Author's Notes: Finally, I've finished this RyuToh I've been planning to do for so long. I tried hard to get the POV right. Ryuichi and a lot of characters are OOC. Anyway, hope you like this. Please R&R!
Through His Bunny Eyes
I have watched a lot of things through my round brown eyes.
I've watched him grow from a bathroom singer/composer to a world-famous singer/composer. I've watched him scribble day and night, trying to compose new songs to sing. I've watched him stare blankly at the wall or ceiling, trying to make his mind work. I've watched him realize all his dreams of stardom with two of his most intimate friends: Seguchi Tohma and Ukai Noriko.
But most of all, I've watched him fall and fail in love.
Funny thing was he could get any girl or boy in the whole of Japan and yet he chose to fall in love with him – the one person who can't reciprocate his feelings – Seguchi Tohma.
There was no problem in Ryuichi's part. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with that guy? More than a million people around the world – Tatsuha on the top of the list – would gladly do anything for him; even kiss the floor he'd walk on! But then he chose to fall for Tohma. Then again, who wouldn't? Tohma was sexy and elegant. The only problem was he was in love with someone else. That someone being Eiri.
Ryuichi was sitting near the window as he turned his gaze from the bright harvest moon to me. He had been staring out to the moon for hours. Ryu always said that the full moon had some kind of effect on him.
"Do you think Tohma loves her? Do you think he'd marry her because he loved her? Or was it to get closer to Eiri?"
I'd say it's to get closer to Eiri.
He returned his gaze to the moon.
"Tohma's changed, I can see. He's become more indifferent towards the band."
Can that boy become any colder?
"Nori-chan says it's just because of what happened to Eiri. But what happened to Eiri? Tohma hasn't breathed a word about what happened in New York since he came back!"
Ryuichi was exasperated. He walked away from the window to plop on his bed, sitting beside me.
"I mean, we're best friends, right?"
He's your best friend and your one true love. I can't say the same about him, though.
"He goes home, eyes glazed. Two days after, he tells us he's getting married to Mika in a week. In a week, Kuma. IN A WEEK!"
I know, Ryu.
"How long has he known Mika anyway? A month? A year?"
A year and three months to be exact.
Suddenly Ryuichi's voice lowered to a whisper. "How long has he known me?"
"Can't he see how much I love him?"
I heard him sob as he curled into a ball, holding me tightly. I wish that I could do more than just catch his tears as they fall from your eyes. But I am just a stuffed bunny, right?
"I'll accept K's proposition tomorrow."
Huh? But I thought you didn't want to go …
"I think that's the best for Tohma and me. I can't stand it any longer."
Can you really leave Tohma behind?
"Do you really have to go, Ryu-chan?" asked Noriko.
We were already at the airport, two days before Tohma and Mika were going to be married. It had just been a day after Ryu decided he could not take it anymore. I was watching everything that happened as I sat on Ryu's shoulder.
Ryu just smiled and hugged Noriko. "You know why I have to."
Noriko wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm going to miss you. Write to me?"
"I'll call you everyday."
"That'll be better."
"Ryuichi," K said, appearing out of nowhere. "We have to go."
Ryuichi gave Noriko a final hug. She kissed his cheek and smiled sadly as we walked away. Ryuichi's shoulders were shaking. He was trying hard not to cry.
"Why didn't we invite Tohma?" K asked.
"Busy with wedding preparations."
"Too busy even for you?"
"I'm not sure about that. Look."
Ryuichi and I followed K's gaze and saw Tohma smiling at us, a gift in hand.
"You weren't really planning on leaving without saying goodbye to me, right?"
Actually blonde-boy, he was.
Ryuichi said nothing. He wasn't even looking at Tohma.
"Can't you stay a few more days for my wedding?"
Can you get even denser than that? He's going away because of the wedding!
Still, Ryuichi remained silent.
"I guess you can't. I have a gift for you. I'll just hand it over to K."
"Thank you, Tohma. Tell Mika we feel bad about missing the wedding but we really have to go," K said as Tohma handed him the box.
Yeah right, K. Lie for us, will yah?
"Ryuichi, I'm going to miss you a lot. Take care of yourself and Kumagoro, ok?"
"I'm sure he will. We have to go, Tohma."
He tapped Ryuichi's shoulder. "Yes, yes. Safe flight."
"Thank you," said K as we walked away.
We were only a few steps away from Tohma when Ryuichi stopped and turned his heel. He ran to Tohma and hugged him tightly.
"I love you," he whispered to Tohma's ear, and then ran back to K without another word.
- Three Years After -
It was already midnight when Ryuichi's cell phone rang loudly. Of course, the owner of that phone could not help but try and wake himself up.
"Damn phone. Kumagoro, remind me never to leave it open while I'm asleep."
I sighed to myself as I saw him scramble out of bed and reach his phone which was on top of the desk near the window.
"If you're too insensitive to realize, it's midnight and I am TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!"
