Author's Note: This is a silly little fic that I wrote for a friend as a birthday present. I had to change a few things for this posted version because there were a number of inside jokes that really don't make much sense. The style and tone of this fic is much lighter than my previous one.
Laura, my RK obsession is entirely your fault! Thank you! Happy Birthday!
Oh yes, and the Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, but it sure is fun to borrow the characters!
Sigh. A teenager's hand moved to pick up the remote. She turned off the TV. There was nothing on. She was bored. How could this be? It was the day after her birthday and she was bored! She had already played almost every Xbox game that she owned, as well as several hours of Dungeons and Dragons. Maybe some of her friends were online. She walked to into her room and sat down in front of her computer. While she waited for it to boot up, she studied the Rurouni Kenshin poster on her wall. The Kenshin-gumi was in the foreground, with several bad guys in the background. The most prominent of the latter group was a character with narrow, amber eyes that glared maliciously down at the Kenshin-gumi. Saitoh Hajime. She examined the owner of those evil-looking eyes, then turned her gaze dreamily towards the redhead on the wall below him.
The boot-up finished and she clicked on the Internet icon. But instead of the normal web screen that she was expecting, the girl was confronted with a series of colors that flashed across her monitor. Great, she thought, a virus, just what I need. The flashes intensified. It seemed like they were about to pop out of the screen. Wait. They were popping out of the screen! She pulled to the side to get out of the way. What's going on? she thought as the colors began to take shape. A familiar shape that almost looked like…
Suddenly, the colors solidified into the form of a short, red-haired man with a cross-shaped scar on his cheek.
"Happy Birthday!" he said cheerfully to the awestruck teenager, then stopped with a confused look on his cute Rurouni face. "Oro? Where am I?"
Before she could get her starstruck brain to form a reply, another wave of color shot out of the screen. This one was much taller. The girl and Kenshin watched in surprise and anticipation as the color solidified into…
"Saitoh!" they both cried.
The Wolf of Mibu blinked, though managing to look completely cool and unruffled as he did so. "What? Battousai? Who is this?"
"Ah, er, well, I'm not sure." The swordsman stammered and finally managed to answer.
"What's your name?" Saitoh asked the teenager in his no-nonsense tone. For a split second there was a thoughtful silence, in which Saitoh and Kenshin glanced at each other. This girl didn't even know her own name?
"You do know your name, don't you?"
"Of course I do! It's just that in the original version of this story, I put someone else's name here. But I don't want to use it in this version because that would be confusing for the readers. Let's see… my pen name is SachiAmi, but that's too long… you can just call me Sachi."
Kenshin and Saitoh just stared. "Umm, okay Miss Sachi. " Kenshin finally said.
By this time the computer had returned to its normal state, with a plain old Internet screen. But Sachi hardly noticed. After all, there were two very handsome swordsmen standing in her room. It was a fangirl's dream come true.
"Yahhh! You're so cute!" Sachi jumped up and gave Kenshin a huge hug.
"Oro?" The Rurouni gasped.
"What?" Saitoh's eyes narrowed even more.
"Wait a minute." Sachi released Kenshin from her death grip fangirl hug. "How are you two speaking English?"
They both blinked.
Kenshin recovered from the abrupt change in mood, not to mention the question, first. "I'm very sorry, but I'm not even sure where I am," he said nervously. "Where is the dojo?" He paused and peered at Sachi's head. "Is your hair blue?"
"You're in my house in the United Sates. Something happened and you got teleported here from Tokyo through my computer. You're not even in the 19th century anymore. This is the year 2003. And yes, my hair is blue." Sachi, feeling very proud to be able to tell these two all of this important information, straightened herself up to her full height-which wasn't all that much taller than Kenshin.
Saitoh's eyes narrowed in that deliciously suspicious way. "You mean we're not in Japan?"
Sachi nodded excitedly. Oh, she was such a good teacher!
"Good, then there is nothing to stop us from settling the score." The wolf continued, reaching for his katana. Sachi started. What?
Saitoh dropped into his Gatotsu stance. "Come on, Battousai." He goaded.
Oh! That's what he was talking about! Wait… here? Saitoh wanted to fight Kenshin here? Sachi was just too excited! She couldn't wait to see Saitoh's Gatotsu! Or maybe a Do Ryu Sen from Kenshin. The way it ripped through the ground… wait a minute… she looked frantically around her room. "Hey! Not in here! Not in my room! Get out!"
"Ah, Saitoh, perhaps this is not the best place to…" Kenshin was cut off as Saitoh lunged forward. Kenshin, who had been standing near the bedroom doorway, leapt backwards and sideways into the hall. Saitoh's Gatotsu carried him out of the room as well. His sword pierced into the door of the master bedroom, but fortunately Saitoh had not put enough power into the attack for it to punch all the way through the door.
"Ryu Sou Sen!" Kenshin attacked. Saitoh blocked every blow, but unfortunately the narrow hallway walls didn't escape in nearly as good a condition as the two swordsmen.
