FROM THE DESK OF SEVERUS SNAPE

DARK ARTS AND HOME ECONOMICS MASTER OF MISS WILHELMINA'S

SCHOOL FOR YOUNG LADIES

To Whom it may Concern,

It is with dutiful compliance that I continue to write to you, my former Headmaster, in order to keep you better informed of my professional progresses. I didn't want to, but the ball of string has made it clear that it's the only legal way to get those photos back of me at South Hampton Beach last summer.

Having been installed as the new Dark Arts/Home Economics Master at Miss Wilhelmina's School for Young Ladies, I at once took stock of my situation and surroundings, and decided that both were way too girly. Standing picturesquely on the seaside, Miss Wilhelmina's finishing school for girls is the very vision of propriety and good form. The young ladies are instructed in comportment, penmanship, posture, some classical literature as well as music, and as much fire-flinging vitriolic hexing and blood- spewing mayhem as I'll be able cram into their prissy little petticoats.

As to my newly revised curriculum, I find that I have not quite as much time as I would have liked in the first semester to cover the basic vampire- stakings and werewolf snares, owing to the fact that at least three weeks of the class must be devoted to learning how to crochet properly. I'm also disappointed that much of the prime space in my classroom, where I had hoped to set up some nice displays of preserved animals, is unfortunately occupied by large cooking ovens and sewing machines. They're not even particularly nice Viking sewing machines either, but the lowest grade of late-model Singer.

In order to give you a better idea of the present class that I manage, here is a brief and unbiased overview of the ten young ladies currently in my charge:

Lucy- The youngest of the class.

Eliza- Outspoken uppity tart.

Adelaide- Dumpy and never going to get a man.

Sarah- Insane.

Geneveve and Gertrude- Indistinguishable sisters.

Rebecca- Stuck up.

Annabelle- Makes weird kissy eyes at me every class.

Rosemary- Terrible cook.

Lydia- Possibly a goth girl in disguise.

I might add that my personal life at the school is compounded by the fact that I seem to be the only man among the teaching staff, which has made for some rather interesting and slightly awkward conversations with women who had previously resigned themselves to a lonely, loveless lifetime of dreary teaching. If it's possible to be flattered and highly afraid for one's safety at the same time, then consider me the ruling monarch of that oddly- combined emotion.

It's all I can do not to quit my job now, but I'm sure that I must possess my soul in patience and see if these young women cannot be swatted into shape and formed into the very image of ruthless killers. I think that might in fact be their only available career option, given their progress in all the other subjects. Also Adelaide's backstitching is atrocious.

I have a private plan that I've been mulling over: I would like to take command of this ragtag band of young ladies and turn them into my own personal cult army of destroyers. The first thing I'll have them do is set fire to your stupid beard. But we shall see in the coming weeks whether the girls are up to the challenge.

You will be pleased to know that Josephine is handling the transition well, although she hasn't taken well to the new monogrammed collar I bought her. Possibly I bought the wrong color. For now, she relaxes in her pet basket at the back of my classroom during class time. The girls are all very fond of her, though suspicious as to where I got her from.

Must get back to class now, as we're doing a joint session of counterjinxes and french almond cake bakery today. God help Eliza if she makes fun of my tastefully stylish black apron again.

Sincerely yours,

Severus Snape

P.S. Send some lotion when you can, I do think Josephine is developing some sort of seam-related rash. Possibly she's allergic to cooking flour.

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A/N:

Hey, lookit me, I updated! Sorry for the long delay. As some of you know, I now work for Tokyopop as a manga atist and I don't exactly have all the time in the world anymore.

Anyhow...

Sounds like Sevi's vicious army of model young ladies will be a big success, provided they can get through their midterm dressmaking. Silly man. I was actually content to leave the story as was, but many people wrote in and asked it to be continued onto Miss W's school. You people are sick.

Send your sympathy letters and/or advice questions to Sevi's own advice column, located at Letters should be directed to SeviSays@hotmail.com. New letters posted every week! (