It started innocently enough.
She was only curious why Inuyasha was taking forever.
She didn't mean to eavesdrop on his dead doll's conversation.
She didn't mean to look at the entwine lovers.
She didn't mean for her make believe world to crumble.
After so long of being in denial, the backlash of reality was just too much- it hurt! He loves me. Earlier that day they were sitting in their special place having a vegetarian style picnic. The world out side was bright and warm. He loves me not. Inuyasha would disappear at odd times during the day - Often gone for hours. He loves me! They would sit up in the trees at night and talk. He would hold her close and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. He loves me not. She would often wake up alone, the bed empty and cold. For miles around the world appeared void of all human presence. It was only her steady breathing to keep her company. He loves me! On the day the well stop working, he was there holding her, promising to love and take care of her. Together forever they would have each other. Now that Miroku, Sango and Shippou gone, he would be there- always! They would have a great future together. He promised!
loves me not…
The night the clay woman stumbled into camp Kagome knew her dream had ended. Kikyo's once dignified appearance was gone. Now her hair was dread locked with dead twigs and leaves. Small clumps of dirt stuck to her flesh and garments. Her expression fix in blankness, but her voice filled the air. Inuyasha stood up and went to her. He looked so happy, so relieved.
It was the wish she thought that didn't work. Kagome tried many times to get the Shikon no Tama to return her home, but it just wouldn't work. She didn't get it until now. First chance Inuyasha had with the jewel he wished for the corpse to come back. It explained why she hurt so much. It was a constant pain in her head and in her heart. For months she endured without complaint. He knew she suffered but did nothing to alleviate the ache.
He loves me not…
At first it was difficult for Kagome to know the clay doll was out there. Inuyasha would always come around and tell her how much he loved her. It was a tactic to calm her anxiety and probably to distract her of his two timing ways. He would tell her not to worry, that every thing would be okay. She wanted so much to believe she ignored the truth. That was until the nagging voices convinced her to go.
She felt guilty taking the first few steps toward the glow of Inuyasha's aura. She trusted him so why was she doubtful? True love didn't have room for that. She didn't want to become paranoid. She was only doing this to put her voices to rest.
He loves me not…
That's when she found them. Telling the dead bitch all the same lines he told her. He was caressing the other woman in all of Kagome's favorite places. Kissing with more passion and desire then he ever gave Kagome. She turn away unable to think. She walked, not knowing where or why. She was just functioning as all her mental capabilities turn in on it self.
At camp she packed what little she had. She pulled out a silver whistle and blew it. It didn't take long for Kouga and a few of his members to appear. She explained numbly that she didn't want to be there any more. She asked if they could take her some where safe. Somewhere she could stay for a while by herself. Kouga nodded and gave her a ride.
It was midnight when they stopped. It was a peaceful forrest not too far from their encampment. They offered her more but Kagome calmly refused. All she asked for was a knife for protection. Kouga gave it to her without thought and bid her a good night.
Kagome came to her senses a little bit. She tried to distract herself with setting up for the night. But the image of Inuyasha and that corpse replayed in her mind. She felt sick. She got up to empty her stomach, but along the way her feet took over. She walked around just to be walking. At the edge of the forest was a cliff. Down the cliff was a vast river. Oh her side of the valley was fresh and green. On the other side, the area appeared more hazardous and threatening. Dark dangerous mountains loomed in the distant.
She turned around with a new thought. She pulled out the blade and sought a decent place to enact her revenge. In the thickest florae she pushed and fought to get in the center. She sat on a moss-covered boulder. She took a deep breath.
Whether she knew it or not, through out the night she was being followed. He had witnessed every thing. It took many months but now results were showing. All was coming about as planned. He floated over her, occasionally blinded by the wayward flash of a blade.
Yes, it all started innocently enough. She wanted to die. That's why she was here. Plip-plip. She scratched at a misquote bite on her thigh.. Plip-plip-plop. She sighed. This was taking forever. She picked up the knife and craved a little deeper into her flesh. The pain was no more, as was all feeling. The only thing she felt was the tugging and the resistance of her skin. She had already marred her wrist with intricate designs. If she was going to kill herself, she could at less be a little creative.
"What are you doing?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kagome jumped with surprised, but she had no strength to turn around. 'What the hell was he doing here?' She thought. It didn't matter now though. She was a woman on a mission.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kagome did not withhold the sarcasm. She was minutes off from bleeding out. What did she care? She no longer cared or felt afraid. "Go away."
"You will not tell-" He was cut off by Kagome's irate voice.