"Eep!" Sachi peered back around the edge of her doorframe where she had moved to watch. She shook her head, and bits of plaster and drywall fell out of her blue hair. Well, it had been blue. Now it was more of a chalky white…
But she hardly noticed this fact, as the two swordsmen who had so thoroughly pummeled the walls were just getting warmed up. They had already moved out of the hallway and were fast approaching…
"Not the piano!" Sachi screeched. Kenshin leapt aside, his sword taking a nick out of the piano bench, but missing the larger, much more expensive part of the instrument. Saitoh used the piano as leverage to attack from, jumping up and planting a foot on the keys before using the higher point as a base to leap at Kenshin.
Kenshin leapt right back, their two blades clashing as he met Saitoh in midair in a spectacular show of swordsmanship. They knocked each other back, Saitoh landing on the piano keyboard once again and Kenshin falling into a crouch in front of the television set. Saitoh moved into his Gatotsu stance again. It was a bit difficult to do while standing on a piano, but he pulled it off quite well by dropping one foot down onto the somewhat scratched bench.
Kenshin was trying not to cause too much damage to the strange, western style home that he was in, but Saitoh was intent on settling their score. He wouldn't be able to simply dodge the other man's attacks for much longer. He glanced over at the girl whose home they were systematically destroying. To his surprise, she didn't look very worried. No, she looked ecstatic, much more excited than was reasonable. He frowned. Wait, hadn't her hair been blue only moments before?
Kenshin had been distracted for too long, a mistake that Saitoh took full advantage of. He jumped off the piano, aiming another Gatotsu at Kenshin. Kenshin's attention returned to the fight just in time. He flipped up over the television set, landing in a corner next to a bookcase filled with movies. However, this did not stop Saitoh. His left-handed thrust tore right through the TV and would have hit Kenshin had the redhead not jumped aside again.
"Hey! You Gatotsued our TV!" Sachi cried. She paused, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Hey, I think I made a new word!"
Kenshin had landed on an arm of the couch. Saitoh came after him again. The two slashed their way across the couch, over a corner table with a lamp sitting on it (which was toppled over in the process), onto the dining table, and into the kitchen. Sachi stared at the, ahem, newly redecorated room. She couldn't decide whether to be mortified or extremely excited. Had those two touched the floor even once? A loud shout from the kitchen broke her out of her daze.
"Gatotsu zero style!" Saitoh's voice was followed by a thunderous crash. Sachi ran into the room and nearly tripped over a bowl that had fallen on the floor.
Kenshin was winding up for another one. "Ryu-"
"STOP!!" Sachi's shout broke them both from their battle-crazed stupor. "While I would love to see more of this wonderful demonstration, would you two look at this mess?!" She pointed at the various cooking utensils and baking ingredients that had been dumped all over the kitchen. Internally, she wondered how they had managed to completely trash the kitchen in only a matter of moments, but externally she kept a furious look on her face. "I am not going to clean all this up, especially not today, of all days." The two swordsmen looked around the kitchen as if just seeing the chaos that they had created.
"So," Sachi continued, "You two are going to help me pick this mess up, and then you can continue this squabble outside."
At that, they both jolted. "Oro?!" Kenshin said incredulously, looking at the disaster around him with a newfound fear. At that surprised little outburst, Sachi squealed and glomped him.
"You're so cute!" she said again.
"There's no way I'm going to help this ahou pick up a bunch of trash." Saitoh said haughtily. He started to light a cigarette.
"No smoking inside!" Sachi roared, letting go of Kenshin so she could brandish a fallen frying pan. Her abrupt mood swing caused Saitoh to drop his cigarette and Kenshin to fall over with a crash and (you guessed it) another oro.
At this point a glaring contest began.
Sachi scowled at Saitoh. "You are going to help pick this up."
He scowled right back. "No."
"Yes, you are."
"No. I don't have time for this pointless bickering."
Sachi's hair had been blue, then powdered plaster white. Now it was pretty darn close to being a very angry red. He had time to tear up her house but not to help clean it?
She finally lost it. "What kind of a police officer are you?" she screamed. "This was supposed to be my birthday present!" Deciding that a frying pan wasn't good enough to deal out due punishment, Sachi grabbed the pair of scissors that were sitting on the counter as well.
"Yahhhhh!" Sachi lunged at Saitoh, brandishing both of her weapons. The normally cool and calculating Wolf of Mibu found himself unnerved by this strange girl who was attacking him with more fury than the Battousai ever had. He let out a gutteral scream and made a break for the kitchen's second entrance, stepping on the still dazed Kenshin in his haste. Sachi followed in close pursuit.
Kenshin picked himself up and shook the swirlies from his eyes. He dashed into the front room, where Sachi had Saitoh cornered between the smashed television and the bookcase. "Yare, yare. Calm down now, you two." Then he sensed something and looked toward the front door quickly. "Someone's coming!"
Sachi glanced at a clock that had miraculously survived the tornado of destruction that had torn apart the rest of the room. Oh, no! Mom's home early!
The front door opened. "Sachi, I'm home!" her mother called. Kenshin and Saitoh suddenly began to dissolve in a rainbow of colors. They vanished, Kenshin giving one last little "oro" as he went. Sachi blinked, then looked at the smashed furniture in her front room with a growing sense of dread. Her mother was going to be furious.
"Kenshin! Saitoh! Wait for meeeee!"
Hmm, sorry if that ending was a bit abrupt.
I had fun making Saitoh and Kenshin tear up my friend's house. Maybe there needs to be a sequel for them to go back and fix it up.