it's a normal part of the ride." Heero examined his photo with disgust.  "This is a lousy likeness."

            "You can't even see my face!" Quatre sniffled.  "That stinks!"

            "I look like a wimp…" Trowa was surprised.  "We must destroy the evidence!"

            "I want a new picture!" Duo complained.  "Wufei ruined mine."

            "You ruined my picture by pretending to be the international spy!"

            "We have got to get better pictures!" Heero decided, slamming a fist against his palm.  "Let's go on it again!"

            "Okay!" Everybody agreed cheerfully.

A little over an hour later:

            "The line is getting longer." Wufei huffed.  "But this is necessary."

            "How many in your group?" They had reached the front of the line again.

            "There are five of us."

            "Get on board!  Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, and have a good flight!"

            The gundam pilots seated themselves the same way they had the first time, taking special care to fix their hair and straighten their shirts.

            "Let's get it right this time." Duo put on his best smile, and displayed the 'hang-loose' sign with both his hands.  "So when exactly do they take the picture?"

            "I'm not sure." Heero answered as they ascended the first hill.  "We'd better hold our poses for the whole ride just in case."

            "That's a plan." Quatre held up one hand in a wave.

            So they rode the whole thing again, staying in their poses all along just to make sure the picture would turn out better.  (Yes, they waited in line again for a stinking picture.)

            "Look!  There's the picture!" Trowa ran into the gift shop to inspect the new snapshot.

            "That's more like it!" Duo leaned in for a closer look, nearly smashing his nose against the screen.

            The picture had Duo and Wufei sticking their tongues out making hang-loose signs, Quatre in the middle waving while Trowa was obviously just trying to keep a straight face without screaming.  Heero looked exactly the same as the last pic.

            "Ah, much better." Heero approved.

            "Uh, Heero…" Duo scrutinized Heero's likeness.  "That looks exactly the same as last time!"

            "It does not!  This is a huge improvement!  I can't believe you can't tell the difference." Heero looked insulted.

            "Let's buy it!" Trowa suggested.

            "Uh… okay." Quatre approached the gift shop counter and asked how much the picture would cost.

            "$23.50!" Came the reply.

            "Oh, that's not that bad!" Quatre reached for a credit card.

            "Plus," The cashier added shrewdly.  "A $50 tax for unique poses."

            "What?  You're charging us for posing on the ride?"

            "Naturally!  That comes to $73.50."

            "Uhm… okay."

            "Plus," Quatre paled at the addition.  "A complimentary frame!" The cashier showed him the finished result.

            "Phew… I thought I was going to have to pay some other kind of weird tax.  Thanks very much!"

            "And thank you!" The cashier pointed at a little box with the word 'tips' painted on the side.

            "Oh." Quatre slipped a few dollars into the box and ran out of the gift shop before some other moneymaking scheme was used against him.

            "Man!" Duo looked downward.  "The leather is bubbling!  Look at the way my boots are melting, guys!  It's the heat!"

            "Look!" Quatre pointed.  "An arcade!  Maybe the international spy is in there?"

            "Why do you think that?" Wufei was looking at the Space Mountain picture amorously.

            "Because you can find all kinds of weirdos in arcades!  Let's go!" Quatre led the group to the bustling arcade, searching for anyone suspicious enough to warrant Wufei's forward-style interrogation.

            "Are you an international spy?" Wufei asked someone playing Skeet-Ball.


            "Are you a spy?" Duo queried an older couple.

            "You did it wrong!" Wufei raged.  "Are you an international spy!?"

            "No, we're not." The couple exhaled.

            "Are you a… oh my gosh!" Duo paled.  "It's a #^&*$%^(* DDR Machine!"  Groups of children began screaming nonsensically.

            "A what?" Trowa looked at the game in question.

            "It's Dance Dance Revolution!" They approached the strange arcade game timidly.

            "What's it do?" Trowa gave the current kids playing DDR an evil look.

            "You play it with your feet!" Duo said.  "You hit the arrows when you're supposed to… it's really cool!"

            "Okay… let's do it!" Trowa shoved the players off of the game.

            "Hey!  We were using that!" The gamers whined.

            "Alright!" Duo hopped onto one of the dancing mats, rubbing his hands together.  "You're going down, Trowa!"

            "Hm." Trowa commanded the game to begin a song.

            "What are they doing?" Heero saw Duo and Trowa from across the arcade, jumping rapidly on a device of some kind… and they were synchronized, too!  Heero shrugged and returned to his own game of Deer Hunting USA.  The deer didn't stand a chance.

            "Hey, they're playing Dance Dance Revolution!" Quatre noticed.  "That's cool.  I wanna do it.  It's rude they didn't invite me."

            "Quatre!" Duo suddenly jumped off the DDR control pad and approached Quatre, visibly putting some effort into lifting his melting boots.

            "Oh!  Are you going to invite me to play?" The other pilot smiled joyfully.

            "No!" Duo held his hand out expectantly. "The game's over!  I need some &#^$*(# money!!!"

            (insert nonsensical screaming from traumatized children here)

            "You want money!?"