"Leave me alone. Gods, why can't a girl die in peace?"
For that insult Kagome was yanked up painfully by her hair. Roughly she was torn back. She landed on her rump painfully. Blood was splattered about and smeared across her shirt. A few droplets landed on her face and slid slowly downward. It appeared like errant red tears. He looked upon her. Her ashen complexion and the heady aroma of her blood lingering in the air.
"Why?" He demanded.
Kagome groaned as she sat up. "I don't have to explain my actions to you," Kagome said. Her head bobbed to the side, the dizziness passing through her head. She felt calm as the light headed-ness rocked her brain. He continued to look down at her. It was irritating. The look of morbid curiosity in his eyes was not the dying image she wanted to carry to the underworld. Hell, he was screwing every thing up. He wasn't supposed be here, Inuyasha was. The dark lord's golden eyes, so often filled with malice, now looked down at her in curiosity and – pity. "This has nothing to do with you. Just go away, please."
"You do look like Kikyou." He whispered. That hurt -a lot- and she knew he knew that as well. Bastard, he just had to bring her more undeserved pain. She thought she was beyond all that. She scowled at him.
"And you looked like Inuyasha with a stick up his ass." Kagome retorted. Her voice was a little too breathy and labored for her liking. Her comment didn't faze the demon lord.
"What has the bastard halfling done now?" Sesshoumaru went straight, and scarily to the point of the matter. She hated his cool exterior. That and his wickedly low, and yet sophisticated voice. It had the rumble of thunder and caress of an oncoming storm.
"Look, this does not concern you." She managed to prop herself on a low boulder. She rested her head back on the hard stone. The cool stone felt good against her feverish skin.
"It does, after all you're in my lands."
"Does it look like I care?" Her voice was low and faint.
Before she could blink, he had her pinned down - Like it was any good. She was practically dead, what was the use? She lay there looking off to the side. "So pathetically weak... and yet so incredibly willful." She heard him growl lowly. The venom was even in his voice.
"Yeah, dying makes a person grouchy." She said exasperated. She frowned at the unexpected feel of a hot sticky tongue licking the side of her face. Just great, she thought, Should have expected he was a freak, must run in the family. "Stop that…" She grunted.
"Pleasant," He said. His actions were down right unusual. If it had happen a week before she could have swore the Taiyoukai was insane. Of course at the moment, she detached herself enough where sanity and craziness blurred. Nothing made sense.
"Could you at least wait until I'm dead?" She said. She was too weak and too tired to really care if he didn't honor her request. The warmth left her. Before she could get her hopes up, she realized that he was not on her anymore. It was a good and bad feeling. Bad because it meant she was still alive, and good because he was finally off. He knelt next to her instead.
He gripped her mangled forearm. She didn't bother to look at either him or her arm. She winced as she felt shots of razor hot pain flood her body. She dared to glance at him and what he was doing. To her horror he was sucking on her arm, running his tongue in and over the gashes. The way he lapped up the red ambrosia was excruciating. Kagome wanted to scream it was unbearable.
Kagome whined in suppressed panic. She had no strength left to fight. Weakly she tugged her arm away from his greedy mouth. "What are you doing? Stop that!"
His bangs blocked his face from view, "If you will not tell why, then I shall consult," He stopped to dig his canines deeper into her flesh to get a better fount and to inject his toxins, "your life line."
Her heart was pounding painfully. It probably ached from the lack of substance to maintain its frantic rhythm. With each drought seemed to tug on her heart. The constant pulling made her increasing dizzy. Slowly, Kagome returned somewhat to her former self. What ever was in the poison gave her the illusion of enlightenment.
"Why are you doing this?" Kagome whispered. "Why does it matter to you?"
There wasn't an answer but the quiet sound of him suckling. He slowed his thirst to listen.
"It's not what you're thinking. This has nothing to do with Inuyasha or his dead whore. At first it was but not any more." Kagome mumbled. "I'm tired. This jewel is not worth this much pain. They are all gone and I don't want to be alone any more. I miss my family but I can't go back. I'm stuck here with that jerk. Damn it, this was not how it was supposed to end." Her eyes fluttered close. "It's so strange. I was hoping Inuyasha would be here but now I don't want him to see me like this… so weak…" She trailed off.
Sesshoumaru pulled away and licked his lips. His face became a blank slate again. "So in death you hope to gain your dignity. Not to mention make him suffer as well."