Ryuichi's angry expression turned to an exasperated one.
"You don't need to follow his instructions anymore, K! I'M the one you're working for, not HIM!"
Oh. I thought so. K.
"I'm not running away…"
They're talking about blonde-boy in the middle of the night? What's K getting at? He knows what the consequences will be. Ryuichi doesn't want to talk about him!
"Fine. Tomorrow at 7 am. I'll be ready. Yeah, yeah." A pause. "LET ME SLEEP, DAMMIT!"
Needless to say, Ryu was not going to be in his best moods tomorrow when he wakes up.
"Ryuichi, please smile. Seeing Tohma does give you a reason to smile, right?"
I wanted to laugh. Three years ago, that would have been right, K.
"I'm not in a good mood, K. Seeing Tohma makes it worse."
K opened his mouth to say something but then thought otherwise. He just smiled as we stopped near the billboard in the south wing of the airport. Ryuichi still kept his eyes down and his lips was still in a scowl. I looked up and saw Tohma looking so elegant in his leather pants and violet top covered with a blazer. Blonde-boy was smiling at us.
"Thank you for safely bringing him to Japan, Mr. K."
"It's a manager's job, Tohma."
"It's good to see you again, Ryuichi-san."
I saw Ryu's left eyebrow raise when he heard the honorific used to greet him. It was too formal and I'd say Ryu thought so too. K and Tohma were waiting for the usually genki Ryuichi to show some kind of recognition but he didn't. K tapped Ryu's shoulder and then turned to Tohma once again.
"Let's set to the car. Ryuichi didn't have enough sleep, y'know."
Ryuichi raised his eyes for the first time and glared at K. "And that would be all because of you."
K chose to just ignore the comment altogether. I glanced at Tohma who was trailing beside Ryuichi. Blonde-boy was looking at him with so much sadness in his eyes. It made me wonder, why was he sad?
We made it to Ryuichi's mansion half an hour later, thanks to K's fast driving. Tohma helped Ryu and K put the bags in Ryu's room and then K left to go his apartment a few blocks away.
And so, I was left to watch how Ryu would deal with having Tohma alone with him.
This is going to be interesting…
Ryu placed me on my usual spot near the window where I got to see the whole room. Tohma was just standing near the veranda, watching Ryu empty the bags and put his clothes in his drawers and closets. Ryu seemed like he didn't mind it. He hadn't spoken a single word since that comment regarding K. I suddenly saw Tohma move towards Ryuichi with something that looked like a CD in his hands.
Ryu's CD that was released in the US…
Ryuichi didn't even look at him, more so stopped whatever he was doing. Nevertheless, Tohma continued.
"Could you please sign this for me?" he asked handing Ryu a marker and the CD.
Ryu stopped what he was doing and stared at the CD. "Funny. You're calling me 'Ryu-chan' now when you just called me 'Ryuichi-san' a while ago."
Tsk, tsk. Sorry blonde-boy. Ryu's not ready to talk to you yet.
Tohma just gave a little sigh before he just kept the CD inside his blazer first. Ryuichi, in the meantime, continued his work.
"I loved all your songs. Who would've known you could be so fluent in English."
Tohma let out a small laugh. Ryuichi rolled his eyes.
"I loved the fifth song in particular. Say I love you, wasn't it? "
My eyes – if they could – widened. But that song is dedicated to blonde-boy…
I glanced at Ryuichi. He had continued arranging his clothes as if it had no effect on him. Tohma cleared his throat. I think he's going to sing a part if the song.
No, Tohma. Ryuichi might suddenly breakdown again.
"The night falls
And the stars start to come out
It's a full moon tonight
And here I am – alone.
"How many nights like this one have come and gone?
Wishing you were thinking about me
Wondering if you'd ever turn around and realize
That I loved you all my life."
Ryuichi had stopped everything that he was doing. He was shaking slightly. He was trying so hard to keep his emotions in control. I feared that Ryuichi might just breakdown any minute. He wasn't ready for this yet. It was too soon. The wounds were too deep and they could not vanish easily even if it had been three years.
I looked at Tohma. The boy seemed to have memorized the song. But did he understand what message it carried? The message that came from Ryuichi's own heart as he poured his emotions on that song which is dedicated to him?
Blonde-boy didn't seem to realize that what he was doing to Ryuichi would give him much trouble. In fact, he was even walking to towards Ryuichi.
No, Tohma. If you touch Ryu now, the worst may happen.
Like him breaking down and never talking to anyone – not even me – for at least a month.
"And all I could do is watch you from afar
Thinking of how amazing you really are."
How many times had you done that, Ryu? Always gazing at Tohma and never getting to say what you really feel for him. Were you just content to stay in the background while blonde-boy chased a dream that would never come true?
"And as I try to reach out to hold you tight
You vanish into the night.
And I am left with only an image of you
As you disappeared before I could say I love you."
