As You Wish
A Snarry Fairy Tale(sort of)
by Darth Stitch a.k.a. Jedi Skysong


"...true love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. Everybody knows that." - Miracle Max

(from The Princess Bride - S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure, the "Good Parts" Version Abridged by William Goldman)

***

DISCLAIMER: As I don't have all that lovely money, no, I don't own 'em. They're JK Rowling's toys and borrowing a line from Telanu, I hope to God she doesn't see this. The Princess Bride belongs to Mr. Morgenstern and we all owe Mr. Goldman a great deal for giving us the "good parts." This is a send-up/spoof of the Princess Bride, Snarry-style. There are certain people (and names) here that I have borrowed from hp_femme's a.k.a. Femme(Slash)'s fanfics, with her blessings. (Thanks, femme!)

This is slash - between Harry Potter and Severus Snape. You know, a romantic relationship between two men of the age of consent? And oh yes, Harry is very, very legal in this fic. So if this squicks you in any way, please click on the handy little back button over there and run. Very fast.

This is pure silliness. And fluff. Lots of it. And maybe pirates too. Leave canon at the door.

*facepalms* I still can't believe I'm doing this...

***

Prologue

Her ears were ringing. Her head hurt and her throat ached and her nose was stuffy. She clutched her stuffed dog Paddy close and whimpered. She was miserable.

In short, Katerina was sick.

Her worried parents hovered over her the whole day, pouring nasty-tasting medicines down her throat, getting her chicken soup, boxes of tissues, juice and extra blankets. She was ordinarily a very even-tempered child, a good little girl (most of the time, her father muttered, rolling his eyes heavenwards) but precious few children could be in any good humor when the sun is out, the weather wonderful for playing and the child sick in bed.

When Daddy poked his head in her bedroom door, Katerina whimpered and hid her face in Paddy's soft fur. "No more medicines, Da."

"No more medicines, I promise," he answered gently, slipping inside her room. She felt the mattress shift as he sat down on the bed beside her. Coaxing her from Paddy, he showed her that he did, indeed, not have any icky-tasting medicine with him.

Instead, he had a book.

Katerina ordinarily liked books. Her parents were rather fond of them, her father especially, so she liked them too. But right now, her head hurt too much to look at any old book.

"Don't wanna read."

"You don't have to," Daddy said comfortingly. "I'm going to read to you. You'll like this, I promise."

"Does it have a prince in it?"

"Yes. And a giant."

She giggled weakly. "I like giants." She did, indeed. Very much so. "Pirates?" She liked them too.

"Oh my, yes. And sword fights and dueling and -- "

"Magic?"

"That, too. And love. True love." Daddy smiled at that. Katerina loved to see him smile.

"Jimmy hates mushy stuff," Katerina informed him. Jimmy was Daddy's godson, so she saw him fairly often. She sniffed into her tissue, a disdainful little sound. "But I like it." She scowled. "And I don't have to be a girl to like it."

"Nothing wrong with that," Daddy laughed, gently ruffling her hair. "So. Shall I start?"

"Oh, yes, please!" Another sniff. Katerina really, really hated being sick.

"As you wish." Daddy made himself comfortable next to her, opened the book and began to read.

-end prologue- (TBC)