            "Come on!  It's DDR!  It's only two dollars a game… per person… per song… it's really not that much!  I've got to play it!"

            "Fine.  Here you go." Quatre watched Duo leave with his cash, wondering why nobody wanted him to play.

            "Okay, we won't tie this time!" Duo stepped back onto the pad and addressed Trowa.  "I'm going to beat you!"

            "Fine.  Let's do this one." Trowa selected a song and set it to the Expert difficulty setting.  The screen displayed the word 'catastrophic' and was accompanied by nine feet.

            "Er… Trowa, don't you think that's a little hard for the second time we've ever played this game?" Duo pointed at the game.

            "This is simple." Trowa pushed the accept button.  "For me anyway."

            "Oh yeah?!  I can do this, too!" Duo insisted as he prepared to dance.

            At first, everything seemed okay.  Arrows scrolled to the top of the screen, and the gundam pilots stomped on the mat easily, scoring 'greats' and 'perfects.'

            "You're right!  This isn't so bad!"

            There was a brief pause, in which no arrows appeared.  Suddenly, a horde of eighth note arrows bolted to the top of the screen, and the tempo increased by at least three times.

            "AHHHHHHHH!" Trowa exclaimed as he tried to keep up with the insane beat.

            "#*&$*%^(&@*$^&*" Duo's feet began to tangle with the difficult steps.  A bunch of kids evacuated the arcade, screaming nonsensically.

            The step combinations were unbelievable, rushing the two surprised dancers into making a lot of mistakes.  Within a few more moments, the word 'failed' absorbed the arrows and the game was over!

            "We lost?" Duo panted.

            "That was a weak dance!" Wufei had approached.

            "We're just not ready for catastrophic." Trowa still looked dizzy.

            "Yeah, and if it's that weak, why don't you show us how it's done?" Duo snarled.

            "Of course!  But I'll need some cash… oh QUATRE!"

            Wufei inserted the (too much) money into the machine and prepared to play the game.  He stood stiffly, testing the arrows almost timidly.

            "Pick a hard song!" Duo suggested.

            "I'll pick whatever song I like, you!" Wufei scrolled through the song list and found 'Silent Hill.'  "This is a great song!  I'll dance this!"

            "That's a slow song!" Trowa looked unhappy.  "We were doing harder ones!"

            "Well I'm doing this one!" Wufei pressed the green accept and began dancing… slowly.  (Silent Hill is soooo slow!)

            "BOOOOO!" Duo and Trowa stomped their feet.

            Wufei stepped happily, easily making all the simple step combinations.  "Watch a pro, weaklings!  I am the dancing king!"

            "Hmph." Trowa looked disgusted.

            Wufei beamed as he perfected the last step and reveled in his 'triple A' grade.  "What were you two complaining about?  This is the simplest thing… for me!  What do you have to say for yourselves?"

            "YOU SUCK!" Duo and Trowa reclaimed their spots on the game.  "This is how you do it."

            Duo purposefully picked a catastrophic song and prepared for another intense workout.  The arrows began their incredible ascent, blurring with sheer speed.

            "Whoa!" Trowa noticed a pattern in the dance steps.  "It goes like this and then it's easier."

            "Oh," Duo agreed.  "That is better!"

            The pair began dancing more professionally.  Wufei shook his fist demandingly.  "You're not doing it right!  I was better!"

            "Stuff it!" Duo completed a series of difficult jumps.  "Your song was so much easier than this!" Duo stomped extra hard to prove his point.  * SQUISH *

            Suddenly, the right side of the screen began displaying a bunch of 'boos,' declaring Duo wasn't hitting any of the arrows at all.

            "What happened?" Trowa glanced from his own side momentarily.

            "I'm STUCK!" The other dancer wailed.  "My boots melted onto the arrows!  I can't MOVE!"

            "This is a pitiful performance!" Wufei said angrily.

            In a moment, the game informed the two participants that Trowa had gotten a B, and Duo had failed.

            "See!?  I'm better!" Wufei laughed hysterically.

            "That's not true." Trowa explained.  "We're actually better because we cleared a harder song.  You would fail this song."

            "I would not!  I would get a triple A grade!"

            "Oh yeah?  I challenge you!"

            "Okay, move over Maxwell!" Wufei shoved Duo aggressively, but he didn't budge an inch.

            "Stop that!  I'm stuck here!  I told you my shoes were melting but nobody cared!  NOW LOOK!" Duo crossed his arms, looking angry (and stupid).

            "Well unstick." The other demanded, folding his arms as well.

            "Duh… I can't!" The god of death stuck his tongue out.

            "You've ruined DDR!" Trowa realized.  "You BROKE it!"

            "You're blaming this on me?"

            "Well, you're the one preventing anybody from playing the game!  This was the only thing worth coming to Disneyland for, and you ruined it!"

            "Tsk tsk, Maxwell." Wufei looked ashamed.

            The three stared at each other helplessly.  The DDR machine continued to sing merrily.  Heero laughed as another deer fell to his prowess.

            "This has been a crappy day." Duo sniffled.  "I hate Disneyland."

            A couple of kids considered screaming nonsensically, but decided it wasn't worth it.