"Hmm… you know, I think that may be it. I just had an over whelming desire to be free from all this heartache, I didn't want to theorize." Kagome murmured. Her face was whiter then porcelain, almost bluish under the cold glare of the moon.
"Your sense of revenge is most admirable." He said quietly. His voice was fading away. "However, in time he will forget. Your death would be meaningless. He should suffer equally to your pain." Kagome didn't respond to him picking her up. "You will do what I could not."
He carried her to the riverbed. Her cool body grew even colder as he stood waist deep in the water with Kagome. He let her body float on the current. His hand held her up from beneath her neck. The water lapped up over her injuries and washed away the blood. She looked like a water goddess sleeping with her hair spread out on the liquid mattress. Once clean, he laid her on the grass. With tensaiga he resurrected her. Near her ear, he whispered instructions. Faintly she opened her eyes. She watched him in a new light. He was a regal and dangerous creature. He was also her savior.
"Tomorrow night you will come to me." He said. He drifted away like the wind. An hour pass before she could hear shouting. The crash of trees falling preceded the entrance.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted. Soon, almost too soon for her taste, he was kneeling over her. "Kagome!" She looked at him but didn't say any thing. "Are you ok? Did he do any thing to you?"
"For a moment there I actually thought you cared." Kagome said softly, tears clouded her eyes.
"Of course I care!" Inuyasha said.
"Yes, and only for the welling being of the Shikon no Tama that now resides in me." Kagome said as she cupped his face.
"Kagome what are you talking about?" Inuyasha visibly paled.
"It no longer matters," Kagome whispered. "I realize now it's not worth it." She sat up but the soggy clothes were inhibiting her movement.
Inuyasha gasped, "Your… arm!"
Puzzled, she looked at the scarred mess of her arm. "What of it?"
"What happen?" He demanded, "Did he do that to you?"
She smiled, "No, you did my beloved." Inuyasha was taken back.
"I thought I make it easier for you, seeing as how you and that rotting corpse were determined to take the Shikon no Tama from me." Kagome managed to say it with a smile. Inuyasha recoiled like he had been slapped. She got to her feet and began to walk away. She hugged herself; she was so cold. The night was warm and balmy but when drenched, it was remarkable how frigid the air got.
Inuyasha scrambled after her, "Kagome that isn't true!"
"What is it about that corpse that you like? You know Kikyou is dead. Her spirit is gone. Reborn into me." She looked at her sopping skirt and took it off. There was a sharp gasp behind her. "It's late and no one is around. Besides it's not like you haven't seen me naked before." Kagome said as she peeled of her top. Dress only in her bra and panties she began walking again, her hands casually holding onto the wet clothing.
Inuyasha stopped, "What's happen to you?"
"Nothing, I've just awoken up a bit, that's all and it's not like my behavior changed over night." Kagome said, "You were too busy to notice, that's all." Her sinewy legs carried her further along. "You didn't answer my question." Kagome stopped as well, and slowly turn around. She looked over her shoulder questioning. "I'm waiting for an answer Inuyasha."
Inuyasha was flustered. His mouth opened but nothing came out that resemble words. Kagome nodded her head and let out a condescending laugh. "You're such a dork, why was I ever in love with you?"
"You…?" Inuyasha question anxiously.
"Was is the key word." Kagome said. "From the moment I saw you I fell in love. Even after all those time you'd return to me after seeing that dead witch. I loved you so much I felt like I was dying, but did you notice? No… you were chasing after a memory. Never once did you acknowledge me as a potential lover."
Inuyasha was stunned. What could he say to all that? He knew on some level that her affection meant more, but he was always so afraid to act on the hints. Now as he listened to her, he could feel the pain he caused. It scared him how easily she was able to say it now. What had happen back there with Sesshoumaru?
"What did he do to you Kagome?" Inuyasha demanded.
"Please stay on track Inuyasha. What I have to say is important." Kagome firmly reprimanded. Inuyasha could feel a tight knot growing in his stomach. "No use beating around the bush, so here goes. Tomorrow, I'm leaving and you can't stop me. You choose Kikyou and I choose to leave."
"What?!" Inuyasha ran up to her side. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards him.
"Did you actually think you could keep both of us? I deserve to be loved, Inuyasha. I will not let my life pass away because you're indecisive." She starred into his amber-gold pools of his eyes. The black slits narrowed as comprehension filled his mind. "The Lord Sesshoumaru desires my company, and I accepted."
"What!" Inuyasha shouted. His grip turned menacing. "But he hates humans! There's no way he would take you as his woman!"