I heard Tohma sigh. Then slowly, he reached to hold Ryu's wrist. I saw Ryuichi flinch at the contact. For the past three years, he had made sure that no one touched him in a gentle manner for he knew what would result of it: his emotions would flow like hot lava in the volcano. And now, the least person he wanted break that rule was doing just it.
"Ryuichi, look at me."
"Let go of me, Tohma."
"I let you go a couple of years back and it was the biggest mistake of my entire life! I will not, by any circumstance, let you go again!"
Tohma's words held a lot of hidden messages. Messages that I know Ryuichi understood clearly.
"Please, Ryuichi. Face me."
I saw Ryuichi bite his lower lip before he slowly turned around and faced Tohma. The latter smiled. Ryuichi didn't. He was close to tears. Too close.
"When you left me with that last message, I got to think of what I really wanted. I wanted Eiri and that was quite clear. But I didn't want to lose you in the process either. You were – and will always be – one of those people I couldn't do without. I realized that I couldn't live without you by my side."
Ryuichi lowered his face as his eyes concentrated on the floor. "But you did. You lived three whole years without me."
"And it was hell for me, Ryu! Half of those months I wanted to go to you – grab you from wherever you were and just kiss you silly. Half of those months I wanted to just wait for you to come back, thinking you needed time…"
"DAMMIT, TOHMA! ALL I NEEDED WAS YOU!"
Ryuchi's tears had flowed. They were streaming down his cheeks like mad.
"You were all that I ever need, Ryu, but that didn't exactly come to me easily. I had to think of what I really felt for you. And Eiri."
He paused as he looked at Ryu. The singer was not looking at him and was trying to calm himself down though there were tears still flowing.
"Eiri had always been dreamboat. I wasn't hard to fall for him. I loved him dearly. It was only until recently that I realized that he would never fall in love with me. I was never going to replace Kitazawa in his heart."
Kitazawa? Now that name sounded oddly familiar… ah! Tohma and Ryu's classmate in college!
I expected Tohma to shed some light on why that boy had something to do with Eiri, but he chose to just ignore Ryu's comment. Maybe later he'd explain.
"With that realization, I also realized how important you are to me. I realized that it was you all along who made me feel safe, needed, and loved. I realized that what he had weighed more than that of my feelings for Eiri. You were more important and I let you go. It was you who I loved and not Eiri. You, Ryu. Not him."
He paused once again before continuing. "By that time, I was about to get married. I hurriedly told Mika-san than I couldn't go on with it. She just nodded, smiled and said she understood. The press was alerted that the marriage would not come through and when asked why, I said that I loved someone else."
Tohma's hand left Ryu's wrist to hold his hand. Ryu didn't do anything until blonde-boy put their hands above his heart. Ryuichi, tears starting to flow even more, fixed his gaze on the boy he loved.
"Ryuichi, I love you."
I looked at Tohma. He was trying to keep his composure but his eyes were a bit watery. I knew that this was the moment Ryu had been waiting for all his life. It might've been a little more dramatic than he imagined it to be, but I think he would say: "What the heck! He loves me now."
Ryuichi suddenly threw himself onto Tohma, his arms going around the latter's neck. Tohma's tears streamed down his cheeks as his arms encircled Ryuichi's waist. They just held on like that for some time even when Ryuichi finally spoke up.
"You don't know how long I've waited for this…"
Tohma managed a smile. "Too long, I'd say."
Ryuichi loosened his hug a little to look at Tohma. A smile crept to his lips before he leaned to kiss Tohma.
"I love you," Ryuichi said after breaking the kiss.
"I love you, too. Promise me you'll never let that smile fade from your lips again?"
"As long as you're here with me and as long as you love me, Tohma. As long as that."
Tohma smiled and gave Ryuichi a quick kiss. "Then I take it that it won't fade for quite a long time."
I watched the love between two people unfold in front of me, a love that waited for so long before it could be realized. I watched as both of them found happiness in each other's arms. I watched as Tohma's tears stopped. I watched as Ryuichi's tears stopped until only trails of tears were left on his cheeks. I watched as Tohma smiled at him. I watched as Ryuichi smiled the way he had never done before.
I watched a lot of events unfold through my brown eyes.
And I knew I was about to see a lot more…
…through my bunny eyes.
Author's Notes: Like it? Hate it? Tell me please. I would like to thank Reeza, my ever supportive editor slash beta reader slash sister. Thank you to Kuroi Tenshi: dear, without your latest chapter of Colleague, I couldn't have finished this. The same goes to Laree McKenzie: for the inspiration her fic Helping Out gave me. Thank you guys!
Disclaimer: Gravitation and al its characters belong to Maki Murakami. Only the song 'Say I Love You' and the story are mine.
Through His Bunny Eyes is copyright of Yumehime Yana Hossuru, 01 November 2k3, 12:31p. No part of this fanfic may be reproduced without the consent of the author. All rights reserved 2003.