"How crude! Did I say we were going to be couple?" Kagome tried to push away from the punishing grip. Inuyasha was too stunned to do any thing more. "Actually I intend to take up Kouga's proposal. He may be an arrogant, self important Youkai but I know he loves me for who I am."
"No Kagome, you can't!" Inuyasha all but wailed.
"Why not? Don't I deserve to be loved? To be happy!" She slapped him across the face.
"No Kagome, this can't be. I love you!" He said in a hasty attempt to persuade her.
"You always say that, but do you mean it?" Kagome pushed away. Both looked away, not one saying a word. The sounds of the Forrest overrode their erratic breathing.
After a long wait, Kagome walked over to him. She rested her head on his chest. Her hands resting lightly on his back. "I could have been so good to you. I would have loved you more then life itself. Why couldn't you have been satisfied with just me?"
He pulled away to hold her chin lightly, "Kagome" he said softly. She held his hand and slowly dragged it over her heated skin, lower and lower. Curious and slightly bewildered at her actions, he let her guide his hand across her chest to her tummy. Finally she pulled his hand up to rest over her heart.
"Do you feel that?" She whispered.
She pulled his hand to her mouth, and erotically sucked on a finger. Least to say these bold moves was stirring something in his blood. "Can you feel my desire?"
He gulped, "Yes."
Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him. It was gentle at first, then rapidly turned aggressive. She pulled away to watch him. He looked like a little boy who had his candy taken away. She smirked in satisfaction.
"Every time you're with her, you will not hear a heart beat, or feel the warm of life and you will never feel any love because all that is with in me." She gave him a last kiss, but before she pulled away, she whispered into his ear, "and know that I hate you."
He stood there and watched as she left. Not once did she turn around. If there was a time to break down and cry, it was now. He just couldn't believe it. His Kagome would never be this cruel. His Kagome was all smiles and love. Sesshoumaru was the one! He must have brain washed her or something. He stormed off through the night searching for the scoundrel.
Kagome returned to camp. There was no Shippou keeping her bedding warm. No grumpy protest from Sango or Miroku there to harass her. Kirara was no where in sight. It was empty. She sat on her sleeping bag. Her yellow pack was a make shift pillow. Her life was indeed pathetic. Overwhelmed with loneliness and grief she cried herself to sleep.
The early morning rays stirred her out of her slumber. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Realization hit of last night. She settled back in and pulled the coverlet up to her chin. What happen last night? What had she done? The cold truth was that she had given up her life to a murderous demon. She shuddered, if only last night was only a bad dream.
Cautiously she looked at her arm. The only testament and silent creed of what she did. The scars were still pink. It was a raw color of pink. Like under cooked meat. The scar tissue was relatively smooth and elastic looking. In her overly depressed state she managed to carve four braided arrows with a single arrowhead. She closed her eyes tightly. Why didn't he just let her die!
It was midday, with no Inuyasha in sight. There was no use procrastinating. She packed what little she had and journeyed off to meet her fate. It took a long time finding where she tried to commit suicide. She grew queasy at the sight of so much spilt blood.
"Kagome." She turned at the mention of her name. There stood Inuyasha, a little worst for wear. He looked at her, then the bloody knife stuck precariously in the dirt. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too…" She cried a little. She wanted nothing more then to run to him. So what was holding her back? Kikyou. Their secret meetings, they're conspirator talks, and promises of unyielding devotion. All the while knowing that she was there. Kagome; a third wheel.
Inuyasha growled at something behind her. Kagome looked over her shoulder to see the infamous Inu-youkai. He gave her a small gesture for her to come to him. She obeyed but Inuyasha grabbed her. "Don't leave!"
"You will release what is mine." Sesshoumaru said. Kagome struggled to get out of his grip. "Do so before you damage my property."
"What the fuck did you do to her!" Inuyasha yelled.
Sesshoumaru didn't move but his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "I merely gave the girl an alternative to death. I did what you were incapable of doing."
"Liar!" Tears were brimming in his eyes. The air was heavy with the intent to kill. Kagome had no other choice.
"Sit," She whispered. She too was dragged down with him. Unused to being sat, Inuyasha groaned and Kagome rolled him off her. "If it helps, consider me dead, like Kikyou. The Kagome you knew is gone." Limping slightly she walked to the Great lord. A cloud appeared beneath their feet.
She didn't cry any more as the visage of her beloved Hanyou diminished from view. She glanced up at the lord. The only thing that moved was his clothing and hair. She turned away and watched the world pass beneath her. What was going to happen now?
To be continued.